thank you for your post. a lot of the posts I see here are mostly people who just want to have a say in things for the fun of it, but you honestly sound to me like you care. I do find myself attracted to Mormon guys I grew up in a small town with baptists, Mormons, and catholics, not much beyond that. now I live in a place that is far more big city and the men here do not have the same morals, not so many holding the door for me, or speaking kindly to women, and the way they speak of their families with a strong disrespect brakes my heart. I find it hard to get past the first dait because I have vary high standards in morals of the men in my life. ironical many of the catholic boys I knew were looking at becoming monks or priests last I talked to them.
I know a lot of them find the thrill of the convert irresistible, and Catholicism is a good foundation for the self restraint it takes to prat is the LDS faith. however I have had talks about faith with him and I may be young but it is hard for a guy to fool me long. he told me to look into his church and learn about it so I could understand that part of his life better and know what I was getting into. I did and after I spent some time researching it and had some questions (using it to also teach him about my faith so he also knew what he was getting into) he tried to convert me and I acted less then Christan when I told him off for it. when I calmed down I went back and told him my faith made me who I am and it built a lot of the things he loves about me to change my faith is to change me, I would never do that for any guy and I told him I would not ask that of him. that was why I told him we should stay just friends. he though about it and when he had some time (months) to think he told me he would not want me to change for him and I told him when you love someone of a different faith and you want the best for them it will feel like something inside is stabbing you when you think you know best with faith but you cant do anything other than pray for the one you love. we both know that part will hurt and we will both want the other to convert but I can live with things the way they are if his faith keeps him doing good and holding himself to higher standards than other men do.
Code:
lippylibby, I think you have thought much of it through. I would only say in support of others here, and in support of your relationship, that you should not forgo the required marriage preparation classes.
The US Conference of Catholic Bishops has an excellent website for marriage. For all stages of dating, engagement, newlyweds, and others who have been married long periods of time. I recommend that you and your guy spend some time there:
foryourmarriage.org
One of the things I think you should remember is that marriage is a vocation. As serious as the vocation of religious orders or Holy Order. People spend years discerning these vocations before taking their solemn vows. Just as a person discerning these vocations would not be indifferent to any of the teachings of the Catholic Church, neither should you, in your discernment of the vocation of marriage.
So, just slow it down a bit. Not so that you can talk yourself out of this relationship. You are young, and have the luxury of taking your time, to slow it down and properly discern this very important vocation. The marriage preparations will help both of you in this discernment. Not as a way to discourage your desire for marriage, but to ensure that you have poked around every corner, issue and not put aside anything because it is uncomfortable or difficult. It is a healthy thing to do, for you and your relationship.
One other thought, to a few things you have said, and I’ll relate it first to my own conversion to Catholicism. At the time, as I said, my husband objected because he feared it would split us up. If I had said, “well I won’t convert because it is upsetting you”, I know that eventually I would have felt resentful towards him. During our conversations, I let him know that it was something I needed to do, and if he wasn’t on board in giving me my freedom to go where I needed to go and do what I needed to do, well, there is where he could find the risk of us ending.
So, when you say your bf was pressuring you to convert, and your anger over this caused him to say “never mind” (in so many words or actions)… I’d think on that one for a while and bring it back around to discuss with him.
While he is saying he is not trying to change you, you have forced a change in him. Do you see this? By this I mean, he changed, from insisting you convert so he could marry a Mormon, to saying that it is no longer important to him. It is quite a big change.
Don’t let that one lie as it is. It is one of those things that could come back to haunt you, that can be brought up as “I gave up everything for you” sort of thing. You don’t want him resenting you at some future time. You should make sure you talk to him about this. Not as a confrontation, but to ensure that he sees what he has done, and make sure he has done it freely, not out of fear of losing you. If he has changed for you, that is not good. It may seem romantic, and “look how much he loves me”, but it isn’t! It is a big red flag for future problems.
You both need to be free to follow your faith. Doing something out of fear, such as the fear of losing you, is not freedom; it is the seed of resentment. You both need to be sure of what you are doing and that neither of you compromise your freedom.
My daughter is 20 years old and grew up here in Utah. From the day she came home from elementary school all gushy over a boy at school, I pounded it into her head that Mormon boys are on a singular track, to a mission and then marriage to a Mormon girl in a Mormon temple. I’d finish off by asking, “Are you that girl?” No, she isn’t. Her best friend, who is like a daughter to me, seems to be attracted to Mormon men, and always she ends up brokenhearted once they really, really figure out she is not going to convert, ever, and dump her. .
