Life as a Catholic single. A rant. (PG-13)

[Layp3rs0n]

32 year old male, still single. I find that I seem to be out of options for meeting single Catholic women my own age.
I have had a dubious background before my conversion and feel too profane for Church going women and too pius for the non-Churchgoer. I am stuck in a crack. On top of things, chastity is becoming a heavier and heavier cross and ever more difficult to maintain. The world tells me “No one is having sex with you? What is wring with you?” The Church tells me “Absolutely no intentional venerial arousal outside of marriage, don’t look, don’t touch, don’t even think about it.” I’m surrounded by nudity and sexuallity everywhere in society. I feel like a starving wolf being shown a piece of meat. No marriage prospects, seems like everyone in the world is having sex (intentional hyperbole) but me. I feel so…unfulfilled and unloved. Why is God’s love not enough? My faith is becoming a source of torment. I can have God’s love which I cannot feel, or sex and have an imitation of love that I can feel. The loneliness is agony, and so is separation from grace. I. Want. To. Have. Sex. I want to feel loved. So badly I want to put my head through a wall. I have become bitter. God gives me natural inclinations but provides no outlet, no companionship, no spouse. I am angry with Him, I admit. I go to mass and occasionally do see a few happy young couples, some of which have a new baby, a family. I find myself praying rather full of gaul, “Lord in your infinite love for me could ya maybe tell someone to show your love to me? Do ya think you stop letting me be isolated? Because yes, you, my Invisible Friend, should be enough, but apparently I’m a jerk.” as I grip the pew in front of me tightly. I have very little joy in my spiritual life and i am angry in my prayer life. And society says “If you have value, you’ll be having sex, therefore valued as a person, acceptable”. Thanks, society, so much, for screwing me up. I am such an ungrateful jerk.

 

[PumpkinCookie]

I can feel your frustration my brother! A lot of younger men are getting left behind in our civilization (western) unfortunately. It’s the result of a lot of things, but many younger guys are feeling like society basically doesn’t want them. We feel useless and like there is no hope for the future, like we’re just “waste” that no one wants. That’s a terrible way to feel at the beginning of one’s life! Oh well, there is nothing that can be done about the direction of our civilization as a whole, but you can take control of your own life to a certain extent to try to better your own personal circumstances.

Here are my suggestions: Don’t make this a religious issue, it won’t help. Let’s just forget about theology and get practical. You said you want to have sex right? What does that mean to you? “One and done?” You could hire a prostitute for that. Physical release? Plenty of free porn everywhere. I think you want something more than sex, you want a loving relationship with a real human woman. Good news: there are lots of women out there, and many of them are very frustrated about their romantic prospects as well, so they are just as motivated as you seem to be.

Are you reasonably financially stable? (aka you have a job or don’t need one, not too much crushing debt)
Are you reasonably healthy? (maybe not running marathons but not a complete couch potato)
Are you a good guy? (aka you are honestly searching for a woman to love and cherish and not just use)

If you meet the above three criteria, a good number of women will be into you. Here is the secret: women crave attention. So, all you have to do is find a woman who craves your attention and then love her and you’re good to go.

How do you find a woman who will crave your attention? Ignore her. That’s right. Find a woman you like and then give her just a little bit of attention, then ignore her. If she comes after you, you’ll know she is into you. Be on the look out, because she will come after you in subtle ways. She doesn’t want to reveal that she likes you because it will make her too vulnerable. Women are very subtle, so you have to be sensitive to body language and “hints.” When you find out she is into you, don’t just give her non-stop attention all at once. Mete it out slowly. Too much attention too soon is a turn-off. Not enough attention, and she’ll think you’re not into her. It’s a very difficult balance, so there will be some trial and error.

Now all you need is to get yourself in front of some women. Any interesting people at work? Do you volunteer? Belong to any mutual interest clubs? Gym? I don’t recommend the bar scene, but to each his own. Online? Never tried this, don’t know if it works.

Basically, you need to take charge of this. You want to find a woman to love, and this is definitely possible. It is very unlikely that you are so messed up that no woman would accept your love.

TLDR: less theology, more pragmatism. Focus on what you want and brainstorm how to get it. You can do it!

 

[alphawoman]

Op:

I. Want. To. Have. Sex. I want to feel loved.

Sex and love aren’t the same thing, and love and feeling loved aren’t either.

Also, not to dishearten you further, but being in a relationship is no guarantee of sex, love, or feeling loved when you need those. Marriages experience seasonality, and members of married couples can find themselves feeling similar frustration to you.

In your shoes, I’d work on the “feeling loved” desire by building fulfilling relationships with friends and family. Facile, I know, but it will leave you feeling more fulfilled as you continue your search for a partner.

You’re in my prayers.

 

[Barish]

That was brave. There is no help I can offer and I’m guessing you already know all the platitudes.

I have many of the same observations about the environment.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

Thank ypu for your replies. I am aware that sex and live are not one in the same. I think maybe I should have specified, the temptation that society presents is that it is. When one hears it constantly, it becomes a tiring act of will to refute it.

 

[GEddie]

God Bless, OP.

You are probably going to hate this, but.

Your profuse use of periods and caps on the “want to have sex” sentence suggests that this is the primary issue for you. If so, there is no escaping further hurt, as God nowhere in Scripture or elsewhere promises everybody sexual happiness.

Concentrate on building up the non-erotic-relationship aspects of your life. Update your prayer life, sacraments and penance. **If **God wants you to be with someone, He will bring it about.

ICXC NIKA.

 

[Trident_H]

Hey brother. Same age. Same problem. Except. I see a lot of single girls, on this site alone, who are our age. My issues keep me from them but what’s holding you back exactly?

Peace.

-Trident

 

[awke]

I don’t have any profound thoughts or advice to give. All I can say is don’t give up. God loves you. I’ll be praying for you.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

S…

In your shoes, I’d work on the “feeling loved” desire by building fulfilling relationships with friends and family. Facile, I know, but it will leave you feeling more fulfilled as you continue your search for a partner. …

You have really good points alphawoman, but I do what to comment on the selected quote above…

I’ve tried what you suggested here, and it absolutely does not work. There is no way to filter the emptiness of desiring a love (romantic, eros) relationship into more common relationships. In fact, one can come across as “creepy” if they try, so please don’t suggest it. There is no divvying out that special placement and energies onto others. There will always remain that void … when fixated on it, at least. I do know that for some people God does become ‘enough’… and that it should be that way, but for whatever reason the Op is feeling differently and that’s ok. I don’t believe God wants us to stuff our feelings and pretend like we are conforming to His ways.

 And its difficult **not** to fixate on it... as the OP said since the world keeps telling you there is something wrong with you for having followed God and putting trust in Him.  As time ticks away, you feel even more like a fool for doing so.     It truly is like having a piece of meat...  no, actually I say it worse than that as one can live without meat...  but it can feel more like dangling water in front of a dying thirsty person.   After all..  Proverbs 13: 12  Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Should put that in context… it may help here…

  11Wealth obtained by fraud dwindles, But the one who gathers by labor increases it. 12Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life. 13The one who despises the word will be in debt to it, But the one who fears the commandment will be rewarded.…

Op, I’d suggest just work on the bitterness… I’d say if Satan wanted anything out of this torture you are going through, he’d want to double at ruining your chances by making you bitter. Keep pouring your heart out to the Lord. As Peter said, “Lord, to who else shall we go?”, you already know you don’t want the worldly ways and that getting what you want via them is no remedy for your heart either. Sounds awful, but try and be complacent with where you are… fear God, its better that way. God can send you much worse things… I’d tell you how I know, but it would be too personal to share here.
Lots of good points from others I wish to second. As far as the fixating goes... Just turn it back to the Lord, the pain of it all, the suffering... as it is said we are supposed to. "offer it up" as they say. Sorry I know this is no great comfort. Just want to say also you are not alone in your suffering.

 

[LittleWay84]

32 year old male, still single. I find that I seem to be out of options for meeting single Catholic women my own age.

**I have had a dubious background before my conversion and feel too profane for Church going women and too pius for the non-Churchgoer. I am stuck in a crack. **

God gives me natural inclinations but provides no outlet, no companionship, no spouse. I am angry with Him, I admit. I go to mass and occasionally do see a few happy young couples, some of which have a new baby, a family. I find myself praying rather full of gaul, “Lord in your infinite love for me could ya maybe tell someone to show your love to me? Do ya think you stop letting me be isolated? Because yes, you, my Invisible Friend, should be enough, but apparently I’m a jerk.” as I grip the pew in front of me tightly. I have very little joy in my spiritual life and i am angry in my prayer life. And society says “If you have value, you’ll be having sex, therefore valued as a person, acceptable”. Thanks, society, so much, for screwing me up. I am such an ungrateful jerk.

Firstly, I am sorry that you feel this way right now and I will pray for you. This world doesn’t make it easy, I agree.

Might I suggest that perhaps it’s not God that is letting you be isolated but the beliefs you hold about yourself that could be holding you back from even trying to form relationships with women? I don’t know your history but it seems like you are afraid of putting yourself out there in case you are judged as being too “profane” or “pious”. I may be wrong but from your OP, its almost as if you’ve made up your mind that no one will give you a chance.

Everyone has a history. I highly doubt there is anyone out there who isn’t a sinner. I don’t know about you but I’m not looking for a judgemental spouse. Anyone who judges you for your past is most likely not the spouse you’d want anyway, surely? And if you were rejected for being too pious by someone then again…they weren’t the kind of person you needed in your life. Certainly not “spouse” material.

Do you know what you are looking for in a spouse, besides a sexual partner? If not, try and figure out what is important to you. Apart from that, it’s a numbers game. If you aren’t meeting women and getting to know them then you can’t expect to find the woman you are going to marry. Be practical. Figure out your barriers to meeting women and dating/courtship. Break them down. It requires bravery, honesty and a genuine willingness to emotionally invest in another human being.

It’s like that joke about the person that prayed to God over and over, “Lord, please let me win the lottery.” and they never did. When they got to heaven they asked, “Lord, why did you never answer my prayer to win the lottery?” And God says, “Well…why did you never actually buy a ticket?”

Some people are incredibly lucky and somehow a spouse seems to materialise as if out of nowhere. As if God indeed did just drop them on the doorstep. However, its incredibly rare. You need to be proactive and go out there and get to know women.

All that said…I’m a similar age and here is what I believe. If we are meant to be married it will happen when God decides we are ready, not us. It’s all about timing. I thought I was ready from being 15. I’m 31 and now discerning whether I am meant to be married at all. If I’d have got married at 18 or 24 or even last year there is no way I was ready or that it would have worked. I had things I needed to work on. My relationship with God above all. Spiritual maturity and maturity in general. Having a healthy, loving relationship with myself so that I could let myself actually be loved by another person. If I didn’t have a healthy relationship with myself and a strong relationship with God first then I can’t see how I’d be a good wife, mother and be able to properly live out the catholic vocation of marriage. I was angry at God for many years for not sending me a husband and believed he didn’t love me and was punishing me. Now I see that God not sending me a husband before I was ready was a true act of love on his behalf and I am thankful. I’ve reframed how I saw things and if you can do the same, I think it might help you.

Above all…if you can, remember its your choice to follow God. It’s a brave and honourable choice and one that many people just aren’t able or willing to make. It’s great thing you’ve done to make the choice to love him and serve him. He sees your struggle and he loves you even more for the sacrifice you are making.

You could go out there and have casual, empty sex. Tonight if you wanted to. But ask yourself really what would that achieve and where would it lead you? Is that what you want in your soul? I think anyone who has read your post can see that its not what you really want.

Try and take it each day at a time. Pray for the strength to get through today and just take baby steps to meet and get to know women. God has a plan for you. I know you’ll have many people praying that you have to strength to trust in him and his timing. Seek God first and everything else will be added unto you!

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

32 year old male, still single. I find that I seem to be out of options for meeting single Catholic women my own age.
I have had a dubious background before my conversion and feel too profane for Church going women and too pius for the non-Churchgoer. I am stuck in a crack. On top of things, chastity is becoming a heavier and heavier cross and ever more difficult to maintain. The world tells me “No one is having sex with you? What is wring with you?” The Church tells me “Absolutely no intentional venerial arousal outside of marriage, don’t look, don’t touch, don’t even think about it.” I’m surrounded by nudity and sexuallity everywhere in society. I feel like a starving wolf being shown a piece of meat. No marriage prospects, seems like everyone in the world is having sex (intentional hyperbole) but me. I feel so…unfulfilled and unloved. Why is God’s love not enough? My faith is becoming a source of torment. I can have God’s love which I cannot feel, or sex and have an imitation of love that I can feel. The loneliness is agony, and so is separation from grace. I. Want. To. Have. Sex. I want to feel loved. So badly I want to put my head through a wall. I have become bitter. God gives me natural inclinations but provides no outlet, no companionship, no spouse. I am angry with Him, I admit. I go to mass and occasionally do see a few happy young couples, some of which have a new baby, a family. I find myself praying rather full of gaul, “Lord in your infinite love for me could ya maybe tell someone to show your love to me? Do ya think you stop letting me be isolated? Because yes, you, my Invisible Friend, should be enough, but apparently I’m a jerk.” as I grip the pew in front of me tightly. I have very little joy in my spiritual life and i am angry in my prayer life. And society says “If you have value, you’ll be having sex, therefore valued as a person, acceptable”. Thanks, society, so much, for screwing me up. I am such an ungrateful jerk.

I feel your pain, brother. 31 here, only had one girlfriend in my life and it only lasted 4 months. Only Catholic in my family too, so I am always at Mass alone where I rarely ever see a woman my age alone like me. I see mostly older folks and if I do see people my age, they are other men at Mass alone like me or young couples. What a way to feel lacking when you get to see all the nice happy young couples sitting with their shoulders touching, holding hands at Mass and I crave that same thing with a woman but I cant have it.

I have been trying online dating for 3 years now. Most the time I just get ignored. When I do being correspondence with a woman, either we go on one date and one of us decides we are not into the other one (most the time it is her deciding this) or women just jerk me around making me think I have a chance and then stop talking to me completely or they realize they are not ready to be in a relationship or literally move away (well, actually only one moved away)

I converted in my late 20’s. None of my friends growing up were practicing Catholics and I rarely know any practicing Catholics now. The ones I do know have their own circles and it is hard to break in. They know people. I do not. They never have to spend a weekend alone if they do not want to. I spend weekends alone whether I want to or not. One of these women in one of these circles I speak of at least though me good enough to become my facebook friend and I see all the pictures of her circle. Some of the women in this circle are also on this catholic dating site and completely ignore me. Why am I not good enough for them? I have a decent career, I am not the best looking but I am not ugly, I am not in the best shape but I am muscular from the hard labor I do everyday at work (I work in construction) I do not have a gut and my shoulders are way wider than my waistline. What is the problem? Do I need to have a blue collar job to connect with these women? I gotta lose 20 pounds? Grow another inch on my biceps? Put on a fake smile in all my pictures? The women on Catholic dating sites say in their profiles that they are kind and compassionate and caring and then when you message them, they either ignore you or even block you. How messed up is it when you message a woman who claims to be nice and caring and she blocks you just for saying hello to her?

I also have a history. A couple felonies worth (nothing violent or sex related I assure you) I also feel stuck in the middle sometimes, so I really understood you. I too feel like most church going women would feel I am not good enough for them because of my past and that the other half would feel I am too religious.

I do not blame God. It is not his fault. I do not buy into the “It is not the right time yet” talk. I do not believe God has a single soul mate for anyone. I think we can be happy with a number of different people, we just have to look and make the right choice. So, I lay blame for my lonely state only on myself. Sure, I do plead with God to please make finding a woman who would be willing to give me a chance easier for me sometimes lol. I ask him to bless my search. And I try. As heart breaking as it gets sometimes I still try. I do not know if I will ever be successful but I know great changes can be made when we are at our wits end about something. Maybe think about what changes you can make. I will do the same for myself.

It is tough, I know, but know that you are not alone. I too desire to know the love between a man and a woman. Sex is part of that, so there is nothing wrong with that. But marriage comes first and sex should not be the main thing. But I do not think that you think it is the main thing. Maybe one day both of our days will come. Until then, try something and do not get upset with God. He is the only friend people like us do have and he is our Lord, so we must remain faithful to him. Keep your head up and God bless.

 

[iwillrisenow]

Thank you so much for your honest and raw post, OP. I am exactly the same age as you and single as well, except I am a woman. And I have felt every last thing that you mentioned in your post. And I’m going to be real here too.

Every last one of the statements you posted is valid and justified. Do not worry about those who subtly suggest that you must only be looking for a partner to fulfill your physical needs. Let’s face it: if this were the case, you could easily find an obliging party. No…you are suffering in this because you do not want to go that route-- maybe because you have in the past and are well-aware of the pitfalls-- and you want to give yourself fully to another human being the way that God intended.

When it comes to God being enough…He is…and yet…we are human. We need connection with one another. I cannot emphasize how much these are very real and valid and natural needs (like food, like sleep, like air…yes, like these things. God calls us to supernatural standards when we live without them including intimacy.) that should never, ever be dismissed as “oh, you just want the ‘easy’ part without doing the work.” I don’t think one single person, or anyone who has been long-term single in their lives could ever say that to another person. I’ll leave it at that.

I also don’t buy the whole “ready” argument. No…no…no…no no…we are never, ever, **ever **“ready.”…if anything, God calls us into a vocation because we need it to seek salvation. Remember, that is the ultimate purpose. Not proving to society that you are worthwhile, normal, acceptable, OK, lovable, etc.

I have no idea why some of us are crushed with this isolation, loneliness, touch starvation, and bitterness. But I very much doubt that it has anything to do with God’s will or even “timing”…I am certain that seeing His children experience as much is a great source of…I don’t know what to call it…but something that moves Him, perhaps even angers Him. HE sees us down here in this valley of tears. HE feels our pain so much more than even we do. HE knows and HE loves us. And, when Jesus returns to this goodly earth, whatever HE does…know that part of it will be in response to what you-know-who has allowed to happen to so many in this life.

You betcha it will.

:knight2:

 

[AnneElizabeth]

… The women on Catholic dating sites say in their profiles that they are kind and compassionate and caring and then when you message them, they either ignore you or even block you. How messed up is it when you message a woman who claims to be nice and caring and she blocks you just for saying hello to her?

…

(I don’t want to derail the thread, but just wanted to say to laughingboy…)

Beware of online dating… the way that is all set up is bound to create the very feelings you shared with us here… I’m not an advocate for online dating and I’ve never done it, so please don’t think I’m defending those you speak of when I say this, but please do know that these websites are set up in such a way that the scenarios that you speak of here are apt to happen.

For example, I’m not sure you know this, but women (or at least the type of women men are most likely to desire and want to date) on those sites are often inundated with many messages- they don’t have the time to respond to all of them. I think it was said that for like every message a man gets a woman gets very many more. For a man lots of messages from women seeking a date would mean a lot to him and boost his ego, yet for a woman receiving very many messages is actually exhausting and problematic as she tries to sort out and pay each one the attention she feels he deserves… its just not possible for her to do that for all, thus, many men’s very kind messages get ignored- she may even* hate *to do that to him, but he would never know the problem she is dealing with and he would just feel jaded about being ignored. As far as blocking goes- that probably means she is in more serious dating mode with someone she already met. Consider it a courtesy rather than a rejection, although it certainly can feel like a rejection. This is why I am not a fan of online dating… there is too much that is ***not ***addressed while using the service… seems more like a meat market mentality.

Just wanted to address that. Hook up culture (and even “open marriage culture”) has made it down right like swimming with sharks if you want to mingle to find a mate. It used to be in society that there were customs in place that allowed people to signal interest in a more gentle way- a way that was not so harsh to what is a very tender thing.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

How do you find a woman who will crave your attention? Ignore her. That’s right. Find a woman you like and then give her just a little bit of attention, then ignore her. If she comes after you, you’ll know she is into you. Be on the look out, because she will come after you in subtle ways. She doesn’t want to reveal that she likes you because it will make her too vulnerable. Women are very subtle, so you have to be sensitive to body language and “hints.” When you find out she is into you, don’t just give her non-stop attention all at once. Mete it out slowly. Too much attention too soon is a turn-off. Not enough attention, and she’ll think you’re not into her. It’s a very difficult balance, so there will be some trial and error.

Now all you need is to get yourself in front of some women. Any interesting people at work? Do you volunteer? Belong to any mutual interest clubs? Gym? I don’t recommend the bar scene, but to each his own. Online? Never tried this, don’t know if it works.

Basically, you need to take charge of this. You want to find a woman to love, and this is definitely possible. It is very unlikely that you are so messed up that no woman would accept your love.

TLDR: less theology, more pragmatism. Focus on what you want and brainstorm how to get it. You can do it!

As a single 30 year old woman, all I can say is that’s some of the dumbest advice I’ve read. It screams immature and such a boy (yes, boy. Men don’t play stupid games) is not marriage material.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

(I don’t want to derail the thread, but just wanted to say to laughingboy…)

Beware of online dating… the way that is all set up is bound to create the very feelings you shared with us here… I’m not an advocate for online dating and I’ve never done it, so please don’t think I’m defending those you speak of when I say this, but please do know that these websites are set up in such a way that the scenarios that you speak of here are apt to happen.

For example, I’m not sure you know this, but women (or at least the type of women men are most likely to desire and want to date) on those sites are often inundated with many messages- they don’t have the time to respond to all of them. I think it was said that for like every message a man gets a woman gets very many more. For a man lots of messages from women seeking a date would mean a lot to him and boost his ego, yet for a woman receiving very many messages is actually exhausting and problematic as she tries to sort out and pay each one the attention she feels he deserves… its just not possible for her to do that for all, thus, many men’s very kind messages get ignored- she may even* hate *to do that to him, but he would never know the problem she is dealing with and he would just feel jaded about being ignored. As far as blocking goes- that probably means she is in more serious dating mode with someone she already met. Consider it a courtesy rather than a rejection, although it certainly can feel like a rejection. This is why I am not a fan of online dating… there is too much that is ***not ***addressed while using the service… seems more like a meat market mentality.

Just wanted to address that. Hook up culture (and even “open marriage culture”) has made it down right like swimming with sharks if you want to mingle to find a mate. It used to be in society that there were customs in place that allowed people to signal interest in a more gentle way- a way that was not so harsh to what is a very tender thing.

I am aware and have contemplated, in my mind, every possible scenario as to why a woman might not message me back. Including all that you mentioned. It is easy to just dismiss it all as “it is not me, it is her” as in she gets too many messages or is already seeing someone. That may be true sometimes but what I know is also true is that a lot of the women just do not think I am good enough for them. I have analyzed all this so many times through in the last 3 years. I repeat, I am aware of ALL possibilities when it comes to online dating.

To tell the truth, I would love to delete all my profiles (I am on 5 sites, 3 Catholic 2 secular) but I really have no other way to meet women at this time. I do not know anyone. There are no women my age that I ever see in Mass. I do not meet women at work because I work in construction, 99.9% guys. I just simply do not know what else to do to meet women. I do not want to go the “youth group” route. I am 31 years old, I do not want to go to a group where the majority are very young girls. But the adults programs are mostly only older folks. If you have any suggestions on a better way to meet women than online dating please P.M me them! I would love to delete my profiles.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

I don’t want to derail the thread, either, bit I’ve known people who have engaged in online dating and all hated it. They found it filled with liars, scammers, people playing games.

I’m a 32 year old woman who does not date. I found the more I loved Christ, the less I wanted to date. No human love could equal the love of Christ. He is the only man for me. I feel constant love and caring.

As a university professor, I know a lot of people are lonely and heartbroken. I feel for you but don’t have the answer except to pray, and I suppose you’re tired of hearing that…

God bless, I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I am aware and have contemplated, in my mind, every possible scenario as to why a woman might not message me back. Including all that you mentioned. It is easy to just dismiss it all as “it is not me, it is her” as in she gets too many messages or is already seeing someone. That may be true sometimes but what I know is also true is that a lot of the women just do not think I am good enough for them. I have analyzed all this so many times through in the last 3 years. I repeat, I am aware of ALL possibilities when it comes to online dating.

To tell the truth, I would love to delete all my profiles (I am on 5 sites, 3 Catholic 2 secular) but I really have no other way to meet women at this time. I do not know anyone. There are no women my age that I ever see in Mass. I do not meet women at work because I work in construction, 99.9% guys. I just simply do not know what else to do to meet women. I do not want to go the “youth group” route. I am 31 years old, I do not want to go to a group where the majority are very young girls. But the adults programs are mostly only older folks. If you have any suggestions on a better way to meet women than online dating please P.M me them! I would love to delete my profiles.

Hey, I hear you. I share the same complaint. If you aren’t a teen or college age adult, there aren’t many options to meet the singles in your area except the online dating. I’m sorry I don’t have any suggestions. I’m in the similar boat full of single ladies that is cast majorly adrift from the boat you and all the available men are in.

Just also wanted to say that online dating- women aren’t visual like men are. The last guy I crushed over, if I had seen his picture or even his profile online I would have never considered to date him as I wasn’t attracted to him in either of those ways. A picture of him or a write up of what he does would not have moved me enough to contact him. But we met in person and it was mega sparks- we had real tangible chemistry. So in that way, online dating doesn’t really work for men.

Furthermore, I’ve heard it suggested that if you are going to try the online dating route, to just make plans to meet and talk in person as soon as possible. Don’t do the writing emails talking thing… just actually *meet. * I don’t know if you actually asked out any of the woman you were talking to with online dating, but if you do, don’t wait … be bold and direct and ask her for a date. It signals to her you are serious about wanting to see her, and she’s apt to be curious about your brave and bold attempt to see her.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

I can feel your frustration my brother! A lot of younger men are getting left behind in our civilization (western) unfortunately. It’s the result of a lot of things, but many younger guys are feeling like society basically doesn’t want them. We feel useless and like there is no hope for the future, like we’re just “waste” that no one wants. That’s a terrible way to feel at the beginning of one’s life! Oh well, there is nothing that can be done about the direction of our civilization as a whole, but you can take control of your own life to a certain extent to try to better your own personal circumstances.

Here are my suggestions: Don’t make this a religious issue, it won’t help. Let’s just forget about theology and get practical. You said you want to have sex right? What does that mean to you? “One and done?” You could hire a prostitute for that. Physical release? Plenty of free porn everywhere. I think you want something more than sex, you want a loving relationship with a real human woman. Good news: there are lots of women out there, and many of them are very frustrated about their romantic prospects as well, so they are just as motivated as you seem to be.

Are you reasonably financially stable? (aka you have a job or don’t need one, not too much crushing debt)
Are you reasonably healthy? (maybe not running marathons but not a complete couch potato)
Are you a good guy? (aka you are honestly searching for a woman to love and cherish and not just use)

If you meet the above three criteria, a good number of women will be into you. Here is the secret: women crave attention. So, all you have to do is find a woman who craves your attention and then love her and you’re good to go.

How do you find a woman who will crave your attention? Ignore her. That’s right. Find a woman you like and then give her just a little bit of attention, then ignore her. If she comes after you, you’ll know she is into you. Be on the look out, because she will come after you in subtle ways. She doesn’t want to reveal that she likes you because it will make her too vulnerable. Women are very subtle, so you have to be sensitive to body language and “hints.” When you find out she is into you, don’t just give her non-stop attention all at once. Mete it out slowly. Too much attention too soon is a turn-off. Not enough attention, and she’ll think you’re not into her. It’s a very difficult balance, so there will be some trial and error.

Now all you need is to get yourself in front of some women. Any interesting people at work? Do you volunteer? Belong to any mutual interest clubs? Gym? I don’t recommend the bar scene, but to each his own. Online? Never tried this, don’t know if it works.

Basically, you need to take charge of this. You want to find a woman to love, and this is definitely possible. It is very unlikely that you are so messed up that no woman would accept your love.

TLDR: less theology, more pragmatism. Focus on what you want and brainstorm how to get it. You can do it!

PC that’s playing games. No self-respecting woman would do that. I would advise anyone who encountered any man or woman who acted like that to run in the opposite direction. Fast.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

Hey, I hear you. I share the same complaint. If you aren’t a teen or college age adult, there aren’t many options to meet the singles in your area except the online dating. I’m sorry I don’t have any suggestions. I’m in the similar boat full of single ladies that is cast majorly adrift from the boat you and all the available men are in.

Just also wanted to say that online dating- women aren’t visual like men are. The last guy I crushed over, if I had seen his picture or even his profile online I would have never considered to date him as I wasn’t attracted to him in either of those ways. A picture of him or a write up of what he does would not have moved me enough to contact him. But we met in person and it was mega sparks- we had real tangible chemistry. So in that way, online dating doesn’t really work for men.

Furthermore, I’ve heard it suggested that if you are going to try the online dating route, to just make plans to meet and talk in person as soon as possible. Don’t do the writing emails talking thing… just actually *meet. * I don’t know if you actually asked out any of the woman you were talking to with online dating, but if you do, don’t wait … be bold and direct and ask her for a date. It signals to her you are serious about wanting to see her, and she’s apt to be curious about your brave and bold attempt to see her.

I think it’s a myth that women aren’t as visual as men. I’m a woman and very, very visual.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Hey, I hear you. I share the same complaint. If you aren’t a teen or college age adult, there aren’t many options to meet the singles in your area except the online dating. I’m sorry I don’t have any suggestions. I’m in the similar boat full of single ladies that is cast majorly adrift from the boat you and all the available men are in.

Just also wanted to say that online dating- women aren’t visual like men are. The last guy I crushed over, if I had seen his picture or even his profile online I would have never considered to date him as I wasn’t attracted to him in either of those ways. A picture of him or a write up of what he does would not have moved me enough to contact him. But we met in person and it was mega sparks- we had real tangible chemistry. So in that way, online dating doesn’t really work for men.

Furthermore, I’ve heard it suggested that if you are going to try the online dating route, to just make plans to meet and talk in person as soon as possible. Don’t do the writing emails talking thing… just actually *meet. * I don’t know if you actually asked out any of the woman you were talking to with online dating, but if you do, don’t wait … be bold and direct and ask her for a date. It signals to her you are serious about wanting to see her, and she’s apt to be curious about your brave and bold attempt to see her.

I have been online dating for 3 years. I am a veteran. I have asked out a lot of women. Asked for a lot of women’s phone numbers. Messaged probably 1000 women. I totally agree that the faster you move offline onto phone conversation and phone conversation to meeting, the better. The problem is… WOMEN control when they are going to give you their number and when they feel comfortable enough to meet. Men do need to be brave and bold, but asking a woman for her phone number on the first message or asking her out on a first message is not a good idea either. But if you never get a message back from your first message, then you do not get the chance to ask her for her number or ask her out later. And that is where 90% of my attempts to communicate end at. It is a challenge to gauge a woman and try to figure out when is a good time to ask for her number and then to meet. Some women want to correspond for weeks before giving you a number. Some will give you their number first message without you even asking for it. One woman made me wait 3 months before she gave me her number. I never ask a woman out online. I am going to ask for her number first and ask her out over the phone. I just do not get given a chance very often. Lots of us put ourselves out there only to hear the women on the site tell us that men dont pursue them enough. Well, as one who does pursue, why dont I get better results then? Its really frustrating