LDS/Catholic wedding?

[marr31791]

I would like to address something to this post as I found it very interesting.

First, I would like to point out, that I am LDS and two, that I converted about 2 years ago. My family is non-practicing Catholic.

Now, what I find interesting in the situation first off, is some of the things I read.

First, as an member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I know personally (and this is just for myself) that temple marriage is something we esteem VERY important. Just as being married in a catholic church would be for someone who is Catholic. We do believe that saving ordinances are performed in the temple, including covenants we make. One of those sacred covenants we make is the covenant of marriage. Unlike most churches, we believe that marriage does not stop after we die, “Til’ death do us part.” We believe that marriage in the temple goes on for eternity. “For time and all eternity.” And not only that, but the covenant of marriage, not only seals you with your spouse, but with all of your children, and your children’s children. Because, we believe that we can be together as families forever. It is a beautiful concept

NOW, I know for myself, that I would NOT give up the temple for anything. A temple marriage is more than just a marriage, it is a necessary covenant we make to return to live with our Heavenly Father. I totally and honestly respect Catholic beliefs, and I agree with a statement made above, that I’m sure LDS members would come to a Catholic wedding and find it beautiful. Because it is. A marriage is beautiful Two people coming together is beautiful. We all have agency, the ability to choose and make decisions. If your boyfriend wants to marry you outside of the temple, that is his choice. He just has to weigh if it is something he is willing to sacrifice And the same with you. If you choose to become a member and then be married within the temple, then that is your choice.

Yes, your family will not be able to see the ceremony. (Unless they too become members ) BUT, I can tell you from my own personal experience, that I have thought LONG and hard about this. Because my family is Catholic, and I am well aware that if I were to get married, that they wouldn’t be able to be a part of the ceremony. The thing is, by me being married in the temple, I bless their lives as well. THEY (my family) can still be sealed to me. If they choose to become members, we can be sealed together as a family. And if they choose not to become members here on earth, we believe in temple work and baptisms for the dead, which allows them to choose while in the Spirit world.

Now, I don’t want you to think at all, that I’m trying to give you any ideas or insult any of the Catholic church’s doctrine…because I’m not I believe every church has truth and I believe that there are good people in the world. I cannot deny that I believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church upon the earth today, but I admire anyone who chooses to become closer to Christ

So, here is my advice and opinion. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and having the knowledge I have…I personally first off, would not have dated someone who didn’t have the same beliefs I did. Because I KNOW that for myself, temple marriage and the blessings that come with it, is all I would choose. I admire you and your boyfriend for being able to find such common ground, and I think that’s wonderful I think it’s going to require a lot of pondering and praying to really know. In the end, you both have the agency to make your own choice, a gift that we were all given. I can’t say that I’m not biased in saying that I vote temple marriage, but it’s all up to you!

I wish you two the best of luck in whatever happens. And just remember…our Heavenly Father always hears and answers our prayers! Good luck!

 

[Marie5890]

One of the things I think you should remember is that marriage is a vocation. As serious as the vocation of religious orders or Holy Order. People spend years discerning these vocations before taking their solemn vows. Just as a person discerning these vocations would not be indifferent to any of the teachings of the Catholic Church, neither should you, in your discernment of the vocation of marriage.

So, just slow it down a bit. Not so that you can talk yourself out of this relationship. You are young, and have the luxury of taking your time, to slow it down and properly discern this very important vocation. The marriage preparations will help both of you in this discernment. Not as a way to discourage your desire for marriage, but to ensure that you have poked around every corner, issue and not put aside anything because it is uncomfortable or difficult. It is a healthy thing to do, for you and your relationship.

One other thought, to a few things you have said, and I’ll relate it first to my own conversion to Catholicism. At the time, as I said, my husband objected because he feared it would split us up. If I had said, “well I won’t convert because it is upsetting you”, I know that eventually I would have felt resentful towards him. During our conversations, I let him know that it was something I needed to do, and if he wasn’t on board in giving me my freedom to go where I needed to go and do what I needed to do, well, there is where he could find the risk of us ending.

So, when you say your bf was pressuring you to convert, and your anger over this caused him to say “never mind” (in so many words or actions)… I’d think on that one for a while and bring it back around to discuss with him.

While he is saying he is not trying to change you, you have forced a change in him. Do you see this? By this I mean, he changed, from insisting you convert so he could marry a Mormon, to saying that it is no longer important to him. It is quite a big change.

Don’t let that one lie as it is. It is one of those things that could come back to haunt you, that can be brought up as “I gave up everything for you” sort of thing. You don’t want him resenting you at some future time. You should make sure you talk to him about this. Not as a confrontation, but to ensure that he sees what he has done, and make sure he has done it freely, not out of fear of losing you. If he has changed for you, that is not good. It may seem romantic, and “look how much he loves me”, but it isn’t! It is a big red flag for future problems.

You both need to be free to follow your faith. Doing something out of fear, such as the fear of losing you, is not freedom; it is the seed of resentment. You both need to be sure of what you are doing and that neither of you compromise your freedom.

Libby, Read and re-read what Rebecca has written and read it thoughtfully. Her wisdom is dead on. Esp., the part I bolded

 

[zaffiroborant]

And not only that, but the covenant of marriage, not only seals you with your spouse, but with all of your children, and your children’s children. Because, we believe that we can be together as families forever. It is a beautiful concept

All Christians believe they will spend eternity with their families.

 

[KathleenGee]

LippyLibby,

Yes, I affirm what Marie pointed out in Rebecca’s post…And as Catholics,we enter into the divine life here on earth when we receive the Eucharist. All of us hope as Catholics, that we will come together again with our loved ones.

But if you have a divided house, what happens is that the kids can possibly end up not wanting to be part of either religion. They will inherit two different religions, a fractured faith between mother and father, and many times they will go some where else to find something wholesome to restore that fracture.

 

[RebeccaJ]

he did not say never mind he wants whats best for me and because he is a Mormon he think his church could offer me a lot. he is one of the most stubborn guy I have ever met (nearly as stubborn as I am) and if he thinks he knows best he dose not just give in to me. when their is a problem as their was with his conversion attempt we both slow things down take a step back and look at what is really going on. I told him just how much my faith has made me who I am and how much I depend on my faith to keep things running smoothly in my life. after he saw things through my eyes he sounded like he had a respect for the way things are and why I was not trying to convert him. if the holy spirit speaks through me and the example I lead then it would be wonderful to have him be catholic if his heart is hardened to it then that’s how it will be. he can set whatever example he thinks will let the holy spirit speak through him. no one was ever hurt by those who care about them self sacrificing to much lol, and it allows for both of us to practice the similarities our faith has, we already spent a lot of time talking about the differences.

lippylibby, I’m not attacking you or your relationship. The way I see it, you have made the decision to forgo a Catholic marriage. You have a responsibility to your relationships, with God, with your boyfriend and to the Church.

All that I typed was with that in mind. Marital relationships are work, and that work begins for you both now. Discernment is a necessary part of that work. Marriage preparation classes are a part of that work. Looking at your relationship objectively is a part of that work. That doesn’t mean you throw love out of the window for any of this work. Quite the opposite, it is important that all of this activity is generated from the love you have for God, the Church and your bf.

But love should never be used as a shackle. That is my only point really, in that long post. Your love should be based on the freedom in which God created us. Forcing or manipulating is not love. That is not a statement of attack, only advice. You should be objectively watching yourself, him and the relationship to make sure that force or manipulation are never involved. Sometimes those things can be used very subtly, and unintentionally. If you see them, you should make the necessary adjustment immediately to put that relationship destroying behavior to a quick and timely death! That adjustment isn’t made by further force or manipulation, it is made by working with each other and employing the love you have for each other.

Please read as many Catholic resources are you can on marriage. Work with a priest or deacon in your parish, who will have many resources for getting your relationship off to a good start.

And, that’s that. Go forward in faith, keeping all hope in Jesus Christ.

Peace.

 

[JRRTFAN]

background story: a statement both my boyfriend (a member of the LDS church aka Mormons) and I have used is that dating leads to marriage. we have known each other for nearly a year and we have talked about future plans and how each of us wants to get married and have kids. we have talked about our faiths and I feel we would be ok because we can respect the importance of each others faiths. he loves having things planned out and wants to know what will happen. I am so lucky to know someone who respects women so much and has a breath taking beauty in his soul.

here is my question: with both our faiths so different what are the problems we will face if we get engaged? I know we would not have mass at the ceremony seeing as LDS is not considered a “christian” religion so I am assuming we will have to follow the rules for a Catholic/non baptized wedding. so if we do get engaged and I bring him to the priest after he gives us the ok will my LDS bf have to take pre canna class with me? he really dose not want to, he may not even take the classes for his church. dose the ceremony have to be in a catholic church? he dose not want to have it there. if I do have it in a catholic church why can’t I have two ceremonies with one for his family to feel more at home rather then like outsiders at their own child’s wedding. lots of things for me to think about and not many answers pleas help me out here I cant be the only one who has fallen for the amazing character of someone who just so happens to be LDS.

It’s none of my business, but you posted so I’ll throw in my 2 cents worth. This would be a huge mistake for you. I have nothing in the world against Mormons, all I have known are wonderful people. But, they have a tremendous familial and social support group who would make it their mission to convert you to their poly-theist religion. What does his family? his church community? his religion? say about him marrying a “gentile” which is what non-LDS are called. I bet it doesn’t say much positive.

I would further bet that it will become evident, as plans progress, that his folks are not at all thrilled that he would get married in a Catholic Church. This is a huge cultural thing and I urge you to get pastoral counseling from a good priest before it goes further.

God bless you!

 

[windynight]

**Your faiths are many miles apart. I am Catholic, a cradle Catholic and my husband is a BIC Mormon…born in the convenant Mormon. He is a returned missionary. We met completely by accident and the rest is history.

So you are not the only one who met a wonderful man who is also Mormon.

If he is a Utah Mormon, that complicates everything even more. They don’t take kindly to their young men marrying nevermos and especially catholic nevermos. His parents may be unhappy, your parents may be very unhappy.

My husband had to take pre cana…or we couldn’t marry in the Catholic Church. Surprisingly he didn’t mind at all. He said he would do anything so we could be married and that included raising our children Catholic. At that his Mom flipped out, and there were many scenes…

Your boyfriend is not showing that willingness. Which means he will want you to convert some time into your marriage. When you read all the Mormon history, you will be quite upset. You need to read it for yourself. Please don’t let him tell you, you don’t need to know this now. You do need to know it.

You will have to wait a year since you weren’t married in the temple…and if you are baptised Mormon…they will do it again even though your Church recognizes one baptism for the redemption of sins…they don’t…

The goal of a Mormon marriage is for both the man and woman to be Mormons, and sealed in the temple. It is not a wedding…you will not have a beautiful dress and bridesmaid…your parents will not see you get married. If you marry in the Catholic Church his parents might not come.

Now how is our marriage doing? We are very happy together. I am a devout Catholic, I attend Mass regularly. He is not as strong a Mormon, but he is still a Mormon. He still goes to the meetings.

In his ward, I’m invisible…as in I don’t exist. The only time they remember me is when it’s time for the missionaries to visit to try and convert me. I won’t be converted ever.

His family is not happy with his choice of a marriage partner because he won’t get into the Celestial Kingdom and won’t have a chance to become a God of his own planet unless he is sealed to a rule following Mormon and I’m not. Course they can do that when he’s dead…and you too for that matter.

Children…our chidren and being raised Catholic, it was a promise we both made together. That grinds on his parents constantly.

It has been extremely hard pleasing everyone with a split religion family…we go our own way…and it’s working.

My hope is that he will study his way out of the LDS Church and become Catholic. I have no idea if he will or not. Meanwhile we’re still married and have two children. His parents have called them heathens…reports his brother and are not as fond of them as they are their Mormon grand children…my parents take up the slack on that issue.

If the two of you can’t resolve the basic differences between your religions, mainly Mormonism is NOT a Christian religion, you will have more problems and hurt in your marriage then you even imagined.

So think very seriously about this and if he isn’t willing to make concessions there is not likelyhood that it will ever work out.**

 

[JRRTFAN]

**Your faiths are many miles apart. I am Catholic, a cradle Catholic and my husband is a BIC Mormon…born in the convenant Mormon. He is a returned missionary. We met completely by accident and the rest is history.

So you are not the only one who met a wonderful man who is also Mormon.

If the two of you can’t resolve the basic differences between your religions, mainly Mormonism is NOT a Christian religion, you will have more problems and hurt in your marriage then you even imagined.

So think very seriously about this and if he isn’t willing to make concessions there is not likelyhood that it will ever work out.**

Great advice!

 

[zipperc98]

Hi Lippylibby,

Phew, this is a REALLY difficult topic! Let me preface with some of my background:

When I was 19 I became LDS. It’s a long(ish) story, but I met a Mormon man, and I felt that it was a sign from God, in some ways, to find faith in my life. I did not grow up in any relgion, and have always been curious and tried to find my own faith. Anyway, shortly after meeting him, I began Missionary discussions, and was challenged by him to read the BoM and start praying to know the truth. At the time I felt VERY convinced of the truth. Even now I don’t have answers for why I felt that then, and why it changed. I think because I was finding God, which I had never really had in my life.

I lived as a mormon faithfully for 10 years. I married my husband a year and a half after my LDS baptism. We have had many struggles unrelated to religion. Over the years I have struggled a bit in my faith. I always felt, through my teachings in the LDS faith that I would find happiness in being a mother…it was what I was taught would be the most important thing I would ever do. So, needless to say, after 5 years I finally became pregnant. Parenting didn’t bring the amazing feelings of purpose in my life as I assumed it would. I always thought I would find peace in my faith struggles through motherhood. No, this didn’t solve the problem for me.

So, more than 2 years ago, a friend popped into my life, a strong Catholic. I started asking him some questions, mostly because I wanted a non-LDS perspective on my struggles. I truly believed it would lead me back to the LDS faith. What actually happened is I began a steady and slow conversion through intense prayer, and study. God was leading me OUT of the LDS church after all that time.

Well, long story short, it took a year and a half before I ended up in an RCIA program. My husband, from the begining of him knowing I was thinking about becoming Catholic, has been absolutely against the process. I put it off for a long time, more than a year, because I thought I should fix my marriage before I changed religions. Well, turns out ignoring God’s call in my life did not help me. I merely felt numb and made NO progress until I turned back to God.

Currently I am close to baptism into the church. I have recently received a letter from my husband, sent with a beautiful boquet of flowers. This letter was essentially begging me to stop this Catholic “Nonsense” and return back to the LDS faith with him. He suggested many times in his letter that raising our child, we only have one so far, in a mixed religion marriage will only mess up her life. He has also stated that he wants more children, and that if he truly believes having more children is what God’s plan for him is, that he cannot do it with me if I am Catholic. He needs a mormon wife to do this, in his view.

I responded with a very lengthy letter of my own, which I have yet to give to him. Out of my own fear of my marriage falling apart. My response to him involves a lot of trying to explain why I think there are many values which we can share, and that while raising a child (or more) in a marriage where both parents are strong in two very different religions is very difficult, I do not feel it has to be impossible. I want my child to experience growing up with both parents. My parents divorced when I was young, though my upbringing was still good thanks to parents who still worked together. His parents also divorced, but he and his siblings were older, and it was ugly and bitter among all.

I hold out hope that there are many good things in my marriage that are worth keeping us together. I have never been afraid to jump into something, even if it is difficult. I sometimes fail, but at least I try. I have read your story and truly hope that YOU could find a way to work that relationship out, against all odds. Because it’s something I am struggling to attempt to do.

While I hold out this hope, I have to be honest. This situation I am in is very painful. Of course, when I married my husband I was strongly LDS. We both were. My circumstances are slightly different, so in some ways you may have an easier time of it. Because you would both go into it with eyes wide open.

I know you have gotten lots of advice similiar to this. I am always one to say give something a try, even a difficult situation. But know how hard it could really be! I’m not there, I don’t know all the details of your story. I hold out hope for you that if you two really love each other, that you can somehow work it out. But know how difficult it could be. Especially since you both are going into it already with two different views.

That may not be very helpful. I don’t like telling people what they should or shouldn’t do. It could be an equally good or difficult circumstance. I know religion is a HUGE reason for contention in many relationships. It makes a lot of sense to go into something having very similar beliefs or values. I think it would help make you both a lot stronger. However, in the end the choice is really still yours (and his) to make! I can attest to the fact that it can be really difficult to go through a situation like mine.

I hope this helps in some way! Good luck, and God bless you!

 

[The_free_bird]

As a Catholic you have the obligation to marry in the Catholic Church. It is a Sacrament and part of your Baptismal promises if you choose this vocation. Also you will be obligated to raise your children in the Catholic faith including seeing that they have their Sacraments. If this is something he is not willing to do than you should not marry as you will not be able to fulfill your vocation.

Hello.

It seems you know about that sacrament thing by children? I mean that how is it that first communion, is it long study before exam and that important day, and is it with parents or in church? Can you explain a little how it goes by children and exercice and studying?
God bless you,
K

 

[The_free_bird]

Hello.

It seems you know about that sacrament thing by children? I mean that how is it that first communion, is it long study before exam and that important day, and is it with parents or in church? Can you explain a little how it goes by children and exercice and studying?
God bless you,
K

 

[GaryTaylor]

First Communions are done in May. In the Catholic Church as I type they are preparing to receive Holy Communion now. I was watching them monday night as a matter of fact.

But yes you have to attend the class’s to receive Communion. Which are in the Church and Class, thats to say you would have to know how to respond both spritually and physically in the church. How this works through the USA I’m not postive as far as scheduling, obviously that would vary slightly. I would imagine its similiar though.

God Bless, Gary

 

[windynight]

**Before you decide what you will do for your wedding to your LDS boyfriend, this is because I really think you want to marry himj. I’ll tell you how my now husband and I worked out the religion differences.

When we met I had finished college…we dated all summer. He was wonderful, much nicer than the Catholic guys I knew. As the summer ended he went back to Utah to start his soph year of college. I had a teaching position. Biology and chemistry. We agreed not to call, email or text each and see how we felt next summer.

He gave me the Book of Mormon to read and I gave him the Cathehism of the Catholic Church. Meanwhile I started to read the BOM…and couldn’t believe what I was reading,stunned would be a good word. Then I thought, well people might well be just as stunned reading a bible. So I decided to talk with the missionaries, discussions…my boyfriend had never tried to convert me ever.

Using the internet as my starting point, I read everything and the more I read, the more concerned I became. I knew I couldn’t convert to this religion becaue it wasn’t Christian.
The discussions did nothing to allay my suspicions. They couldn’t or wouldn’t answer my questions. All they wanted to do was baptise me immediately.

The year went on and I decided to redirect my career path. Teaching was ok but I wasn’t that thrilled with it. I applied to and was accepted at our state university for pharmacy school.

The end of the school year and he called to tell me he was coming back to work again this summer. You have no idea how happy I was. I missed him.

Within two weeks of his return we were engaged. I applied to his university but figured it was no doubt too late. So I went through paramedic training for something else to do.

I told my parents exactly what I wanted my wedding to be, ordered my dress etc etc and before his school started we drove my SUV out to Utah. No one was thriled about that but the two of us. The wedding would be in Oct.

My Parish priest said he would marry us but not with a Mass.

He also said he received a letter from a parish priest in boyfriend’s home town that he went RCIA over the year. I didn’t know that. He cared enough to do that for me. I did the discussions for him.

His Bishop was very unhappy he was marrying a Catholic never mo. He gave all the reasons. My BF stood firm and said, I’m marrying her anyway.

His parents were not happy and neither were mine.

To make things more fun, we lived with his parents after we were married.

OK. We were married in my catholic church on a beautiful Oct day. I was beyond happy. So was he.

I found a paramedic job since I had to wait to start pharmacy school. He went to school.

Living in Mormon Utah was like landing in the Middle East for me. I didn’t know the culture at all. It was a steep learning curve. I wore shorts and t’s in the summer. That wasn’t good. The only bathing suits I owned were bikinis. Not good at all. My jeans were too tight. I was doing a man’s job. I went to Mass. No one would be friendly at all. None of his friends accepted me, but I didn’t care. I had my husband.

His parents were kind but they never stopped trying to convert me ever. I asked politely to stop because I wasn’t going to convert. That didn’t work. You can take only so much of that.

He went to Mass with me 2x a month and I went to his church 2x a month. 3 hours is a long time to sit anywhere that isn’t exciting. Mass was less than an hour.

We both applied to and were accepted at an out of state school. I couldn’t wait to leave Utah. I loved the activities but you could turn to stone in the culture.

We had no problems with our religions, he actually liked the Catholic Faith. I hated the Mormon faith and culture.

We finished school and when our first child arrived so did his Mother. The baby will need to have a Mormon blessing. Her son told her we had agreed to raise the children Catholic and she was livid. It was of course all my fault that her son had married me, I had no doubt charmed him with sex and whatever else she could think of to say.

Our child was Christened in the Catholic Church properly, with godparents and a party she doesn’t remember. His parents refused to come. So be it.

They refused to attend the christening of our second child, who is their only grandson. Their loss not ours.

We’ve been married 10 years now and because we respect each others religions and he goes to Mass with me, it is working out. Nothing is always smooth. The honeymoon wears off when the dirty diapers appear. But we love each other deeply and would never hurt each other for any reason.

He really isn’t an active Mormon now, he will still go once in awhile. He has no callings since they took too much time from our family. They do take a whole lot of time.

It will be a matter of time until he resigns altogether from the LDS church.

Would I marry him again knowing what I do now? In a heartbeat. He was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. We have a great life and family.

It will work Libby if you both are willing to give. He was very willing not to pressure me. It would of been a deal breaker if he had.

I sure wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. It can work.

**