Leave his mother and father

[Deb2of9]

I help my daughter and her kids out as much as I can. Until almost two years ago she was a single mother with three kids. Whe she and her husband married she was soon pregnant with my latest grandson. Although he made a decent enough income for a single guy, suddenly have 4 more mouths to feed and a new baby put a reall strain on them. he also didn’t want help, but would accept me buying things for the kids or giving gifts for the baby if they weren’t expensive. He even broke down and asked for help after JJ was born because he was under 5 pounds and none of the newborn clothes or diapers would fit. It is a joy to do what I can. Some people do expect to gain contol by this help. In my case, and that of most parents, I only look for what is best for my children and grandchildren. I know that sometimes it makes my son-in-law feel helpless when he needs help. So I try not to help in obvious ways that will hurt his pride. But I also will not allow them to not have the things that they need. And I admit I have different ideas about what is needed. For instance school is coming up, and if they can’t get the clothes for the two older ones that are going to school, I will. It may only be one new outfit, but I have been the kid in second hand clothes the first day of school. So I try my best to make sure that no kid I know goes to the first day with out a brand new outfit and shoes. Last year I loaned a friend money to get her kid school clothes as well. Although she has been unable to pay me back, it doesn’t mattter. Friends and family help each other in what ever way they can. Sometimes it is with money, somtimes with help watching the kids or fixing a car, and sometimes it is just being there to hold a hand or to pray with them. I want the best for my kids. That means sometimes I help, and others I help by standing back and letting her struggle just a little bit. And believe me that is the hardest part of helping. So as long as they aren’t trying to control you with their help, stand back and be grateful for the help. Use the help they give you to need less help later. Just accept it as a sign of their love.
Debbie

 

[CD4]

Hi Debbie…A very goo post…It is hard, sometimes, to know when to help and when to stand back and let them figure it out for themselves…But it is always wrong to use “help” as a way to make them beholden to you or to gain control…We both understand this very well, I think.

We have little money, so that kind of help is hard for us to give…although I bought nearly all of five year old MIchael’s new school clothes, and will give my DIIL the same amount of money for nine year old Ryan. My time is what I give the most of, and that is what is most valuable to me…

I feel that it is a wonderful privilege to be a grandmother. I only wish I had the means to be of more help…The best thing is the hugs I get from my four grandsons…They are all so sweet…All four of them!

 

[Ana]

Sorry for the two empty repeat posts. Just wanted to assure you of my prayers, sparkle.

As for the sweet soul who started this thread. Pray and trust in Him to lead you. I will be praying for you also. God bless.

 

[sparkle]

Thank for your your kind words CD4:

Yes, hubby and I have been in counseling before. It might have helped a bit, but it could have been longer as our physician changed with our medical plan.

My hubby has had a very hard time breaking away from his parents, their control, and their influence. This has been one of the hardest things in our marriage. If I would have known how sick my in-laws were, I don’t think I would have married him, honestly, but we never quite know what we’re getting ourselves into do we?

He has had a very hard time in speaking up to them, defending me his wife, in every respect. For he has been pretty much been the silent, passive son, just ignore the conflict, never say anything. His brother on the other hand, has been a fighter, constant arguments, and battles. I don’t know which is better,as his brother has had about 10 women in our marriage, none working out.

I do know, that through it all, my faith in the Lord and in my Catholic faith and belief, has brought me so close to the Lord here, to our Blessed Mother, through her suffering and struggles, and through mine as well, I am very thankful. For I feel if it weren’t for struggles, Christians would not grow in their faith. I look so much to my Blessed Mother, who has gone before me with pain, suffering and struggles, as well as other Saints and Marty’s–for, as Catholics, they can be our inspiration, or joy, our hearts, desire, to be one with Jesus. I’m so thankful for this.

Thank you for your concern.

Praise Him, for He is our Life!

 

[sparkle]

sparkle:

Thank for your your kind words CD4:

Yes, hubby and I have been in counseling before. It might have helped a bit, but it could have been longer as our physician changed with our medical plan.

My hubby has had a very hard time breaking away from his parents, their control, and their influence. This has been one of the hardest things in our marriage. If I would have known how sick my in-laws were, I don’t think I would have married him, honestly, but we never quite know what we’re getting ourselves into do we?

He has had a very hard time in speaking up to them, defending me his wife, in every respect. For he has been pretty much been the silent, passive son, just ignore the conflict, never say anything. His brother on the other hand, has been a fighter, constant arguments, and battles. I don’t know which is better,as his brother has had about 10 women in our marriage, none working out.

I do know, that through it all, my faith in the Lord and in my Catholic faith and belief, has brought me so close to the Lord here, to our Blessed Mother, through her suffering and struggles, and through mine as well, I am very thankful. For I feel if it weren’t for struggles, Christians would not grow in their faith. I look so much to my Blessed Mother, who has gone before me with pain, suffering and struggles, as well as other Saints and Marty’s–for, as Catholics, they can be our inspiration, or joy, our hearts, desire, to be one with Jesus. I’m so thankful for this.

Thank you for your concern.

Praise Him, for He is our Life, our Purpose —!

Just wanted to add–that I do believe it is so much better to do the right thing, no matter what the cost than to just comply, kiss-up, bow down to those things those ones --someone expects, those issues someone else wants --even though it goes against our grain here–our morals–our principles-- whether in business or personally, for God is on all our our sides here----HE wants us to all stand for goodness, for Truth, for His Word—YES, for this I, for one am so every thankful and grateful-----