LDS/Catholic wedding?

[Marie5890]

lippylibby - I am married to an atheist. We were both raised LDS. I was baptized Catholic in 2008.

A few things I would consider at the point you are, would be the simple things. I sit alone at Mass, which, most of the time doesn’t bother me because I sit with friends. But once a year, on Christmas, my husband does come with me, and I think how it is that I miss him all the other 52 Sundays, various holy days, stations of the cross, etc.

How are you going to manage this? Are you going to go to Mass while your spouse is at a Mormon sacrament meeting?

The other is, a disparity of faith is difficult. When the disparity is as extreme as it is between Catholic and Mormon, it is going to be even more difficult. Unless, as has already been pointed out, one of you compromise your faith. Is that going to be you? The pressure that will be placed on you by Mormons to convert is very extreme.

Living here in Utah, I know of more than a few mixed marriages that have ended in divorce. A Mormon believes they must be sealed in their temple in order to reach their highest level of heaven. When the fires of love become involved in raising children, struggling with jobs and money, there will come a time for a Mormon who has not been through their temple an additional drive to want this even more. Because Mormons believe that God will only bless people proportionately to how well they are living as Mormons, when times are tough, Mormons will always start to wonder what it is they need to do to gain God’s favor. The lack of a Mormon temple marriage will be a low hanging fruit, so to speak, a very glaring disobedience, to their belief. The pressure for you to convert, at the toughest points in your marriage, will only intensify.

Both faiths are a lifestyle. There are commonalities between the two lifestyles, such as love of family and a tendency towards large families. Both value a chaste life for those who are single, and dating. When it comes to marriage, children, and the raising of those children, both expect and require that marriage is performed according to God’s will. For Mormons, they believe God’s will is a marriage in their temple. This means for you to truly bring happiness to your Mormon spouse, you must convert, turn your back on your Catholic faith, and adopt a new life.

Mormons believe that all children should be raised Mormon. Even if you have the intention to raise your children Catholic, the pressure put on your children by Mormons will be the same as it is for you. I know this for a fact, as I raised my daughter atheist (she is an adult now) and there hasn’t been a time in her life when she hasn’t been targeted by Mormon family and neighbors for conversion.

And last, but not least, I would seriously consider the possibilities that you are leading each other on. A Mormon boy/man has his life laid out before him. He is expected to go on a Mormon mission at 19, return, and marry a Mormon woman in a temple. This is not a suggestion, it is pounded into the heads of Mormon boys from the time they begin their religious instruction at age 3. He knows very well that he is not going to marry someone who is not a Mormon. So unless you are planning to convert, why are you dating him? Unless he is planning to convert to Catholicism, why are you dating him?

I know that last bit may sound harsh, but these are these are the realities for two people, one that is committed to a Catholic faith, and the other to a Mormon faith. If one or both of you are not committed to your faith, that is the one who will compromise. At least for the moment. You have no idea what the future holds, and if/when one or the other of you will be drawn back to the faith you left.

lippylibby,

Just quoting Rebecca here again. I too am a former Mormon. Mormonism is a serious lifestyle. Not sure just how serious your bf is about being Mormon or if he really is just a Mormon in name only.

For his folks to feel good about this wedding, they would really only want a temple sealing/wedding which obviously is out of the question in this.

I just want you to know up front, this is situation full of landmines. That is not to say it can’t be navigated, but it will add a certain level of serious stress in a marriage. And marriage, all the warm-fuzzies aside, is hard enough on it’s own.

 

[JeanMichel]

Catholicism and Mormonism are churches of Sacraments; these Sacraments are taken seriously. Each church has a clear stance about marriage and neither recommends marrying people from outside of their respective church.

This is a serious topic that both you and your fiancée need to discuss in more depth. It is unfortunate that he does not want to participate in any form of marriage preparation class. Doing so would allow both of you to focus on what is important to each of you.

It is difficult to have a complete marriage when the couple is divided over religion and church attendance. It is true that some couples can support one another in their respective church attendance, but as has been stated, this is a significant challenge.

If you both make a decision and are committed to serve the other completely, then the Holy Spirit will dwell with you and joy will pervade your home. However, if you lose that commitment to total service, then joy may be lost and the way will become even more difficult because your foundation will be broken.

You both are in my prayers,

 

[newconvert56]

I am married to someone who is basically agnostic. Not really interested in religion one way or the other, but not opposed to my faith. I love her and am happy, but I often wish I had a wife who was catholic.

Catholic and LDS is a tough one. It’s going to be very difficult to reconcile the two faiths together in a marriage. I would think very hard about this and pray a lot about it before continuing.

I’m pretty much in the same boat being a wife married to someone who believes in God but sees no reason to attend church. We have been married for 30 years and when we married I was not practicing any faith. Things changed after I had children, and that is where the difficulty comes in. All my children have been baptized and gone to church with me, but it is not the same thing as going together as a family. My boys (27 and 14) have come out of this without a real committment to faith, they were raised Lutheran. My daughter (age 10) and I are are becoming Catholic (at the same Church where I was baptized-long story as I have lived out of state for most of my life) at the Easter Vigil. Now after all these years my faith is so important to me and I am praying that it will be to my daughter too. Yet I love my husband deeply, and tell him now that I’m Catholic again, divorce is not a possibility, he’s stuck with me!

 

[thequeen]

Catholics are obligated to marry in the Catholic Church period no exceptions and if you want be serious about your Catholic faith I would reconsider this relationship.A very kind elderly gentlemeanat my parish who is passed away now one time made a statement one faith marriage is hard enough.I don’t mean be be rude or anything but I just hope you think this out for your own sake and for any children that could come about if the two of you were to marry. will keep you in my prayers

 

[Seatuck]

background story: a statement both my boyfriend (a member of the LDS church aka Mormons) and I have used is that dating leads to marriage. we have known each other for nearly a year and we have talked about future plans and how each of us wants to get married and have kids. we have talked about our faiths and I feel we would be ok because we can respect the importance of each others faiths. he loves having things planned out and wants to know what will happen. I am so lucky to know someone who respects women so much and has a breath taking beauty in his soul.

here is my question: with both our faiths so different what are the problems we will face if we get engaged? I know we would not have mass at the ceremony seeing as LDS is not considered a “christian” religion so I am assuming we will have to follow the rules for a Catholic/non baptized wedding. so if we do get engaged and I bring him to the priest after he gives us the ok will my LDS bf have to take pre canna class with me? he really dose not want to, he may not even take the classes for his church. dose the ceremony have to be in a catholic church? he dose not want to have it there. if I do have it in a catholic church why can’t I have two ceremonies with one for his family to feel more at home rather then like outsiders at their own child’s wedding. lots of things for me to think about and not many answers pleas help me out here I cant be the only one who has fallen for the amazing character of someone who just so happens to be LDS.

You are correct you cannot have a sacramental marriage with a mormon. He is not a Christian .So your marriage will be a natural marriage only. You must get married according to the laws of the Catholic Faith. You need to get permission to marry a non Christian. You have to undergo the marital preparation as set forth by your Bishop. If you want to get married in another location besides the Catholic church you have to ask for permission to do that. You cannot have two marriage ceremonies as a Catholic.

You must agree to raise your children Catholic. Since he is already expressing that he doesn’t want to participate in things Catholic how is he going to deal with that one? The priest who inteviews you is supposed to feel satisfied that your boyfriend won’t stand in your way for the practice of your faith and the raising of your children. It seems that there is some reason to believe that this is not going to be the case in your marriage.

You should probably see if your diocese has a retreat for couples considering engagement and try to go on that. You have a lot to talk about.

Praying for you.

 

[Alix1912]

One other thing LippyLibby…

The more I thought about your situation the more I thought about the relative I have that are mormon. Not a single one is married to a non mormon or has not gone through a Temple sealing. Several are married to converts, all but one who converted before marriage. The one who converted afterward converted within a year. The Mormon lifestyle is not one that is condusive to mixed faith marriages. It’s kinda an all or nothing deal. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t pressure you…his family, friends, and ward members will. Ironically, Catholicism is more open to mixed marriages than Mormonism. Again please go thorugh all your counseling before embarking on this engagement.

 

[Annie_B]

I have MANY Mormon relatives, I am Lutheran, and married to a Catholic Man. Let me start by saying that I love my Mormon relatives and they are all wonderful, good upstanding people. That being said their religon is a little strange.

I can tell you firsthand that even as close as the Lutheran MS is to the Catholic Church, my husband and I still have stuggles because we are not the same denomination. It is a huge aspect of our marriage that we have to deal with.

Now consider the fact that many Christians do not even consider Mormons Christian, as you have expressed yourself. Have you given thought as to how you will reconcile that? How are you going to raise your kids? Have you studied the Mormon faith at all, it is very different in practice and theology from Catholicism.

Have you studied the actual Mormon Wedding ceremony including the sealing aspect of it, which takes place in the Temple and can only be done by two Mormon’s in good standing. Sealing are also done between parents and children as well. In a nutshell, Sealing is the process of guaranteeing that families will be together in Heaven. Is your boyfriend willing to forgo that aspect of his faith if you and his children are not Mormon?

If you were to convert, do you understand that your family cannot be present at the sealing part of your wedding? This actually happened in my family to a distant cousins wife…being at the reception with the bride’s extremely hurt and angry Catholic family was really ackward and saddening. The mother of the bride actually sat outside the Temple while her dauther was inside and cried the entire time. It was the worst wedding reception (we as non Mormons and non close family were only invited to the reception) I have ever been too. How are you going to resolve the fact that both churches require you to raise the kids in their faiths?

You need to focus on the marriage part of your future lives together not the glamor or excitement of the wedding. You and your boyfriend have MAJOR issues to work through first to make sure you can build a marriage that survives. Trust me the differences between the Mormon Church and the Catholic Church are HUGE, so big they make my husband and I’s differences look teeny tiny in comparison. Our teeny tiny differences have caused a lot of stress and complications in our marriage, ones that took time and counseling to solve, and nearly torn our marriage apart. I cannot imagine trying to brigde a gap as big as the one you are looking at when your boyfriend doesn’t want to any premarital counseling or classes at either church at all.

Mixed faith marriages can work…but they are HARD work. If you enter into them without a lot of thought, research, discernment, and some serious premarital counseling and classes, and agreements on how children are to be raised, you are setting yourself up for failure. You should at the least go through BOTH churches premarital counseling and classes, you need to have realistic and accurate expectations of each other’s faith, and what that faith will expect of you as well.

I can relate to the mother crying outside the temple. I was LDS at hte time my daughter got married in the LDS Temple and I was not “temple worthy” and I can tell you it was the worst day of my life since my first husband comitted suicide - seriously that bad. People I knew were “allowed” at the wedding but my husband and I were not. I stayed LDS after this for over two years but recently, due to a completely different problem, have had my name removed from church records. The devastation of not being allowed to even witness the wedding of a child you are extremely close to is painful beyond belief. Consider this when making your decision. You CAN get married in an LDS Church, not temple, and your family can attend. However, you would have to eventually join the church to be sealed in the temple if this was important to your husband.
Annie

 

[flyonthewall]

There are distinct advantages to marrying within one’s own faith. This is not news.
I know of a few people on another board that have mixed faith marriages, LDS/Catholic, that seem to be doing alright with both being faithful to their beliefs, so it’s not impossible, just not easy.

Religion, like politics, is a touchy subject because it deals with personal beliefs and convictions, and to not be on the same page with your spouse will cause extra problems within a relationship.

I agree that you should think seriously about marriage, only because it invites difficulties that do not need to be in the relationship.

In order to have a solid relationship, you must both compromise your beliefs to some extent.

 

[lippylibby]

lippylibby - I am married to an atheist. We were both raised LDS. I was baptized Catholic in 2008.

And last, but not least, I would seriously consider the possibilities that you are leading each other on. A Mormon boy/man has his life laid out before him. He is expected to go on a Mormon mission at 19, return, and marry a Mormon woman in a temple. This is not a suggestion, it is pounded into the heads of Mormon boys from the time they begin their religious instruction at age 3. He knows very well that he is not going to marry someone who is not a Mormon. So unless you are planning to convert, why are you dating him? Unless he is planning to convert to Catholicism, why are you dating him?

I stopped asking what faith guys I was dating were when I found non of them were catholic. all the good catholic boys were to old/young, or no longer single. the fact is I will pick the guy with the most respect for women, and the best morals. he talked to me about how strong my faith is and I told him the truth. I am a cradle catholic and as a adult I now chose to be catholic. I have been debated by my friends most of whom are not catholic, and I have had people think I am out of my mind when I refuse to skip mass for something more “fun” or when I walk around with ash on my forehead and don’t wash it off, because my faith means so much more then just walking through the motions every day it is part of who I am and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I follow the one true church. when he told his family about me the first question was am I LDS, the next was will she convert. I hope this answers that question for all of you. I forgot to say he is 24 and I am 21.

 

[Alix1912]

I stopped asking what faith guys I was dating were when I found non of them were catholic. all the good catholic boys were to old/young, or no longer single. the fact is I will pick the guy with the most respect for women, and the best morals. he talked to me about how strong my faith is and I told him the truth. I am a cradle catholic and as a adult I now chose to be catholic. I have been debated by my friends most of whom are not catholic, and I have had people think I am out of my mind when I refuse to skip mass for something more “fun” or when I walk around with ash on my forehead and don’t wash it off, because my faith means so much more then just walking through the motions every day it is part of who I am and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I follow the one true church. when he told his family about me the first question was am I LDS, the next was will she convert. I hope this answers that question for all of you. I forgot to say he is 24 and I am 21.

LippyLibby…couple questions…

His parents asked if you were LDS or willing to convert…how did they respond when he said no?

Why is your boyfriend against going to premarital classes?

Is he willing to leave his church or comprimise for your beliefs? What about future inlaws are they Ok with that? Believe me you marry the man AND his family. Just do a search on this forum to see that inlaws are a part of your marriage like it or not.

Is he willing to forgo a Temple sealing for you?

Just some questions you might consider.

 

[lippylibby]

lippylibby,

Just quoting Rebecca here again. I too am a former Mormon. Mormonism is a serious lifestyle. Not sure just how serious your bf is about being Mormon or if he really is just a Mormon in name only.

For his folks to feel good about this wedding, they would really only want a temple sealing/wedding which obviously is out of the question in this.

I just want you to know up front, this is situation full of landmines. That is not to say it can’t be navigated, but it will add a certain level of serious stress in a marriage. And marriage, all the warm-fuzzies aside, is hard enough on it’s own.

“It is not a unity of religion we seek but a union of religious people. We may not be able to meet in the same pew, but we can meet together on our knees (as Christians)”

Archbishop Fulton J Sheen.

we talked about temple weddings and how as a devout catholic with no intention of conversion I would have no chance of that at all. he told me that for the woman he loves he would give up being a god someday, and the chance to live for eternity with her as his wife. it made me cry to know how much he is willing to sacrifice if he knows it is worth it. I know my sacrifices are not even close to what he would have to make with that so I posted this to help me better understand the “landmines” so the two of us can find a way to meet the way your quote from Archbishop Fulton J Sheen stated sounds like the kind of wedding I may have someday.

 

[esac]

There are distinct advantages to marrying within one’s own faith. This is not news.
I know of a few people on another board that have mixed faith marriages, LDS/Catholic, that seem to be doing alright with both being faithful to their beliefs, so it’s not impossible, just not easy.

Religion, like politics, is a touchy subject because it deals with personal beliefs and convictions, and to not be on the same page with your spouse will cause extra problems within a relationship.

I agree that you should think seriously about marriage, only because it invites difficulties that do not need to be in the relationship.

In order to have a solid relationship, you must both compromise your beliefs to some extent.

How would you compromise the Holy Trinity for example? The Eucharist? The Church founded by Jesus himself when he walked this earth through his apostles? It’s either it is or it isn’t, there is no middle ground.

 

[lippylibby]

hi lippylibby,

Not only that: If you had any wedding ceremony outside of the Sacrament of the Church, your marriage would be recognized by the government, but not by the Catholic Church - you would be living in sin, if I recall correctly. All Catholics are required to be married in the Church with the Sacrament of marriage, and your non-Catholic husband HAS to agree to raise the children Catholic or NOT to interfere with you teaching them and raising them as Catholics.

Marriage is a serious thing to consider, with many trials and difficulties ahead that go hand in hand with good times, however, even when two Catholics marry, it is sometimes difficult enough, let alone when one is not. Having a husband with such a vastly different view on religion and beliefs (first of all they do not believe in the Trinity: they believe in three individual gods and believe that God the Father had actual sex with Mary to beget Jesus whom they believe is another, lesser, god.).

They also believe that a good Mormon husband and wife (sealed in the temple) will become a god and goddess after they pass from this world, and inhabit their own planet, where the wife will have spirit children for all eternity and populate that planet.

There are many very strange non-Christian beliefs, and they are not Christians: they are what is called “pseudo-Christians” just as the Jehovah’s Witnesses are – “false Christians”.

Be very careful and think what life would be like.

May God’s Holy Spirit guide you to truth. Be strong and unwaivering in your faith!!

no they believe Jesus is just like us a spirit child of the god and goddess that rule our earth and that he became a god after living here on earth and now has his own wold he rules over. we believe in trinity, they believe in a god head. it is strange and different than our faith but so is ours to them.

as for “living in sin” the church has to ok every catholic marriage, and when you go to the priest to have him approve it you can ask for a wave on the requirement to have it in a Catholic church if you are a catholic marrying a person who is not a baptized catholic. LDS call themselves Christians but the catholic church will not so I could get a church recognized marriage that is held outside the church building. non baptized people are given this exception in cannon law

 

[lippylibby]

How would you compromise the Holy Trinity for example? The Eucharist? The Church founded by Jesus himself when he walked this earth through his apostles? It’s either it is or it isn’t, there is no middle ground.

no one said I would compromise on any of my core beliefs much less any of them. you are right their is no middle ground on faith and no one is looking to find it.

 

[esac]

I stopped asking what faith guys I was dating were when I found non of them were catholic. all the good catholic boys were to old/young, or no longer single. the fact is I will pick the guy with the most respect for women, and the best morals. he talked to me about how strong my faith is and I told him the truth. I am a cradle catholic and as a adult I now chose to be catholic. I have been debated by my friends most of whom are not catholic, and I have had people think I am out of my mind when I refuse to skip mass for something more “fun” or when I walk around with ash on my forehead and don’t wash it off, because my faith means so much more then just walking through the motions every day it is part of who I am and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I follow the one true church. when he told his family about me the first question was am I LDS, the next was will she convert. I hope this answers that question for all of you. I forgot to say he is 24 and I am 21.

I suggest you pray about it. Trust in our Lord. He does have a plan for you. If it’s in His will for you to get married… then guaranteed it WILL happen, but it’s going to be in His time and not lippylibby’s time.

 

[KathleenGee]

Libby,

And if you were to forward some day with a Temple wedding, how could you do that to your mother?

I would be identical to the weeping mother outside…it is destructive to your extended family. The fourth commandment says we are to honor our mother and father.

We live in a lot of confusion. I would say American young adult Catholic catechesis is in need of improvement. The internet culture literally absorbs the faith out of anyone not well grounded in Christ.

Marrying outside your Catholic faith—breaks the common faith in Christ…no more family prayer, no more extended family prayer…and this is so contrary to the will of Christ that we be one.

One Bread, One Body…do not compromise your faith…because some day it could compromise you. Instead, have faith in Christ, be faithful and wait for someone who truly loves you for you are, your faith included.

 

[Davina100]

no one said I would compromise on any of my core beliefs much less any of them. you are right their is no middle ground on faith and no one is looking to find it.

Are you planning on having children?
What are you going to teach them? The two faiths are so opposite of each other one parent would have to be wrong and the other right. That pits the two of you against each other in front of your children.

“*we talked about temple weddings and how as a devout catholic with no intention of conversion I would have no chance of that at all. he told me that for the woman he loves he would give up being a god someday, and the chance to live for eternity with her as his wife. it made me cry to know how much he is willing to sacrifice if he knows it is worth it. I know my sacrifices are not even close to what he would have to make with that so I posted this to help me better understand the “landmines” so the two of us can find a way to meet the way your quote from Archbishop Fulton J Sheen stated sounds like the kind of wedding I may have someday. *”

We can speak bluntly about this because we don’t have the emotional investment you do.
You are both young. He says he will give up what he has been taught since a child that he will be a god and live for eternity. This could be said in the emotion of the moment. If he doesn’t want to convert what will he believe? Will he resent you for being the reason he lost what he thought his eternity would be?

So many things to consider and think about.

I’ll pray for both of you.
God bless

 

[flyonthewall]

How would you compromise the Holy Trinity for example? The Eucharist? The Church founded by Jesus himself when he walked this earth through his apostles? It’s either it is or it isn’t, there is no middle ground.

I did say to some extent. What I had in mind is that he would have to forego a temple marriage, and she would have to forego a Catholic wedding.
She would not have to give up her belief in the Trinity, the Eucharist, or the truthfulness of the Catholic church, and He would not have to give up his beliefs, but they would miss out on growing together within a single faith. Partaking of the Sacraments together. Things like that.
After that, there is how to raise the kids. Each faith has different ordinances/sacraments such as baptism, confirmation, etc. that are landmarks in a child’s life. How will the kids be raised?
Middle ground between the two religions is luke warm. Not the best cirumstance for the faithful of either religion.

 

[zaffiroborant]

I did say to some extent. What I had in mind is that he would have to forego a temple marriage, and she would have to forego a Catholic wedding.
.

While he can forgo a temple wedding, marrying for time only, she can not forgo a Catholic wedding,
More about Catholic weddings from the USCCB.
I haven’t noticed Libby, have you and your future husband addressed the issue of children? This may seem at this point to be totally “theoretical” and something you can work out late. It Is Not. And these are the things that are addressed in Pre-Cana, his unwillingness to go through this speaks poorly of his commitment to your future. It shows an unwillingness to take on the issues you may have in your immediate future and also those that will come up. Why is he unwilling? I can understand he may feel he is somehow under the auspices of the Catholic church in these encounters, but it is something required of you as a member of the Catholic church.

 

[RebeccaJ]

I stopped asking what faith guys I was dating were when I found non of them were catholic. all the good catholic boys were to old/young, or no longer single. the fact is I will pick the guy with the most respect for women, and the best morals. he talked to me about how strong my faith is and I told him the truth. I am a cradle catholic and as a adult I now chose to be catholic. I have been debated by my friends most of whom are not catholic, and I have had people think I am out of my mind when I refuse to skip mass for something more “fun” or when I walk around with ash on my forehead and don’t wash it off, because my faith means so much more then just walking through the motions every day it is part of who I am and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I follow the one true church. when he told his family about me the first question was am I LDS, the next was will she convert. I hope this answers that question for all of you. I forgot to say he is 24 and I am 21.

My daughter is 20 years old and grew up here in Utah. From the day she came home from elementary school all gushy over a boy at school, I pounded it into her head that Mormon boys are on a singular track, to a mission and then marriage to a Mormon girl in a Mormon temple. I’d finish off by asking, “Are you that girl?” No, she isn’t. Her best friend, who is like a daughter to me, seems to be attracted to Mormon men, and always she ends up brokenhearted once they really, really figure out she is not going to convert, ever, and dump her. We’ve taken to giving her a hard time whenever she goes on a date, teasing her about whether or not she’s gravitated to a Mormon, again.

At one time, years ago, my LDS brother was engaged to a Catholic woman. They were around your age at the time. They had the wedding invitations mailed out, but two weeks before the wedding, they called it off. For all of the reasons being discussed here. He eventually married a Mormon woman.

For sure, it is not an easy thing to do, breaking your own heart and his, but soooo much easier now than it is after children are involved.

If you were my daughter, I would be caught between grabbing you by shoulders and shaking some sense into you, or keeping my mouth shut while I watch you head into a life that will certainly have it’s high points and happiness, but is also going to be so incredibly difficult.

I’ll leave it at that, as from your posts you seem set on marrying outside your faith. May God bless and guide you both.