Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

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I am trying to figure out what is a legitimate reason to miss Mass on Sunday.

My husband isn’t Catholic and isn’t very religious at all. I wasn’t either when we got married. I came back to the Catholic Church after being away for a long time.

My husband isn’t happy that I have come back and despite my explanations of why Catholics are required to attend Mass every Sunday, he feels that it’s ok to expect me to stay home with him every now and then and skip Mass.

He says that I shouldn’t be so rigid about going to Mass every Sunday. I like going to Mass. I don’t view it as something I have to do, but as something I want to do.

He feels that by attending Mass every Sunday I am pushing him aside in favor of church. We had a long talk about this last weekend and he said I had hurt his feelings by choosing church over him.

I ended up missing Mass to stay at home with him last weekend, which made him happy, but made me feel kind of sad.

Is it a mortal sin to miss Mass to take care of the emotional needs of your spouse?
 
First Welcome to CAF - I’m in the hot sunny south myself.

In short. Yes.

The teachings are generally you get a dispensation to not attend mass if you are 1) ill yourself, 2) caring for an ill person (I’m not sure a husband’s emotional needs qualify here), or 3) severe inclement weather that may put you or others in harms way by traveling.

Try to go to confession the next time you go to mass if you would like to continue receiving the blessed sacrament. By missing last week and staying to comfort him you may have put yourself at risk and should confess it.

It’s great that you had a long talk with your husband. Can he realize that that one short hour and a half, once a week, spent in the church brings his marital bond a greater richness? That it brings you closer to a deeper understanding of your faith? And you said you like to attend mass!!! Wonderful. Pusing him aside in favor of the church? - nothing is further from the truth - you are praying for him and you for a better, fuller, and deeper life with God and all his gifts. You are not pushing him aside - he is pulling you away and choosing not to participate as a married couple in sharing faith.

It just seems like his emotional needs should be strong enough to handle that. Does he go anyplace without you once a week for about an hour? I bet he does. If he’s that emotional - ask him to come with you instead. If he’s not religious - he should have no objection. What’s he got to lose? Your loss however is much greater…Good luck and God Bless and welcome to CAF.
 
Hi New Girl,

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Legitimate reasons would be things like illness, need to care for the ill or small children, and lack of a Mass within a reasonable distance.

Your situation would not seem to be a reason to miss Mass. Mass is more important than spending time with your husband.

In fact, Christ said that believing in him would divide families.

But, by your example you have the ability to lead your husband to Christ.

God Bless, I’ll say a prayer for you.
 
It’s hard when people don’t understand. I’m sure he plays golf, or goes to the computer store, or works out or runs or does something for himself for an hour a week, right? His sudden “neediness” is a lot of insecurity about where your faith journey might take you.

What you can do is make him want what you have. Find the peace and joy that your faith can give you. Come home from Mass happy to see him and in time he may be curious to see what it is you have that has made YOU so much more fun to be around.

You always attract more flies with honey than vinegar. You are the ad for the Faith in your family. Good luck! 👍
 
My husband and I have no car and can’t make it to Mass. We usually watch mass on TV on sundays. Are we in mortal sin?
JOhannah
 
That’s not a legitimate reason to miss Mass.

Hey, I wonder if your husband has ever considered supporting your emotional needs by going to Mass with you. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Plus, when you look at the big picture (ie from the eternal perspective) are you really supporting your husband’s needs by skipping Mass? Not even close. You’d be supporting him in something that is ultimately destructive.
 
johannahw said:
My husband and I have no car and can’t make it to Mass. We usually watch mass on TV on sundays. Are we in mortal sin?
JOhannah
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If you can’t get a ride or the bus or anything, you probably have no need to worry. Ask a priest, though, just to make sure. Call Catholic Answers. They know more than I do.
 
Maybe each weekend you could give him a choice – would he prefer to go on Saturday evening or Sunday morning? —KCT
 
He’s trying to blackmail you.

Tell him he gets the other 111 waking hours of your week, and if he wants to be with you so bad, he can join you.
 
johannahw said:
My husband and I have no car and can’t make it to Mass. We usually watch mass on TV on sundays. Are we in mortal sin?
JOhannah
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Is it a very far walk? Have you called the Parish to request a ride? If you have done your best to obtain transportation and cannot walk or afford to pay for it then it is probably not mortal sin. You should do your best to maintain contact with a Parish priest to have acess to the sacrament of confession and possibly communion brought to your home.

I remember how hard things were when I didn’t have a car. Blessedly, church was only a 45 minute walk away.
 
It may be worth explaining to your husband one valid reason to miss Mass would be a heart attack. And if he keeps insisting you miss Mass. you may have one. 😃
 
NewGirl said:
My husband isn’t happy that I have come back and despite my explanations of why Catholics are required to attend Mass every Sunday, he feels that it’s ok to expect me to stay home with him every now and then and skip Mass.

He says that I shouldn’t be so rigid about going to Mass every Sunday. I like going to Mass. I don’t view it as something I have to do, but as something I want to do.

He feels that by attending Mass every Sunday I am pushing him aside in favor of church. We had a long talk about this last weekend and he said I had hurt his feelings by choosing church over him.

I ended up missing Mass to stay at home with him last weekend, which made him happy, but made me feel kind of sad.

Is it a mortal sin to miss Mass to take care of the emotional needs of your spouse?
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CCC 1859 Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God’s law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin.
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Now, my interpretation of this may be way off, but it sounds like you wanted to go to Mass, yet your husband’s persistence in the matter possibly caused you to stay home against your will. There is no doubt it is a gravely sinful matter, but there is doubt as to whether it was mortal or not. I would go to confession and mention that you missed Mass, and explain why you missed so that the priest may advise you on the matter.

Prayer for your husband that he may come to know the importance of the Mass. I will pray for both of you. :crossrc:
 
Thanks for all of your replies.

I will be going to confession tomorrow and I will discsuss it with the priest.

I probably should have mentioned my husband is Jewish, although he hasn’t been to a service in about 20 years. He’s only been in a Catholic Church once, and that was when we had our marriage convalidated.

The last five months have been very stressful for both of us. I was out of work for a month to help take care of my aunt, who was dying of cancer. Six weeks after she died my mother had major surgery and I was out of work for another month. During this period I was not at home much. Now that my aunt is gone my mother is the only person left on that side of the family and I have been very worried about her as she is in her 80s and living alone.

While I was going through all of this, my husband was home taking care of our 10 year old niece, who lives with us. She was upset I wasn’t home. My husband said he understood and he was very supportive during this time. I did stop by our house almost every day to have dinner and spend a few hours with my husband and niece.

Meanwhile, my husband’s father became very angry at us over an issue and called my husband on the phone and yelled and cursed at him and told him he never wanted to see us again, my husband was disinherited, blah blah blah. We have that straightened out, but my husband was very hurt by that and feels like his parents don’t love him. I think he’s afraid the same thing will happen with me.

Frankly, the only thing that has brought me any measure of peace lately has been my faith. One poster mentioned that my husband may feel insecure, and that’s true. He is worried that I am going in a direction he doesn’t want to go in.

I don’t want to give the impression my husband is a bad person because he isn’t. We’re normally quite compatible and enjoy each other’s company. Religion is the first major issue in our relationship we don’t agree on.

I am hoping that since things have calmed down a bit in our lives and our niece is away for the summer we can work on our relationship.
 
NewGirl said:
Thanks for all of your replies.

I am hoping that since things have calmed down a bit in our lives and our niece is away for the summer we can work on our relationship.
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Well, all of that certainly makes a difference!

Don’t try to convert him. Explain that for you that one hour a week is what helps you get through all this stress.

What is it – I have a Jewish FIL who disinherits my spouse twice a year. He doesn’t realize that he has done this so many times we no longer care; in fact we are very big children and are content to live on our own earnings.
 
We do not live in a huge area, and there are 2 Masses on Saturday evening, and at least 7 Masses on Sunday that we can attend within the area.

Check out a site like www.masstimes.org. Maybe you could go to a Saturday evening Mass, maybe a very early 7 or 8 AM Sunday Mass and be home with Bagels and coffee before he gets up? Or find a Sunday afternoon/evening Mass, you can attend while he is watching the game and then be home before supper time.

One thing, make sure that the wife who comes home from Mass is so full of joy and love that he starts telling his buddies “wow, your wife should go to Mass - you cannot imaginge how wonderful my wife is when she spends an hour at Mass”.

Maybe you could always stop off and bring him home a special something - even an ice cream 🙂 - on the way home from Mass.
 
It’s not a fun situation to be in. I know because I’ve been there. You don’t want to appear rigid and heartless and put him off Church even more.

But, guess what? The less I compromised my faith, and the more I made it clear to my husband that he can NEVER come before God, the more understanding he became. Now we go to church as a family. 🙂

Go, pray for your husband and invite him to come every time. Good luck!
 
kage_ar said:
We do not live in a huge area, and there are 2 Masses on Saturday evening, and at least 7 Masses on Sunday that we can attend within the area.

Check out a site like www.masstimes.org. Maybe you could go to a Saturday evening Mass, maybe a very early 7 or 8 AM Sunday Mass and be home with Bagels and coffee before he gets up? Or find a Sunday afternoon/evening Mass, you can attend while he is watching the game and then be home before supper time.

One thing, make sure that the wife who comes home from Mass is so full of joy and love that he starts telling his buddies “wow, your wife should go to Mass - you cannot imaginge how wonderful my wife is when she spends an hour at Mass”.

Maybe you could always stop off and bring him home a special something - even an ice cream 🙂 - on the way home from Mass.
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I was thinking along the same lines. I would talk to a priest who could give you spiritual direction on this topic. I think that yes, that you should certainly attend a Saturday vigil Mass or Sunday Mass whenever possible.

I was also thinking you could investigate all the various options for different times you could attend a Saturday Vigil Mass or Sunday Mass, then talk with your husband about what time would work best for you to attend. That way, you could meet your religious obligations to the Church, while at the same time making it clear that you value your husband’s (name removed by moderator)ut and are trying to attend a Mass that would work best for him and your family.
 
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