Learned that a good friend is sleeping around

[IgniteTheStars]

Hello,

I could really use some advice here.

I am a college student who competes on a competitive co-ed sports team at my school. Unfortunately, I recently found out that one of my male teammates and good friends is sleeping around. This deeply saddened me, as he is such a nice guy and really cares about his teammates. He’s not religious, as far as I know, but I’m very worried about the choices he is making because, like I said, he is a nice guy, and I wouldn’t want that to change.

In general, I don’t really press my religion on the team, as I hold a position of leadership, and we welcome everyone to play with us. I organize community service projects and invite teammates to Mass and other Catholic events on campus, but I have never gotten on my Catholic soapbox to a teammate before.

But how, if at all, do I approach this friend about my concerns for him? Would simply praying for him suffice? I would hate to break our friendship and be the one to reveal that practically the entire team knows about his sleeping around.

Any advice would be useful, as this news was simply devastating to me. I wish I had never heard it in the first place.

Thanks!

 

[jkc313]

Hello,

I could really use some advice here.

I am a college student who competes on a competitive co-ed sports team at my school. Unfortunately, I recently found out that one of my male teammates and good friends is sleeping around. This deeply saddened me, as he is such a nice guy and really cares about his teammates. He’s not religious, as far as I know, but I’m very worried about the choices he is making because, like I said, he is a nice guy, and I wouldn’t want that to change.

In general, I don’t really press my religion on the team, as I hold a position of leadership, and we welcome everyone to play with us. I organize community service projects and invite teammates to Mass and other Catholic events on campus, but I have never gotten on my Catholic soapbox to a teammate before.

But how, if at all, do I approach this friend about my concerns for him? Would simply praying for him suffice? I would hate to break our friendship and be the one to reveal that practically the entire team knows about his sleeping around.

Any advice would be useful, as this news was simply devastating to me. I wish I had never heard it in the first place.

Thanks!

What about his “sleeping around” bothers you? Do you fear he will contract a disease or is your worry of a moral compass bent? I think you need to be clear about why you are worried about his choices.
Does HE believe he’s doing anything wrong or sinful? I would think about the nature of sin before approaching him

 

[PaulinVA]

At first, I wanted to not respond, because my response would be, “Mind your own business”.

But, after thinking about it, you have asked the question of the ages. What do we, as Christians, do to positively affect the people that we know?

I don’t know the answer, but I suspect my initial reaction is wrong, in that we shouldn’t do nothing. I hope this thread gets a lot of responses with suggestions.

 

[Rose71]

All you can do is lead by example and pray for him. If he chooses to sleep around, he needs a supply of compliant girls to enable him to do this, as well as culture that always panders to needs of the individual and their pursuit of instant gatification…and as the leader of a sports team, you can’t change the fact that he’s got everything he needs on campus to enable him to live that kind of life.

What you can do, is always be there for him and perhaps help steer him towards girls who have more of a backbone and more self-respect. A bit of gentle ribbing wouldn’t hurt either! I know when I was at college, one of the rugby team starts started to become a bit too much of a ladies’ man and his team-mates and a lot of girls on the campus brought him back down to earth eventually, but just gently suggesting that nobody of the opposite sex was ever going to take him seriously again and what a shame - because we all knew what a lovely bloke he was really

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hello,

I could really use some advice here.

I am a college student who competes on a competitive co-ed sports team at my school. Unfortunately, I recently found out that one of my male teammates and good friends is sleeping around. This deeply saddened me, as he is such a nice guy and really cares about his teammates. He’s not religious, as far as I know, but I’m very worried about the choices he is making because, like I said, he is a nice guy, and I wouldn’t want that to change.

In general, I don’t really press my religion on the team, as I hold a position of leadership, and we welcome everyone to play with us. I organize community service projects and invite teammates to Mass and other Catholic events on campus, but I have never gotten on my Catholic soapbox to a teammate before.

But how, if at all, do I approach this friend about my concerns for him? Would simply praying for him suffice? I would hate to break our friendship and be the one to reveal that practically the entire team knows about his sleeping around.

Any advice would be useful, as this news was simply devastating to me. I wish I had never heard it in the first place.

Thanks!

I don’t think you need to get on any Catholic soapbox. There are plenty of non-religious issues with sleeping around! I think you need to be a friend to him, but this must be done with care so he does not feel preached to. Also, you need to think about how YOU found out that he is sleeping around, and possibly protect the confidentiality of any person who confided in you. It’s a thorny issue, frankly. You want to be a friend, and as a friend, you are entitled to be concerned for your friends, but many people see this as a completely personal issue and not up for discussion. Yet people will talk, and gossip, so his sex life is not truly personal in any case.

Of course pray for him. I will have to think about how you might approach this - one problem is that he might get angry at YOU for bringing it up to him. Personally, I feel you owe it to him regardless of his response, but then again, you would be unable to be a positive influence if he tells you to take a hike.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

There are a lot of health issues you could discuss. Also, there is a good chance that his actions are alienating the kinds of girls that he would actually want to marry. I know of a guy that basically lost his chance with a girl he liked. He actually told me he could see himself marrying her. When I asked him why he didn’t just ask her on a date already, he said, “Well, she’s the kind of girl I could see myself marrying, not dating.” (I wanted to smack him upside the head when I heard that. Instead, I said something about her not always being there when he is ready to get married.) He kept the “good girl” in the friend zone because I think he took her for granted while he was too busy chasing after “fun” girls that he knew he would never marry. I think she knew he liked her, and I think she liked him for a while, but his behavior prevented anything from happening between them. Like I predicted, she didn’t wait around for him. She has a boyfriend now and I think she will probably end up marrying the boyfriend.

Does this guy have a sister? Ask him how he would feel if a guy was using his sister for a one night stand. I’ve known of some guys that sleep around, but as soon as they start thinking about someone doing that to their sister they get really uncomfortable with the idea.