Lifetime Confession Question

[LAMF]

I am scheduled for my first confession in 30 years tomorrow and have spent the past few days doing a thorough examination of conscience. Needless to say, I have compiled quite a list. However, in my research, I have seen mentioned in numerous places that individuals are only truly culpable for sins that are committed knowingly, in that the individual is both aware of the act being committed and aware that it is sinful. This leads me to a question:

I spent 20 of the past 30 years as a hardcore, proselytizing atheist. During that time I committed acts that were “universally wrong,” in that they went against all moral codes, including my atheistic moral code. I am obviously going to confess and seek penance for those. There was also the disbelief itself, and the efforts to lead others to disbelief, which I did not at the time view as sinful, but that I feel true and sincere remorse for and feel that I need to confess and come clean with God on. The “gray areas” for me are mostly related to sexual promiscuity, which did not violate the moral code I followed at the time and therefore do not qualify as acts that I was aware were sinful but that I now feel true and sincere remorse for as well.

My gut tells me to lay it all out and follow the guidance of my priest, but I am afraid of wasting his time. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[GEddie]

I am scheduled for my first confession in 30 years tomorrow and have spent the past few days doing a thorough examination of conscience. Needless to say, I have compiled quite a list. However, in my research, I have seen mentioned in numerous places that individuals are only truly culpable for sins that are committed knowingly, in that the individual is both aware of the act being committed and aware that it is sinful. This leads me to a question:

I spent 20 of the past 30 years as a hardcore, proselytizing atheist. During that time I committed acts that were “universally wrong,” in that they went against all moral codes, including my atheistic moral code. I am obviously going to confess and seek penance for those. There was also the disbelief itself, and the efforts to lead others to disbelief, which I did not at the time view as sinful, but that I feel true and sincere remorse for and feel that I need to confess and come clean with God on. The “gray areas” for me are mostly related to sexual promiscuity, which did not violate the moral code I followed at the time and therefore do not qualify as acts that I was aware were sinful but that I now feel true and sincere remorse for as well.

My gut tells me to lay it all out and follow the guidance of my priest, but I am afraid of wasting his time. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

While I do not, normally, believe in following the “gut”, in this case you probably should. The feeling may come from your gut, but if you mentally remember these actions, they should be confessed and laid to rest.

Do not in any case worry about wasting Fr.'s time; confession is part of his duty. If it has been thirty years, you will be taking up far less total time than if you had been confessing regularly during that time.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Joe_5859]

Welcome home!

I think your hunch of laying it all out there is a good one. I’m sure you don’t want a six hour Confession as you read through 200 pages of sins. But it doesn’t take long to mention something like “promiscuity” or “sexual sins” and ask the priest if he needs more information.

Whether or not those sins are mortal for you in light of your knowledge, they are venial at the very least. While we’re not required to confess venial sins, it is still meritorious to do so. My general rule of thumb is, when in doubt, it never hurts to mention it (of course, I wouldn’t give this advice to someone suffering from scrupulosity).

I will say a prayer for you as you prepare for this great grace. God is good!

 

[xzereus]

I had my first confession after 20 years of sinful living last year. I think, as the other posters have said, you should always confess something when in doubt. Although you must be aware of what you’re doing as well as the gravity of the situation for you to be culpable for having committed a mortal sin, anything that’s wrong is an offense to God.

I think it’s important that we’re not just apologizing to God because it’s necessary for forgiveness, but because we’re sorry for the horrible suffering he had to endure, and arguably continues to endure, because of each wrongdoing. As such, many, including myself, follow the practice of confessing every wrongdoing that can be remembered.

God bless you as you follow Him in Confession!

 

[JRKH]

I faced something of a similar situation when I returned to the Church after 35 years…The idea of trying to come up with “number and kind” just seemed too daunting, but like you I felt that I needed to “lay it out” for Father.
I happened upon a solution that worked for me and (apparently) for Father as well…

Instead of using the 10 commandments as a guide, I used the “Seven deadly sins”.
As soon as I started reading through them I could see how falling into one - led into falling into another and so on. Many of the individual sins I had committed (and justified at the time) were the result of a single big sin…
For instance in your case…The sin of Pride led you to reject God…That one big sin led to others - giving into greed and/or lustful appetites and so on.

Anyway - as I reflected on these “root causes”, I began typing and came up with a page and a half “essay” of my sinful past that was less about how many times I did a given act, and more about the deep faults that led me into such acts and the harm that I had done to myself and to others.

When I had finished reading this to father, he thought for a moment and said - “Well it appears you have given this considerable thought…”. He then gave me my penance (a decade of the rosary as I recall) and absolution…

Anyway - I know this is not “standard” for confession, but then a “30 year” confession isn’t exactly standard either…
So if you think it useful, look through those “deadly sins” linked above and see if perhaps this approach might not be just what you are looking for.

Peace
James

 

[DebChris]

I recently attended a leadership conference. Confession is not about giving the priest a grocery list of our sins. A suggestion given, and actually used by the speaker, was to state, “I have not lived as God would have me live. I have not followed His Will for my life.” Then concentrate on 2 or 3 major sins. Saying simply that you were a “proselytizing atheist” covers a multitude of sins. You might give a couple of examples of how you led people away from God, but you are not required to remember all your sins.
I always end every confession, “I ask forgiveness for these sins and any other sins I may have committed.”

 

[snarflemike]

I agree, don’t try to out-think this process. If you did anything that was objectively wrong, confess it. You’ll feel better.

I did a similar 30-year confession some years ago. When I was done the priest surprised me by telling me that all the angels and saints in heaven were rejoicing over my confession. Something to keep in mind.