Lieing

[scc11]

I was wondering what the view is on lieing when one feels the need/must lie in order to keep peace between family members?
What are some other ways of dealing with situations like these? Some might say don’t get involved but in my family, there is not way to avoid these situations, which occur daily.

 

[Rascalking]

I’m sorry, I just think it’s borderline cowardice to lie to keep family peace. Keeping your mouth shut and not getting involved shows maturity, class, and dignity.

If your still 100 percent sure that you need to lie, how about avoiding family reunions until things settle down?

Look, all families are dysfunctional. We get it, but don’t go out looking for excuses to lie.

 

[Credo_in_Deum]

I was wondering what the view is on lieing when one feels the need/must lie in order to keep peace between family members?
What are some other ways of dealing with situations like these? Some might say don’t get involved but in my family, there is not way to avoid these situations, which occur daily.

It is never ok to tell a lie

CCC
2482 "A lie consists in speaking a falsehood with the intention of deceiving."281 The Lord denounces lying as the work of the devil: "You are of your father the devil, . . . there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks according to his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies."282

2483 Lying is the most direct offense against the truth. To lie is to speak or act against the truth in order to lead someone into error. By injuring man’s relation to truth and to his neighbor, a lie offends against the fundamental relation of man and of his word to the Lord.

**2484 **The gravity of a lie is measured against the nature of the truth it deforms, the circumstances, the intentions of the one who lies, and the harm suffered by its victims. If a lie in itself only constitutes a venial sin, it becomes mortal when it does grave injury to the virtues of justice and charity.

2485 By its very nature, lying is to be condemned. It is a profanation of speech, whereas the purpose of speech is to communicate known truth to others. The deliberate intention of leading a neighbor into error by saying things contrary to the truth constitutes a failure in justice and charity. The culpability is greater when the intention of deceiving entails the risk of deadly consequences for those who are led astray.

2486 Since it violates the virtue of truthfulness, a lie does real violence to another. It affects his ability to know, which is a condition of every judgment and decision. It contains the seed of discord and all consequent evils. Lying is destructive of society; it undermines trust among men and tears apart the fabric of social relationships.

2487 Every offense committed against justice and truth entails the duty of reparation, even if its author has been forgiven. When it is impossible publicly to make reparation for a wrong, it must be made secretly. If someone who has suffered harm cannot be directly compensated, he must be given moral satisfaction in the name of charity. This duty of reparation also concerns offenses against another’s reputation. This reparation, moral and sometimes material, must be evaluated in terms of the extent of the damage inflicted. It obliges in conscience

.

 

[sandomenico]

Please, consider this. Would family relations really improve, if everyone starts lying to one another?

Lying only postpones strife; it never removes it.

God love you and may He bless your family with healing,
sandomenico.

 

[DianaCC]

Some might say don’t get involved but in my family, there is not way to avoid these situations, which occur daily.

Sorry, but there is only one right answer to this one. Your family has a culture of lying.

 

[scc11]

This mainly stems around 1 member of my family. Him and his girlfriend who live with my Mom and I always ask for money. If they know we have money and we don’t give them cigarettes or anything else they want, **** hits the fan. They yell, scream, call us names, have attitudes, etc. I have been dealing with this for the past 3 yrs and I don’t know how much more I can take. Things have gotten better to some extent but I still live on edge every day.

 

[DianaCC]

Aha. The moment you tell the whole story, everything changes. It was never really about lying, was it? For a man and his fellow fornicator (cuz u know theyre doing it) to mooch like that off of Mom means your family is sick. So it’s up to you if you want to join in the game by playing peacemaker. If you don’t want to play along, tell mom “Either they go or I go” and start looking for an apartment because you know Mom is going to choose to continue letting them use her and she is going to continue letting them disrespect you even though it’s her job to protect you from them. But if you want this situation to become the rest of your life then just bite the bullet and accept it and never complain about it again. That’s your choice, SCC.

 

[Catholicpotato]

Is lieing like planking?

 

[scc11]

Aha. The moment you tell the whole story, everything changes. It was never really about lying, was it? For a man and his fellow fornicator (cuz u know theyre doing it) to mooch like that off of Mom means your family is sick. So it’s up to you if you want to join in the game by playing peacemaker. If you don’t want to play along, tell mom “Either they go or I go” and start looking for an apartment because you know Mom is going to choose to continue letting them use her and she is going to continue letting them disrespect you even though it’s her job to protect you from them. But if you want this situation to become the rest of your life then just bite the bullet and accept it and never complain about it again. That’s your choice, SCC.

There is a lot more to it than that. Both my brother and I are adults. He is 26, a convicted felon who up until recently had no job for the past three years. His girlfriend, him and their 4 yr old daughter live with my Mom and I. I am 22 and am finishing up my BA this coming fall. My Mom’s and my only reasoning for doing what we do is because of their daughter. I mean, what would Jesus say if we turned them away and in turn turned their daughter away? Both him and his girlfriend are former drug addicts.

 

[Quarles47]

I was wondering what the view is on lieing when one feels the need/must lie in order to keep peace between family members?
What are some other ways of dealing with situations like these? Some might say don’t get involved but in my family, there is not way to avoid these situations, which occur daily.

Remember, If your wife come up to you and ask you “Does this dress make me look fat?” Either you lie or start making your bed up in the dog house.

 

[DianaCC]

There is a lot more to it than that. Both my brother and I are adults. He is 26, a convicted felon who up until recently had no job for the past three years. His girlfriend, him and their 4 yr old daughter live with my Mom and I. I am 22 and am finishing up my BA this coming fall. My Mom’s and my only reasoning for doing what we do is because of their daughter. I mean, what would Jesus say if we turned them away and in turn turned their daughter away? Both him and his girlfriend are former drug addicts.

Jesus doesn’t clean up other people’s messes for them. Your brother created this situation and now he is maintaining it with your mother’s help, and Mom is sacrificing ***your ***peace of mind which she has absolutely no right to do. But as long as you and your mother keep making excuses for him you are always going to be fretting over secondary moral issues like lying about not having cigarettes or money, day in and day out, while your mother thinks she is doing him and the baby a favor by letting him fill your home with yelling, screaming, and name-calling in front of that innocent little girl.

Now as far as the little girl is concerned, your mother either thinks the fornicators (no disrespect but that’s what they are) are fit parents, or unfit parents. If she thinks they are fit parents, then she needs to kick them out and let her son start acting like a man, and a husband, and a father, which he is not, and not, and not going to do for as long as his mommy is still taking care of him, because why should he? He’s got a sweet deal. But if she thinks they are unfit parents, then she needs to get a lawyer and take that child away from them and put her in a good home, which can be someone else’s, or it can be hers if she gets rid of her son and the significant other.

But this is not your problem, it is your mother’s. Don’t move back home after college, unless you just want more of the same. Take it from me, honey. You are going to get sucked down into this whirlpool of drama unless you get out now.

But I want to ask you one last question: when your niece grows up, and she asks you, Aunt SCC, why did you cooperate with Grandma in maintaining a violent and abusive environment for me while I was an innocent little girl? what are you going to say to her? That you did your best not to lie to her parents about not having any cigarettes?

Love, Diana

 

[scc11]

Jesus doesn’t clean up other people’s messes for them. Your brother created this situation and now he is maintaining it with your mother’s help, and Mom is sacrificing ***your ***peace of mind which she has absolutely no right to do. But as long as you and your mother keep making excuses for him you are always going to be fretting over secondary moral issues like lying about not having cigarettes or money, day in and day out, while your mother thinks she is doing him and the baby a favor by letting him fill your home with yelling, screaming, and name-calling in front of that innocent little girl.

Now as far as the little girl is concerned, your mother either thinks the fornicators (no disrespect but that’s what they are) are fit parents, or unfit parents. If she thinks they are fit parents, then she needs to kick them out and let her son start acting like a man, and a husband, and a father, which he is not, and not, and not going to do for as long as his mommy is still taking care of him, because why should he? He’s got a sweet deal. But if she thinks they are unfit parents, then she needs to get a lawyer and take that child away from them and put her in a good home, which can be someone else’s, or it can be hers if she gets rid of her son and the significant other.

But this is not your problem, it is your mother’s. Don’t move back home after college, unless you just want more of the same. Take it from me, honey. You are going to get sucked down into this whirlpool of drama unless you get out now.

But I want to ask you one last question: when your niece grows up, and she asks you, Aunt SCC, why did you cooperate with Grandma in maintaining a violent and abusive environment for me while I was an innocent little girl? what are you going to say to her? That you did your best not to lie to her parents about not having any cigarettes?

Love, Diana

I understand but I have so many emotions when it comes to it. One day my Mom say he is my Mom son no matter what and other days she is over. Things have gotten better to some extent. They are not on drugs (as far as I know) and he has a job now but things can get tense sometimes. I think about getting a job somewhere else when I graduate but then I think well I don’t wanna leave my Mom alone to deal with this nonsense by herself…

 

[DianaCC]

I understand but I have so many emotions when it comes to it. One day my Mom say he is my Mom son no matter what and other days she is over. Things have gotten better to some extent. They are not on drugs (as far as I know) and he has a job now but things can get tense sometimes. I think about getting a job somewhere else when I graduate but then I think well I don’t wanna leave my Mom alone to deal with this nonsense by herself…

Yeah umm … what I said still stands … your choice, your life girl.

 

[Credo_in_Deum]

**
Catechism of the Catholic Church #2488** “The right to the communication of the truth is NOT unconditional. Everyone must conform his life to the Gospel precept of fraternal love. This requires us in concrete situations to judge whether or not it is appropriate to reveal the truth to someone who asks for it.”

I do not see how this is contrary to what I have said? This doesn’t give permission to lie but to use other means to avoid revealing the truth…like silence.

 

[Credo_in_Deum]

Remember, If your wife come up to you and ask you “Does this dress make me look fat?” Either you lie or start making your bed up in the dog house.

I would tell my wife “if the dress made you look fat I would tell you.”

 

[Bezant]

I was wondering what the view is on lieing when one feels the need/must lie in order to keep peace between family members?
What are some other ways of dealing with situations like these? Some might say don’t get involved but in my family, there is not way to avoid these situations, which occur daily.

If a question arises, say, “Can’t talk about X.”

Sorry, but I don’t think anyone generally has to lie.

 

[Bezant]

Remember, If your wife come up to you and ask you “Does this dress make me look fat?” Either you lie or start making your bed up in the dog house.

Or, you could be smart about it:

“No, honey, the dress doesn’t make you look fat…”

 

[Credo_in_Deum]

Dear Credo in Deum, my apologies, in no way was I trying to undermine your advice. Of course it is not okay to lie and I agree with your advice! I think the problem for some is in the definition of a sinful “lie.” Some would say that telling your child about Santa is a lie, or that saying something like “I want to kill my husband he’s driving me crazy today” is a lie because you really don’t want to kill your husband you are exaggerating. Some people feel in order to be honest they have to reveal all of what they are feeling at the moment…for example I might be “feeling” that I don’t like being a mother very much and that I am burned out but to share that to my young children would be unwise.

Hope that makes some. Not every Catholic agrees on what is a lie and what isn’t which compounds these discussions as in Santa Claus.