Lapsed from Catholicism

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marysdaughter22

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Hi everyone, I don’t know whether this is the right place to post this, but here I go…

I used to be a practising Catholic but of late I’ve drifted away from it. I still love the Church in my heart but I have a lot of a doubts about it all.

It would be complicated to go into it here in a lot of detail but basically I find the morality too strict. I’m typical of most people these days in that if I have a boyfriend and it looks like being a long-term relationship I will usually sleep with him and I don’t feel bad about that. It doesn’t hurt anyone and we always use protection. To me it’s a way of expressing your feelings for someone, and yes it does have a significance but it doesn’t have to be for life. I also don’t have a problem with homosexuality. I think it’s a bit unusual and maybe not ideal but nobody can help what their sexuality is and to me, the main thing is the love that is between two people and that can definitely be there in same-sex relationships.

I just fundamentally have a problem with the idea that a lot of these things are “mortal sin” and that means that if I or anyone else do them we’re probably going to hell… and that’s most people! I do believe in God very much and in Jesus’ teachings about forgiveness and loving one another, and I love Mary and Joseph in particular, and try to pray as often as I can… but I do think a lot of the rules and regulations, not just the ones about sex, aren’t particularly relevant to being a good person and are far too stringent for the average person to have a hope of getting into Heaven.
I don’t believe God is waiting there to send me and the people I love to Hell for not living this ‘perfect’ life which just isn’t possible anyway. Back when I used to try to follow everything strictly I had very little fun in my life, felt guilty and anxious all the time and I felt disconnected from my peers, even my closest friends because they were just getting on with their lives and enjoying things and I was constantly feeling pulled in two directions and also worrying about them going to Hell despite being lovely people.

The whole thing just stopped making sense to me and it was wearing me down, so I guess you could say I’ve become a lapsed Catholic now. And though I make tons of mistakes in my life I’m just trusting in God to be merciful to me and see that I do try to live my life in a good and loving way. I’m not trying to provoke anyone in a bad way, just express this view that has been building up for a while… and I’d be interested to hear some responses, but please nothing judgemental or along the lines of ‘well maybe you don’t like it but that’s the way it is’… Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings.
 
Well we’re glad you’re here, my dear, even if we don’t agree with you on many things :).

That being said, are you hoping to be able to reconcile your understanding with that of the Church, sometime in the future?
 
marysdaughter22 said:
Hi everyone, I don’t know whether this is the right place to post this, but here I go…

I used to be a practising Catholic but of late I’ve drifted away from it. I still love the Church in my heart but I have a lot of a doubts about it all.

It would be complicated to go into it here in a lot of detail but basically I find the morality too strict. I’m typical of most people these days in that if I have a boyfriend and it looks like being a long-term relationship I will usually sleep with him and I don’t feel bad about that. It doesn’t hurt anyone and we always use protection. To me it’s a way of expressing your feelings for someone, and yes it does have a significance but it doesn’t have to be for life. I also don’t have a problem with homosexuality. I think it’s a bit unusual and maybe not ideal but nobody can help what their sexuality is and to me, the main thing is the love that is between two people and that can definitely be there in same-sex relationships.

I just fundamentally have a problem with the idea that a lot of these things are “mortal sin” and that means that if I or anyone else do them we’re probably going to hell… and that’s most people! I do believe in God very much and in Jesus’ teachings about forgiveness and loving one another, and I love Mary and Joseph in particular, and try to pray as often as I can… but I do think a lot of the rules and regulations, not just the ones about sex, aren’t particularly relevant to being a good person and are far too stringent for the average person to have a hope of getting into Heaven.
I don’t believe God is waiting there to send me and the people I love to Hell for not living this ‘perfect’ life which just isn’t possible anyway. Back when I used to try to follow everything strictly I had very little fun in my life, felt guilty and anxious all the time and I felt disconnected from my peers, even my closest friends because they were just getting on with their lives and enjoying things and I was constantly feeling pulled in two directions and also worrying about them going to Hell despite being lovely people.

The whole thing just stopped making sense to me and it was wearing me down, so I guess you could say I’ve become a lapsed Catholic now. And though I make tons of mistakes in my life I’m just trusting in God to be merciful to me and see that I do try to live my life in a good and loving way. I’m not trying to provoke anyone in a bad way, just express this view that has been building up for a while… and I’d be interested to hear some responses, but please nothing judgemental or along the lines of ‘well maybe you don’t like it but that’s the way it is’… Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings.
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i guess the question is really “who is in charge here”? i think that since G-d created you, the universe and all of us, then died for these sins, maybe he should be.
 
If the impression you have of Jesus is that he just wants to get in a circle and hug, and doesn’t care what you do or how you live your life, you have a false idea of Jesus. Over and over in the bible he says that the path to Heaven is the *narrow *path. People come to him and ask what they must do to be saved-- and he tells them this, among other things: keep my commandments.

God’s law is not based on the cultural norm of the moment. Your argument is basically that you want to do what all your friends are doing-- what “feels” good-- and God should be OK with that. The morality in the Roman Empire was not different than what it is today-- fornication, contraception, abortion, orgies, homosexual sex.

All these things abounded, and yet Jesus and his Apostles *reaffirmed *that these practices are wrong and lead to separation with God (Hell). This is the message preached to the Corinthians, Ephesians, Romans, Thessalonians, etc. They were called out of the corrupt and pagan culture, called to put on Christ and live a life of holiness.

Yes, Jesus expects us to do this.

Jesus isn’t just some nice man who wanted everyone to be happy. He is God. He has given us the words of eternal life. We must put them into practice. It is, ultimately, our own choice and he will allow us the consequences of choosing to turn away from his teaching and his law.

I know to you these things seem trivial-- that is because the culture has trivialized and cheapened them. I hope you will study your bible and Church teaching more carefully and come to realize that God does love us, but he also expects us to live our lives according to His ways, not the ways of the world.
 
You either believe in Jesus and His Church, or you don’t.

You either follow the rules–all of the rules–or you don’t.

You can’t have it both ways.

If you have truly chosen to turn your back on Jesus and His Church by thinking that you can be the typical cafeteria Catholic led astray by today’s rampant secular humanism, then you suffer the consequences. And having been a Catholic, you know what the consequences are. The choice is yours.

I get the feeling that you are a young person, and there is still time for you to come home to the Church and make your peace with God. I will pray that you do, and I will pray that in the meantime you don’t get hit by a car as you cross the street–God forbid!–or something like that.

May God have mercy on your soul. You don’t sound like a hardened sinner; you just sound confused, and today’s world can do that to you–very easily.

I really only have one bit of advice–go to confession NOW. I’m sure your Catholic family loves you–both the one you may be related to by blood and the one that you are not related to by blood. We will all pray for your return.

By the way, I once strayed from the Church and led my life much as you described yours. It was no way to live, and I regret the years I gave away to an uncaring world, and I thank my Guardian Angel for watching over me. I thank Jesus for watching over me, too; even though I turned my back on Him, He never stopped loving me. I finally came home to the Church, thank God! And thank God nothing really bad happened to me before I did. I know there were times that if God hadn’t been taking care of me, I could have ended up dead because of the things I did and the kind of people I associated with.

Come home . . . come home. God loves you! :gopray2:
 
marysdaughter22 said:
It would be complicated to go into it here in a lot of detail but basically I find the morality too strict.
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I’m sorry to hear that you think Jesus’ morality is “too strict.” He taught morality for a reason, and that reason is to help you be with Him in heaven.
I’m typical of most people these days in that if I have a boyfriend and it looks like being a long-term relationship I will usually sleep with him and I don’t feel bad about that.
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CCC 2391
Some today claim a “right to a trial marriage” where there is an intention of getting married later. However firm the purpose of those who engage in premature sexual relations may be, “the fact is that such liaisons can scarcely ensure mutual sincerity and fidelity in a relationship between a man and a woman, nor, especially, can they protect it from inconstancy of desires or whim.” Carnal union is morally legitimate only when a definitive community of life between a man and woman has been established. Human love does not tolerate “trial marriages.” It demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another.
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You may not like it, but there it is. The official Church teaching on premarital sex. If it wasn’t necessary to be married before having sex, I wonder why Jesus even bothered instituting the Sacrament of marriage. BTW, this paragraph is under the section “offenses against the dignity of marriage.” Also, premarital sex is the equivalent of fornication, I’m sure you’ve read plenty about that in the Bible.
It doesn’t hurt anyone and we always use protection.
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It does hurt something, and that is your very relationship. One of the reasons for sex is to become closer to your husband/wife. Not just the guy you’re with at the moment. It’s is impossible to be as completely open as you need to be during sex with someone that you are not married to. The bolded part is another moral dilemma you have run into, apparently unnoticed. The Church is wholly against the use of any contraceptive methods.

CCC 2370
Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods, is in conformity with the objective criteria of morality. These methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them, and favor the education of an authentic freedom. In contrast, “every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible” is intrinsically evil:
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Code: 
Thus the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality. . . . The difference, both anthropological and moral, between contraception and recourse to the rhythm of the cycle . . . involves in the final analysis two irreconcilable concepts of the human person and of human sexuality.
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Contraception makes it impossible for the two of you to be as close as you can and fully give yourself to each other and it is contrary to one of the main purposes of sex.
To me it’s a way of expressing your feelings for someone, and yes it does have a significance but it doesn’t have to be for life.
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CCC 1652
“By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory.”
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Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves. God himself said: "It is not good that man should be alone," [Gen 2:18] and "from the beginning [he] made them male and female" [Mt 19:4]; wishing to associate them in a special way in his own creative work, God blessed man and woman with the words: "Be fruitful and multiply." [Gen 1:28] Hence, true married love and the whole structure of family life which results from it, without diminishment of the other ends of marriage, are directed to disposing the spouses to cooperate valiantly with the love of the Creator and Savior, who through them will increase and enrich his family from day to day.
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Procreating IS and always was one of the main functions of sex. In today’s thought process sex is nothing more than obtaining sexual pleasure. It’s very sad.
I also don’t have a problem with homosexuality.
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That’s great! Neither does the Catholic Church, the Church has a problem with homosexual acts, specifically sex.

CCC 2357
Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, * tradition has always declared that “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered.” They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.
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  • The verses given are Gen 19:1-29; Rom 1:24-27; 1 Cor 6:10; 1 Tim 1:10.
CCC 2358 shows how the Catholic Church feels about individuals.
The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.
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You see, the Church accepts homosexuals, just not homosexual acts.

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Here’s the thing about sex and the Catholic Church (and most mainline Christian churches). God created sex. It is beautiful. It has a purpose. That purpose is connected to how we are to view our bodies - as temples of the Lord. If my body is a temple, I should treat it as such. Sharing it with someone outside of marriage (or many someones) cannot be considered treating my body as a temple. A temple is sacred. So is my body. So is sex. God created sex for two reasons: babies and bonding (I didn’t come up with that - I think it was Dr. Janet Smith). We should be open to the gift of life from God, and we should be drawing closer to our partner, with whom we have shared our most intimate physical act.

When sex becomes sacred, it doesn’t becomes less but MORE. The love you give and receive is much more powerful. As a matter of fact, couples who practice Natural Family Planning have a much better sex life (according to their own ratings) than those who use artificial birth control. They also have extremely low divorce rates. Those who have sex before marriage have higher rates of divorce. Is it possible that the “fun” you have is just short term? Each time you become intimate with a man and then it later breaks up, you suffer pain. That pain would have been less if you had not been physically intimate.

God didn’t make these “rules” so that we would be bored and missing out on the fun. He set down rules so that we would find joy and happiness in our lives through Him. He knows what’s best for us.

Consider doing a Bible Study of one of the letters in the New Testament. It might help form your faith and conscience a bit more. You might also do a study on one of the Gospels to get a complete picture of who Jesus is. Right now it seems like you’re focusing on the loving and merciful Jesus (He is awesome, of course). But that’s a one-sided view. He is also a just God. If he treated each of us alike: those who knew and followed His will, and those who knew but chose not to follow His will because they expected to be forgiven, that would not be just. We are not to take God for granted.

Yes God loves us. But the devil is all around trying to fool us with his lies. He is the father of all lies. Know who’s talking when you hear what your friends say. In your heart, you must know what is right. It’s not supposed to be easy, but it is supposed to bring you treasure in heaven.
 
I think sin causes us to turn from God. In the garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned they hid from God. God came looking for them but they hid from God. That’s what sin does it makes us turn away from God not God turn away from us. So in a sense we send ourselves to hell not the other way around.

I think it is a great misconception that Catholics can’t have fun. The second fruit of the Holy Spirit is Joy. We should be joyful because we know Christ. The happiest people I have ever seen in my life were a group of Carmelite nuns. They were happy because they knew Christ. I have seen many people having sex outside out marriage, which the world says is the best thing in life there is, yet many of these people are unfulfilled and ultimately unhappy.

My next question is why would you write this here. There are hundreds of other forums on the net, if you wanted people to validate and support your decision wouldn’t you have written it somewhere else? Instead you chose to write it here, you must have known people were trying to change your mind.
Could there be something deep within you that wants that?

I know how powerful the feelings of love can be, perhaps you think that if you obey the Church you will have to break up with your boyfriend?
 
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I think it’s a bit unusual and maybe not ideal but nobody can help what their sexuality is and to me, the main thing is the love that is between two people and that can definitely be there in same-sex relationships.
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Please see CCC 2357
I just fundamentally have a problem with the idea that a lot of these things are “mortal sin” and that means that if I or anyone else do them we’re probably going to hell… and that’s most people!
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Jesus has got you covered, it’s called Confession. [see Jn 20:22-23]
I do believe in God very much and in Jesus’ teachings about forgiveness and loving one another, and I love Mary and Joseph in particular, and try to pray as often as I can… but I do think a lot of the rules and regulations, not just the ones about sex, aren’t particularly relevant to being a good person and are far too stringent for the average person to have a hope of getting into Heaven.
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So being moral is not relevant to being a good person?

Moral
  • Of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior.
  • Expressing or teaching a conception of right behavior.
  • Conforming to a standard of right behavior.
  • Sanctioned by or operative on one’s conscience or ethical judgment.
  • Capable of right and wrong action.
So being moral is doing what is ok with your conscience. If that’s not relevant to being a good person I don’t know what is.
I don’t believe God is waiting there to send me and the people I love to Hell for not living this ‘perfect’ life which just isn’t possible anyway.
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God laid down this moral law, NOT the Catholic Church. The Church professes a belief in living a moral life because that is the way God wants EVERYONE TO LIVE.
Back when I used to try to follow everything strictly I had very little fun in my life,
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This is your own doing, you can’t blame your life on the moral restrictions of the Catholic Church because there have been hundreds of people that have devoted their time to being moral and have had great lives with lots of fun. I guess it depends on how you define “fun.”
felt guilty and anxious all the time and I felt disconnected from my peers, even my closest friends because they were just getting on with their lives and enjoying things and I was constantly feeling pulled in two directions and also worrying about them going to Hell despite being lovely people.
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Just because someone is slightly immoral or doesn’t follow the moral code EXACTLY does NOT mean they are going to hell.
The whole thing just stopped making sense to me and it was wearing me down, so I guess you could say I’ve become a lapsed Catholic now. And though I make tons of mistakes in my life I’m just trusting in God to be merciful to me and see that I do try to live my life in a good and loving way. I’m not trying to provoke anyone in a bad way, just express this view that has been building up for a while… and I’d be interested to hear some responses, but please nothing judgemental or along the lines of ‘well maybe you don’t like it but that’s the way it is’… Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings.
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Haha, I think I said those exact words earlier in this post or in my previous one. But you can’t really escape it. THAT IS THE WAY IT IS AND IT ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE BECAUSE IT DOESN’T “SIT WELL” WITH YOU.

If you skip over everything I said in my posts, I just want you to know that premarital sex is fornication. And that is STRICTLY forbidden in the Bible.
 
Welcome to the board. I’ve been where you are. All I’ll say is that The Way is narrow. And there’s no point in morality if the rules are not harder or stricter than you’d like them to be. Otherwise, having a system of morals would make no sense. Whatever you felt would be what you did. There is nobility in aspiring to be a better person. God bless.
 
marysdaughter22 said:
Hi everyone, I don’t know whether this is the right place to post this, but here I go…

I used to be a practising Catholic but of late I’ve drifted away from it. I still love the Church in my heart but I have a lot of a doubts about it all.

It would be complicated to go into it here in a lot of detail but basically I find the morality too strict.
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Let me ask you, would you deliberately eat and drink substances that were poisonous or dangerous to you? If yes, why? If no, why not?
 
From what I understand you have a true love for the Holy Trinity, Mary, the Church. That is great - cling to it no matter what - and it will lead you to the right path. The way I understand it, you want to do the right thing but, you don’t understand why the church says certain things are wrong, and can’t accept that they are indeed wrong yet yourself.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but if you understood in your mind why such-and-such was a sin according to the Church, you would never do it, right? If that’s the case, I don’t see a deep-set problem here, just lots of work getting things straight in your mind.

Ask yourself, do you want the wisdom to understand these things? How important is God to you? How important is eternal life to you? If they are important, and perhaps current behaviors may impede your relationship with God and salvation, then maybe in the interest of science, you need to take some time off of those other activities to form your conscience and really try to understand why the Church teaches the way it does. After your discernment period, if you’ve done the best you can, and it doesn’t make sense to you, then you would logically have to question why you even love Jesus if he is just so wrong about everything. At least you could tell him when you meet him after this life that you tried your hardest to understand his teachings, that you constantly prayed for his wisdom, and none was forthcoming. However, if you find that the fullness of Truth does reside in the deposit of faith held by the Church’s Magisterium, well, your conscience will force you to give up those suspended activities for good. I am of good hope that in that case Jesus will rain down his many consolations upon you if you give up worldly things and turn to Him.

God bless you on your search for Truth. It is a pearl of great, great price.
 
Hi Marys Daughter, welcome to CAF:)

Reading through your post you believe you’re correct and the Church is wrong. That’s a fair enough question – I think we have all been there. So the next step is to do research into both arguments and come to a truthful understanding of both sides. Only then can we make any meaningful decisions and then proceed through life with our eyes open. This is your personal journey so you have to be honest with yourself.

” In the beginning God made man in His image and ever since man has been making God in their image.”

My advice is: having been where you are at, I’m going to look back on my experience and that of most people I know, to predict your future. (even though your first reaction will be to deny that this will apply to you – but the reality and statistics say it otherwise).

Your boyfriend’s male desires initiates (with your consent) going around the bases till hitting home base. Then you have sex where ever you can (it’s exciting). Then when you can afford it you will move in together so it is even easier to have sex (and more comfortable) and then after a while together you will fall into marriage. After being married for a while you will be trying for children. Then when the pressure of children, mortgage and career come along and you’re both too busy and tried for sex (a major pillar of your relationship of which the novelty has well and truly worn off) then your relationship starts struggling. Then divorce, leaving you a solo mum and an even harder life to live.

We don’t intend to fall off a cliff so if we don’t have our eyes open and have our head screwed on we will fall into love, fall into marriage and fall into divorce.

Love is the foundation of relationships like with your friends, parents etc. Get that established first. Then once a sincere promise, commitment to each other as in marriage, then add sex and your relationship will be taken to a new level.
Because sex is bonding it will muddy the waters. I’m sure you have friends who are going out with complete tosses and you wonder why they’re together – it’s because they are bonding with sex. It muddies our emotions.

Sex in the right context is “heaven sent” that’s why we have the desire; God made it that way so we can have a small sample of His love and unity. From the very beginning, Adam and Eve, the two became one in marriage. Then throughout Judaism and through Christianity this been upheld not to ruin your fun but to make your whole life better. So all wisdom throughout history goes against your belief. Who’s right and who’s wrong?

Do research to make good decisions. Ask people whose marriage you admire what makes it work? Ask people whose marriage is weak or failed – why? When you bought your last ipod, phone or laptop you probably did more research into those than you did in giving yourself to your boyfriend. How much research are you going to do to make you happy?

At the top of this forum is a chastity tab – do some research so you may achieve your end goal of living a happily married life and raising your children so they may experience the same happiness as you have. Sorry to sound like a old fart but like your parents I want you and your children to be happy.

Do some research into why sex outside of marriage and contraception have from the beginning of time been discouraged. Its not to hurt you but to show you true everlasting Love.

May God softly guide you to the truth about Love
Phil
 
Ultimately, Jesus’s morality isn’t just an arbitrary set of rules to torture you. If you follow them, you will actually be healthier and happier in the long term, even if you have to make painful decisions and practice self-denial which causes short term discomfort. In reading the lives of the saints, you’ll notice that they are among the most joyful people. They’re also the ones who’ve given up the most in their lives.

I think that intellectually you may be a bit fuzzy on exactly what the Church teaches and why, but you know that God is real and good. However your emotions are leading you away. Do what you know you have to do and have faith that God knows what is best for you. Pray and ask for His help.

John 14:15
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments”
 
Read the New Testament, the Catechism of the Catholic Church and a good book about the Greek-Roman world in which the early Church grew. Contraception, abortion, homosexual acts, divorce and remarriage. etc. were widely (but not universally) accepted. Early Christianity was different. In itself knowing all that will make very few people into good Catholics, but knowing all that is a preparation for seeking Jesus and finding Him in prayer, the sacrament of confession, the Mass and good works.
 
I was at the same place as you are not too long ago. I knew what the Church taught, but I was also struggling to define the role of sex (is it sacred or is it for recreation?). I only had “safe” sex with girlfriends that I “loved” and when those relationships ended (which they always did), I was left feeling terribly lost. I didn’t have a problem with homosexuality either (after all, recreational sex is recreational sex, right? If participating in the creation of human life is not what sex is about, then who is to say who or what you can have sex with?).

The problem of course is that true love - the love that is a gift from God - does not ask or seek premarital sex. It does not use another person to satisfy one’s “needs” but seeks rather to give to that person, to build that person up. The kind of “love” that needs to have premarital sex to work is not love and it took me a lot of heart ache and soul searching to figure that out (when Mother Church knew better all along!).

If finding true love is what you are interested in (and not simply taking solace in a warm body), if you want to find someone to share the rest of your life with, consider cutting sex out of your relationships. If an activity is enjoyable enough, you can do it with anyone: the friends I play video games or poker with can be acquaintances or sometimes friends because we’re all having a good time, but how many of them are my best friends? The one I would share my grief or triumphs with? Sex is the most enjoyable activity - which means you can do it with almost anyone and still have a decent time - that doesn’t mean they are your best friend or that you should be in a long term relationship (or God forbid marriage) with them. You might not even be able to stand them two months after you break up.

The fact is dating with sex is like driving while drunk and stoned. Every once in awhile people can get to their intended destination, but most of the time, they end up in a ditch or staring down the headlights of an oncoming semi. If your relationship doesn’t work without sex, it doesn’t work. If you can’t not do it for your boyfriend, you don’t love him. And if he won’t do it for you, he definitely doesn’t love you.

This is what love is: you won’t hear about it on the radio or on MTV. It has nothing to do with sweaty sheets. “Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

The fact is the rules are there for a reason. To build you up. To make you able love as you should. They aren’t there to make you miserable - but quite the opposite. To make you joyful. Your parents didn’t tell you not to do heroin because they didn’t want you to be happy (heroin after all is the most powerful feeling of pleasure one can have, activating floods of endorphins in your brain): they told you not to because they didn’t want you to be miserable. Sometimes the things we think will make us happy are exactly what will NOT fulfill us in the long run.

You believe in God, which is awesome. Don’t doubt his love. Sure, our modern society seems to think love is “live and let be” and “let him do what he wants to do.” But that isn’t love. That is apathy. That is the love that gladly gives an alcoholic another bottle of booze because that is what “he wants.” It doesn’t care that that alcoholic is destroying himself and those around him. Love has boundaries and it has rules.

Love is also a choice. Just as the father allowed the prodigal son to leave with his inheritance, to spoil himself, and fall into the slop with the pigs, so too does our Father allow us to do what we will with that which we have been given. He does not ground us, He does not force us to come to a feast we don’t want to be at it. And if we don’t realize that muddy pig slop isn’t the place where we belong, He doesn’t come and drag us back. God doesn’t condemn us to hell so much as we condemn ourselves. We choose hell over the feast, because the way back doesn’t seem that appealing to us.

Now I’m rambling - basically, it took me at least five years but probably more like 10 to realize that on every area where I thought my opinion more just, more loving, or more enlightened than the Church, I was wrong. I’m stubborn and I didn’t go easily on any of these points, but as I understood the Church’s perspective better, the more I understood how shallow my views had been.

I wish you luck. I’m happier and having more fun than at any other time in my life and I’m in a relationship that inspires me everyday to be a better man and a better Christian. And it doesn’t involve sex…
 
Great testimony, CBailey! I hope the OP can relate and take that to heart. :amen:
 
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