Life as a Catholic single. A rant. (PG-13)

[momma2015]

I cook all our meals from scratch, even make my own bread. We eat meat sparingly, don’t drink soda or alcohol, and take leftovers to work for lunch. We don’t eat out. We shop at thrift stores, don’t have cable, we get huge discounts on our cell phone bill because of my job, I shop sales and use coupons. We use cloth diapers when we are at home and on the weekends (she wears disposables at the sitter and at night) and we have one car that’s paid off. None of that saves us enough money that we could afford to have one of us quit our jobs and stay home.

Our big expenses are my husband’s student loans, rent, and health insurance. We get health insurance through my job and it costs us $600 a month. If I quit my job and we started getting our health insurance through my husband’s job it would cost us $500 a month. So we would lose my income and my husband’s would take a huge cut. Child care doesn’t cost us very much, the woman who babysits our daughter is a stay at home mom who watches a few extra children during the day and the cost is really very reasonable, it’s only a very small fraction of our income.

We live in a state that has a fairly low cost of living. But wages are low too and they just don’t keep up with cost of living increases. I haven’t had a raise in 5 years. My husband gets small raises once a year. But it’s still hard to make ends meet.

 

[Xantippe]

I cook all our meals from scratch, even make my own bread. We eat meat sparingly, don’t drink soda or alcohol, and take leftovers to work for lunch. We don’t eat out. We shop at thrift stores, don’t have cable, we get huge discounts on our cell phone bill because of my job, I shop sales and use coupons. We use cloth diapers when we are at home and on the weekends (she wears disposables at the sitter and at night) and we have one car that’s paid off. None of that saves us enough money that we could afford to have one of us quit our jobs and stay home.

Our big expenses are my husband’s student loans, rent, and health insurance. We get health insurance through my job and it costs us $600 a month. If I quit my job and we started getting our health insurance through my husband’s job it would cost us $500 a month. So we would lose my income and my husband’s would take a huge cut. Child care doesn’t cost us very much, the woman who babysits our daughter is a stay at home mom who watches a few extra children during the day and the cost is really very reasonable, it’s only a very small fraction of our income.

We live in a state that has a fairly low cost of living. But wages are low too and they just don’t keep up with cost of living increases. I haven’t had a raise in 5 years. My husband gets small raises once a year. But it’s still hard to make ends meet.

And that’s one (1.00) kid, yes?

 

[momma2015]

Yep, one kid. And while I’d love to have a big family we probably won’t be able to afford more than 2 or 3 kids.

 

[edwest2]

So true. Bernard Lonergan calls that “general bias,” and, unfortunately, it can’t be overcome with common sense.

It’s a form of conditioning. I’m no expert but if you pick up a good book about conditioning, you will see how it’s done, and how normal very gradually turns into abnormal, while at the same time, those who see what’s happening complain. Their complaints are dismissed as “Oh well. That’s your opinion.” Truth is not opinion. It is either true or not. It’s meant to be defended.

All people have to do is look at TV from the '60s, 70’s, 80’s and so on. Without trying to sound overly dramatic, it’s a form of slow poisoning. The mind is affected. People tend to imitate others.

It can be overcome. A neurologist explained how broad mental conditioning works. It can be overcome through A) recognizing it is happening, meaning, in this context, what used to be unacceptable, slowly, over years and decades, became acceptable through these poisonous behaviors being acting out on TV and movies. B) Rejecting TV shows and movies that you know in advance will contain totally unacceptable behaviors and dysfunctional living. C) Replacing these types of media and others, with things and activities that are good for the mind and spirit .

That does not mean you ignore what’s going on around you, but “going with the flow” ends. I can say, “I’m not going there. I’m not watching this (no matter how popular others think it is). I won’t read that because I know, from reviews, that the content is unacceptable.”

Don’t take my word for it.

amazon.com/The-Marketing-Evil-Pseudo-Experts-Corruption/dp/1581824599

Best,
Ed

 

[Lily_Bernans]

It’s a form of conditioning. I’m no expert but if you pick up a good book about conditioning, you will see how it’s done, and how normal very gradually turns into abnormal, while at the same time, those who see what’s happening complain. Their complaints are dismissed as “Oh well. That’s your opinion.” Truth is not opinion. It is either true or not. It’s meant to be defended.

All people have to do is look at TV from the '60s, 70’s, 80’s and so on. Without trying to sound overly dramatic, it’s a form of slow poisoning. The mind is affected. People tend to imitate others.

It can be overcome. A neurologist explained how broad mental conditioning works. It can be overcome through A) recognizing it is happening, meaning, in this context, what used to be unacceptable, slowly, over years and decades, became acceptable through these poisonous behaviors being acting out on TV and movies. B) Rejecting TV shows and movies that you know in advance will contain totally unacceptable behaviors and dysfunctional living. C) Replacing these types of media and others, with things and activities that are good for the mind and spirit .

That does not mean you ignore what’s going on around you, but “going with the flow” ends. I can say, “I’m not going there. I’m not watching this (no matter how popular others think it is). I won’t read that because I know, from reviews, that the content is unacceptable.”

Don’t take my word for it.

amazon.com/The-Marketing-Evil-Pseudo-Experts-Corruption/dp/1581824599

Best,
Ed

Thank you for the book recommendation. If I ever have time, I will read it since it looks interesting. Perhaps I could use parts of it in my moral theology classes.

 

[edwest2]

Thank you for the book recommendation. If I ever have time, I will read it since it looks interesting. Perhaps I could use parts of it in my moral theology classes.

You’re welcome.

Ed

 

[Naskor]

I share many of the same feelings and experiences as most of the posters talking about their single experiences.

It’s kinda nice to know that I’m not some freak for having such struggles. But then again it is awful and I hate knowing other people are suffering so horribly too.

 

[tweedlealice]

Salutations Loved children of God,
One thought= we are all sinners,saved by grace. If the Holy Spirit didn’t open our eyes, we would have never found Jesus or heard His message.
Second thought, some of you will roll in laughter with this one=did you ever think God may be calling you to a religious vocation. When a man is called to be a priest, they are not happy. Celibacy is tedious to maintain. If we had been pure and never had sex or looked at pornography, the pull to sex is not so great. You don’t know what you are missing. When the young men are entering the seminary, they are banging their suitcases around and grumbling. But they know God has called them. They get happy. I read in a Catholic Reader’s Digest once, a few saints who were alive at the same time brought up temptation and St. Francis of Assist said, he wasn’t dead yet. Holiness is a constant exercise. Going to mass daily. Going to confession weekly, praying the rosary often. All the churches have a Bible study. If you haven’t gone, try it. Some people of your age could be going to one. My church has a group of singles 19 to 30yo. They go to the beach together, movies, dinners. If your church doesn’t have one, ask the priest to start one. Don’t plan on catching your fish right away. Some of you may not be a burning hunk of love, like Elvis sings. BUT, have you ever notice you may meet someone who you think is ugly. Later, after you get to know their sweet spirit, they don’t look ugly any more. If you have a pouch, a few in the group could start walking, running or going to gym. I know a lot of women, who are lonely and fat. 50lbs say overweight. No one to cuddle, lonely week end home—haagen das ice cream is a great date. Chocolate is better than sex.
Guys find a six pack and watch sports. Mom’s are good match makers.
Third=It seems to me we have a lonely hearts club here. We are to maintain anonymity on this site. Maybe if you ask the administrator, we could add phone numbers to our profiles in your cases. Put more allowed info on your about page.
Get your pics up in the little square.
4= Men at GNC, I believe you can find salt Peter to decrease urges. Take cold showers. DO NOT WATCH CHICK FLICKS OR PORNO OR ANYTHING THAT TOUCHES ON SEX. Girls don’t watch chick. Flicks. Watch the History channel and National geographic.
5=No matter what your past was, if you have gone to confession, you are forgiven. Your sins are washed away into the sea of forgetfulness. You are clean before the Lord, who is the Lover of your soul. Never look at yourself as a loser.You are a King’s Kid and we win. We are never worthy because of what we’ve done but because of what Jesus did. “SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL BE ADDED UNTO YOU.” “I HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU. IT IS A GOOD PLAN WITHOUT EVIL, IT HAS A FUTURE AND A PURPOSE.” JEREMIAH 29 / 11. . Ephesians 3:14-21." FOR THIS REASON, I FALL ON MY KNEES BEFORE THE FATHER,FROM WHOM EVERY FAMILY IN HEAVEN AND EARTH RECEIVES ITS TRUE NAME. I ASK GOD FROM THE WEALTH OF HIS GLORY TO GIVE YOU POWER THROUGH HIS SPIRIT TO BE STRONG IN YOUR INNER SELVES.AND I PRAY THAT CHRIST WILL MAKE HIS HOME IN YOUR HEARTS THROUGH FAITH. I PRAY THAT YOU MAY HAVE ROOTS AND FOUNDATION IN LOVE, SO THAT YOU TOGETHER WITH ALL GOD’S PEOPLE MAY HAVE THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND HOW BROAD AND LONG, HOW HIGH AND DEEP, IS CHRIST’S LOVE. YES, YOU MAY COME TO KNOW HIS LOVE—ALTHOUGH IT CANNOT BE FULLY KNOWN–AND SO BE COMPLETELY FILLED WITH THE VERY NATURE OF GOD." The same passion that you want with another human, is what you are to feel for God. It is not sexual but passionate. I read St. JOHN OF THE CROSS. He is spanish. The book a translation.It spoke of"MY LOVER COMING IN THE NIGHT, BUT HE DIDN’T WAIT FOR ME. I QUICKLY AROSE AND FOLLOWED HIM." He followed Him through different doors. Each door was a step of growth in our spiritual maturity. I had problems with the term lover. The priest scandals started. Then, Jesus showed me, in Spanish, the words he usee were show in us the deepesr lOVE we should have for God.Have you walked your own via Doloroso? Did you thank Him for your cross that daily we carry?
I just wanted you to feel the love God has for you. If any of you feel the effects of the sins you committed B C life, go to your priest and ask for a special blessing. Get rid of all porno things in your house. Envy Is a sin. Turn your feelings to gladness for the couples you see and bless them.
Some people are called to a single life. Be a deacon in the church. Volunteer at hospital nurseries to feed babies. Or feed the hungry at soup kitchens -Salvation Army. Don’t wallow in self pity. You are Christ here on earth we all have jobs to do for Him.
in Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
MY PEACE, I LEAVE YOU. MY PEACE, I GIVE YOU.
REJOICE, IF WE DO NOT PRAISE HIM, THEN, THE ROCKS WILL CRY OUT TO PRAISE HIM.

 

[tweedlealice]

32 year old male, still single. I find that I seem to be out of options for meeting single Catholic women my own age.
I have had a dubious background before my conversion and feel too profane for Church going women and too pius for the non-Churchgoer. I am stuck in a crack. On top of things, chastity is becoming a heavier and heavier cross and ever more difficult to maintain. The world tells me “No one is having sex with you? What is wring with you?” The Church tells me “Absolutely no intentional venerial arousal outside of marriage, don’t look, don’t touch, don’t even think about it.” I’m surrounded by nudity and sexuallity everywhere in society. I feel like a starving wolf being shown a piece of meat. No marriage prospects, seems like everyone in the world is having sex (intentional hyperbole) but me. I feel so…unfulfilled and unloved. Why is God’s love not enough? My faith is becoming a source of torment. I can have God’s love which I cannot feel, or sex and have an imitation of love that I can feel. The loneliness is agony, and so is separation from grace. I. Want. To. Have. Sex. I want to feel loved. So badly I want to put my head through a wall. I have become bitter. God gives me natural inclinations but provides no outlet, no companionship, no spouse. I am angry with Him, I admit. I go to mass and occasionally do see a few happy young couples, some of which have a new baby, a family. I find myself praying rather full of gaul, “Lord in your infinite love for me could ya maybe tell someone to show your love to me? Do ya think you stop letting me be isolated? Because yes, you, my Invisible Friend, should be enough, but apparently I’m a jerk.” as I grip the pew in front of me tightly. I have very little joy in my spiritual life and i am angry in my prayer life. And society says “If you have value, you’ll be having sex, therefore valued as a person, acceptable”. Thanks, society, so much, for screwing me up. I am such an ungrateful jerk.

Salutations,
See my long note for you and the rest of the lonely heart club. You are worthy of a Catholic, good woman. Remove any porn, romantic type movies, etc so you don’t stimulate your longing. You may have to counsel with the priest about your life BC. Some of it is still stuck on you. Do confession,again. If you are sorry, you are forgiven. Then, forgive yourself. We are not sex objects. We are children of God to be treasured. If you get the right balance in your spirit, you may get the girl…
in Christs love
Tweedlealice

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Yes, a woman with 20 different men trying to talk to her (that is not unrealistic for a very pretty girl on a dating site) will choose whoever she is most attracted to first. The logical thing to do would seem to be improve my looks. Guess I have to think of a way to do that. Though we all say it should not be that way, it is what is on the inside that matters, I bet I would have more success if I was in the same shape I was when I was a 18. Maybe I need to hire a professional photographer too. I am not photogenic but maybe professional help will be good, and I can post those pictures.

Since this old thread was brought back to life, I thought I would mention I have in fact done a lot to improve my looks since I posted this. I have lost about 20lbs since then and quit smoking permanently 3 months ago. About 10 more pounds until I reach my weigh loss goal then I can concentrate on only building muscle. And I have build a good amount of muscle since January too. Enough to fill out a shirt better in the right places (not the gut) I was dead serious about wanting to improve myself and continue to be even months after my post from January on this thread. Spiritual growth is a big part too. Do not give up. Do what it takes. Even if it is make the package (yourself) look nicer. At the least your confidence goes up even if you are still not beating off the women with a stick and I still am not lol.