Leaving Mass After Communion?

[ProVobis]

My only suggestion would be to at least get them to stay for God’s blessing, which should mean a lot I would think.

 

[mfdc]

Just as st. Monica prayed for Agustin pray for your family. it is wonderful to see more young people on fire for their faith, I know that as a college student I face similar struggles with peers. Talk to your parents and let them know what you feel doing this will make your life easier. Tell them you want to be serious about your faith, and if the family is going to be catholic they must follow, and understand the reasoning behind why we believe what we believe. Maybe your whole family should go on a retreat or RCIA classes. Explain to your family that you want everyone to communicate with God more effectively, and you don’t need your brother to do it. Firstly though I would talk to your priest, about your familial situation, and let the priest know that you want to bring your family to the fullness of Faith, Hope, and Charity in the Catholic faith. Call upon the name of The Lord, and call upon the Holy Spirit to help you!

 

[RoseMary131]

My only suggestion would be to at least get them to stay for God’s blessing, which should mean a lot I would think.

ProVobis, his dear brother suffers with autism and is non-verbal. While most families would want to stay for the final blessings, it may be too much for his family if they believe their younger son needs to leave Mass.

Having one son needing to leave and another son trying to get them to stay longer, can make for a difficult time at Mass for the OP’s dear parents.

To the OP: With your parents dealing with your dear brother and his suffering as a non-verbal child on the autism spectrum, it may be the most they can handle to make it through Communion.

You are blessed they are able to help your dear brother function through most of Mass. Expecting them to stay for the blessing, may be asking more of them than they can deal with at that time. Your family’s circumstances are not the same as a family without autism spectrum disorder.

May God’s blessings be upon your family.

 

[acadiANNA]

My parents taught us to leave after the Priest has processed through the front door after Mass. I did the same with my family. Children learn they sit until time to leave if they are taught that. Or they could be taught it’s ok to leave after Holy Communion. For your brother, I would have to say ahead of time to him that we will stay until the very end. And he would know to expect that. I believe it would become a habit to wait. It is possible that he has learned to manipulate. Only under extenuating circumstances or a true emergency would God say it’s ok. Autistic children can learn, too, right?

 

[RoseMary131]

My parents taught us to leave after the Priest has processed through the front door after Mass. I did the same with my family. Children learn they sit until time to leave if they are taught that. Or they could be taught it’s ok to leave after Holy Communion.

For your brother, I would have to say ahead of time to him that we will stay until the very end. And he would know to expect that. I believe it would become a habit to wait. It is possible that he has learned to manipulate. Only** under extenuating circumstances** or a true emergency would God say it’s ok. Autistic children can learn, too, right?

Children suffering on the autism spectrum can learn - but they may do so in a very different way than other children.

From another thread of the OP, he is 14 and his dear brother is 10. His brother is also non-verbal. His parents most likely deal with a lot of issues on a daily basis most parents don’t have with their children.

They may be pleased that their son can stay at Mass for as long as he does. It may be as long as they have the patience to manage. God does understand life with a child on the autism spectrum can be very different than with a typically developmental child. That may mean leaving Mass early.

The OP’s parents may be very happy to make it this far with him today.

In helping the OP, we need to be careful that we give him advise that will not put him in feeling he can** tell** his parents what is best for his little brother.

sometimes, my brother will “say” that he is too tired to finish Mass and that we have to leave after Communion. My parents force me to comply, even though I repeatedly object and try to compromise. What has recently enraged me is that my brother most recently “said” that an “angel” who supposedly told him that God understands and is not angry with our constant interruption and leaving of Mass because He “knows our hearts.”

To James: It is possible that your brother feels an angel told him God is not angry that he feels the need to leave Mass early. God does know our hearts. Parents who leave Mass early because they feel the need to with their child, are not making God angry.

I know from your posts that you do not feel your brother truly communicates these things. You are concerned with the format your parents have chosen to help your non-verbal brother to communicate.

Your parents may be doing the best that they can with your brother. They may have great hope in using RPM for him to communicate with them, even if you don’t believe what they say your brother communicates to them.

Its very hard being a brother in a home with a sibling on the autism spectrum. It is also hard being a parent of a non-verbal child who has a diagnosis on the spectrum.

Have you asked your parents if you can remain for the final blessing and meet them in the car quickly after Mass?

James, maybe you can present your question in the Ask an Apologist forum - stating your age and your brother’s age - along with his diagnosis as non-verbal on the autism spectrum - and ask the apologist for advise about Mass.

 

[robwar]

My parents do know the pastor very well, but they have never mentioned to him any of these ridiculous New Age ideas in which they believe nor have they mentioned the many practices against Catholic teaching, like leaving Mass early, which they do.

James, Again I am sorry about your situation which is difficult. I admire your passion for the Catholic faith and you sound like a very serious 14 year old. There is a saying “one must pick as choose their fights”. Unless your mother converts (since she isn’t Catholic) but has been willing to attend and bring you and your brother up as Catholics, I think that this is something you might not win now and is not worth fighting them over. It is also difficult to give counsel or advice over the internet since we don’t have your parents side of the story and the full condition or history of your brother. I think the best thing for you to do is talk about all these issues either with your priest who knows your family. I am saying this not to go and tattle or complain but I think that you yourself could use some support and if you talk either to the priest or DRE or pastoral assistant and I think they could give you advice and support on how to live your faith which you seem to take seriously in a family situation that doesn’t exactly take the Catholic faith seriously. You aren’t going to win the battle at the moment here. The only person you can change is oneself and quicker one learns this is life, there better they can handle others down the road.

 

[kozlosap]

I was part of the professional educators that tried the RPM style of adapted communication with non verbal students over 20 years ago. I think it was developed at Syracuse University. It became apparent in a short period of trials, that the facilitators were unconsciously communicating, not the students. Most often today, I’ve witnessed students using electronic communication boards that are tailored to them individually. I’m sorry that your parents were sucked into this sad scam that gives desperate parents hope that their Autistic child is brilliant and able of advanced communication. I will pray for your family. If you are 14 and following the wishes of your parents, then I do not think you will be held accountable for missing the last 5 minutes of Mass. You sound like you have your brothers best interests at heart!!

 

[JamesTheJust]

To James: It is possible that your brother feels an angel told him God is not angry that he feels the need to leave Mass early. God does know our hearts. Parents who leave Mass early because they feel the need to with their child, are not making God angry.

I know from your posts that you do not feel your brother truly communicates these things. You are concerned with the format your parents have chosen to help your non-verbal brother to communicate.

Your parents may be doing the best that they can with your brother. They may have great hope in using RPM for him to communicate with them, even if you don’t believe what they say your brother communicates to them.

Its very hard being a brother in a home with a sibling on the autism spectrum. It is also hard being a parent of a non-verbal child who has a diagnosis on the spectrum.

Have you asked your parents if you can remain for the final blessing and meet them in the car quickly after Mass?

James, maybe you can present your question in the Ask an Apologist forum - stating your age and your brother’s age - along with his diagnosis as non-verbal on the autism spectrum - and ask the apologist for advise about Mass.

Thank you for your wonderful post! Sadly, my parents don’t just wait in the car, but they insist on driving off, so them waiting for me in the car doesn’t usually work as an option.

As to your second suggestion, I may do just that. The AAA forum will probably have many great suggestions or ideas.

 

[acadiANNA]

I apologize for the insensitive comment. I am aware of the challenges facing the parents of an autistic child and in some cases children. God bless this family and all posters who have offered sound advice.

 

[RoseMary131]

I apologize for the insensitive comment. I am aware of the challenges facing the parents of an autistic child and in some cases children. God bless this family and all posters who have offered sound advice.

I hope you didn’t think I meant you to be insensitive in your comment. Your comment was sensitive and loving. My apologies for offending you.

I thought it missed one part of the puzzle, the part when helping a child who learns different is a puzzle itself.

Our youngest son has a diagnosis on the autism spectrum, but does not have autism. Life with him is different. Attending Mass with him is different.

When I read the OPs post about Mass with his brother - I think about Mass with our son. The OP’s dear brother has far more issues than our little boy. I think how it might feel for them to attend Mass with their two dear sons.

God bless.

 

[JamesTheJust]

I was part of the professional educators that tried the RPM style of adapted communication with non verbal students over 20 years ago. I think it was developed at Syracuse University. It became apparent in a short period of trials, that the facilitators were unconsciously communicating, not the students. Most often today, I’ve witnessed students using electronic communication boards that are tailored to them individually. I’m sorry that your parents were sucked into this sad scam that gives desperate parents hope that their Autistic child is brilliant and able of advanced communication. I will pray for your family. If you are 14 and following the wishes of your parents, then I do not think you will be held accountable for missing the last 5 minutes of Mass. You sound like you have your brothers best interests at heart!!

Thank you so much! Do you have any papers or studies published by the University to which you could refer me which disprove the method’s validity or at least call it doubtful? This would greatly help me in so many ways. I feel so sad for my parents. That they have been given this much false hope and joy from this method. It saddens me even more that their projection of what they want to be true into my brother’ swords has led them away from the Church.

RPM has split me from my family. They will be running around the house, performing rituals that supposedly banish evil spirits while I just clutch my St Peter medal and pray for them. What I believe started this madness is my mother’s need of contact with her own mother. My maternal grandmother died of tetanus when my mother was only a few months old, and this caused a series of tearful events to occur which I’d rather not mention. When my brother was around 5, he had been diagnosed for around 3 years, and my mother visited a medium who promised her that at the age of ten, my brother will become a “conduit” between my grandmother and our world. My mother projected this onto my brother around a year ago, and my parents have been heretics since. Their belief in these things to the point where we can’t go 2 hours without discussing spirits or past lives.

It’s extremely obvious that the method is truly just the board’s holder unconsciously communicating. My brother always “speaks” with the style and grammatical errors of whomever is holding the board. Often, in arguments, my parents will ask my brother who is right, and he always agrees with the board-holder, and his “word” is almost always final in my house.

I ask that you all continue to keep me and my cause in your prayers. May peace be with all of you.

 

[acadiANNA]

RoseMary131, no, it was my own personal opinion. I was looking from the outside in. Every case is different. We all do the best we can. God bless.