Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

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As I was obtaining written information for getting our marriage blessed (Convalidated) in the church, my husband informed me he never divorced his first wife. Nor is he going to seek a divorce because she informed him when they broke up that she never divorced her husband before marrying him.
Wanting to make things right, I want him to file for a divorce from her anyway, but he won’t. (He has not seen her since 1992 and never wants to speak to her again).

Many of my friends and relatives say to “Let Sleeping Dogs Lie.” Are they right? It makes my husband very angry whenever I bring this up, and now we have a son together. I want to make things right with God and the Church I but Don’t know how, without his cooperation.

My husband went to RCIA and became a Catholic in 2003 and I came back into the church after 20 years around the same time. We don’t receive the Eucharist out of respect and love for Christ’s laws but we do attend mass weekly.

Any loving comments or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
 
I suggest that YOU contact an attorney and find out what the legal status of your current marriage is before you proceed any further.
 
Are you talking about an annulment, because divorce is a civil thing?

You really should speak to a priest and cannon lawyer to get a satisfactory answer to your question. Anything we say here is just a guess because there are several factors that are important to know (baptism and such) to give the right answer for your particular case. Please contact your parish to find the answers to your questions!
 
TALK TO A LAWYER!!! Let me repeat. Talk to a lawyer. You can’t take the ex-wifes word that she was never divorced from her first husband. I can’t imagine it would be difficult to look up the public records and see if she was married at the time and whether your husband was legally married to her. IF it turns out that your husband and her were legally married then he would need to get a divorce. Be very careful because if it turns out that she or your husband has 2 marriage licenses then that is bigomy and is breaking the law. JUST PLEASE TALK TO A LAWYER!!
 
Your husband has committed bigamy. Now that you are aware of his other marriage, you are committing bigamy too.

You definitely need to see an attorney to resolve this right away.
 
How did he get through RCIA without this coming up? He must have purposely lied or omitted facts… I think you also need to speak to your priest…
 
I’m sorry about your situation Nasya and do hope that it can be sorted out.

I agree with the other posters that you should not let sleeping dogs lie in relation to the status of your marriage, and your son, both in the eyes of the church and the state.

While it can be tempting to do nothing because what you need to to do is difficult and possible outcomes scary, but not doing anything only makes the situation more scary.

Yes, I also think you need to talk to both a priest/cannon lawyer and a attorney/lawyer about the situation.
 
I hate to say this, Nasya, but your husband well and truly woke the sleeping dogs up with what he’s told you, and there is no way they can be let to lie down again.

Knowing what you know now, you have all sorts of obligations, both legal (since we’re talking about potential crime here) and moral, that require you to find out the truth and sort the situation out one way or another.
 
Wow i am sorry for the mess you are in. I’m a bit confused though…
As I was obtaining written information for getting our marriage blessed (Convalidated) in the church, my husband informed me he never divorced his first wife. Nor is he going to seek a divorce because she informed him when they broke up that she never divorced her husband before marrying him.
Wanting to make things right, I want him to file for a divorce from her anyway, but he won’t. (He has not seen her since 1992 and never wants to speak to her again).
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So, are you saying that your husband married this woman, and SHE had been married before and not gotten a divorce before marrying your husband? And therefore your husband thinks he was therefore never really married to her since he was still married when HE married her, and so he doesn’t think he needs to seek a divorce? Holey moley.

I’m sure of only 2 things here…

You need to get to the bottom of this, starting back at the beginning, which is what the Church will require of you both as well.

and two

you have my prayers for this really really really awkward situation.

Your ‘friends’ are dead wrong BTW, this isn’t a sleeping dog, it’s a matter of your and your husbands spiritual health, not to be taken lightly. Are they suggesting you continue to go on not knowing if he’s still married to someone else, which may mean your marriage is not valid? That seems cruel to tell someone…are you sure these are your ‘friends’?

Oh, and kudos to you for not taking communion, but do go up for blessing, and if you can, get to adoration:thumbsup:
 
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