My heart and prayers to out to you.
I don’t know what you mean, ‘I’m loosing the battle,’ but please, please, please
know that JESUS constantly seeks each of us.
I’ve personally, (this makes me publicly vulnerable but maybe it will help), held my pillow crying tears for pains in my life, including repeating sins I thought I had a firm purpose of amendment not to repeat. GOD never refuses someone who diligently leans upon The Lord. GOD parted The Red Sea, Suffered a Crucifixion, was Raised on The Third Day for each of us to have a way.
"“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” - Matthew 11:28-30
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness.” - Isaiah 41:10
“Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” - 1 Peter 5:7
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The burden is heavier when rationalizing or leaning upon our own understanding. Sometimes we let ‘denial’ mask the need to go to GOD for re-strengthening to live thankfully and joyfully in Christ Jesus, Who never left us orphans.
I’m telling you honestly, it is painful to feel, ‘I’m losing the battle,’ but Divine Favor gives access to receive JESUS for Him to win the battle, and help us through life’s struggles. Peace, and Blessings this Holy Week.