Large family & rude strangers

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We have four young children ranging from 6 years to 5 months old. When my wife is out with all four, she is invariably stopped by strangers with comments like, “Boy! You have your hands full!” or You aren’t going to have any more, are you?".

We love all of our children and consider ourselves to be quite blessed. My wife is mostly concerned that the children will pick up on these comments, and think there is something wrong with being part of a large family.

Does anyone have a good response to use when someone makes these types of comments.

Thanks.
 
I’m the oldest of 5. There is about a 7 year difference between myself and the youngest two [twins]. My parents always got the stereotypical “Oh you must be Catholic” comments followed by “you have your hands full!”

When people would say things my mom [except at Church] would always say: "Gosh I know! If only my husband wasn’t so good looking this wouldn’t be a problem!"

People usually got embaressed. My mom has absolutely no qualms about saying things like that to strangers.
 
You’ll get lots of great responses from the posters here at CAF (there have been lots of threads on this topic before). One favorite of mine (I don’t know who posted it, hope they show up to claim credit) said something like this, in response to “You have your hands full!”:

“Not as full as my heart.”

:love:

Congratulations on all your kids and for being open to God’s plan for your family! God bless you! 🙂

ETA: I’m the oldest of five, and I don’t know if my parents ever got rude comments or not when we were kids. I can tell you that growing up in a big family was and is a blessing still to this day. :grouphug:
 
If you get upset, you only reinforce their opinion that you have “too many” kids; laugh if it’s friendly teasing and respond accordingly. “One of us is just toooo irresistible, and I’m not telling which one!”

If you get the ol’ “You’re not having any more, are you?!”, tell 'em there’s two kinds of contraceptives: the stuff that doesn’t work, and the stuff that’s really bad for you.

If they persist, give them my no-fail response: “You’re being intolerant of my alternative lifestyle.”

There’s also “we have a moral obligation to the gene pool” for the really haughty ones.

“We’re desperately trying to save Social Security, and even if we can’t, at least we’re covered!”

“We’re in charge of making the right wing conspiracy a vast one.”

#8 is asleep on my arm, so I can’t type the rest of them right now.
 
thenewmrssears said:
I’m the oldest of 5. There is about a 7 year difference between myself and the youngest two [twins]. My parents always got the stereotypical “Oh you must be Catholic” comments followed by “you have your hands full!”

When people would say things my mom [except at Church] would always say: "Gosh I know! If only my husband wasn’t so good looking this wouldn’t be a problem!"

People usually got embaressed. My mom has absolutely no qualms about saying things like that to strangers.
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Hahaha! I am SOOO going to say that someday! We have one child so far and we’re open to however many God wants to bless us with.

I come from a large family…I have 6 sisters and 1 brother…so I felt for this lady when she brought her big group of boys into the pharmacy a few years back. I was one of the clerks and she was standing in line looking a little frazzled and her boys were having a field day in the gift shop. The man standing in front of her in line made some awful snide comment like, “That is why I buy this” and slaps a box of condoms on the counter to be rung up.

I was in total shock and couldn’t even ring the guy up so I let my friend do it. I wish I had thought of something to say…I even wish I had complimented the lady on how she must be a wonderful mother, etc.
 
Funny thing is that where I live many people have 4 kids. There are 5 familys on my block alone with 4 kids. I get the hands full comment but dont take offense. It has always been said in a friendly way, and they are full!
 
petitfleur said:
I get the hands full comment but dont take offense. It has always been said in a friendly way, and they are full!
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That is what I was thinking about the hands full comment (in fact I think I may have used that line at least once before getting married in an effort to be friendly to big families:o ).

We only have three but we get that comment a lot too (I think its because they are close in age, oldest and youngest less than 3 yrs apart). I usually give them a big smile and say “Yes” while gazing at my kids lovingly, even if the two year old is trying to rip off the top of the Cheerios box, the oldest is trying to get out of the cart tugging at her “seatbelt” and I am wearing the youngest while the “tot toter” is sitting there empty in the cart taking up a lot of space 😛 . Lol, well usually they are pretty good (despite all the candy the stores put at arms reach in the check out lane) so I smile and say “Yeah, the good kind of full :)”
 
I always tell people I have ONLY 5. When my daughter went to a Catholic college (FUS) she determined that she was from a small family.

God Bless!
June in KS
 
I only have two children, with one quite obviously on the way, and I get the “hands full” comment all the time. Lots of folks don’t seem to mean anything negative by it, and I often smile and nod and feel grateful that somebody has acknowledged how hard my job is!

But one way you might answer, “You’ve got your hands full” is, “And that’s exactly how I want them!”
 
MidnightSun02 said:
Hahaha! I am SOOO going to say that someday! We have one child so far and we’re open to however many God wants to bless us with.

I come from a large family…I have 6 sisters and 1 brother…so I felt for this lady when she brought her big group of boys into the pharmacy a few years back. I was one of the clerks and she was standing in line looking a little frazzled and her boys were having a field day in the gift shop. The man standing in front of her in line made some awful snide comment like, “That is why I buy this” and slaps a box of condoms on the counter to be rung up.

I was in total shock and couldn’t even ring the guy up so I let my friend do it. I wish I had thought of something to say…I even wish I had complimented the lady on how she must be a wonderful mother, etc.
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How rude of that man! :mad:

As far as the mother, don’t worry about what you didn’t say then, just say a prayer for her now. 🙂
 
For the “hands full” comment–Yes, and a heart full of love

OR
SMILE and say…
“What, this? Oh, there are 5 MORE at home!” OR “We’re shooting for an even dozen” LOL It’s nice to see their chin drop, even if it’s not true. I do this all the time when I have 3 or even just 2 of my 6 out and I get a “hands full” or a rude comment…😛 😉

I, too, worry about my children hearing negative comments (though the “hands full” on isn’t really rude in most cases) about our family size. I try to counter it with discussing the good aspects of our family and how nice it is they have brothers and sisters and thinking of other larger families we know.
 
I once heard this response to a “hands full” comment:

I’d rather have my hands full than my arms empty. 🙂
 
johnbaer said:
We have four young children ranging from 6 years to 5 months old. When my wife is out with all four, she is invariably stopped by strangers with comments like, “Boy! You have your hands full!” “And my feet are busy as well.”
“Thank you.” Just thank you.

or You aren’t going to have any more, are you?". “Why yes, we plan on having a dozen. What’s it to you?”
“This? Four? This is small potatoes where we come from!”
“Well, we only need one more for a basketball team, but the hubby and I had our heart set on a full football team.”

We love all of our children and consider ourselves to be quite blessed. My wife is mostly concerned that the children will pick up on these comments, and think there is something wrong with being part of a large family.

Does anyone have a good response to use when someone makes these types of comments.

Thanks.
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When exactly did 4 kids become a having a huge family. (I’ll admit the family on TV with 17 and one on the way…they are a huge family.) Seriously, you can have your hands full with one or 17, it really depends on the family.

I admit to having said “You must have your hands full” to women before, but more in the context of admiration that they can handle several young children, and still grocery shop at the same time.

BTW…I love the response that Someone is judging your alternative lifestyle.
 
**"…and her boys were having a field day in the gift shop. The man standing in front of her in line made some awful snide comment like, “That is why I buy this” and slaps a box of condoms on the counter to be rung up.

I was in total shock and couldn’t even ring the guy up so I let my friend do it. I wish I had thought of something to say…"**

The fun line you were probably looking for is “it’s a shame your parents didn’t use them.” 😉

Another fun ones I’ve heard are
“and yet I’ve taught them more manners than your parents taught you.”
“trying to fill all the seats in the minivan”
“we like getting the group discount.”

No kids yet, but I want at least 2 biological and one adopted…but I don’t like odd numbers 😉
 
johnbaer said:
We have four young children ranging from 6 years to 5 months old. When my wife is out with all four, she is invariably stopped by strangers with comments like, “Boy! You have your hands full!” or You aren’t going to have any more, are you?"…

Does anyone have a good response to use when someone makes these types of comments.

Thanks.
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“You aren’t going to have anymore, are you?” is really rude—when I don’t want to answer that kind question, I don’t. I just stay quiet and expressionless, and if the person is rude enough to ask it again, I just sort of laugh and say back, "Oh yeah, I thought I heard right, " and then sigh. There might be an uncomfortable silence as you stare back with a smile.I have done that before and the person looks confused and uncomfortable until you start discussing something else less personal.

But hear this one—my girls range from 2 to fifteen years old, all have the SAME color of hair, eyes, skin color and body shape/type—even the same “monkey” ears as my hubby…in other words, there is no mistaking they look like him and they are little duplicates of each other— and some ding-dong actually asked me, “so, are they all from the same dad??” When he was right next to them, and he and I just blurted out laughing----we couldn’t help it.
 
johnbaer said:
You aren’t going to have any more, are you?".
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Look at them and say “were you a virgin when you got married”? When they go :eek: say “Oh, I thought we were asking each other detailed personal questions, my mistake”. And walk away.
 
The door swings both ways. My son was an only child, it was not our intention, but that was the way God willed it, we had no say in the matter.

When the 3 of us walked down the ailse I could feel stairs on our backs. I couldn’t help but think the large families thought we were selfish, “they’re too wrapped up in their yuppie world etc.” It probably didn’t help my wife worked/works in a professional career.

Whether any of that is true or not I dunno.

It wasn’t all that bad when he was young but by the time he reached 10 we often heard comments, “your wife must be career minded,” “how do you keep from spoiling him?” “Having only one must be nice.”

Outside of the parish, we heard, “y’all must not be real Catholics.” in a joking manner. 😦

It was not that big a deal becaue we learned to deal with it. But like the OP sez, it was just rude.
 
kage_ar said:
Look at them and say “were you a virgin when you got married”? When they go :eek: say “Oh, I thought we were asking each other detailed personal questions, my mistake”. And walk away.
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Its a good thing I wasn’t drinking coffee when I read that…I would have spit it all over my computer screen. :coffeeread: :rotfl:
 
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