Leaving the Catholic Church

[Limoncello4021]

The Catholic Church is not simply a hobby or club that you can leave for awhile on a whim because you don’t agree with it. I’m truly curious why you posted. Everything you write sounds like you are talking yourself into leaving the Church because you had a sexual experience and now are seeing all sorts of things you “don’t like” or don’t “agree with.” In short, you seem to want to justify yourself and your desire to do things your own way. As others have mentioned, that’s what Protestants have historically done: broken away from the Church to do their own thing. What you will find is that discipleship is not doing what you yourself want, but what God wants. It is not the Catholic Church that sets moral boundaries but Jesus Himself. Catholicism is taking up the cross and self-denial, in imitation of Jesus who came to do God’s will, not His own. What really matters to you? You will have to decide whether you are a true disciple or a fair weather friend of the Lord.

 

[SadPotato]

The Catholic Church is not simply a hobby or club that you can leave for awhile on a whim because you don’t agree with it. I’m truly curious why you posted. Everything you write sounds like you are talking yourself into leaving the Church because you had a sexual experience and now are seeing all sorts of things you “don’t like” or don’t “agree with.” In short, you seem to want to justify yourself and your desire to do things your own way. As others have mentioned, that’s what Protestants have historically done: broken away from the Church to do their own thing. What you will find is that discipleship is not doing what you yourself want, but what God wants. It is not the Catholic Church that sets moral boundaries but Jesus Himself. Catholicism is taking up the cross and self-denial, in imitation of Jesus who came to do God’s will, not His own. What really matters to you? You will have to decide whether you are a true disciple or a fair weather friend of the Lord.

No pressure tho, OP.

 

[RCIAGraduate]

Happy Cake Day!

 

[QwertyGirl]

Everything you write sounds like you are talking yourself into leaving the Church because you had a sexual experience and now are seeing all sorts of things you “don’t like” or don’t “agree with.” In short, you seem to want to justify yourself and your desire to do things your own way.

I think that is an overly harsh assesment. I didn’t get that from OP’s post. What I got was that she is having difficulty believing in what the Church teaches and offers.

People like me don’t leave the Church just because they want to do their own thing, usually. More typically it is because they have lost their faith in the Church, or they never had any to begin with.

OP has received some good suggestions for moving forward. I don’t think we should encourage her to feel ashamed for questioning. It is healthy to question and to learn.

 

[PennyinCanada]

When I was growing up I lived with an alcoholic parent and I made the decision as a teenager that the best gift I could give myself and my future husband was the gift of being sober.

When I came into the church in my 20’s, I made the decision that the best gift I could give myself (besides my faith of course) is to marry a Catholic man who believed in Christ, who knelt and prayed, who would help me in my faith through the years. I knew a faith filled man would be the best gift I could ever give future children.

I saw men in church who were Catholic husbands and fathers. Who were prayerful. Who showed their children how to receive our Lord every Sunday, who waited in line for confession. These acts of faith are gold. As a woman in my 20’s, I told myself that THAT was what I wanted. And I told God too. I prayed for my future husband, that he stay close to God, that he make good decisions, that God protect him in his journey.

All these things I wish for you. I wish I could put it in your heart to want these things.

Honor God in your singleness, in your dating, in your married life. There are no regrets with God.

 

[HeDa]

One thing to do is to learn more about the faith and why we believe what we believe as Catholics. Pope John Paul II has written a lot of what is called The Theology of the Body. I am sure readers on this forum can suggest good books and talks for you to dive into. The only one I have read is in Swedish and I don’t know if you understand that language. Learn more about how the female body is created and that there are symptoms we can look for to know when it is possible that we can conceive a child and when it is not possible. NFP is short for Natural Family Planning.

Another thing to do is to talk to a nun or sister instead of a priest/deacon since you prefer to speak to women when it comes to how a woman´s body is created. Ask around in your parish or contact the diocese if there is a nun/sister that has a special interest in the Theology of the Body. There might be other suggestions for nuns/sisters. Or you could contact a convent and ask if you could to talk to one of their sisters. There will be parishioners who have gone on retreats at different convents who can recommend someone to talk to.

 

[BBBBB27]

Hi all. Thank you for your replies - I feel very touched by each one . I can see why some of you may be somewhat frustrated at me - as it seems so obvious to just have a bit of self control and put God before your boyfriend. I could pretend that I am going to change my ways and please everyone on this forum, but I am just being honest. Being a disciple seemed to be much easier when I was single and could focus on myself all the time!

I think with the continual sinning it is partly impatience and almost “I’ve done it now”. I definitely want to marry my partner, I wouldn’t carry on even dating him if there was doubt in my mind. As I’ve said before I’ve never been in a relationship and maybe my priorities are a bit messed up at the moment. And reflecting I think deep down the refusal to stop comes from a place of insecurity and maybe even though I say I accept the Church’s teaching, deep down I think it’s not important as we are going to be married within the next couple of years and that’s why I’m ignoring it… And I guess I’m not looking for a Church to tell me I’m doing the right thing, but to not exclude me or help me as I seem to be falling further away without the community. And I feel that communion would help strengthen me in my Faith. I now definitely sympathise more so with the divorced and remarried - they are forever excluded from the Church even if many accept that divorce was a bad and sinful decision. So surely for most - they are isolated from the Church and Jesus has abandoned them? (I really don’t mean to offend - it is just heart felt feelings coming out).

And I don’t consciously intend to be excusing myself by saying every other woman uses contraception, but rather saying I have no-one to look up to or make me confident in NFP. If others were using it I’d probably trust in NFP a lot more. But the idea does appeal and we already enjoy periods of abstinence, so it is a possibility. But then I’ve read that having a “contraceptive mentality” is also wrong, which I think I do have as I ideally do not want 10+ children.

And I am struggling with prayer at the moment - I am not getting any “answers” or solutions and I think this situation is putting a block between God and I where I’m rationalising everything rather than just listening freely. But I will carry on praying and accepting that’s it’s not about what I get out of it, but just talking to God about this and maybe just going back to basics and giving praise and stopping obsessing over this for now until I rebuild that relationship. Writing it all down has certainly helped things clear a bit in my mind.

And talking to priests - the abuse stories has made me see them as quite vulnerable and recognise that they are only human, but I know that shouldn’t stop me. But I like the idea of talking to a nun as a first step.

Again I don’t mean to be disrespectful to anyone and hope I haven’t offended anyone by my opinions. I appreciate your honesty and opinions too. I don’t have any close Catholic or even Christian friends or family to talk to about these things - so thank you for helping a stranger!

Thanks again and please continue to keep me in your prayers.

 

[redbetta]

Since this is your first relationship, are you sure this is even the right man? Maybe consider looking for someone Catholic or at least Christian?

Spouses are supposed to help each other become saints and overall better people, instead of leading us astray.

 

[TheLittleLady]

And reflecting I think deep down the refusal to stop comes from a place of insecurity and maybe even though I say I accept the Church’s teaching, deep down I think it’s not important as we are going to be married within the next couple of years and that’s why I’m ignoring it

As an old lady, who was married for almost 30 years, I will tell you this: There will be times in your marriage when you will have to abstain from sex. Be it from illness, separations from work, pregnancy/post childbirth, learning to abstain now will only strengthen your relationship. It is EASY to be in a relationship with lots of sex, you can look past things that might be deal killers because the bonding hormones keep you from noticing things.

they are forever excluded from the Church

However, they are not. There are ways of regularizing their situation.

I have no-one to look up to or make me confident in NFP. If others were using it I’d probably trust in NFP

There are many facebook groups for Catholic women who use NFP to avoid.

There are secular groups who use FAM.

Have you researched the various methods and the tech available?

Look at Billings and Creighton, at STM and at Marquette which combines signs with tech.

Call the Family Life Office at your Diocese or ask your Pastor to introduce you to families who use NFP.

 

[sainteriksrose]

I never used abc…

Not offending God is more important to me than buying into society’s bulloney that we cannot control ourselves. Jesus authorized His Church to make these rules, so like it or not subtracting God from our child-bearing abilities is simply not wise cuz it’s not going to make Him very happy. (John 15)