Let's talk about Lazarus and Purses...namely Coach, Dooney & Burke, and YSL

[Island_Oak]

First of all…totally guilty of purse lust. Love, love, love fine bags and shoes…and recognize it’s like any other luxury/over-indulgence, it must be managed responsibly. It is remarkably easy to find a multitude of bags on which you can drop $1200, $1800, $2200. Is it balanced? Is it responsible? Depends on many circumstances.

I refuse to support the fashion industry by spending all sorts of money on clothes and accessories…

Let us not forget that the “fashion industry” is not made up entirely of matchstick-thin models and fierce fashion editors~there are thousands of working class laborers who cut, sew, stitch, assemble, transport, sell, market and otherwise produce the purses, shoes, belts, wallets, jewelry, clothes, etc. that accessorize the fashonistas among us. The final price may seem steep, but also reflect the level of workmanship that makes up the item. Is supporting this craft by buying an expensive garment or accessory evil/sinful/selfish per se?! Hard to come to that black-letter conclusion when so many depend on this industry for their livelihood.
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I’m old enough not to care what others think. Anyone who would shun me for my choice in accessories is not someone I would care to associate with, anyway. If they think I’m a frumpy old lady, that’s their problem…but I’m an old frump who is *debt-free *and may well be able to take an early retirement because of my thrifty ways, and I’m proud of it!

Amen and Bravo! Anyone who would either value someone more or less based merely on how they’re dressed or accessorized is either wildly insecure or shallow. Neither of which holds much appeal.

I would personally not be one bit concerned about the condition of someone’s soul based on outward appearances because appearances can be so deceiving.

It is easy (and perfectly human too) to jump to a conclusion about anyone, whether that be a homeless person or someone we beleive to be very rich.

The purses you see could be a gift from someone and the people who carry them could be very kind and loving people. Then again the people could be selfish and snobbish and use the purses as a status symbol…the point is, we just don’t know.

Agreed, again. Didn’t dear old mom always wave us off judging a book by its cover?! Shouldn’t this apply to the well-coiffed and accessorized, thin and attractive as well as the poor or disheveled or slovenly? I have a girlfriend whose husband bought her a $90,000 car. She was mortified–he thought she’d be thrilled. Sometimes it’s a gift, not greed. Sometimes the gift is a perfect match, sometimes not. Sometimes it’s metabolism, not over eating. Either way we outsiders are in no position to judge or suggest the more “worthy” choice.

 

[KCT]

We all have to evangelize where we are.

If a woman of means, can strike up a conversation w/ another woman of means and bring her closer to Christ, who cares if the original attraction was a purse?

The wealthy need to be evangelized, too. If it takes a nice purse, so be it! —KCT

 

[CatholicSam]

I am so “unclassed” I couldn’t pick out a name brand purse if it slapped me in the face… LOL!
I mean, honestly, they all look alike to me!
I like having cute and stylish bags, but you can find cute bags at Target and JCPenney too!

I guess my point is… I have no idea how many of my friends carry name brand bags! I’ve never looked.

If they’re looking at my bag and judging me then I have no clue that even goes on.

My only advice… stop looking… ignorance is bliss in this regard!

This is the first time I have ever heard of such things too! I’ve never heard of any of those brand names, so if someone was trying to impress me with them, it went right over my head Also, I don’t carry a purse, I carry the hospital-issue diaper bag I’ve seen several other moms at church carry the same one, too!

 

[OldAgeGuru]

Ok. I’ll admit it. I love my coach bags. I have like 5 of them, one for each season and one dressy one.They are cute, fashionable, and last forever. All but one were purchased on an outlet store.

That said, Coach has a policy where if anything goes wrong with one of their bags, a zipper breaks, a seam tears, anything, you can bring it back and they will repair it. If they can’t repair it, they’ll replace it. It’s hard to say no to buying a purse that will last 20 years, and possible more, if only because they will continue to repair it.

I have cheap bags that I use as well, to go out the bars (if a beer spills on it, oh well). I also use my LLBean tote bag (who is another company who repairs as well). Sometimes shelling out for quality is worth it.

It’s the same as paying for stuff at a wedding, like in the other thread… Sure I can sit down and do all the DIY stuff for myself, and do it cheaper, but I would have to buy all the materials, find some spare time to do it, and drag them all to another city where the wedding is, or, I could spend a little more money, and have someone do all the legwork, all the actual work, and all the set up. To me, that’s worth it!

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

We all have to evangelize where we are.

If a woman of means, can strike up a conversation w/ another woman of means and bring her closer to Christ, who cares if the original attraction was a purse?

The wealthy need to be evangelized, too. If it takes a nice purse, so be it! —KCT

Ya know, its not good for us to waste money regardless of our economic situation, but if a woman has the money to purchase an good quality purse that will be used a lot and last many years rather than buying many cheap ones that weather or break faster, then I don’t see why that would be wrong with the purchase. Now, I cannot rationalize purses in the thousands…

It kind of reminds me of what the Vatican put out about not buying cars as status symbols. There is a difference between spending more on a car you think will last you longer and spending more on a car to show off. I think the same goes with purses or any other item.

 

[CarrieH]

Is supporting this craft by buying an expensive garment or accessory evil/sinful/selfish per se?! Hard to come to that black-letter conclusion when so many depend on this industry for their livelihood.

I never said it was evil or sinful, just that this is a game I choose not to play. I have no qualms about spending $100+ for a pair of shoes, but they are going to be something sensible and sturdy which will be worn for a long time; I’m not spending that kind of money on a pair of foo-foo pumps to be worn to one cocktail party. Agreed, many do depend upon the fashion industry for their livelihood, but my biggest beef with the fashion industry is their self-perpetuating way of creating a demand for their goods by preying upon the self-image of the consumers. If you don’t have this bag or those shoes, you’re a “fashion-don’t,” and for many, that is tantamount to being a social outcast. I choose to spend my fun-money on other things (or save/invest it), but if any of you want to be fashionistas, go for it and enjoy it – it’s really a morally-neutral thing as long as it doesn’t become obsessive or deprive your family of their basic needs…and as long as you don’t let it become a source of pride and arrogance, as it seems that the OP’s “purse-mommies” were doing.

 

[MJE]

I have a friend who works for Coach and tells story’s of pre-teens and teens w/ a parent in the store and demanding one of these purses. The child usually gets the purse. Or the older wealthy man with a very young woman giving her as many as she ‘needs’. I have a Coach I found in a dollar bin @ St Vincent de Paul 9 yrs ago.

 

[HouseArrest]

I agree with all of you that you shouldn’t make assumptions based on handbags, but the original comment consisted of purse + attitude.

 

[Scout]

I just read the OP, and haven’t read any of the other comments, so if I’m repeating something someone else has already said, I apologize. However, I wanted to get this out before I forgot about it.

I have several Coach bags (not the new ones, which are mostly canvas and plastic, but the actual real leather ones). I love them. I have a briefcase, a couple of small backpacks, and a large backpack.

I did not pay full price for them. I bought them off e-bay. I could never, in a million years, afford one at full-price. E-bay is great for getting what you normally can’t afford, at a great price.

I bought the bags because I love the way they look. Mine are all forest green and purple (my favorite colors). I love the soft leather and I love the style of the bags. They also last a very long time when taken care of. Plus, the styles are classic so they never go out of style.

I’m not a “purse” mom, so to speak. Around where I live, no one really pays attention to the bag one carries. Also, around here, bags aren’t so much a status symbol. That being said, I would hate for someone to judge me (good or bad) based on the bag I was carrying. We’re not rich by any stretch of the imagination, and I would hate someone to think that we were rich and snobbis simply because I had a Coach on my back. I’d also hate to think that someone would find me unapproachable because of the same thing.

Okay, I guess my rant is over.

Scout

 

[CarrieH]

It kind of reminds me of what the Vatican put out about not buying cars as status symbols. There is a difference between spending more on a car you think will last you longer and spending more on a car to show off. I think the same goes with purses or any other item.

Agreed. My friends laugh because I love shopping at the thrift shops, but I drive a Volvo. I bought that Volvo for its safety features, with the intention of driving it at least 200K miles. I spent twice as much for that car as I did for its predecessor, but at the time I bought it, I was working in a trauma ICU and I saw what happened to people who crashed “bargain” cars. Of course, the really rich folks and status-seekers around here drive Jags and Mercedes-Benz.

 

[mommyof4]

Boy, I’ve never even heard of the brands of purses you mentioned in your OP. I guess some of these women would not approve of my purse I bought on clearance at Walmart this summer? Nor would they approve of the 3 baby chicks I’m raising in the dining room right now? Oh well, their loss.

 

[KCtheMommy]

Hi KC,

I think we’ve already established that I live somewhere near you (TO/NP), and yes I have sometimes felt myself being distracted at Mass by women’s purses. Sad isn’t it? I would say a lot of the purses probably are real and cost a small fortune. I know some women who actually have a collection. Although, a lot aren’t real - you can go to downtown LA and get fakes as well as TJ. I’m not really into purses, so I really have no idea which are which. A few years ago my husband bought me a Coach purse. The first thing I did was take the tag off of it. Then after using it for a few months, decided that I hated it. I have a purse from Target which is exactly the size and style that I like, and I am happy with it.

As far as the women with expensive purses though, you know, some of them are nicer and more down to earth than you would ever guess. There are also plenty of women around here who have no interest in designer whatevers. So, don’t feel like you don’t fit in just because you don’t have some expensive purse. I think if you continue to get out and do things with your kids, you are eventually going to find people that you like.

Hey lady, how are you?

I will be in your town this week for another ultrasound. I LOVE the french place over on TOBlvd by the Civic Center. Have you been? They have daily specials that are simply scrumptious. Maybe we could meet for lunch, I shall send you a PM.

Thanks for the acknowledgement on what I am saying. It really does seem quite predominant here in the area. LA too. A firend of mine who’s house we rented for a few months in the Valley paid over $1600 for a purse. I forget which kind. Anyways he shows me this lovely pink/pearly purse, still in box. She is afraid to use it. She justifies her purchase as a “break up from the last guy consolation prize.” I guess she forgot she had told me two days earlier that she was $70K in debt to American Express and couldn’t even afford her mortgage. Makes perfect sense to spend over a grand on a purse to me! Whatever. It has nothing to do with my OP, then again it has everything to do with my OP. It sure made me wonder why people do such self-destructive things. Besides simple assumptions that appearing to have money is more important than your own financial survival? All I know is that I noticed it before in WA state simply because the NEX sold them and I noticed who carried them at church. Typically teenage girls.

When I go to the gym in VTA I do try and chat up the purse-momma’s, but I am telling you they are a hard case to crack! I was trying to be funny in my OP. Dry sense of humor that I have. I don’t judge them entirely for their purse choice, just feel judged by mine. Of course, thinking of my old friend: I really DO hope they can afford it.

Cheers, I’ll PM you.

 

[dulcissima]

Hey lady, how are you?

I will be in your town this week for another ultrasound. I LOVE the french place over on TOBlvd by the Civic Center. Have you been? They have daily specials that are simply scrumptious. Maybe we could meet for lunch, I shall send you a PM.

Thanks for the acknowledgement on what I am saying. It really does seem quite predominant here in the area. LA too. A firend of mine who’s house we rented for a few months in the Valley paid over $1600 for a purse. I forget which kind. Anyways he shows me this lovely pink/pearly purse, still in box. She is afraid to use it. She justifies her purchase as a “break up from the last guy consolation prize.” I guess she forgot she had told me two days earlier that she was $70K in debt to American Express and couldn’t even afford her mortgage. Makes perfect sense to spend over a grand on a purse to me! Whatever. It has nothing to do with my OP, then again it has everything to do with my OP. It sure made me wonder why people do such self-destructive things. Besides simple assumptions that appearing to have money is more important than your own financial survival? All I know is that I noticed it before in WA state simply because the NEX sold them and I noticed who carried them at church. Typically teenage girls.

When I go to the gym in VTA I do try and chat up the purse-momma’s, but I am telling you they are a hard case to crack! I was trying to be funny in my OP. Dry sense of humor that I have. I don’t judge them entirely for their purse choice, just feel judged by mine. Of course, thinking of my old friend: I really DO hope they can afford it.

Cheers, I’ll PM you.

I think the Valley can be even worse than here as far as all of that goes, because it is more “LA”. Knowing a lot of people who live in those 4,000 sq ft tract homes, I can tell you that a lot of these people can not afford the lifestyle that they try to project. You’d be amazed at what their kids say goes on.

As far as lunch, it would have to be a weekend because I am working full time now, at the college that is just on the other side of the grade. My lunch hours are spent shuttling my older kids home from school, then back to work.

 

[KCtheMommy]

Quick update that’ll make you all giggle and say “told you so” to me. It’s ok, I’m a big girl – I can take it. Besides I am laughing at myself.

So in my second post defending the fact I am not a racist and don’t live in a bubble: I mentioned a lady I had met at the gym I would like to befriend. I called her last night.

I told her I would love to hang out with her and have our kids hang out. She was up for it and liked the idea. I mentioned my purse philosophy and she got to laughing and then said “well I only carry a Coach purse because my MIL gave it to me!”

ROFL



You carry a Coach purse? I didn’t notice!

She said: “Yeah well, I know exactly what you are talking about…even if I do carry one!”

OK so I am not as far-off-base as I thought (and not as purse-obsessed as you guys thought! But to be fair, she isn’t the kind of momma who holds it up like a shield either!) and I REALLY look forward to our upcoming friend date!

Thanks for weighing in your opinions everyone.

 

[DaughterSorrow]

I would personally not be one bit concerned about the condition of someone’s soul based on outward appearances because appearances can be so deceiving.

It is easy (and perfectly human too) to jump to a conclusion about anyone, whether that be a homeless person or someone we beleive to be very rich.

The purses you see could be a gift from someone and the people who carry them could be very kind and loving people. Then again the people could be selfish and snobbish and use the purses as a status symbol…the point is, we just don’t know.

When you are at Mass and your mind is concerned with others around you, do the best you can to offer this up to Jesus as prayer. Beleive me I have faced the same problem. It is tempting to look at others and what they are wearing and how they are behaving and get distracted from the purpose of Mass. When you are at Mass and thinking about how much someone else’s purse costs and that it could feed homeless people…what is happening is that you are being distracted by Satan and not participating as you should be at Mass. Satan wants us to get irritated with one another, Satan wants us to “size each other up”, Satan wants to distract us from prayer especially at Mass.

You are not the only one who does this I assure you! I am just pointing out that letting your mind “go there” at Mass is not useful and I will pray for you as this is a struggle for many, including myself. Hope this helps. Thanks for sharing your story.

Excellent post! Satan is always trying to distract, discourage, and divide us. Be open to everyone you meet and don’t judge them by their possessions (or lack thereof). When you hear the gospel, it’s easy to say, “Oh, he’s like that…she’s like that.” It’s much harder to look at ourselves. But that is what I feel we need to do.

And if someone does not treat you kindly, don’t jump to the conclusion that it has anything to do with their “status.” I have met beautiful people in all walks of life. We can’t know someone’s heart. Only Jesus can.

Peace to you KC! I hope you find a sense of belonging in your Catholic community.

-DS

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Today’s Gospel hit a certain note for me.

Just TWO days ago I was expressing to a friend who shares the same values and ideals of placing family first (actually she’s even more pious about it than me) and not succumbing into commercialism and making our families or children go without. The discussion centered around me not “fitting in” or able to easily make friends in my new town. I told her I don’t fit in here in my own neighborhood due to language barriers and the color of my skin. YET when I drive two miles to take my children to gymnastics, I don’t really fit in with my own race because it seems the majority carry Coach, D&B or YSL purses. NOT ALL the mom’s, just the majority… IYes, I realize completely that it’s none of my business, and if they want to buy their daughter a $200+ purse and can afford it – hey more power to them. Good for them.

Then came the Gospel and the Sermon. Ahh that poor Lazarus. The priest made mention that Lazarus’ name was remembered, where the rich man was only referred to by that fact: rich. It raced across my mind that you won’t be known in the after life as “Coach, D&B or YSL” so why is it so important to carry those names on your bag?

ISo tell me – have you noticed the purse-craze too? Have you bought in to the purse-craze? Have you gone without to own one of these fat-priced, nearly identical to each other purses? Does it make you feel better or “part of” to carry one? Do you actually LIKE the look?

The purse thing confounds me though. What say you all?

I’m a dyed-in-the-wool capitalist. The major part of me knows that it’s THEIR money to spend, and telling them where they can spend it isn’t anyone’s business, because thank God, we are still not a socialist nation.

But I admit this version of the rat race bothers me personally.

I support handguns and hunting, even though I would never shoot an animal myself for sport, and don’t currently have a gun.

See what I’m getting at? Maybe?

At one time I liked Coach bags. I even bought myself a new one. (Never mind the dozen others I snagged at garage sales and thrift stores for less than $10 each). Now I prefer something that doesn’t weigh as much as a 20-pound dumbbell even when it’s empty.

I donated most of my Coach bags. Still have the new one and one or two others.

So on examining my conscience I find that there’s a bit of disapproval in me against these Purse Ladies, especially if they’re passing those values to their kids. AND not talking to you into the bargain.

Once we walked into a carpet store. I had a pattern in mind and was willing to pay what they wanted for it (abt/ $50/yard).

Then the salesman made a crack about my clothes: “Well, these days you can’t tell who can afford what.” (I looked perfectly decent. I just wasn’t carrying YSL.)

Left the store, went to Home Depot, bought the EXACT carpet for half the price, wasn’t insulted by the salesman.

Forgive the long post. It’s a long complicated subject.

I think the answer’s in prayer.

 

[dulcissima]

Back when I was in college Louis Vuitton was the big name in purses. So many girls on campus had these purses, and I really wanted one. My parents had a friend who was going to Hong Kong and got me one at a reasonable price. I ended up hating that purse though, because it was an unusual enough design compared to what was available here, that everywhere I went people were coming up to me complimenting me on my purse. I felt horribly self-conscious about it because I tend to be a little bit on the shy side. So, I ended up giving it to the Goodwill. I think that kind of cured me of wanting the big status item that everyone else has.

I will admit, my tendency when I see someone with a big expensive purse is to wonder why they wanted it. I kind of have to remind myself that I have no way of knowing what is in their heart and to not judge them based on their purse.

 

[CatholicSam]

It’s the same as paying for stuff at a wedding, like in the other thread… Sure I can sit down and do all the DIY stuff for myself, and do it cheaper, but I would have to buy all the materials, find some spare time to do it, and drag them all to another city where the wedding is, or, I could spend a little more money, and have someone do all the legwork, all the actual work, and all the set up. To me, that’s worth it!

Yeah, but the alternative to extremely expensive purses is usually inexpensive, reasonable quality purses, not “do-it-yourself purse”. I don’t think anyone is considering setting up their own purse with homemade decorations and running themselves ragged doing “legwork” on a purse.

 

[eliza3b]

I love my LV bag. It totally rocks. It’s held up year after year, with nary a scratch or tear. I don’t have to change my bag each season, it always looks great. It was a gift from my husband and I am forever grateful for it. It was worth every cent.

I’m sorry that the Coach carrying women at gymnastics ignore you. But truthfully, I find your attitude a bit, let’s say, negative. If you think you are being judged for carrying an inexpensive back pack, why would you judge someone who is carrying a nice bag? And to judge a family sitting in front of you negatively in church is pretty sad, considering that it is purely based upon appearances.

 

[CatholicSam]

I’m sorry that the Coach carrying women at gymnastics ignore you. But truthfully, I find your attitude a bit, let’s say, negative. **If you think you are being judged for carrying an inexpensive back pack, why would you judge someone who is carrying a nice bag? ** And to judge a family sitting in front of you negatively in church is pretty sad, considering that it is purely based upon appearances.

The OP isn’t judging the ladies by their bags, but rather noticing that the ladies with the expensive bags are the same ladies who give her an icy attitude. True, maybe the ladies are turned off by friendly, down-to-earth, faithful Catholic moms and her bag has nothing to do with it. But it is hard to turn a completely blind eye to the fact that the same moms who ignore her are the ones with the expensive bags while the moms she gets along with are (usually) the ones with the less expensive bags. She’s not just looking at the bag and thinking “There’s someone mean.” You should re-read her post more carefully.