Life or death contraception?

[anarbek]

So… I’m in RCIA, on my way to becoming Catholic. My soon-to-be fiance is not Catholic and not planning on it.

I know that contraception is inherently evil (and I agree) except for life or death situations, right?

Here’s my question-- she was in a major car accident a few years ago and her head to her feet are jacked. She’s on constant anti-inflammatory and good ol’ fashioned pain relieving medication and she still can barely make it through her day. She’s seeing a chiropractor and things are improving, but they’re still not good. And on top of all of this, the years of anti-inflammatory medicine is burning a hole in her stomach, which adds to her daily pain.

We want children. We also want to honor God and life. The question is, due to the severity of her physical condition (thus making child-bearing [not to mention birthing] unbearable) is contraception, only for a time, permitted? I know it’s not an actual life or death situation (or at least, we havent asked a doctor if it would be), but it is definitely a true quality of life situation.

I dont know. We want to do the right thing and we’re really scared about what it could mean for her if the right thing isn’t as compassionate as we would expect it to be.

Thanks to every and all people who know and can help.

 

[anarbek]

So… I’m in RCIA, on my way to becoming Catholic. My soon-to-be fiance is not Catholic and not planning on it.

I know that contraception is inherently evil (and I agree) except for life or death situations, right?

Here’s my question-- she was in a major car accident a few years ago and her head to her feet are jacked. She’s on constant anti-inflammatory and good ol’ fashioned pain relieving medication and she still can barely make it through her day. She’s seeing a chiropractor and things are improving, but they’re still not good. And on top of all of this, the years of anti-inflammatory medicine is burning a hole in her stomach, which adds to her daily pain.

We want children. We also want to honor God and life. The question is, due to the severity of her physical condition (thus making child-bearing [not to mention birthing] unbearable) is contraception, only for a time, permitted? I know it’s not an actual life or death situation (or at least, we havent asked a doctor if it would be), but it is definitely a true quality of life situation.

I dont know. We want to do the right thing and we’re really scared about what it could mean for her if the right thing isn’t as compassionate as we would expect it to be.

Thanks to every and all people who know and can help.

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

So… I’m in RCIA, on my way to becoming Catholic. My soon-to-be fiance is not Catholic and not planning on it.

I know that contraception is inherently evil (and I agree) except for life or death situations, right?

Here’s my question-- she was in a major car accident a few years ago and her head to her feet are jacked. She’s on constant anti-inflammatory and good ol’ fashioned pain relieving medication and she still can barely make it through her day. She’s seeing a chiropractor and things are improving, but they’re still not good. And on top of all of this, the years of anti-inflammatory medicine is burning a hole in her stomach, which adds to her daily pain.

We want children. We also want to honor God and life. The question is, due to the severity of her physical condition (thus making child-bearing [not to mention birthing] unbearable) is contraception, only for a time, permitted? I know it’s not an actual life or death situation (or at least, we havent asked a doctor if it would be), but it is definitely a true quality of life situation.

I dont know. We want to do the right thing and we’re really scared about what it could mean for her if the right thing isn’t as compassionate as we would expect it to be.

Thanks to every and all people who know and can help.

No, I’m pretty sure that this would still be wrong. The only good reason to use contraception is when you are sic. This would mean that you are not using it to contraceptive but and rather that its contraceptive nature is simply a side effect.

The women in your example has two options:, either to use NFP (and risk it) or not have sex at all. We are under no obligation to have sex under all circumstances so the fact that she can’t give birth is not an excuse.

 

[kristacecilia]

You are mistaken. Artificial contraception (the pill, condoms, sterilization surgeries, etc) are NEVER okay in any circumstance. NEVER.

What is okay, when needed (and it sounds needed in your situation) is Natural Family Planning. When used properly, it is as effective as any artificial method. Talk to your RCIA coordinator, Parish office, or visit www.ccli.org for more information and get you and your fiancee signed up for a class before you are wed.

 

[Seatuck]

Contraception is always evil. I damages the meaning of the nuptial union otherwise know as sex. NFP is your only option other than permanent abstaining if there are life and death medical considerations.

You will want to study what the meaning of marriage and sexuality is. You won’t get that in RCIA they just don’t have enough time and they just might not be educated enough in it.

The Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West is a good start.

Or go for his Theology of the Body for beginners if you want to go deeper.

I think it’s wonderful and wise that you are caring of your fiance and her health issues and how they will affect your marriage.You do need to think about this before taking a vow of marriage.You’ll have to figure out if God is actually calling both of you to this marriage if Children are not an option. You will really want to pray about this. Hopefully your fiance at least is a praying woman so that you won’t be alone in that.

 

[queen_anne78]

the PPs are correct…contraception is never ok.

To be a little up-lifting, there are a lot of people here on the forums who have used NFP to postpone pregnancy successfully for a long time due to very serious health situations. It can be done!

 

[1ke]

So… I’m in RCIA, on my way to becoming Catholic. My soon-to-be fiance is not Catholic and not planning on it.

I know that contraception is inherently evil (and I agree) except for life or death situations, right?

No, inherently evil means intrinsically, always evil. There is NO circumstance in which contraception or sterilization as the means of preventing pregnancy are allowable.

The fact that you have a non-Catholic fiancee troubles me too. I know you are converting to the faith, but think carefully about having a marriage not united in one faith and one practice.

We want children. We also want to honor God and life. The question is, due to the severity of her physical condition (thus making child-bearing [not to mention birthing] unbearable) is contraception, only for a time, permitted?

No, contraception is never a moral option.

However, that does not mean you cannot space and plan children through natural family planning. You can abstain periodically using her signs of feritlity.

www.ccli.org
www.fertilitycare.com
www.woomb.org

The above websites are for the most prominent methods of NFP taught in the US. You can find out more through your diocesan family life office or your parish.

I dont know. We want to do the right thing and we’re really scared about what it could mean for her if the right thing isn’t as compassionate as we would expect it to be.

This comment strikes me as odd. Can you clarify?

 

[masondoggy]

Agreeing with the others. When used correctly (by following the rules), NFP is just as or even more effective than the Pill. It’s also HEALTHIER, carries absolutely no health risks, and it’s FREE. And it doesn’t cause depression or decrease libido. It really is a shame that the general public doesn’t know the truth about NFP, because it’s really a hidden gem. Don’t get me wrong, it can be tough. And for some couples it is a very heavy cross to bear due to long periods of abstinence, but it still beats the health risks and side effects of hormonal contraception. That stuff is truly poison.

Besides, since your fiance is suffering nasty side-effects from her current medications, she really doesn’t want to add to the problem, right?

Contraception is never, ever OK. Even in life or death situations. That has been consistent Christian teaching for thousands of years…even back to the book of Genesis.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Another thing completely that the two of you should think about, is how possible sexual relations will be at all. It sounds like she is in a lot of pain and I assume from “her head to her feet are jacked” that her mobility is compromised. The fact that relations are difficult would not impede your marriage in the Church, but you may find that the better part of valor is to refrain on her behalf. That said, you should also discuss how you feel about adoption.

 

[Nechasin]

I agree with the PP. But I want to point out something that everybody seems to neglect pointing out, and something everyone doing NFP (especially newlyweds) has to deal with. It is hard. It is not easy to abstain during her fertile times because that is when your bodies are most ready. It can and should be done, but you need to be prepared mentally and be ready. I know a couple where the wife is Type 1 Diabetic, so she needs to have everything ready with her medically before she can concieve. They successfully delayed starting a family for several years so that she can get herself under control. The good news is that we do have the ability to control ourselves and it can be done.

 

[1ke]

Duplicate post. You have received several replies to this question on Parenting. I answered you over there.

 

[CatholicSam]

If a pregnancy truly would be a dangerously life threatening situation, the couple should consider abstaining altogether. All contraception has a risk of failure, and using something that goes against our beliefs as Catholics is not even 100% effective (but it’s pretty effective at killing our souls!). As long as you are having relations, there’s the possibility that she will become pregnant.

 

[manualman]

Abstain for several months while she gets good at reading her cycle via NFP. Take a good class (not a book). Use the most conservative rules.

At least as effective as the pill, but it doesn’t damage your relationship like contraception does. The difference is the sacrifice of abstinance. Think about it.

 

[Seatuck]

If a pregnancy truly would be a dangerously life threatening situation, the couple should consider abstaining altogether. All contraception has a risk of failure, and using something that goes against our beliefs as Catholics is not even 100% effective (but it’s pretty effective at killing our souls!). As long as you are having relations, there’s the possibility that she will become pregnant.

Well, that’s a problem since as Catholics we are expected to consummate our marriages to make them valid. And we are expected to intend to have children in the marriage. This is why I hope the OP will discern whether God is calling him and this young woman to marriage .

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

I know that contraception is inherently evil (and I agree) except for life or death situations, right?

Nope, no exception here. Because eternal souls are worth more than life and death.

We want to do the right thing and we’re really scared about what it could mean for her if the right thing isn’t as compassionate as we would expect it to be.

Do not confuse compassion with agreement.
I’m sure you could find people a dime a dozen who would agree with you, but that doesn’t make them compassionate or correct.
I can have compassion for the difficulty of living a faithful life may have on you, but it would not be compassionate of me to agree with a situation that could damage souls.

 

[hasikelee]

zThe question is, due to the severity of her physical condition (thus making child-bearing [not to mention birthing] unbearable) is contraception, only for a time, permitted? I know it’s not an actual life or death situation (or at least, we havent asked a doctor if it would be), but it is definitely a true quality of life situation.

Um, so what are you going to do when that condom or pill fails, which it does all too often?

Please research contraception methods carefully and thoroughly. Read the pamphlets included in the boxes. Talk to scientists/biologists. Read medical journals. If your future wife is in pain and has injuries, contraception will only give you a false sense of security.

 

[rayne89]

Artificial contraception is NEVER allowed. I have a life threatening illness. Another pregnancy will kill me. We have used NFP (Natural Family Planning -Sympto/Thermal Method) for ten years now without pregnancy. Other than complete abstinance this is the only option.

Please check out the Couple to Couple League.
ccli.org/

 

[Yerusalyim]

Talk to a good solid orthodox Catholic Priest about the situation, most on this board are not trained in theology or canon law.

From my reading of your situation Natural Family Planning sounds like it’s the best option for you and your wife.

There ARE circumstances when hormone pills are taken for reasons other than contraception, where the contraception is incidental, and therefore, if it’s the most practicle treatment, is not “intrinsically evil.” To much cut and dried black and white by amateurs on this board.

 

[1ke]

There ARE circumstances when hormone pills are taken for reasons other than contraception, where the contraception is incidental, and therefore, if it’s the most practicle treatment, is not “intrinsically evil.”

The OP did not ask about hormonal treatment for a disease which has the secondary effect of sterility. No one stated such a treatment was intrinsically evil.

The OP asked about contraception and yes, contraception is intrinsically disordered, intrinsically evil.

To much cut and dried black and white by amateurs on this board.

Yes, there are. Although, I doubt we would be in agreement as to who those posters might be.

 

[rayne89]

Talk to a good solid orthodox Catholic Priest about the situation, most on this board are not trained in theology or canon law.

From my reading of your situation Natural Family Planning sounds like it’s the best option for you and your wife.

There ARE circumstances when hormone pills are taken for reasons other than contraception, where the contraception is incidental, and therefore, if it’s the most practicle treatment, is not “intrinsically evil.” To much cut and dried black and white by amateurs on this board.

My advice to you is to find a good solid Catholic Priest and consult with him…consider his advice above the amateurs (myself included) in this forum.

My Advice, don’t take advice from amateurs on boards of this nature.

…AND DON’T ASK AMATUERS ON BOARDS…>EVEN THIS ONE…FOR MARITAL ADVICE…

Calling people amatuers on this board must be your catch phrase of the day-you said it in 4 consecutive posts on different subjects today. And yet you have 354 posts on this board so I guess you don’t follow your own advise.

The original poster asked about using artificial birthcontrol as contraception which is always intrinsically evil. He did not ask if the contraceptive pill could be used to treat other medical conditions. The “amatuers” answered the question he asked, not one he did not ask.