Life is in the trash

[wesalston]

My life is in the dumpster at least it seems that way to me.I am broke on the verge of being evicted my kids are having troubles and I cant help them because i cant take care of my self much less them.
I have and ex who tells me nothing about my 11yr old it seems that all I am around here for is to make sure that she gets her money.it would seem that things would be better if i wasnt around.
i feel like god has deserted me at this time of my life>i know that I am not the best catholic in the world and I know this,but i do beleive i am good person I try very hard to be a good person but it just seems that i never get a break.
I have even come up with what i think is the perfect way to end my life.I know it is a sin but life doesnt seem worth living any more and besides my ex could collect my social security.
I am writing here because i dont want to do something that stupid but I have found nothing that would change my mind.So far I havent got the courage do it if courage is what you need.
I dont even know why i am writing this unless it is to get someone to talk to about it.

 

[jmcrae]

I don’t know you, but I know Someone who knows you, and He loves you absolutely unconditionally, and that is Jesus Christ. His Mother also loves you very much, and so do all the Saints and Angels in Heaven.

So, take heart! Things don’t look very good right now, but put your trust in Jesus and tell Him all your troubles. Give Him the job of being in charge of it all. You just go ahead and do the things that are there to be done and possible to do, without worrying about what it all means, or what the Big Plan is. Jesus will take care of all of that, if you let Him. Meanwhile, go to Mass regularly (daily, if possible), pray the Rosary, and if you feel the need, go to Confession, and keep things going at that level, because that, at least, is one thing you can be in control of.

Remember, you are created in the image and likeness of God.

 

[wesalston]

Thanks for the advice.I just dont know how to turn it over to him I have tried and it just seems to get worse.Whaat am I doing wrong or is because I am a bad person.I feel very alone.
But not going to do anything crazy that would be a long term solution to a short term problem.But is thinking about it the same as doing it in gods eyes.I hope not.

 

[Roza]

I have 2 cats, no kids and behind in rent and if not paid up by end of this month I am getting evicted myself…And job hunting, and learning welfare ropes for first time in my life… and praying praying and praying. Will keep you in my prayers too.

 

[jmcrae]

Thanks for the advice.I just dont know how to turn it over to him I have tried and it just seems to get worse.Whaat am I doing wrong or is because I am a bad person.I feel very alone.

You are not a bad person; you are just going through a bad time. Jesus is walking this difficult road with you. Remember the “footprints” poem, from when you were a kid?

“It was then that I carried you.”

This is now. Jesus is carrying you.

The purpose of giving it all to Jesus is not as kind of a magic thing to make it get better, but in order for you to stop worrying. Know that Jesus has hold of it, and He will get you through it, one small task at a time. There aren’t going to be instant results. But one day, you’ll look back and say, “Really? I lived through that? Wow!”

But not going to do anything crazy that would be a long term solution to a short term problem.But is thinking about it the same as doing it in gods eyes.I hope not.

Uh - no. Not in this case, I don’t think. It’s absolutely normal to be afraid and to want to get off, because, yeah, the usual material supports are just not there, right now. Everything that’s keeping you going is completely invisible, right now, and it’s just so hard to believe that those invisible supports won’t disappear the same way the visible ones did. It’s so easy to get yourself into a panic - but that’s what I’m trying to tell you, is that Jesus is with you right now. And if they get even worse, He will still be with you.

I have talked to homeless people who were so calm and happy (oh yay, you are thinking, I don’t want to be one of them!! - I know, I know … ), and I said, “What is your secret?” They said, “Jesus is taking care of me, now. I don’t need to worry about anything, because Jesus loves me.” Crazy, huh?

Those were the guys who eventually got out of the street life, got jobs, got places to live, and are doing very well right now - because they didn’t worry. They just did the necessary things, one step at a time, without saying, “Is this going to work? What if I’m doing it wrong?” Every time a worried thought came into their head, they just said, “Jesus, you take care of this problem, because I can’t.” Kind of like giving the books to the accountant - you just trust him and you don’t worry about it, because there’s nothing you can do about it anyway.

And then they would just trust that Jesus was looking after the impossible stuff, and they carried on with the possible stuff - and somehow, eventually, it all came together. Not right away. And never in the way that they were planning or envisioning. But always in a good way.

I know how scared you are, though, and I’m praying for you right now. :hug3:

 

[jmcrae]

I have 2 cats, no kids and behind in rent and if not paid up by end of this month I am getting evicted myself…And job hunting, and learning welfare ropes for first time in my life… and praying praying and praying. Will keep you in my prayers too.

Roza, I am adding you to my prayers, too. :grouphug:

 

[wesalston]

I understand what you are saying,Take care of what I can and give the rest to god.That is very hard but will do my best.Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for the Prayers Roza and god luck to you you will be in my prayers alos.
Thanks jmcrae for your advice and your prayers.

 

[kage_ar]

Praying for you.

Please call your Priest and speak with him.

 

[BamaRider]

If you are thinking about ending your life, or the world might be better with you not in it, I suggest professional help. If you don’t have the money, check with the your county health dept, they can give you guidance on at least where to go.

You are not alone in this.

 

[kyria]

Thanks for the advice.I just dont know how to turn it over to him I have tried and it just seems to get worse.Whaat am I doing wrong or is because I am a bad person.I feel very alone.
But not going to do anything crazy that would be a long term solution to a short term problem.But is thinking about it the same as doing it in gods eyes.I hope not.

Sometimes it will get worse until God decides it is time it gets better. With my divorce there is a very good chance I will walk away with no money and I have to pay my ex child support even though I have the kids 50%, due to his dubious tax dodges, and I’ve been left with joint debts he won’t pay.

Yesterday I thought it would be so much easier to just go run my car into a tree because I felt God wasn’t doing much to assist. I can’t do that because I won’t leave my children. I’ve overlooked the fact I might not have any money, the ex might have it, but I’ve got God. Even if I was living in a tin shack eating rotten vegies, I would still be blessed because I found him.

I rent, the odds the rent will go up are high because of the current global economic climate, I hate renting as there is no security, but I can only give it all up to God and know what ever is happening to me is his will. There might be something I have to learn such as letting go of financial security and embracing his spiritual security. I might have to lose some pride, or stop swearing, or allow God to humble my ex and in the meantime ride my through my own tribulations.

What is happening I know is his will. What I have to learn is to trust in that. Trust things are the way they are for a reason, and have faith and hope that God will right things for me when he feels the time is right. That might not be for ten years. What ever time it is, what ever I have to go through, I know he is there. Also there are worse off people then myself. Some of the happiest people are those with nothing.

St Francis of Assisi had no money, the brothers who joined his order gave their wealth away, and they relied on God and God got them through. They begged for food but they were happy because they embraced the greatest wealth available. HIM.

It took a lot for me to have Faith and trust in God. I had to slowly battle tribulation after tribulation after tribulation. Lose this, be indepted to that, I had to borrow money off my parents which hurt my pride, I had to learn to seek help from others, and I had to be thankful for what I had. All my tribulations slowly led me to trusting in him, because as I learnt to slowly trust, I received blessings, either spiritual, or financial. I didn’t just have to pray and hope. I had to pray and believe. I found there was no point in praying and hoping He would answer my prayers. I found I had to get into the habit of praying and believing He would answer my prayers. Sometimes I fall down in that trust like yesterday.

Your life will never be in the trash as long as you have Faith he is there with you and for you.

I hope things pick up for you.

God Bless,

 

[Epistemes]

I’m not far off from being in a similar position to others posting here. I think one day soon I’m going learn the harsh lesson of involuntary poverty, but I pray that my study of voluntary poverty will help me weather the storm.

Prior to being confirmed into the Church, though, back during Easter 2007, the Lord revealed to me through his servant and loving mother, Mary, that trusting in him is immensely frightening. When Mary proclaimed her “Fiat” – her “Yes” – there is no way that she understood or could have imagined all that such a “Yes” entailed, except that should she live through it then should would be known as blessed for all ages to come. Living through it, though, would prove harrowing, though, due to charges of adultery, not to mention a general inability to explain what precisely had happened to her. Then there was the grueling and life-threatening journey to Bethlehem, and oh so much more that we have to read in between the lines in the Gospels.

Or, as I was reading a prayer to St. Francis of Assisi yesterday evening, we have grown so used to grasping that we find it incredibly difficult to let go.

Everyone in this thread is in my prayers, and I will pray a special rosary for you, as well, that you may weather this storm like Mary herself.

 

[beckycmarie]

Dear Wesalston,

I am speaking to you as someone who has been in your shoes, living in an absolute pit of despair.

The first thing I recommend for you is contacting a crisis hotline to talk things through and get some help.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK

All that pain that you have now, you take with you. It’s unlikely you get to go straight to Heaven if you die by suicide. Suicide is a grave sin and you put yourself at risk of Hell - and ending up there would make you long to be back here on earth in the condition you are in now. It is that very thought, Wesalston, that kept me from going through with my serious temptation to suicide. The truth is that no matter what, I was better off here, continuing to live and working to get my life together so I had a chance at Heaven.

God loves you so very much. Nothing can separate you from His love. Perhaps this current suffering is a way to get your attention and draw you towards Him, where you can find true peace and joy here in this life. Sometimes the only way God can get in is through a broken heart.

This is the time to pray daily. If the best you can do is 5 minutes, then start there. It’s where I began. Start going to Church regularly if you have not been. Get to confession if you haven’t been in a while. God dwells within us when we are in a state of grace. Make use of the sacraments to get the grace and the healing that comes with it.

I will be praying for you.

You say: It’s impossible.
God says: With Me, all things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

You say: I’m too tired.
God says: I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: Nobody really loves me.
God says: I love you. (John 3:16 & John 3:34 )

You say: I can’t go on.
God says: My grace is sufficient. (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: I can’t figure things out.
God says: I will direct your steps. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: I can’t do it.
God says: You can do all things. (Philippians 4:13)

You say: I’m not able.
God says: I am able. (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: It’s not worth it.
God says: It will be worth it. (Roman 8:28 )

You say: I can’t forgive myself.
God says: I forgive you. (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: I can’t manage.
God says: I will supply all your needs. (Philippians 4:19)

You say: I’m afraid.
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear. (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: I’m always worried and frustrated.
God says: Cast all your cares on Me. (I Peter 5:7)

You say: I’m not smart enough.
God says: I give you wisdom. (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: I feel all alone.
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

 

[Simon_X]

Praying for you too…

 

[the_phoenix]

Praying for you, and sending my guardian angel to you.
:angel1:

 

[wesalston]

Thank You Everyone For Your Support And Your Prayers,i Am So Glad That I Came Here And Found You Woderful People.
I Know Now That I Am Not Alone And No Matter What There Is Someone Praying For Me, Wes

 

[Morwenna]

Wes, you have been given much wonderful advice here. I can’t add much, other than to offer this link:

metanoia.org/suicide/ (please read it!)

And this prayer:

HELP ME TO RECOGNIZE YOUR LOVE FOR ME
(By Olga de Juana)

You have knowledge of all things, Lord,
In all ways great and small.
You show me that You love me.
When I enjoy a beautiful flower,
When I am refreshed and nourished,
When I hear wonderful music,
When I see amazing art,
Help me to recognize Your love for me, in these things.

When I am injured and then healed,
When I am weak and then become strong,
When I think I’ll never love again
And then I find an even greater love,
When I am faced with adversity and then I triumph,
When I am lost and some how find my way,
When I forget something important and suddenly remember,
Help me to recognize Your love for me, in these things.

When I am lost in grief,
Thinking that I shall never think of my loved one and smile again.
You know exactly the right time and thought to place within me,
To make me smile again.
When I drift from You into a cloud of spiritual darkness,
Spiraling down and then you lift me up,
Help me to recognize your love for me, in these things.

When I think about all the great and small ways
That You showed how you loved me,
I’m sure it’s important to you Lord.
So please, Lord, help me to recognize Your love for me.

catholicdoors.com/prayers/english3/p02562.htm

And to offer my continuing prayers for you!

Roza, Kyria, Epistemes, I am praying for all of you as well. So many are hurting during these difficult times, but we serve a mighty and loving God … don’t give up hope!