Letter of Recommendation

[Mythos]

Hi all. As always, I’m scrupulous, so I’m not sure whether this is a silly question or not.

A couple of years ago, I applied to the Honors College at my university. One of the requirements on the application was a letter of recommendation, and letters from family and friends wouldn’t be accepted. My mom just wanted me to get a letter from my uncle, and, after a feeble protest, I did. I got accepted into the Honors College, so I guess they didn’t know.

My question is, is it wrong for me to stay in the College? I have to register for next semester’s classes really soon, including an Honors course, so I kind of need to know quickly if I should do something about that letter from back then.

Thanks!

 

[kristanl]

Well, in my opinion if you told (which I think its too late now…)- you would be kicked out of the honors program as well as possibly the school.

I think you need to go to confession about this, but its just as much on you, your mom, and your uncle.

What did you uncle do? Pretend to be someone else?

 

[Mythos]

What did you uncle do? Pretend to be someone else?

No, he just wrote a letter using his real name and we turned it in with the rest of the application. I guess they didn’t suspect (or didn’t care) that he was related.

And as I recall, my uncle didn’t know about the rule regarding family.

 

[Montalo]

in my humble opinion, i would suggest, at the very least, informing your uncle and going to confession

 

[Thomas63116]

Hi all. As always, I’m scrupulous, so I’m not sure whether this is a silly question or not.

A couple of years ago, I applied to the Honors College at my university. One of the requirements on the application was a letter of recommendation, and letters from family and friends wouldn’t be accepted. My mom just wanted me to get a letter from my uncle, and, after a feeble protest, I did. I got accepted into the Honors College, so I guess they didn’t know.

My question is, is it wrong for me to stay in the College? I have to register for next semester’s classes really soon, including an Honors course, so I kind of need to know quickly if I should do something about that letter from back then.

Thanks!

A few thoughts:

1. The letter of recommendation was one requirement, but probably not the only requirement for admission. Presumably there were other elements that they considered in admitting you to the honors college, including your academic record, extracurricular involvement, personal essay, etc. They admitted you based on your record and your application as a whole. You should not overemphasize the importance of the letter of recommendation.
2. The purpose of a letter of recommendation is to have someone attest to the qualities that make the candidate well-suited for the position. In the case of an honors college, this might be a teacher/professor, job supervisor, coach, or someone who has worked with the applicant in community service, etc. The letter writter will generally describe how long they have known the candidate, and in what capacity, and how they have seen the candidate demonstrate the qualities the program is looking for.

Generally, family members and friends are not in the best position to evaluate these characterisitics, so that is probably the reason that the honors college asks for a letter from someone else. However, this is not always the case. Was there a reason that your mother suggested you get the letter from your uncle? Was he in a good position to attest to your qualifications for this program? Did you have letters from multiple people, or was this the only one?

Did his letter mention that he was related to you? Your posts suggest that you and your uncle have the same last name. Is it a common last name, or an unusual last name? Would someone reading this letter as part of your application recognize that you were related because of the names?

If they knew you were related, then you absolutely should not worry about this. Presumably your uncle was honest about his reasons for recommending you, and what he said was supported by the rest of your application.

 

[Mythos]

A few thoughts:

1. The letter of recommendation was one requirement, but probably not the only requirement for admission. Presumably there were other elements that they considered in admitting you to the honors college, including your academic record, extracurricular involvement, personal essay, etc. They admitted you based on your record and your application as a whole. You should not overemphasize the importance of the letter of recommendation.
2. The purpose of a letter of recommendation is to have someone attest to the qualities that make the candidate well-suited for the position. In the case of an honors college, this might be a teacher/professor, job supervisor, coach, or someone who has worked with the applicant in community service, etc. The letter writter will generally describe how long they have known the candidate, and in what capacity, and how they have seen the candidate demonstrate the qualities the program is looking for.

Generally, family members and friends are not in the best position to evaluate these characterisitics, so that is probably the reason that the honors college asks for a letter from someone else. However, this is not always the case. Was there a reason that your mother suggested you get the letter from your uncle? Was he in a good position to attest to your qualifications for this program? Did you have letters from multiple people, or was this the only one?

Did his letter mention that he was related to you? Your posts suggest that you and your uncle have the same last name. Is it a common last name, or an unusual last name? Would someone reading this letter as part of your application recognize that you were related because of the names?

If they knew you were related, then you absolutely should not worry about this. Presumably your uncle was honest about his reasons for recommending you, and what he said was supported by the rest of your application.

I’ll try to answer some of the questions. No, my uncle does not have the same last name as me. Yes, there were other factors in the application (essay, record, extracurricular involvement). I would surmise that my mom asked me to get the letter from him because it would be quicker and/or easier than from someone else.

You’re probably right overall.

 

[Thomas63116]

I’ll try to answer some of the questions. No, my uncle does not have the same last name as me. Yes, there were other factors in the application (essay, record, extracurricular involvement). I would surmise that my mom asked me to get the letter from him because it would be quicker and/or easier than from someone else.

You’re probably right overall.

My overall point is that you should not worry too much about this letter, especially since it was a secondary consideration (at best) in the decision to admit you. You certainly should not take an extreme step, such as withdrawing from the program over it.

It does seem like a strange choice to have your uncle write the letter. It would seem very odd for him to write such a letter without mentioning the relationship and providing that as the basis for his observations about your qualifications. If you don’t know what he said in the letter, then it is likely that he mentioned he is your uncle.

Would it have been better to ask someone other than your uncle to write the letter of recommendation? Maybe. Having asked your uncle to write the letter, would it have been good to disclose that relationship somewhere on your application? Probably. But this doesn’t sound like something serious that you should be worrying about two years later.

Honestly, the larger issue sounds like the interaction between you and your mom. You should be deciding who to ask for letters of recommendation, not your mom. She can make suggestions, but the decision is up to you. If you were uncomfortable having your uncle write the letter, you should have been able to tell your mom that, and have her respect that decision.

 

[Mythos]

My overall point is that you should not worry too much about this letter, especially since it was a secondary consideration (at best) in the decision to admit you. You certainly should not take an extreme step, such as withdrawing from the program over it.

It does seem like a strange choice to have your uncle write the letter. It would seem very odd for him to write such a letter without mentioning the relationship and providing that as the basis for his observations about your qualifications. If you don’t know what he said in the letter, then it is likely that he mentioned he is your uncle.

Would it have been better to ask someone other than your uncle to write the letter of recommendation? Maybe. Having asked your uncle to write the letter, would it have been good to disclose that relationship somewhere on your application? Probably. But this doesn’t sound like something serious that you should be worrying about two years later.

Honestly, the larger issue sounds like the interaction between you and your mom. You should be deciding who to ask for letters of recommendation, not your mom. She can make suggestions, but the decision is up to you. If you were uncomfortable having your uncle write the letter, you should have been able to tell your mom that, and have her respect that decision.

You’re right, I do have a hard time standing up to people (especially family). I guess I’m worrying too much about the letter like you said. Thanks for all the good advice!

 

[mdgspencer]

I don’t consider this a serious sin. However, you could go and speak with a priest about this to help clear your conscience. Perhaps one in ministry at the school, if he is an orthodox priest.