Lengthy Confession

[AHapka]

I would like to know how most people handle lengthy confessions.

This past weekend I went to confession, and I ended up having a lot to talk about with my priest because I seriously stumbled the prior week (I won’t mention the specific sin, but I’ll just say it involved looking at bad internet sites…you adults here will know what I mean).

Anyway, we got into a good, lengthy discussion about what I can do to avoid sinning in the future, what sexuality means to me and my wife, and so on. It was a very good confession, with a lot of good information from the priest.

However, as I was nearing the end, I happened to look at his watch and noticed that we had been together for 20 minutes. Now confession at my Parish is 1 hour before mass, and I knew there were about 7 or 8 other penitents outside. While I had confessed all of my mortal sins that I remembered, I kind of cut it short because I didn’t want anyone else to miss confession. I later remembered that I did in fact omit (not on purpose) one mortal sin.

How should I have handled this? Should I just have continued talking for a few more minutes, even though I knew there were a number of others waiting with only 40 minutes until mass begins (8 confessions into 40 minutes leaves only 5 minutes each)! I feel bad because I was taking up other peoples time. I’m certain that everyone else could not have gotten a full confession because I took so long.

I don’t want to be at fault for depriving others of the Sacrament, even if that meant I shouldn’t have gone myself and tried to make some other arrangements. I didn’t plan on depriving others. And I don’t want to make a half-hearted confession, because that is pointless.

So I guess I want to know what other people do when they have a lot to confess. Do you go during normal times? And what if you get into a situation where you don’t think it will take long, but you end up talking for a long time? Do you or your Priest ever cut it short?

Thanks,

Andy

 

[stbruno]

You are entitled to unburden your soul no matter how long it takes. Believe me, the priest would have told you if he felt it was inappropriately long. Celebrate the reconciling love and graces you received by the absolution given to you by the priest.

Most parish priests are willing to make appointments for confession outside of the normal confessional hours posted. If you feel you need more time…make one of them.

Let peace reign once more in your heart!

 

[LilyM]

It’s not always easy to judge, before you get in, how long a confession is going to take, unless you know you have a list a mile long!

I try to keep it fairly short and sweet when I know there are people waiting behind me and Mass is starting, but in the end it’s really the priest’s own call. After all, most of them do own and use watches

Very hearting was the day I saw one particular priest, who was a great confessor by the way, still going at least half an hour after his allotted time i order to ensure that everyone was heard.

Off the topic, what do people think of going to confession DURING Mass when it’s offered? Especially if it’s a really short confession and you don’t miss much of the mass? Should you attend mass another time?

 

[Faith1960]

Off the topic, what do people think of going to confession DURING Mass when it’s offered? Especially if it’s a really short confession and you don’t miss much of the mass? Should you attend mass another time?

I’ve never been to a church where confession was offered during Mass but if a church offers it and someone needs to go, I think it’s a good thing as long as the same people don’t make it their habit to go during Mass

 

[InLight247]

If you know it will be a lengthy confession, the best way is to make an appointment with the priest instead of using the confession session before Mass.

That way your lengthy confession won’t take away time from other people. And you yourself will be guaranteed a section of undivided attention for your spiritual need without being rushed.

 

[MariaG]

I think you just need to realize that your confession took exactly the amount of time needed.

God knew you needed to talk about the one issue. And then the Holy Spirit, since He knew you meant to confess everything, gently “hurried” you over the rest.

We can be thankful that God can read the intent in our heart.

That’s my take on the issue

Remember, not everyone may have needed a lengthy session. Many could have only wanted and needed a short time.

God Bless,
Maria

 

[mercygate]

The priest could have asked you to come back. He’s a big boy. He must have felt you needed that RIGHT THEN: not next Tuesday.

If you’re habitually using confession for a counselling session, then you need to re-assess the program. Otherwise: don’t worry.

 

[JimG]

Probably only a small part of that 20 minutes consisted of your actual confession. It takes very little time to state your sins and receive absolution and a penance. The rest of the time was conversation and counseling, which is not intrinsic to the sacrament.

In my parish, there are confessions 30 minutes before weekday Masses, and often 10 to 15 people in line; that means the average confession time is about 2 minutes.

If you are familiar with the confession patterns at your parish, you could choose a time when you know the line is short, or make an appointment if you like.

 

[Sherri_Irvin]

Pardon me if I am out of line, please.

I am in OCIA and will be a new Catholic come Easter Vigil.

How can anyone confess in 2 minutes? How can any priest advise in an equal time?

What should I expect? (I expected more, to be honest)

 

[Like]

Pardon me if I am out of line, please.

I am in OCIA and will be a new Catholic come Easter Vigil.

How can anyone confess in 2 minutes? How can any priest advise in an equal time?

What should I expect? (I expected more, to be honest)

Hi Sherri,
I’m a 68 yo cradle Catholic & I really don’t believe I’ve ever confessed in 2 minutes or less. But that’s just me, and I don’t think a priest would expect anyone to be that fast. Eight to ten minutes would probably be a reasonable amount of time if a person were to make a habit of confessing at least once a month.

I do wish parishes would go back to have 2 hour confessions on say Saturday afternoons, but maybe most parishes are like mine, where no one seems to go to confession any more.

 

[kage_ar]

Pardon me if I am out of line, please.

I am in OCIA and will be a new Catholic come Easter Vigil.

How can anyone confess in 2 minutes? How can any priest advise in an equal time?

What should I expect? (I expected more, to be honest)

I’m guessing that OCIA is like RCIA

Welcome!!

You will find that every single Priest has a different style. Some are very brief and to the point, and some offer detailed counsel.

For your very first Confession, setting an appointment is a wise thing. I did not do that my first time, and was in a line during a Pennance Service - I felt very rushed.

After that, you will have very short confessions sometimes, and long on other occasions, you will learn the style of your Priests.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Pardon me if I am out of line, please.

I am in OCIA and will be a new Catholic come Easter Vigil.

How can anyone confess in 2 minutes? How can any priest advise in an equal time?

What should I expect? (I expected more, to be honest)

Hi there,

One can confess in a short amount of time if a few things have happend…

1. You go to confession regularly (i.e. weekly, bi-weekly, monthly), so your list of sins is short (i.e. you stay on top of things)
2. You prepare well before you go in, and make your list of sins as short as possible (i.e. don’t tell your whole life story to the priest). For example, “In the last week since my last confession, I have lied twice and fornicated several times,” is sufficient.

 

[anonon]

Confess your sins anonymously, online at iconfessmyself.blogspot.com

 

[MH84]

Hi there,

One can confess in a short amount of time if a few things have happend…

1. You go to confession regularly (i.e. weekly, bi-weekly, monthly), so your list of sins is short (i.e. you stay on top of things)
2. You prepare well before you go in, and make your list of sins as short as possible (i.e. don’t tell your whole life story to the priest). For example, “In the last week since my last confession, I have lied twice and fornicated several times,” is sufficient.

Regarding point 2: it depends on the person. If someone “lied twice and fornicated several times”, there might be other sins that accompanied those. For example, in regard to lying, that sin would be made worse if one lied to his parents, or if he lied about something serious. In regards to fornication, who was the person fornicating with, a married person, a minor etc.

I know that I tend to be on the scrupulous side in regards to confession, so that may have impact on my confessions. But still there is some detail that one may need to consider. But I may be wrong.

Its hard for me to confess “only” mortal sins because often Im not sure if somes sins might be grave or bordering that. Its easier to confess everything.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Regarding point 2: it depends on the person. If someone “lied twice and fornicated several times”, there might be other sins that accompanied those. For example, in regard to lying, that sin would be made worse if one lied to his parents, or if he lied about something serious. In regards to fornication, who was the person fornicating with, a married person, a minor etc.

I know that I tend to be on the scrupulous side in regards to confession, so that may have impact on my confessions. But still there is some detail that one may need to consider. But I may be wrong.

Its hard for me to confess “only” mortal sins because often Im not sure if somes sins might be grave or bordering that. Its easier to confess everything.

I just used that sentence as an example, you may need to flush out slightly more in some or all cases. I’m assuming the lie was serious and it was fornication not adultery.

But the point of my post was, that you do not need to give a play by play story, and most sins (I’ve had anyways) can be summed up in a word or short phrase (i.e. fornication is fornication no matter how you slice it - you can’t polish a turd).

 

[LindaS]

Confess your sins anonymously, online at iconfessmyself.blogspot.com

Are you serious? I hope not. Confession online or on the phone is absolutely forbidden. Confession must be done in person with a priest, not on a blog. Fr. Mitch Pacwa just addressed this issue on EWTN the other day.

Peace,
Linda

 

[hilde_the_dog]

The only time I had close to a two minute confessin was after some guy took 45 minutes in confession in front of me , my wife and others. Then that priest had to leave to get ready for Mass before he could hear our confessions. Another priest was still hearing confessions and man did he steam roll those confessions. It was like we were talking over each other. He knew the problem started at another confessional and that it messed up the whole system. I mean we had gotten to church when confessions began an hour before Mass and we barely made confession. I mean if this priest had not rushed us through we would not have been able to recieve.

Please if there is a line don’t hog the confessional. Talk to the priest at a private time.

 

[puzzleannie]

it takes as long as it takes, so take as much time as you need, but confine it to confession of your sins in kind and number, and listening to the priest’s advice. This is not the time for marriage counselling, psychoanalysis, or autobiographical details. If the priest needs the back story he will ask for it.

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

If you know it will be a lengthy confession, the best way is to make an appointment with the priest instead of using the confession session before Mass.

If you’re habitually using confession for a counselling session, then you need to re-assess the program. Otherwise: don’t worry.

Probably only a small part of that 20 minutes consisted of your actual confession. It takes very little time to state your sins and receive absolution and a penance. The rest of the time was conversation and counseling, which is not intrinsic to the sacrament.

These points all offer dfferent pieces of my advice. First, the “counseling” that many priests like to offer, especially in face to face confession, is not a part of the sacrament itself, so during a general confession time slot (when the individuals in the confessional aren’t always going to have a good grasp on how many might be waiting outside for how long) these sorts of exchanges should be avoided under normal circumstances - not that they aren’t useful, just that it’s not the place.

Then, of course, we get into the fact that a priest may feel some counsel needs to be given right then. His penance itself should always be medicinal for the particular problems of the penitent, but if he feels a need to give extra attention, this should probably be a rare but case by case call.

Also, if you wanted this sort of confession experience despite the fact that it’s not integral to the sacrament and shouldn’t really be done at a time when it’s going to make others wait for the sacrament, you could still schedule an appointment at another time for this sort of thing.

Regarding point 2: it depends on the person. If someone “lied twice and fornicated several times”, there might be other sins that accompanied those. For example, in regard to lying, that sin would be made worse if one lied to his parents, or if he lied about something serious. In regards to fornication, who was the person fornicating with, a married person, a minor etc.

I know that I tend to be on the scrupulous side in regards to confession, so that may have impact on my confessions. But still there is some detail that one may need to consider. But I may be wrong.

Its hard for me to confess “only” mortal sins because often Im not sure if somes sins might be grave or bordering that. Its easier to confess everything.

Yes, other details very likely might be more important, but if you have a good confessor he will know what information he has to elicit in order to make your confession and his penance as beneficial as possible.

So you might not get away with simply “I did X once and Y twice” - and then again you might - but you can trust that number and species suffice on your part and that if you err on the side of brevity the priest is in charge of getting more info, i.e. don’t worry about giving extra details, he’ll ask what he needs to know.

 

[baltobetsy]

First, the “counseling” that many priests like to offer, especially in face to face confession, is not a part of the sacrament itself, so during a general confession time slot (when the individuals in the confessional aren’t always going to have a good grasp on how many might be waiting outside for how long) these sorts of exchanges should be avoided under normal circumstances - not that they aren’t useful, just that it’s not the place.

If I encounter one of the priests who like to give counseling as a part of a normal, regular confession, I’m certainly not going to correct him and tell him it’s not the time or place for it. I’ll gratefully receive it and add him to the list of priests I prefer for confession.

When I confess, I tell my sins. Period. What happens after that is totally up to the priest. It could be, “Well, thank God for giving you the grace to make a good confession. Now, for your penance…” Or it could be 3 or 4 minutes of very fine advice touching on everything I confessed. I know which priest will do which and make my choice accordingly.

Betsy