Legal adult living under father's roof disobedient. Mortal or venial?

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Hello,
I’m a 22 year old living under my father’s roof. I know that, according to the CCC, I owe him obedience along with respect, so long as my obedience doesn’t lead me to sin; and this because of the fact that I still live under his roof. He’s been explicit about a certain (and, I’ll admit, very fair and wise) rule he’s established with me, but which, outside of the domain of his authority, would not be sinful or illegal to not carry out or follow. However, with full knowledge, I disobeyed that rule without his knowing and now I’m wondering if that was mortally or venially sinful. The effects of my actions lead to no amount of grave or otherwise negative consequences, excepting the fact of course that I was not obedient to my father. Can someone educate me on whether or not this was grave matter? And I apologize if this is scrupulosity. I’ve been told I have a sensitive conscience. 🙂 Thanks, all.
 
For the record, I do plan on going to confession. I am just unsure as to whether or not confession is necessary before receiving communion. I did not disobey him with the forethought of later confessing my sin, as I know that pretty much constitutes a total lack of contrition. It was afterwards that I realized that I’m going to need to really bring this up in confession and that I was wrong (and frankly, unwise) in not following his advice.
 
This is a good one to talk about with a priest, because it does depend on what it is your father is asking you to do or to refrain from doing. It is probably at least deceitful (and therefore also disrespectful, considering who you’re lying* to*) to pretend to accept his rules and then to flaunt them behind his back, but it is also possible for the head of a household to overstep his authority with other adults in the house, even adult children. There is a limit to his legitimate control over you as an adult, even when it means sheltering you from sin. In that case, while you’d be wise to do as he says if for no other reason than that you have nowhere else to go, that doesn’t make his wise boundaries morally binding, per se. Smart, but not necessarily a violation of the requirement to avoid near occasions of sin (or arrest…young men do not have to be violating the law between midnight and 3 am in order to get themselves arrested.)

Unless you are seriously contributing to the deliquency of a minor or something else that is gravely wrong in its own right, it is highly unlikely that your disobedience amounts to a mortal sin. This is something to take to your pastor, though. You may be wise to learn to live within these fair and wise boundaries before you take over the reins of running your own life entirely. A lot of the wise boundaries imposed by parents on their young adult children still living at home are boundaries that mature adults routinely place on themselves, particularly if they have a well-formed conscience.

After all, is your dad asking you to live in boundaries that he himself doesn’t live in? I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he probably isn’t.
 
It depends on what your father wants of you. If you outright said I refuse to pay some rent to go towards the household bills, not pitch in with the housework and/or get a few groceries from the store that is right on your way from work then I would consider that disobedient.

Its best to speak to your confessor to see what he thinks. I am sure you are not the only adult child living with their parents. Some rules set down by parents may be reasonable like regular Mass attendance and contributing some towards the household financially & chore wise. Others may be less reasonable like a curfew and dictating how you will spend your free time. I know from experience that living as an adult with your parents is not easy at times especially if 1 parent wants more from you compared to another like I had to deal with for a few years.
 
EasterJoy said:
This is a good one to talk about with a priest, because it does depend on what it is your father is asking you to do or to refrain from doing. It is probably at least deceitful (and therefore also disrespectful, considering who you’re lying* to*) to pretend to accept his rules and then to flaunt them behind his back, but it is also possible for the head of a household to overstep his authority with other adults in the house, even adult children. There is a limit to his legitimate control over you as an adult, even when it means sheltering you from sin. In that case, while you’d be wise to do as he says if for no other reason than that you have nowhere else to go, that doesn’t make his wise boundaries morally binding, per se. Smart, but not necessarily a violation of the requirement to avoid near occasions of sin (or arrest…young men do not have to be violating the law between midnight and 3 am in order to get themselves arrested.)

Unless you are seriously contributing to the deliquency of a minor or something else that is gravely wrong in its own right, it is highly unlikely that your disobedience amounts to a mortal sin. This is something to take to your pastor, though. **You may be wise to learn to live within these fair and wise boundaries before you take over the reins of running your own life entirely. A lot of the wise boundaries imposed by parents on their young adult children still living at home are boundaries that mature adults routinely place on themselves, particularly if they have a well-formed conscience.**After all, is your dad asking you to live in boundaries that he himself doesn’t live in? I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he probably isn’t.
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I want to highlight this part of EasterJoy’s post. Many young adults living at home want to have the benefits and support of a stable home without doing the work that it would take to create that on their own.

So, to the OP, speak to your priest. This disobedience, in itself, is very likely a venial sin. But, also search your soul and see why you are not willing to obey in this matter. Is it something you and your father can adapt, so that you do not need to disobey. Or is this really a rule that should stand and you need to “man up”?
 
I haven’t been on here in awhile. Thank you to everyone who responded with wise advice. I spoke with a priest and received confession before receiving (thank the Lord for that wonderful Sacrament) and had a conversion of heart that could have only occurred with the outpouring of graces received from the Sacrament. Thank you EasterJoy, MissRose and MrsSally for taking the time to help me. I think EasterJoy’s comment that wise boundaries set by parents are generally prudent to follow according to a well-formed conscience was particularly succinct. I plan to pay close attention to the boundary set by my father (as it is a rule he sets for himself and has benefited from it for years) even after moving out of the house, though it is a morally neutral topic. Also, sorry for the ambiguity, and thanks for your patience with that (just trying to be prudent on a public forum ;)) Thanks again everyone 🙂
God bless.
 
Hey all!
I have a question with regards to this tread

I understand for example what others have said about how an adult child living at home with his parents can commit a sin of disobedience by for example refusing to pay rent or not doing household chores asked while he lives there…

but for example would that adult child still living at home with his parents have to obey a command (i.e. you musnt/must do this) like " I forbid you from going to daily mass" or I “forbid you from making this financial decision”… Obviously one must honor ones parents and take what they say into consideration… but would that person, still living at home but nonetheless an adult, have to OBEY in those matters?

In Christ,
Zac
 
Podo2005 said:
Hey all!
I have a question with regards to this tread

I understand for example what others have said about how an adult child living at home with his parents can commit a sin of disobedience by for example refusing to pay rent or not doing household chores asked while he lives there…

but for example would that adult child still living at home with his parents have to obey a command (i.e. you musnt/must do this) like " I forbid you from going to daily mass" or I “forbid you from making this financial decision”… Obviously one must honor ones parents and take what they say into consideration… but would that person, still living at home but nonetheless an adult, have to OBEY in those matters?

In Christ,
Zac
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Well, consider what you would be bound to do merely out of gratitude for anyone who was letting you live in his or her house rent-free. Where you can be accommodating to the wishes of the head of the household, generally you would choose to do so. For their part, where the head(s) of the household can keep you free of unnecessary or unfair burdens, generally they ought to be. This is how decent people treat each other. For the person living on the kindness of others, however, it is obvious who is beholden to whom. You are beholden to the person(s) providing you a safe place out of the elements.

For instance, one has to ask why the head of the household is saying daily Mass is out of the question. Is it because the person accepting their hospitality would be neglecting agreed-upon duties if they went to the available daily Mass? Well, in that case, the head of the household might have a point. You cannot consider yourself terribly pious if you go to daily Mass at the expense of breaking promises someone else accepted and depended upon in good faith. This is especially true since daily Mass is not obligatory.

It is good to work out the duties and boundaries that come with accepting “free” rent, whether from your parents or from someone else. Sometimes the price of the room is steeper than you think. If you agree to pay, though, then short of neglecting other morally-binding necessities, you do what you agree to do or else find other living arrangements. For that matter, there are even true religious duties that your pastor might well dispense you from, if the alternative is being put out onto the street. The world is hard sometimes, but you must be honest, kind, and respectful in your dealings with others.
 
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