Letting Go of Anger and Being Able to Forgive

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30Something

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I need advice please. So, a couple months ago, I was laid off from my job. I still speak to a former coworker and she has become a friend. The last couple times i spoke to her, she told me that 2 other coworkers were gossiping about me, even though I’m not there anymore. One lady keeps bringing up something that I apparently did to her that stressed her out, and she never spoke to me about it. Now that I’m gone, she keeps bringing it up.

My friend and I have agreed not to talk about these things anymore, because she knows how upset it makes me. This friend is not being vindictive in telling me these things, but venting about what she is dealing with.

I know Jesus wants me to forgive. It is awkward forgiving someone who I haven’t had the ability to confront. I will not be confronting anybody because I don’t want to put my friend in an awkward position, and there’s really no point. I’m a bit hurt because i considered one of the ladies who was talking about me somewhat of a friend. This was my first job after being a homemaker for years and I just feel burned.

Any advice on letting go of anger and being able to forgive? Thank you!
 
I am not the right person to talk to about anger, since I have issues getting rid of my own. But with forgiveness, just do it, I know that sounds really simplistic, but just say I forgive this person.
 
May I message you catholic sites for you if you’d like to ask catholics to pray for you and the situation?
 
30Something said:
One lady keeps bringing up something that I apparently did to her that stressed her out, and she never spoke to me about it. Now that I’m gone, she keeps bringing it up.

My friend and I have agreed not to talk about these things anymore, because she knows how upset it makes me. This friend is not being vindictive in telling me these things, but venting about what she is dealing with.
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Having to go to get ready for work but just a quick reply, feeling your pain! 😥💐
These things can make us feel v. miserable
 
I believe I was unfairly sacked in 2011 from a job I had been doing for ten years. I never had a day of sick, I did a lot of jobs other people seemed afraid to do, caring for people with challenging behaviour. A colleague I had been working with for a few years, witnessed an event that would have helped my defence, she said she would write a witness statement for me. But the manager told her she should not write this statement; so she didn’t. This lady died unexpectedly a couple of months later, my prayers were that I have forgiven her, and that God also forgives her.

Since being sacked; I have done about two thousand hours of voluntary work for the people who sacked me. On occasions, I come into contact with the people responsible for my sacking, I pray that God will bless them and give them peace.

It has been easier for me to do two thousand hours of voluntary work, rather than to hold onto any anger; resentment and hate I could have for them. I know this to be true; because in the past I have lived with real anger; I know how it has made me feel; it eats away at the soul and makes you feel miserable. I am determined that I will not be controlled by anger and bitterness; I just don’t have the time or energy for those emotions any more.

When you come to terms with forgiving from the heart and being in a position to pray a blessing for your ‘enemies’. I believe you can experience an inner peace that Surpasses all understanding - Philippians 4: 4 - 9
 
Wow! That is amazing. What strength! Thank you for your reply and I will definitely keep your words close to heart
 
Thank you. I know that’s what I have to do. I keep telling myself that over and over
 
The advise I give might not be popular on this forum, but here it is anyway: you don’t have to forgive.

Simply put, anger is a natural emotional response. Express it and be honest about how you feel. If you try to force yourself to forgive when you aren’t ready to then it’ll just make you resentful and bitter of them. Instead, just admit that this hurt you and try to ignore the gossipers altogether. I’ve found that focusing my anger into productive or creative pursuits is a good way to put it to use and to calm myself down.

Heck, even God doesn’t forgive everyone as soon as the wrong Him: He requires them to repent first.
 
I have said it many times my friends…

ANYONE CAN LOVE, DO NOT EVEN MURDERS LOVE THEIR OWN MUM ?

To forgive is MUCH harder than love.

You will do well to remember these words.

It’s not in all to forgive but it’s in all to love.

Does a theif not love stealing yes I tell you.
Can a theif forgive another theif from stealing from them?

Sorry to sound harsh but unless you love everyone, even your enemy. Then forgiveness is not in your heart YET.

My advice to anyone who finds it difficult to forgive is this… The other person is not the problem… For they know no better. BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

So the problem is ones self. As I said its not easy to forgive. But it’s not in everyone’s heart to forgive either.

Ask the Holy Spirit to try to teach you how to forgive. You may be surprised by the outcome.

I’ve made made many friends from my enemies. They’ve become very good friends over time.
 
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You can love but not forgive?

Then you need to work on many things my friend because the only enemy you have is yourself. Sorry to be harsh.
 
Things happen for a reason and you have learned to overcome such obstacles. This will serve you well my friend.
 
Concentrate on moving on with your own life and you will soon let go of those people from your past and any anger you held for them.
 
I second that. I also have learned never to pass on to anyone, bad things that others have said. It’s like a punch in the stomach when you hear something this way and I felt sometimes I had two people with whom I needed to get over anger, the one who said it and the one who told me! If they try to do that to me I stop them very quickly and let them know, I do not want to know!

Time does heal
 
Letting go of anger and forgiving another person is very tough.
But it is the correct thing to do.
May God give you the strength to do the correct thing! 🙏🙏🙏
 
There is a book on forgiveness that I would highly recommend.
Forgiveness
A Catholic Approach
written by R. Scott Hurd
 
Do not give me empty platitudes, and don’t call me “friend” while you do it because it sounds like a taunt.

I’m just explaining how the human mind actually works, and how to handle anger in a healthy manner. Modern psychology supports what I am saying, too. Telling people “you’re a bad person if you can’t bring yourself to forgive” is a form of victim-blaming; instead of doing that, tell the unforgiven person to repent for whatever they did.
 
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30Something said:
Any advice on letting go of anger and being able to forgive?
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Pray for the lady you’re upset with. Pray daily that she has everything in her life you want in yours. Pray that she gets promoted at that job. Pray that she gets a huge raise and gets along with all coworkers. Basically pray for the opposite of what the anger is saying. Do it every day for 10-15 minutes a day and your anger won’t stand a chance
 
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Pray as our Lord taught us, but, personalize it:

“Give me this day my daily bread and forgive me my trespasses as I forgive Sally and Jane who have trespassed against me”.
 
That’s a tough one because you can’t speak to her I agree. Firstly ask Jesus to help you, give him the burden you are carrying. That really helps.
You’ve done the first step not talking about it any more. You are obviously still going to think it, though do try to keep giving it to Jesus. Though it may help, something a priest told me recently in confession, lets call it advice, bear in mind that the lady who is talking about you (the incident), may be having a bad time of it or have been having a bad time of it during this incident. Try to have patience with her and remember other times in your life when you had a really bad time of it and maybe something someone did was really difficult for you, even if in reality it was nothing. We often blow stuff out of proportion cos if whats going on with us, not because of what actually happened. Try think of it that way and maybe feel sorry for her. In this way it may be easier that you can’t speak to her. This is charity or the beginnings of it. If that doesnt help, then try Jesus’ line, Forgive them (her) for they (she) know not what they do. She does not know she’s upsetting you now and didnt want to upset you at the time, or she would have confronted you then. It’s also likely that as you have recently been laid off from your job you may be feeling a bit stressed and are more vulnerable to temptation. So pray for her to break that and for your friend who is in an awkward position and thank God you have a good friend who has got your back. Then cut yourself some slack, remember it takes time to forgive and pray for yourself too. I will pray for you too. God bless
 
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