Large Family

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jlac001

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We have 7 children and since the 3rd constantly get lectured by our parents mostly our mothers that my wife should be on the pill or I should get “fixed”. They both condsider themselves devout catholics, because when they were younger the parish priest told them if they truely believe they are doing it for a good reason it is not a sin. Does anyone else with a large family have this problem and how do you handle it.
 
I only have three children and I get it! They are 4, 2 and 16 months. My favorite is when I take my children to the store and people look at me and say, “Boy, you got your hands full!”. Thanks, Einstein! Did you go to Nasa to learn that, genius! It’s even worse when people you know say it and then stand back and not offer to help you in any way, they just watch you struggle to get three small children into winter coats, hats, gloves and boots!

Sorry about the rant. I’m sure it’s much worse with 7 kids. It’s just that if I get it with 3, I can’t imagine how bad it could be with 7.

Now I tend to be pretty bold in my opinions. I can also be extremely straight-forward. I’d just politely tell them to “buzz-off”, so to speak. Tell them it’s none of their business how many children you have. You don’t have to be rude about it, but just politely tell them that you appreciate their concern but you’re going to make your own decisions about your family. It’s a personal decision that doesn’t involve them.

I think Panis Angelicas has a lot of children, too. In fact there’s another thread about all the different comments people make to parents with a lot of children. I don’t remember what it’s called, but you can do a search for it. I was a good read-I laughed a lot.

Scout :tiphat:
 
Either ignore them or tell them to mind their own business. Use the broken record technique; it works.

Repeat as needed. If the insist on harranging you, kindly let them know they won’t be welcome in your home, nor will you feel comfortable in theirs, as long as they keep it up.
 
Here’s a great t-shirt for parents with alot of kids!

catholicposters.com/shop/product.php?prodId=684&c=32+33+46+

This is what’s on the shirt:
Awesome shirt for parents of large families. This shirt says “Before you even ask…” Yes, these are all my children and they’re awesome!
Yes, we have television; we just don’t need it!
No, this is not some sort of daycare; it’s 24/7!
Why should we fix it if it’s not broke?
Yes, we know where they come from…God.
We had planned on two, my spouse just can’t count.
Yes, we’ve heard of birth control; no birth and no control.
You should enjoy our large family; our kids will be paying your social security.
We didn’t plan the first few, why start now?
Are we done!?! We’re just getting started!
on the front and scripture quotes on the back. Navy blue.
 
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Scout:
I only have three children and I get it! They are 4, 2 and 16 months. My favorite is when I take my children to the store and people look at me and say, “Boy, you got your hands full!”. Thanks, Einstein! Did you go to Nasa to learn that, genius! It’s even worse when people you know say it and then stand back and not offer to help you in any way, they just watch you struggle to get three small children into winter coats, hats, gloves and boots!

Sorry about the rant.
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This rant is great! I have 3 11,7, 2 1/2 and another coming this month, all girls. I hear comments all the time. I just keep in mind how great it will be when I’m older and have all those grandchildren. I trust in God and he hasn’t let me down yet!
 
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Scout:
. My favorite is when I take my children to the store and people look at me and say, “Boy, you got your hands full!”.
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My sister, who has 4 girls, gets that same comment. Her answer is always “So much better than having them empty!”
 
How to respond?

Polite the first time.

Polite but firm the second time.

Third time, Nuc 'em; no holds barred, plain English (no swearing; it has even more impact), in such a way that even a fool wouldn’t cross the line again. In the end, it isn’t any of their business, as they are not making the decisions. It isn’t any of their responsiblity, as they are not raising them. And they are not your friends; they are your in-laws and out-laws. You owe them respect, and they owe you the same. If speaking plainly doesn’t get their attention, the nuc will (most likely), and if they hold grudges over it, look at it this way: if it wasn’t a grudge over this, it would be over something else. Most likely, they will get over it.

Like the bumper sticker says, “Lead, follow, or get off the road!”. True leading respects the individuals being lead; their comments show a lack of respect, so they are not leading.
Following shows support for the direction you have chosen; that, too, is lacking.
 
I suggest a charitable approach. Even with 3 children under 4 years of age, my wife and I do receive unsolicited “advice.”

In reality, we should forgive them for they know not what they do. Rather than give a flippant remark, I usually say, “God has truly blessed us.” People get the picture very quickly and you would be surprised, sometimes the people that you think are putting you done actually reply, “Yes, He certainly has.”

Benefit of the doubt, we all need it.
 
I also wanted to tell you not to give into them. My family pressured me a lot when I was pregnant with my third child to have my tubes tied after he was born. Alas, I gave into them and had it done (before I became a Catholic). It was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made in my life and I have regretted it ever since. If I could have it undone, I would do it in a second.

Scout :tiphat:
 
I’m curious what people think qualifies as a “large family” these days?
 
If a grandparent, ask them WHICH GRANDCHILD they would choose NOT to have!
 
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Pinklady:
Either ignore them or tell them to mind their own business. Use the broken record technique; it works.

Repeat as needed. If the insist on harranging you, kindly let them know they won’t be welcome in your home, nor will you feel comfortable in theirs, as long as they keep it up.
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Yes… well, mostly. Comfort yourself with the thought that it is impossible to live your life in such a way that someone won’t try to butt in and tell you to live it otherwise. We have only two children and are constantly confronted by people who have made the assumption that we are using birth control or we have been fixed. You can’t win, you can only keep tapping into the graces of patience, kindness, respect, and a sense of humor.

I wouldn’t go so far as to pull the hospitality. I wouldn’t ever shut grandparents out unless they were out to harm your marriage or were endangering your children. Just refuse the conversation, even if you have to laugh at them over the incredible and foolish bull-headedness of their persistence. You are modelling for your children how to return kindness for rudeness without being a doormat, and that grandmas and grandpas deserve respect even when they don’t always behave themselves. You will teach them how to live with integrity without checking out of polite society or feeling the need to apologize for their decisions. Those are good lessons to learn.
 
carol marie:
I’m curious what people think qualifies as a “large family” these days?
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These days it seems that the people who believe in the use of contraception seem to think that anything over 2 is a large family.

Scout :tiphat:
 
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jlac001:
We have 7 children and since the 3rd constantly get lectured by our parents mostly our mothers that my wife should be on the pill or I should get “fixed”. They both condsider themselves devout catholics, because when they were younger the parish priest told them if they truely believe they are doing it for a good reason it is not a sin. Does anyone else with a large family have this problem and how do you handle it.
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Don’t rule out the possibility that they may have regrets about what they did. If you can bring someone down to your level, you don’t feel so bad about yourself.

—KCT
 
I was coming out of the grocery store one day and a big van had pulled up to the door. A woman got out, went to the side door to pull out a baby then the other kids just started coming…and coming…and coming! It was like the clown car at the circus! 8 kids in all!! I was watching just thinking how cool that would be. I’d have 8 if my hubby was game!!

God bless all of you with many, many kids. Know that there are those of us who envy your large families!!!

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
 
My husband and I have five Children (6,6,4,2,1) My inlaws are Catholic to and say the same thing. I finolly told my mother-in-law not to comment on it again until she had read the catechism. Whether she ever did or not I don’t know…She hasn’t mentioned it since.😉
 
I have 5 children, one boy and 4 girls…ages 5,4,3,2 and 1

I have heard it all…I especially find the “you got your hands full” comment amusing…especially when the one speaking is standing in the way. The others I have heard are:

God Bless you! and I say He sure has!
Are they all yours?
Are they twins, triplets?
How do you do it?

and the list goes on. It is by God’s grace that I am able to get through each day with 5 little ones. Large families like mine, and even larger are becoming more common in my area…it’s truly wonderful.
 
I only have one comment when I run into a large family (or any size family) which is “You have a beautiful family”. I gave my daughters my opinion (when they asked), they were taught properly, now the decision is up to the girls and their respective husbands, I have no (name removed by moderator)ut, nor should I, unless they ask a specific question. Since bossy is my middle name, it is tough, but necessary.

What you may not realize is that in my generation, when the pill first became widely available, and then Humanae Vitae was proclaimed, there was all kinds of protest, shock, reaction pro and con, and upheavel. The ordinary Catholic in the pews, barely recovered from the liturgical shockwaves from V2, now had to make sense of conflicting opinions from bishops, priests, pulpit, Catholic media, even committed Catholic lay groups like Christian Family Movement (which split down the middle on the contraception issue). When I got married and moved to Cleveland, well-meaning Catholic women friends gave me tips on where to go to confession to find a priest sympathetic to using BC. Just like the Church today, if you were willing to shop around you could find a priest and a parish that would meet your comfort level, and persuade yourself that you were doing the right thing.

Even now, it is hard to see what I could have done differently and how, and I am paying the price for decisions I made under the direction of priests, Catholic marriage counsellors etc. For a pastoral person to lie about this, given the devastating effects on the soul, as well as the marriage and family, to me is the gravest scandal in the Church–and the source of all our other troubles.
 
My mother gave birth to her 7th child and last child, my little sister, in Dec. 1979. I was already married and expecting my first in the early Summer. My brother was in the Navy, and one sister in Nursing school, the other three still in school. My mother’s RUDE roomate made a very loud comment on the phone about our ages and child #7, saying “This woman is either Catholic or stupid” Anyway my sister and daughter grew up to be the best of friends.🙂
 
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