LDS/Catholic wedding?

[lippylibby]

background story: a statement both my boyfriend (a member of the LDS church aka Mormons) and I have used is that dating leads to marriage. we have known each other for nearly a year and we have talked about future plans and how each of us wants to get married and have kids. we have talked about our faiths and I feel we would be ok because we can respect the importance of each others faiths. he loves having things planned out and wants to know what will happen. I am so lucky to know someone who respects women so much and has a breath taking beauty in his soul.

here is my question: with both our faiths so different what are the problems we will face if we get engaged? I know we would not have mass at the ceremony seeing as LDS is not considered a “christian” religion so I am assuming we will have to follow the rules for a Catholic/non baptized wedding. so if we do get engaged and I bring him to the priest after he gives us the ok will my LDS bf have to take pre canna class with me? he really dose not want to, he may not even take the classes for his church. dose the ceremony have to be in a catholic church? he dose not want to have it there. if I do have it in a catholic church why can’t I have two ceremonies with one for his family to feel more at home rather then like outsiders at their own child’s wedding. lots of things for me to think about and not many answers pleas help me out here I cant be the only one who has fallen for the amazing character of someone who just so happens to be LDS.

 

[esac]

Lippylibby,

Planning a wedding is stressful. There are alot of decisions to make. Your wedding day is only a day in your life, but your marriage is a lifetime. It’s serious business. It will be your vocation. IMHO, as a catholic, i wouldn’t even consider marriage unless you and your partner are willing to go through the requirements of the church together.

But if you and your partner just want to get married for the sake of getting married, there is always justice of the peace or Vegas.

 

[joanofarc2008]

As a Catholic you have the obligation to marry in the Catholic Church. It is a Sacrament and part of your Baptismal promises if you choose this vocation. Also you will be obligated to raise your children in the Catholic faith including seeing that they have their Sacraments. If this is something he is not willing to do than you should not marry as you will not be able to fulfill your vocation.

 

[bnbkaine]

In all humbleness and charity, I would seriously think about marrying someone who is LDS. I just read up on their beliefs and they are very different than Catholics. Is this man okay with having your children raised Catholic? I agree with esac that going through marriage prep classes are important. If he is unwilling to do this with you, it might be a huge red flag. He might impede your faith and I would hate for that to happen.

I would pray a lot about this and make an appointment to speak to your priest. He will be a lot better about guiding you in this very important decision. All the best!

 

[AdriannaJean]

Joandarc is right. Because you are Catholic you are required to be married by the Catholic church, and in a Catholic wedding ceremony you have to promise to raise your children as Catholics. Pre-Cana is an essential part of preparing for a Catholic wedding and is not optional.

 

[SteveVH]

As a Catholic you have the obligation to marry in the Catholic Church. It is a Sacrament and part of your Baptismal promises if you choose this vocation. Also you will be obligated to raise your children in the Catholic faith including seeing that they have their Sacraments. If this is something he is not willing to do than you should not marry as you will not be able to fulfill your vocation.

lippylibby,
There is also another side to this. Your Mormon husband would want you to complete the “Temple rites” so that you could be sealed to him for time and eternity. This is extremely important in the LDS church and, they believe, the only way you will make it to heaven as a woman. In order to do that you would have to convert and be in “good standing”.

Catholic and Mormon is a tuff one. My Catholic son just married a Mormon woman about six months ago. She is not practicing, however, and is actually interested in exploring the Catholic Church. They were married in the Catholic Church. Interesting wedding as we had about 150 Mormons attend. They were very gracious and thought it was beautiful.

 

[Alix1912]

I have MANY Mormon relatives, I am Lutheran, and married to a Catholic Man. Let me start by saying that I love my Mormon relatives and they are all wonderful, good upstanding people. That being said their religon is a little strange.

I can tell you firsthand that even as close as the Lutheran MS is to the Catholic Church, my husband and I still have stuggles because we are not the same denomination. It is a huge aspect of our marriage that we have to deal with.

Now consider the fact that many Christians do not even consider Mormons Christian, as you have expressed yourself. Have you given thought as to how you will reconcile that? How are you going to raise your kids? Have you studied the Mormon faith at all, it is very different in practice and theology from Catholicism.

Have you studied the actual Mormon Wedding ceremony including the sealing aspect of it, which takes place in the Temple and can only be done by two Mormon’s in good standing. Sealing are also done between parents and children as well. In a nutshell, Sealing is the process of guaranteeing that families will be together in Heaven. Is your boyfriend willing to forgo that aspect of his faith if you and his children are not Mormon?

If you were to convert, do you understand that your family cannot be present at the sealing part of your wedding? This actually happened in my family to a distant cousins wife…being at the reception with the bride’s extremely hurt and angry Catholic family was really ackward and saddening. The mother of the bride actually sat outside the Temple while her dauther was inside and cried the entire time. It was the worst wedding reception (we as non Mormons and non close family were only invited to the reception) I have ever been too. How are you going to resolve the fact that both churches require you to raise the kids in their faiths?

You need to focus on the marriage part of your future lives together not the glamor or excitement of the wedding. You and your boyfriend have MAJOR issues to work through first to make sure you can build a marriage that survives. Trust me the differences between the Mormon Church and the Catholic Church are HUGE, so big they make my husband and I’s differences look teeny tiny in comparison. Our teeny tiny differences have caused a lot of stress and complications in our marriage, ones that took time and counseling to solve, and nearly torn our marriage apart. I cannot imagine trying to brigde a gap as big as the one you are looking at when your boyfriend doesn’t want to any premarital counseling or classes at either church at all.

Mixed faith marriages can work…but they are HARD work. If you enter into them without a lot of thought, research, discernment, and some serious premarital counseling and classes, and agreements on how children are to be raised, you are setting yourself up for failure. You should at the least go through BOTH churches premarital counseling and classes, you need to have realistic and accurate expectations of each other’s faith, and what that faith will expect of you as well.

 

[Charles_In_CdA]

Hi Lippylibby,

I would (as many here have suggested) think long and hard about the
decision to enter into a mixed marriage. I don’t know how it is in the
Catholic church but in LDS church if you are a “part member family”
(the LDS terminology) for a mixed religion marriage you’ll forever be
a topic (and target) of the missionaries and your husband’s LDS ward,
for their goal will be to get you to join the LDS church.

How successful you will be at marriage in this situation will depend
largely on how flexible each of you are willing to be with the other. It’s
hard to know details since you didnt say how active he was, whether he
attends the temple, served a mission or whether his family are active members.
All these things matter, because if he truly “has a testimony of the church” that’s
hard to compete with even as a wife. Another thing to consider is, if you take a look
at the Book of Mormon, it refers to the Catholic Church as the great and
abominable church whose founder is the devil. Be cautious, do your research, talk
things through and see how you feel.

I hope this is in someday helpful.

Charles

 

[Tiffany_M_S]

This one is a very difficult question to answer. I’ve never been married, nor have I been engaged, but if I were you, I would sit him down with your priest and have a nice long discussion about this.

Tell him how important it is that you marry in the Catholic Church. Acknowledge his feelings and beliefs, and tell him that you know how important they are to him.

Explain that your beliefs are not only important to you, but state that it is mandatory that you are married in the Catholic Church.

Throughout all this, keep reminding him how much you love him, and how much you want to be together. Explain that marriage, to a Catholic, is not just a marriage, but a sacred sacrament, and that it is not something that is taken lightly.

Above all, try to be understanding of his position.

 

[Alix1912]

This one is a very difficult question to answer. I’ve never been married, nor have I been engaged, but if I were you, I would sit him down with your priest and have a nice long discussion about this.

Tell him how important it is that you marry in the Catholic Church. Acknowledge his feelings and beliefs, and tell him that you know how important they are to him.

Explain that your beliefs are not only important to you, but state that it is mandatory that you are married in the Catholic Church.

Throughout all this, keep reminding him how much you love him, and how much you want to be together. Explain that marriage, to a Catholic, is not just a marriage, but a sacred sacrament, and that it is not something that is taken lightly.

Above all, try to be understanding of his position.

Also keep in mind that if he is a strong Mormon this will be his stance too. That it is manditory that he is married in the Mormon Fashion as well.

This is where the issues are going to start.

 

[puzzleannie]

b
here is my question: with both our faiths so different what are the problems we will face if we get engaged? I

if you are both strongly committed to your faith their is no possibility of marriage and raising a family together. One of you will have to compromise on deeply held beliefs. If one of you is lax, that party will find themselves over time moving closer to the other faith. You cannot raise children together as both of these faiths insists on total commitment. If he says he is fine with baptizing and raising our children Catholic he is not committed to his faith.

 

[Love_Divine]

If you were to convert, do you understand that your family cannot be present at the sealing part of your wedding?

If she were to convert, that would be the least of her problems. She’d still be a Catholic, and thus committing an act of apostacy. There is no salvation outside the Catholic Church.

I live in the Mormon Central of Canada. There is literally a meeting house on every corner. One of the most common phrases I hear amongst Mormons dating non-Mormons is, “flirt to convert.” Does your boyfriend have this concept on his mind that you’re not aware about?

Have you had other important conversations with your boyfriend regarding hs views on ABC? While Mormons are usually very open to lots of children,the LDS still permit the use of ABC. Is he willing to accept that as a Catholic, you’re forbidden from using ABC and that all conjugal acts must be open to life?

I recommend finding yourself an orthodox or FSSP priest and have him explain Mormonism to you. I had an FSSP priest explain it to me, and it completely changed my views of it as a religion.

Oh, and I wouldn’t feel too concerned about making your future Mormon relatives feel welcome at the ceremony. As others have mentioned, if you were to convert and get sealed in the Temple, they wouldn’t make any effort to make your family feel welcome, other than let them be part of the wedding photos outside the Temple, so it looks like on big happy joyous occasion. If you would forgo the Temple sealing, you’d have the ceremony in the gymnasium of a Meeting House and it wouldn’t be too much different than the typical wedding ceremony.

 

[lippylibby]

Lippylibby,

Planning a wedding is stressful. There are alot of decisions to make. Your wedding day is only a day in your life, but your marriage is a lifetime. It’s serious business. It will be your vocation. IMHO, as a catholic, i wouldn’t even consider marriage unless you and your partner are willing to go through the requirements of the church together.

But if you and your partner just want to get married for the sake of getting married, there is always justice of the peace or Vegas.

thank you for the advice, however if I was looking for a fast fix like a Vegas wedding I would not bother asking for advice. I want to find a way to both practice my faith, and be respectful of him and his family.:blushing:

 

[RebeccaJ]

lippylibby - I am married to an atheist. We were both raised LDS. I was baptized Catholic in 2008.

A few things I would consider at the point you are, would be the simple things. I sit alone at Mass, which, most of the time doesn’t bother me because I sit with friends. But once a year, on Christmas, my husband does come with me, and I think how it is that I miss him all the other 52 Sundays, various holy days, stations of the cross, etc.

How are you going to manage this? Are you going to go to Mass while your spouse is at a Mormon sacrament meeting?

The other is, a disparity of faith is difficult. When the disparity is as extreme as it is between Catholic and Mormon, it is going to be even more difficult. Unless, as has already been pointed out, one of you compromise your faith. Is that going to be you? The pressure that will be placed on you by Mormons to convert is very extreme.

Living here in Utah, I know of more than a few mixed marriages that have ended in divorce. A Mormon believes they must be sealed in their temple in order to reach their highest level of heaven. When the fires of love become involved in raising children, struggling with jobs and money, there will come a time for a Mormon who has not been through their temple an additional drive to want this even more. Because Mormons believe that God will only bless people proportionately to how well they are living as Mormons, when times are tough, Mormons will always start to wonder what it is they need to do to gain God’s favor. The lack of a Mormon temple marriage will be a low hanging fruit, so to speak, a very glaring disobedience, to their belief. The pressure for you to convert, at the toughest points in your marriage, will only intensify.

Both faiths are a lifestyle. There are commonalities between the two lifestyles, such as love of family and a tendency towards large families. Both value a chaste life for those who are single, and dating. When it comes to marriage, children, and the raising of those children, both expect and require that marriage is performed according to God’s will. For Mormons, they believe God’s will is a marriage in their temple. This means for you to truly bring happiness to your Mormon spouse, you must convert, turn your back on your Catholic faith, and adopt a new life.

Mormons believe that all children should be raised Mormon. Even if you have the intention to raise your children Catholic, the pressure put on your children by Mormons will be the same as it is for you. I know this for a fact, as I raised my daughter atheist (she is an adult now) and there hasn’t been a time in her life when she hasn’t been targeted by Mormon family and neighbors for conversion.

And last, but not least, I would seriously consider the possibilities that you are leading each other on. A Mormon boy/man has his life laid out before him. He is expected to go on a Mormon mission at 19, return, and marry a Mormon woman in a temple. This is not a suggestion, it is pounded into the heads of Mormon boys from the time they begin their religious instruction at age 3. He knows very well that he is not going to marry someone who is not a Mormon. So unless you are planning to convert, why are you dating him? Unless he is planning to convert to Catholicism, why are you dating him?

I know that last bit may sound harsh, but these are these are the realities for two people, one that is committed to a Catholic faith, and the other to a Mormon faith. If one or both of you are not committed to your faith, that is the one who will compromise. At least for the moment. You have no idea what the future holds, and if/when one or the other of you will be drawn back to the faith you left.

 

[Alix1912]

I recommend finding yourself an orthodox or FSSP priest and have him explain Mormonism to you. I had an FSSP priest explain it to me, and it completely changed my views of it as a religion.

Oh, and I wouldn’t feel too concerned about making your future Mormon relatives feel welcome at the ceremony. As others have mentioned, if you were to convert and get sealed in the Temple, they wouldn’t make any effort to make your family feel welcome, other than let them be part of the wedding photos outside the Temple, so it looks like on big happy joyous occasion. If you would forgo the Temple sealing, you’d have the ceremony in the gymnasium of a Meeting House and it wouldn’t be too much different than the typical wedding ceremony.

What is an FSSP Preist, and how does that differ from a normal preist.

Also please keep in mind that just as a Non Catholic cannot participate in the Eucharist in a Catholic Church, the Mormon rules about the Temple are part of their religon, not something that future inlaws do to spite the non Mormon family.

thank you for the advice, however if I was looking for a fast fix like a Vegas wedding I would not bother asking for advice. I want to find a way to both practice my faith, and be respectful of him and his family.:blushing:

I really want to stress that an interfaith marriage between two faiths as different as the LDS Church and the Catholic Church may be very difficult or impossible if you are both looking to strongly practice your faith. You are both going to be required to swear to raise the kids exclusively in your faith…that alone is going to be difficult, not to mention the logistics of the wedding. Keep in mind that most successful interfaith marriages that involve a Catholic spouse, where both spouses are strong in their faith, are between a Catholic and another High Litergical Church.

Also one of the statements in your original post really keeps coming back as a major red flag. You mentioned that your boyfriend did not want to do any premarital classes. I would never advise anyone to get married without premarital counseling even within the same faith. In your case you need to go through the classes at BOTH churches as a minimium. I would also seek out a good marriage counselor and do some one on one counseling about your specific situaion as well. There are so many issues that come up in an interfaith marriage between close denominations, you really need to explore as many of the potential problems that can crop up as possible, in a realistic, no “rose colored glasses”, no “love can conquer all” manner. I would make counseling and premarital classes a deal breaker thing for your boyfriend. If he is unwilling to do this…there is a reason, and it’s probable not a good one.

A marriage is not about just respecting one another’s beliefs it is also about being able to live with the comprimises that creates and their effects on you, your husband, and your potential kids later on. Believe me trying to raise a Lutheran/Catholic family without creating confusion amoung the kids is hard…I cannot imagine a Catholic/LDS marriage.

Please, Please, Please do your premarital classes and counseling, it will save you much heartache and pain later on.

 

[CEM5]

thank you for the advice, however if I was looking for a fast fix like a Vegas wedding I would not bother asking for advice. I want to find a way to both practice my faith, and be respectful of him and his family.:blushing:

hi lippylibby,

Not only that: If you had any wedding ceremony outside of the Sacrament of the Church, your marriage would be recognized by the government, but not by the Catholic Church - you would be living in sin, if I recall correctly. All Catholics are required to be married in the Church with the Sacrament of marriage, and your non-Catholic husband HAS to agree to raise the children Catholic or NOT to interfere with you teaching them and raising them as Catholics.

Marriage is a serious thing to consider, with many trials and difficulties ahead that go hand in hand with good times, however, even when two Catholics marry, it is sometimes difficult enough, let alone when one is not. Having a husband with such a vastly different view on religion and beliefs (first of all they do not believe in the Trinity: they believe in three individual gods and believe that God the Father had actual sex with Mary to beget Jesus whom they believe is another, lesser, god.).

They also believe that a good Mormon husband and wife (sealed in the temple) will become a god and goddess after they pass from this world, and inhabit their own planet, where the wife will have spirit children for all eternity and populate that planet.

There are many very strange non-Christian beliefs, and they are not Christians: they are what is called “pseudo-Christians” just as the Jehovah’s Witnesses are – “false Christians”.

Be very careful and think what life would be like.

May God’s Holy Spirit guide you to truth. Be strong and unwaivering in your faith!!

 

[Alix1912]

lippylibby - I am married to an atheist. We were both raised LDS. I was baptized Catholic in 2008.

A few things I would consider at the point you are, would be the simple things. I sit alone at Mass, which, most of the time doesn’t bother me because I sit with friends. But once a year, on Christmas, my husband does come with me, and I think how it is that I miss him all the other 52 Sundays, various holy days, stations of the cross, etc.

How are you going to manage this? Are you going to go to Mass while your spouse is at a Mormon sacrament meeting?

The other is, a disparity of faith is difficult. When the disparity is as extreme as it is between Catholic and Mormon, it is going to be even more difficult. Unless, as has already been pointed out, one of you compromise your faith. Is that going to be you? The pressure that will be placed on you by Mormons to convert is very extreme.

Living here in Utah, I know of more than a few mixed marriages that have ended in divorce. A Mormon believes they must be sealed in their temple in order to reach their highest level of heaven. When the fires of love become involved in raising children, struggling with jobs and money, there will come a time for a Mormon who has not been through their temple an additional drive to want this even more. Because Mormons believe that God will only bless people proportionately to how well they are living as Mormons, when times are tough, Mormons will always start to wonder what it is they need to do to gain God’s favor. The lack of a Mormon temple marriage will be a low hanging fruit, so to speak, a very glaring disobedience, to their belief. The pressure for you to convert, at the toughest points in your marriage, will only intensify.

Both faiths are a lifestyle. There are commonalities between the two lifestyles, such as love of family and a tendency towards large families. Both value a chaste life for those who are single, and dating. When it comes to marriage, children, and the raising of those children, both expect and require that marriage is performed according to God’s will. For Mormons, they believe God’s will is a marriage in their temple. This means for you to truly bring happiness to your Mormon spouse, you must convert, turn your back on your Catholic faith, and adopt a new life.

Mormons believe that all children should be raised Mormon. Even if you have the intention to raise your children Catholic, the pressure put on your children by Mormons will be the same as it is for you. I know this for a fact, as I raised my daughter atheist (she is an adult now) and there hasn’t been a time in her life when she hasn’t been targeted by Mormon family and neighbors for conversion.

And last, but not least, I would seriously consider the possibilities that you are leading each other on. A Mormon boy/man has his life laid out before him. He is expected to go on a Mormon mission at 19, return, and marry a Mormon woman in a temple. This is not a suggestion, it is pounded into the heads of Mormon boys from the time they begin their religious instruction at age 3. He knows very well that he is not going to marry someone who is not a Mormon. So unless you are planning to convert, why are you dating him? Unless he is planning to convert to Catholicism, why are you dating him?

I know that last bit may sound harsh, but these are these are the realities for two people, one that is committed to a Catholic faith, and the other to a Mormon faith. If one or both of you are not committed to your faith, that is the one who will compromise. At least for the moment. You have no idea what the future holds, and if/when one or the other of you will be drawn back to the faith you left.

I have MANY mormon relatives and what RebeccaJ is saying is 100% true. When my Great Grandmother divorced her Mormon husband and left the Church is was a HUGE scandal, and they have been trying to get our branch of the family back for years. Everyone in our family get regular missonary visits, books of Mormon sent to them, etc. All this and we have been Lutheran MS since my Great Grandmother left. Don’t get me wrong they are wonderful people, but converting people is also a way to gain favor. Ironically, they stopped bugging me when I married a Catholic…

Also, she is very right about one spouse being luke warm about their faith at marriage, and then rediscovering it afterward. This is my husband and I’s situation. We were married in the Lutheran Church, and going to the Lutheran Church etc. until about a year after we got married and my husband rediscovered his Catholic Faith. It nearly tore our marriage apart, and Lutherans and Catholics are REALLY close in beliefs compared to and LDS/Catholic marrriage. We are in much better place now, but the religous difference is one of the biggest stressors in our marriage.

As I said before…Go to the Premarital classes at both churches and get counseling.

 

[thomasf]

I am married to someone who is basically agnostic. Not really interested in religion one way or the other, but not opposed to my faith. I love her and am happy, but I often wish I had a wife who was catholic. Were I ever to be in the position to marry again, it would have to be a catholic woman.

Catholic and LDS is a tough one. It’s going to be very difficult to reconcile the two faiths together in a marriage. I would think very hard about this and pray a lot about it before continuing.

 

[RebeccaJ]

Yes, when I converted to Catholicism my husband objected, saying he worried it would tear us a part. His parents divorced over religion. Both parents being luke-warm LDS, his mother became devout, and the result after five children being born was divorce. That was his worry about us.

I converted from atheism, so the compromise is, he lets me live my religion and he remains atheist. We’re not in conflict over raising children, as we’re past that age. So, we’ve got all that behind us, not in front of us.

Anyway, the conflict between Mormon and Catholic belief is beyond anything I could imagine. A compromise has to be made, and if two people are already discussing how NOT to be married according to their professed beliefs, well, the compromise has already begun.

 

[Davina100]

I was dating a divorced Catholic and my best friend’s mother asked me what I would do if I could not marry in the church and did I realize what this all meant. I am a cradle Catholic but really knew nothing of my faith. I was definitly in the “love will conquer all camp” he was disillusioned with the church after his divorce. So I didn;t think it would matter all that much. That relationship wound up ending.

I did wind up marrying a Catholic man but at the time we weren’t necessarily that strong in our faith. We have been fortunate because we have been growing in our faith together.

As someone said earlier you don’t know what the future holds. We have faced many difficulties,a miscarriage, major health problems etc.
During these times we have relied on our faith to help us through it, to help each other through it.

I can’t imagine if on top of all the trials, we did not share our faith. I never imagined any of the things we are going through now before we were married.

I join everyone else here suggesting for you to think long and hard about this. You are so fortunate to have your faith now, pray on it, try to listen for God’s voice.

Have you ever day dreamed about what your married life would be like? How you would celebrate holidays? Major milestones in life, the birth of your child and then the baptism, their first communion etc. You may not have included in those daydreams the discussions with your spouse of another faith. What would your life look like if your spouse did not share your faith?

I think you are being so smart to think of all this before you are engaged,married etc.

I wish you the best.