Large Families/In-Laws/Christmas Gifts?

[Sr_Sally]

I only have 2 and I heard about this some from my no-kids sister. Basically the deal was that she has to spend more than we did. I said, no, you spend what you can afford/feel like and we will do the same. If that means you get kids smaller presents, no presents, whatever, that is OK with us. I am so frustrated by all the comparisions at Christmas. And now that all (all six!! So many! ) of the kids in the family in the family are pre-teen or older, everyone seems to be getting gift cards–so any amount difference is obvious. I told dh that I felt like just calling up everyone and saying “keep your gift cards and we’ll keep ours.” Seems people would be better off putting just a teeny bit of effort and a whole lot less cash into the Christmas gift exchange!

 

[Sr_Sally]

we solved this problem years ago we both are from large families, and had the largest family among the sibs, and by common agreement nobody gives individual gifts, but we do give household gifts, such as a game, box of homebaked goodies, book, video, magazine subscription or something that can be enjoyed by the whole family. In response to pleas from SILs for “no more toys” our daughters’ families get zoo/science museum memberships which are good for several institutions locally and around the country.

This is a WONDERFUL idea! I am going to borrow it, if you don’t mind!

 

[mnmom]

My family has been nixed from most eating out invites with the in-laws too. We have four children with one on the way in January. Boy was mother in law angry with us because we are too poor to afford any more kids. She said this after number one was born also and has kept stating it since. We’ve even been nixed from eating over at MIL because there is not enought for all of you but if my husband wants he can eat there. Of my husbands five siblings he has the most kids. His one sister has one child and they don’t plan on having more. His other sister has two children and they are done also. His brother is unmarried no kids. Two other sisters are married no children and are over the age of forty.

I have fifteen brothers and sisters and even if my parents have not much to eat we are always welcome to eat at their house. My mom is good at stretching what little she has because she has had to do so for her whole life.

Christmas on my side is the female adults exchange a gift they bought at a garage sale We all sort of know what each other likes even my brother’s spouses like this gift exchange so it works great. The children get a littel gift from grandma and grandpa and Godparents buy for Godchildren. That’s all. Not overly expensive. Which is good, since our own kids get garage sale gifts and second hand store gifts for Christmas and one store bought gift from mom and dad under the tree. Our oldest is nine.

On my husbands side Godparents give godchidren gifts, children draw names and get each other a gift. The guys/gals buy a guy/girl gift for a gift exchange where everyone gets a number and if you’re number one you get to pick a gift from the pile first and number two gets either choice number one or pick one from the pile until all have one gift. My gifts are usually the last ones picked because they are cheaper not name brand unlike the rest. We can’t even afford $50.00 gifts so if that was important to me I guess I wouldn’t want them either. My sister in law Mary usually feels sorry for me and she will pick mine to spare my feelings God Bless her but she doesn’t have to. I would greatfully take my own gift back.

I am probably biased but I have more fun at my family’s Christmas than my in laws because my family is not has hung up on the expense of the gift. We just have fun and enjoy.

 

[Sr_Sally]

This is a WONDERFUL idea! I am going to borrow it, if you don’t mind!

OK, laughing here. I mentioned this idea to dh last night. He said, “That’s a great idea! All of our family would hate it!” So, maybe we won’t be going with the family gift idea this year!

I asked my dc what they thought we should get for their cousins and they said MONEY! Which I know the cousins really would appreciate and they would probably groan about any ‘real’ gift we gave them. Sigh.

 

[drafdog]

Yeah, the cost of gifts for the brothers and sister and their spouses and children was an obvious problem in my family. Mom worked out a revolving chart so that everyone got gifts from “the family” at Christmas. We each buy for only one other family each year and we have a price limit on each gift to keep things pretty even. Everyone gives; everyone receives; no one goes broke. Worked for us.

Matthew

 

[KCtheMommy]

OK I have to say I am glad this thread is still going.

If you see my original post on the thread it was that I would like to address family to throttle back since we can’t afford to give-in-kind this year.

So today my GRANDMA calls. She is trying to apologize to me that she can’t afford extravagent gifts this year (she has been very extravagent most of her life, in fact it was competition in out-gifting that woman lived for! No kidding. I am not exaggerating, but it’s a long story…) and I say “NO PLEASE don’t worry about it, really don’t WORRY about it, grandma, I was about to make a call to everyone asking them to please either buy one gift for all of our kids or just skip it, we can’t afford to do the same.” To which she goes on about economy lack of jobs blah blah blah.

I say with all sincerity “well I feel bad being the only one in the family with four (the fourth is due in three weeks) kids and I just think it’s unfair if people think they have to purchase a gift for each one of our children. I want to make sure everyone knows they don’t have to do anything.”

She got vicious! SERIOUSLY. "WELL DON’T YOU THINK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT??" Knows what? That I have four kids? “No that you don’t have a lot of money!!”

Whoa…ok, wow. Just sayin’, just sayin.



Puzzleannie thank you for your GREAT idea of a family gift. I am going to send that out and hopefully it works! My BIL and his wife are hurting financially too. I know they’ll love it.

 

[mamacita]

**I am one of 9 kids, I am married and so are 3 of my brothers. We do not and never have bought gifts for eachother or for eachothers kids. It would just get to being too much. My mom never grew up w/ buying gifts for all of her siblings and their kids either so that is kind of how we have done things. I realize it’s the season of ‘giving’ but it’s not the season of ‘let’s go broke’, spending time together playing board games on Christmas and Christmas eve is what Christmas is all about to our families.

DH’s family on the otherhand, when we started dating they (him and his 2 brothers and their girlfriends) would buy a gift for each person even the girlfriends. Once we all got married though that has changed. We did do Secret Santas so we each just had one person to buy for but now we don’t even do that because you basically write down what you want and that person buys that very thing so it was kinda silly, IMO:shrug: …DH and I told them we would rather take that money and spend it on a soldier care package to send overseas or for the adopted family at church. So, that is what we have done instead of buying for people who have just about everything they need. **

 

[Maria1212]

I am not married yet and am on a tight budget. My sister has three kids and my two brothers are married. We agreed several years ago to focus mainly on birthdays and to just exchange cards at Christmas. That year my sister-in-law still bought all of us presents, which was embarrassing when we didnt have anything in return. We still send the kids toys, but we do it at their birthday, or during a different time of the year. That way they dont “expect it” and when they receive it, they appreciate it because it isn`t buried in the “mound” under the Christmas tree.

For the past couple of years, I decided to opt out of all the Christmas commericalism. I still give my parents presents, I always by a toy for a needy child (such as Toys for Tots or through Church), and I will donate to charity. But I give cookies and Christmas cards to most of my family and friends. Not only do I avoid running up debt or spending money I can`t afford, not running around like a mad woman trying to do my holiday shopping means I can focus on what is important.

No one should feel guilty for choosing to not spend more than they can afford. I felt bad about it for a long time, and spent beyond my means because I wanted to show people I cared for them. But then I realized I needed to accept my financial limitations and not be embarrassed about it.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[Sr_Sally]

Sorry about Grandma going off on you. I still love the family gift idea, and I bet your brother will too.