Lapsed. Not sure when/how/if I will go back. Need help

[semper_liber]

It’s been 3 months. I’m not sure if I can even explan why I left. It seems like I was right on track. But something made me stop going one Sunday, and I just never went back. No one even called me, no one has ever called me.
I do come with some baggage. I have a panic disorder that I have struggled with more often this year. It makes me very uneasy in some situations. I have also been on pain medication for an injury since this summer. I admit that I was abusing it, but I’ve been off vicadin for a couple weeks. I have no family and no GOOD friends at my church, and I always feel like I stand out like a sore thumb because of my singularity. (I have a great husband btw, just is not a catholic). I don’t want to socialize with people at church, I have a hard time with being that person. I just go and GET out. I am uncomfortable there. Children make me cry because I have never had any and can’t. Being at church is emotionally crushing to me because of the social anxiety. It triggers my stupid panic disorder and claustrophobic tendencies.
But I love God, I believe in everything the Catholic Church teaches. I miss the sacraments. I’m from a small church, in a small town, everyone has noticed me gone - but no one has called on me. So now I will be the focus if I come back and that makes it even more scarey.
Worst of all, my prayer life died. But somewhere I think someone is praying for me because there seems to be this flicker of light. I know I sound so messed up probably - but you wouldn’t know it by looking at me. I hope.

 

[TOP]

Hi Semper,
I was reading your post and wanted to respond. I know alot about what you are talking about. I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd and even though church is the one place I feel safe, I still get anxious at times during Mass, esp. right before the sign of peace. I have good intentions, but there is always a perceived threat I watch out for in the back of my mind. You have to overcome this cross and by an act of will, to cooperate with grace and go to Mass. I struggle to, your not alone. Jesus had the agony in the garden before He had to endure the scourging, the humiliation, carry His cross and His sacrafice which is right there at the Mass waiting for you to be at with Him. Prepare yourself besides Jesus. Be with Him as he endures this and you will never be alone. You will unite with Him when it is most important and when you receive Him in the Eucharist, death will be overcome and eternal life will reside in you. But you have to reach out to Him who waits. Don’t give up. Your Brother, Tim

 

[danball1]

Hey first id like to tell u that there have been times where ive not wanted to go to church, not wanted to pray and have basically gone thru spiritual dryness where i was unable to feel anything. i felt distant and uninspired. but i told myself that id NEVER give up on Jesus and that no matter what id always call for him. so follow that little flicker u have, because gold is tested in fire and ill bet u there’s a big light at the end of that dark tunnel and it will be worth the wait.

“Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy” (1 Peter 4:12-13).

 

[water]

No one even called me, no one has ever called me.

But I love God, I believe in everything the Catholic Church teaches - but no one has called on me. So now I will be the focus if I come back and that makes it even more scarey.

The most important person who actually called you is Jesus Himself, and I have no doubt that you want to listen to Him otherwise you would have not posted this question here.

When you love God and love everything about the Catholic Church teaches, be courage and go back. You will realize that your coming back will inspire others to follow whether they are at your parish or someone who just happens to read this forum knowing that you are coming back for you loving Jesus.

Jesus was the One who called you and will be the One who is happy with you.

Pray and ask the Blessed Mother Mary. She will help you all the way …to Jesus.

God bless!

 

[blessedtoo]

It’s been 3 months. I’m not sure if I can even explan why I left. It seems like I was right on track. But something made me stop going one Sunday, and I just never went back. No one even called me, no one has ever called me.
I do come with some baggage. I have a panic disorder that I have struggled with more often this year. It makes me very uneasy in some situations. I have also been on pain medication for an injury since this summer. I admit that I was abusing it, but I’ve been off vicadin for a couple weeks. I have no family and no GOOD friends at my church, and I always feel like I stand out like a sore thumb because of my singularity. (I have a great husband btw, just is not a catholic). I don’t want to socialize with people at church, I have a hard time with being that person. I just go and GET out. I am uncomfortable there. Children make me cry because I have never had any and can’t. Being at church is emotionally crushing to me because of the social anxiety. It triggers my stupid panic disorder and claustrophobic tendencies.
But I love God, I believe in everything the Catholic Church teaches. I miss the sacraments. I’m from a small church, in a small town, everyone has noticed me gone - but no one has called on me. So now I will be the focus if I come back and that makes it even more scarey.
Worst of all, my prayer life died. But somewhere I think someone is praying for me because there seems to be this flicker of light. I know I sound so messed up probably - but you wouldn’t know it by looking at me. I hope.

I too have a physical problem which presents a tremendous challenge. There are some Sunday morning’s when the pain and anxiety about the pain is so overwhelming that I can’t move from the house. It is so easy to give in to the suffering and stay under the covers. Sometimes it requires an heroic act of faith to trust that God will be by my side and help me get through the hour at Mass. Sometimes I can find it in myself to rise to the heroic virtue and sometimes I can’t. But always I am striving toward that goal. Every night I ask the Lord to keep me close and not let me go.

I have found it very helpful to speak to my priest. In fact, I’ve spoken to quite a few priests because I suffer from excessive guilt about allowing pain to interefere with my obligation to God. Every one of them has said the same thing. If you are ill and can’t make it to Mass, you are not committing a mortal sin. In your case, the anxiety and panic may be compromising your ability to function. You may have associated Church with anxiety and panic and now are stuck in a cycle of anxiety.

I have found it helpful to go with a friend to Church. While I hate to plan things ahead because of the unpredictability of my condition, I know that if I am with someone I am less likely to focus and obsess on the pain. My priest also suggested that I put my name on the list to have the Eucharist brought to my home on those days when I simply can’t make it to Church. You may want to consider this as depriving yourself of the grace through Communion will contribute to your sense of isolation, sadness and anxiety.

 

[jnnywren]

If you cant face going back to mass just go through the week when it is quieter, ease yourself back that way, then when you feel comfortable try the Sunday service, or maybe you could go talk to your priest,if not face to face you could try through the confessional box, i will pray for you that god gives you the courage and the strength to do it

 

[Belle10]

First:

:hug1: (((((((((semper liber)))))))))) :hug1:

It seems like I was right on track. But something made me stop going one Sunday, and I just never went back. No one even called me, no one has ever called me.

When you’re right on track, getting closer and closer to God, Satan doesn’t like it. I don’t have experience with the conditions you mentioned, but they sound scary. There is some good advice in this thread - speak with your priest, and I’d also speak with a doctor if you haven’t already.
As far as no one calling you, I think Jesus is calling you back right now…

But I love God, I believe in everything the Catholic Church teaches. I miss the sacraments.

Jesus is waiting for you in the sacraments!! He misses you too! Do all that you can to get back to Mass and the sacraments (again, speak with a doctor, maybe there’s something medically that can help?).
The more you receive the sacraments, the more you will be filled with the love of Christ, and the stronger you will be.

Worst of all, my prayer life died. But somewhere I think someone is praying for me because there seems to be this flicker of light. I know I sound so messed up probably - but you wouldn’t know it by looking at me. I hope.

Don’t get discouraged. There is a flicker of light in you - your soul is longing for God. Just start slow - just speak to Jesus. He is our savior, healer, friend. Talk to him the way you’d talk to a friend - tell him your fears, your anxieties, your hopes. Ask him for strength and peace. Praying doesn’t have to be fancy - it’s a conversation between you and God. God bless you.

Here are some prayers you could start with if you want something “formal” to say:
The Chaplet of Divine Mercy. Find info on it here: thedivinemercy.org/

The Memorare: Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought they intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, we fly unto thee, of Virgin of Virgins, our Mother. To thee do we come, before thee we stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer them. Amen.

Morning Offering: Dear Lord, I do not know what will happen to me today. I only know that nothing will happen that was not forseen by you, and directed to my greater good for all eternity. I adore your holy and unfathomable plans, and submit to them with all my heart, for love of you, the Pope, and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Amen.

Pray the Rosary.

I also highly recommend reading St. Faustina’s Diary (info on it at the Divine Mercy website above. I’m only halfway through it, but love it so far!). St. Faustina, like many other saints, suffered greatly during her life. She was a wonderful example of how we are to unite our sufferings with Jesus’ suffering on the cross.

Remember these words from God:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to propser you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Private message me anytime if you want.

Lord Jesus, please be with your child semper liber. Help her to know that you are always with her, ALWAYS, and will never leave her. Help her to remember that everything she experiences is a chance for her to exhibit her trust in you. Shower her with graces, including confidence, peace, and love. Touch her husband too Lord, that he may open his heart to you and that their marriage may be a reflection of your holy love. Thank you Jesus, we love you, Amen.

 

[semper_liber]

I wanted to update this situation.
I drove to a town about an hour away and I went to confession. It was difficult - But I’m SO GLAD I went. The priest gave me some pretty good advice. Then I went back to my hometown and went to mass Saturday evening.
I am trying to pray, and I think I will take baby steps for awhile. I know that sometimes I fail because I look at the entire mountain range instead of the few steps before me.
Thank you to all that responded.

 

[milde]

I know alot about what you are talking about. I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd and even though church is the one place I feel safe, I still get anxious at times during Mass, esp. right before the sign of peace. I have good intentions, but there is always a perceived threat I watch out for in the back of my mind. You have to overcome this cross and by an act of will, to cooperate with grace and go to Mass.

That is exactly the reasoning that perpetuates a social anxiety disorder. To think that you must throw yourself into the thing that you fear most until the fear goes away is shallow thinking. Lots of people live this way until they die and completely miss the joys of life.

What you need to do is tell the person who is blind to use will power to fight their condition until they can see again, or risk the eternal fires of hell.

Mike

 

[milde]

I know that sometimes I fail because I look at the entire mountain range instead of the few steps before me.

Having a social anxiety does not mean you are failing! The first step to getting over this is to realize that.

Mike

 

[TOP]

That is exactly the reasoning that perpetuates a social anxiety disorder. To think that you must throw yourself into the thing that you fear most until the fear goes away is shallow thinking. Lots of people live this way until they die and completely miss the joys of life.

What you need to do is tell the person who is blind to use will power to fight their condition until they can see again, or risk the eternal fires of hell.

Mike

No it is not “shallow thinking”. I have thought and fought this for years. I share this cross and overcome it by uniting with the one true cross, by being in the garden, by carrying the cross. It takes our own effort to be united with Jesus in the garden, to know we are not alone facing fear even unto death. Do you have an opinion to remedy this problem or just a critical comment?

 

[milde]

Do you have an opinion to remedy this problem or just a critical comment?

You don’t cure social anxiety by agitating the symptoms. You create positive social experiences instead.

By the way, there’s nothing wrong with critical comments so long as they are accurate.

 

[TOP]

Having a social anxiety does not mean you are failing! The first step to getting over this is to realize that.

Mike

But it can hamper works, which is why it is so crippling. I don’t know the source of the anxiety, but I do know it’s effects well and how the devil will use it to hamper works, chisel faith and blow fear out of proportion to stiffle your help in a community, creating grief and guilt. This is a very disabling thing to go through and can be quite harmful spiritually if you do not join yourself with the courage Jesus showed as He faced His fate from the garden to the crucifixion. I have a dreadful fear of death. I have experienced it, seen it face to face, seen its effects, smelled its stench. I am powerless over this by myself. But with the Lord, I am not powerless over death. With Him, death lose’s it’s power over me and I can live my life that day. Tim

 

[TOP]

You don’t cure social anxiety by agitating the symptoms. You create positive social experiences instead.

By the way, there’s nothing wrong with critical comments so long as they are accurate.

So I was “agitating the symptoms” by suggesting this person draw strength from the passion to overcome fear and go to Mass. I think not. Tim

 

[milde]

So I was “agitating the symptoms” by suggesting this person draw strength from the passion to overcome fear and go to Mass. I think not. Tim

Oh I think you were. I dealt with this for years before I finally stopped listening to people who told me to just get over it.

 

[blessedtoo]

But it can hamper works, which is why it is so crippling. I don’t know the source of the anxiety, but I do know it’s effects well and how the devil will use it to hamper works, chisel faith and blow fear out of proportion to stiffle your help in a community, creating grief and guilt. This is a very disabling thing to go through and can be quite harmful spiritually if you do not join yourself with the courage Jesus showed as He faced His fate from the garden to the crucifixion. I have a dreadful fear of death. I have experienced it, seen it face to face, seen its effects, smelled its stench. I am powerless over this by myself. But with the Lord, I am not powerless over death. With Him, death lose’s it’s power over me and I can live my life that day. Tim

Friend,
I’ve read of your struggles and have nothing but the highest regard for your successes. But you may be overlooking something in your enthusiasm to share your blessed experience.

It can hamper works but it can also redirect one’s efforts into other directions. My particular condition absolutely prevents me from doing many of the “works” I wish to do, including volunteer work, membership in church groups that require my regular attendance, etc. However, I have, through prayer, found many, many ways to offer my works to God through means that are more manageable. I work at home from the computer for many causes, I do telephone work, I write letters CONSTANTLY, etc.

Mass attendance is non-negotiable, of course. For those of us who struggle with chronic conditions, it is imperative to discern through prayer, consultation with our priests, and thorough self examination when we can and can not manage our suffering in public.

The exact nature of anxiety and panic disorders, and even my condition of chronic pain, is not completely understood by medicine and thus, many patients have been told by professionals as well as friends and family that they must “get over it”. I just don’t think there is any phrase more counter productive. I know that is not what you said and that you are inviting the OP and others to unite their suffering with Christ. Speaking for myself, I do strive to do this, every day of my life. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not. In that case, I think of Our Lord in the garden, begging the Father to let the cup pass and I am still able to unite with Him in that moment.

 

[Belle10]

I wanted to update this situation.
I drove to a town about an hour away and I went to confession. It was difficult - But I’m SO GLAD I went. The priest gave me some pretty good advice. Then I went back to my hometown and went to mass Saturday evening.
I am trying to pray, and I think I will take baby steps for awhile. I know that sometimes I fail because I look at the entire mountain range instead of the few steps before me.
Thank you to all that responded.

:extrahappy: :extrahappy: :extrahappy:
Praise God!!

How wonderful that you went to confession and Mass! :clapping: I think you’re right - don’t look at the “mountain” ahead, just look at Jesus holding your hand and walking with you where you are right now. That’s all any of us can really do…another prayer going up for you right now. :hug1:

:harp:

 

[TOP]

Friend,
I’ve read of your struggles and have nothing but the highest regard for your successes. But you may be overlooking something in your enthusiasm to share your blessed experience.

It can hamper works but it can also redirect one’s efforts into other directions. My particular condition absolutely prevents me from doing many of the “works” I wish to do, including volunteer work, membership in church groups that require my regular attendance, etc. However, I have, through prayer, found many, many ways to offer my works to God through means that are more manageable. I work at home from the computer for many causes, I do telephone work, I write letters CONSTANTLY, etc.

Mass attendance is non-negotiable, of course. For those of us who struggle with chronic conditions, it is imperative to discern through prayer, consultation with our priests, and thorough self examination when we can and can not manage our suffering in public.

The exact nature of anxiety and panic disorders, and even my condition of chronic pain, is not completely understood by medicine and thus, many patients have been told by professionals as well as friends and family that they must “get over it”. I just don’t think there is any phrase more counter productive. I know that is not what you said and that you are inviting the OP and others to unite their suffering with Christ. Speaking for myself, I do strive to do this, every day of my life. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not. In that case, I think of Our Lord in the garden, begging the Father to let the cup pass and I am still able to unite with Him in that moment.

Blessedtoo, I’m sorry for your chronic pain, that is a cross I have only had for a short while and can only understand it’s burden somewhat. I was mostly speaking to myself and the op when I wrote that about joining with the passion to overcome this fear in Mass. It is something I have to do to even continue in this life. The only reason I went into it that deeply was because I was accused of shallow thinking by Milde and I wanted to express this is not something I just whipped up and wrote on a whim, nor was I saying get over it, buck up and just do it. I have people say the same things to me and don’t understand my struggles. I’ve even been called an invalant and loser by loved ones. I’m not someone who does alot of works, I often fail at just my vocations because of my inordinate fears, not able to hold a job, can barely drive and when I do, it is always with the feeling a car will come into my lane and take me out at any second. I know I live on borrowed time. I also know the devil is an opportunist who love’s to rub it in when you can’t produce, which he does to me often. It sounds like you have firm grip on your own deeds and are comfortable with it. That is good. But the op was struggling with anxiety during Mass, which is the sacrifice itself and I pictured Jesus in the garden before this was to unfold as the op must feel before Mass. This is a valuble gift and chance to be with the Lord, I wanted the op to recognise. I wanted to empower the op with this meditation as it gives me courage as well. With the Eucharist being the fulfillment of all that work of getting through Mass, to strengthen for the next time. It sounds like the op is doing pretty good in their last post and I hope they find the strength again to act on their wishes to be united with the Lord. I was just offering a suggestion as one way to do it. Tim

 

[BarbaraTherese]

It’s been 3 months. I’m not sure if I can even explan why I left. It seems like I was right on track. But something made me stop going one Sunday, and I just never went back. No one even called me, no one has ever called me.
I do come with some baggage. I have a panic disorder that I have struggled with more often this year. It makes me very uneasy in some situations. I have also been on pain medication for an injury since this summer. I admit that I was abusing it, but I’ve been off vicadin for a couple weeks. I have no family and no GOOD friends at my church, and I always feel like I stand out like a sore thumb because of my singularity. (I have a great husband btw, just is not a catholic). I don’t want to socialize with people at church, I have a hard time with being that person. I just go and GET out. I am uncomfortable there. Children make me cry because I have never had any and can’t. Being at church is emotionally crushing to me because of the social anxiety. It triggers my stupid panic disorder and claustrophobic tendencies.
But I love God, I believe in everything the Catholic Church teaches. I miss the sacraments. I’m from a small church, in a small town, everyone has noticed me gone - but no one has called on me. So now I will be the focus if I come back and that makes it even more scarey.
Worst of all, my prayer life died. But somewhere I think someone is praying for me because there seems to be this flicker of light. I know I sound so messed up probably - but you wouldn’t know it by looking at me. I hope.

Dear SL…any sort of mental problem or disorder is not sinful or any sort of disgrace, simply an illness that God in His Divine Wisdom has allowed as a suffering and trial in life which united to Jesus and His Passion becomes entirely santified and a redemptive act in Him and with Him, through Him.

I have not read all the posts in this thread, but perhaps you could start by going to Confession and opening up to Father in Confession…if you find this a harrowing thought, then prior to Confession write outwhat you would like to say and simply read it out to Father in Confession. When I was in the harrowing years of my own Bipolar illness and because I would freeze with anxiety before Confession, I wrote out what I wanted to say prior, and read it to Father.
Another good way would be simply to make an appointment to speak with Father…and if you need to write out what you want to say prior, or just jot down each point as a memory jog. Anxiety does have the effect and affect of freezing memory.
Another alternative is to seek out a religious order priest and make an appointment with him. In the days when I had no director, I found these priests of immense help to me.

Keeping you in prayer. Contemplative nuns, or the ones I know anyway, pray for those who struggle with Faith and conversion…and pray for this daily. I will be keeping this intention and you in my own prayers too.

May The Lord grant you all the Graces you need…and always.
Here is a thread which gives prayers for various occasions:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=195893

Blessing and with Peace and Joy…Barb

 

[water]

I am trying to pray, and I think I will take baby steps for awhile. I know that sometimes I fail because I look at the entire mountain range instead of the few steps before me.
Thank you to all that responded.

I am glad that you had gone to Confession. Do it regularly and you will find it very helpful and beneficial. I’ve seen friends who look at the entire mountain range as you mentioned and they are confused and tired.