Like a slap in the face :(

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sydney28

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Having a conversation with husband at dinner tonight, and somehow we got on the topic of women having babies past their 40s…which led to discussion that his mother had a baby past her 40s…which led to discussion on Down Syndrome and amniocentesis…

Then I made a comment about how sad it is that so many babies (I want to say it is upwards of 80%, right?) with Down Syndrome are aborted now because of prenatal testing.

His response: shrug “it happens.”

It happens?!?!?! What kind of person says that? I am deeply passionate about the abortion issue and to have him respond so cold-heartedly makes me ill. Don’t know what to do 😦
 
Oh, Sydney… I feel for you. That’s sad alright… :console:

Do you think your husband might be willing to read the “Priests for Life” website? I think there are links to pictures of abortion victims. I know they’re hard to view… and perhaps you, yourself might not want to; but maybe it would help him to understand more clearly, the true horror of abortion.

Here is the link…

priestsforlife.org/

God bless and comfort you.
 
I am 37 and when my BF and I get married we plan to have kids. Hopefully we will be blessed with at least one and I will be 40 or very close to it when we conceive. (we plan to do it quickly because of our age). He and i have discussed things like this and I will not have an amniocentisis even though it is going to be highly recommended for me. One is because it greatly increases the chance of a miscarriage and two, what if I find out it’s a down syndrome kid or otherwise. It doesn’t matter, I’m not going to do anything except have a beautiful baby. I can deal with the genetic problems after the birth.
 
Have you told your husband that his “it happens” comment hurt you because abortion is a big topic with you? It could be that there was a miscommunication, or that he wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation, or something else that caused such a casual response. Definitely talk with him and let him know that his response hurt. Maybe after he knows how you felt about this comment he can further explain or get a better understanding of how you want him to stand.
 
I would expect a response about like that from my husband, not because he is indifferent about abortion, he actually hates it, but because he just doesn’t get too excited about anything and does not express his emotions like I do.

When his mother died, he was rather stoic about it, she had suffered a lot, and he barely shed a tear. However, about 2 days after the funeral I came home and found him home from work early, and it was obvious he had been crying. I asked him about it, and all he would admit to was that he had had a “bad day” about his mother. I have learned not to try to push an emotional response out of him, it just makes him angry and he will withdraw further.

I don’t know your husband, but men tend to react differently to things than women do, and often hide their feelings. When I discuss the abortion issue with my husband, he does not say much, but he did sign the postcards from church about FOCA and contacted our Congressman and Senator about it. So that told me right there how he felt about it. But he would never carry on emotionally about it, like me. He says I do enough for both of us. He tends to act, rather than talk.
 
CB_Catholic said:
I would expect a response about like that from my husband, not because he is indifferent about abortion, he actually hates it, but because he just doesn’t get too excited about anything and does not express his emotions like I do.

When his mother died, he was rather stoic about it, she had suffered a lot, and he barely shed a tear. However, about 2 days after the funeral I came home and found him home from work early, and it was obvious he had been crying. I asked him about it, and all he would admit to was that he had had a “bad day” about his mother. I have learned not to try to push an emotional response out of him, it just makes him angry and he will withdraw further.

I don’t know your husband, but men tend to react differently to things than women do, and often hide their feelings. When I discuss the abortion issue with my husband, he does not say much, but he did sign the postcards from church about FOCA and contacted our Congressman and Senator about it. So that told me right there how he felt about it. But he would never carry on emotionally about it, like me. He says I do enough for both of us. He tends to act, rather than talk.
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This is a good post. My husband might say something similar and although he would, somewhere in the depths of his soul, feel badly about it, he would probably just state the obvious, “It happens.” 🤷
 
I think my husband would probably answer the same way. Not because he thinks abortion is not a big deal at all, but because that is just how he is.

I came close to death with my last delivery and my DH’s first statement to me was, “You can’t die yet… it would ruin my whole DAY.”

His answer to a lot of the questions I pose about things that are important to me or get me into a stir (as he says) is, “Meh”.

Just gotta love them.

in Christ
Steph
 
I guess I just find it hard to accept his apathy toward something that is so repulsive. I mean, to me it is the same as me saying “our neighbor drowned his baby in the tub last night because she has Down Syndrome and he didn’t want to deal with it”…his response, “it happens”.

NO. That isn’t acceptable, and for people to just pass it off as men not wanting to share their feelings or whatnot is, to me, just letting them off the hook too easily. Why are women the ones who mainly stand up for the unborn?

The abortion issue as a whole in our society is looked upon with apathy. Not enough people are passionate or angry about the fact that this holocaust is going on in our own country thousands of times a day. To hear the person I am supposed to be intimately attached to for life express such disregard really upsets me.
 
CB_Catholic said:
I would expect a response about like that from my husband, not because he is indifferent about abortion, he actually hates it, but because he just doesn’t get too excited about anything and does not express his emotions like I do.

When his mother died, he was rather stoic about it, she had suffered a lot, and he barely shed a tear. However, about 2 days after the funeral I came home and found him home from work early, and it was obvious he had been crying. I asked him about it, and all he would admit to was that he had had a “bad day” about his mother. I have learned not to try to push an emotional response out of him, it just makes him angry and he will withdraw further.

I don’t know your husband, but men tend to react differently to things than women do, and often hide their feelings. When I discuss the abortion issue with my husband, he does not say much, but he did sign the postcards from church about FOCA and contacted our Congressman and Senator about it. So that told me right there how he felt about it. But he would never carry on emotionally about it, like me. He says I do enough for both of us. He tends to act, rather than talk.
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And it is in acting - not talking - that we change the world.

I tend to not speak too much myself. I enjoy silence, and I want to be dependant on God. To me, it seems pointless to tell others my problems, because I have God, and He will always take care of things for me. However, I also know He has given me people for my good, so I do, when I know I must, entrust my cares to others, that He, through them, might be able to help me. Such is the Providence of God.

This might be how your husband is. He sounds like a very good man, and I admire his actions. I wish I was as active as him in the fight against abortion. May he be rewarded by the Lord! 🙂
 
sydney28 said:
Why are women the ones who mainly stand up for the unborn?
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Sydney… there is a link in my signature for “Silent No More”. This is a fairly new group… of women AND men… who are speaking out about their horrible abortion experiences. Many men are now beginning to come forward, and speak up about their regret of “lost fatherhood”. I’m so sorry for your anguish :console: because I know you love your husband. Keep praying for him. He will come around.

God bless you.
 
sydney28 said:
I guess I just find it hard to accept his apathy toward something that is so repulsive. I mean, to me it is the same as me saying “our neighbor drowned his baby in the tub last night because she has Down Syndrome and he didn’t want to deal with it”…his response, “it happens”.

NO. That isn’t acceptable, and for people to just pass it off as men not wanting to share their feelings or whatnot is, to me, just letting them off the hook too easily. Why are women the ones who mainly stand up for the unborn?

The abortion issue as a whole in our society is looked upon with apathy. Not enough people are passionate or angry about the fact that this holocaust is going on in our own country thousands of times a day. To hear the person I am supposed to be intimately attached to for life express such disregard really upsets me.
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Perhaps your husband, like many others do not truly believe life begins at conception?

A lot of people, especially Christians - but not all mind you, state that. Yet I’m not sure many really believe it.

Scientifically it’s easy to prove IMHO and that is how we should be fighting the fight… yet few tend to focus on science and the argument falls to religion which will always fail at a political level.

It’s difficult to get upset at people though if you try to understand their ignorance. If you had been taught your entire life that a baby wasn’t “alive” and you never took the initiative to verify that… what’s the big deal with abortion? I mean seriously, if someone truly (and I don’t see how) believes that the baby isn’t a live then it’s not murder and “it happens.” That is the problem with the abortions in the nation and… well pretty much EVERY nation.

A number of very devout Eastern Block countries though have much higher abortion rates than the US because they still fall back to the early Church understanding that life doesn’t begin until “the quickening” or when the mother can feel the baby. We know better now but in those, primarily Orthodox Nations, girls / women I know have had multiple abortions before the end of their Pre-College education.

It’s a mindset change… regrettably for those who don’t believe though we are highly unlikely to change their mind when they are worried about jobs and feeding the children they currently have.

Perhaps if the current administration can get things straight we will see a decrease in abortions again, like we did in the 90s, and new growth in the Pro-Life movement.

Joe
 
Thank you for all your replies. I am pretty certain that he believes life begins at conception…at least he has told me that he does.
baylee said:
Did you discuss abortion before getting married?
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Yes, but not in depth. He was pro-choice when we started dating and I made it clear that that was was a deal breaker. I explained why abortion is wrong, he seemed to process it, and then said he agreed with me. We never discussed it much beyond that. I am beginning to feel as though there were many things he “said” during our dating/engagement time that he didn’t really mean wholeheartedly.
 
sydney28 said:
Having a conversation with husband at dinner tonight, and somehow we got on the topic of women having babies past their 40s…which led to discussion that his mother had a baby past her 40s…which led to discussion on Down Syndrome and amniocentesis…

Then I made a comment about how sad it is that so many babies (I want to say it is upwards of 80%, right?) with Down Syndrome are aborted now because of prenatal testing.

His response: shrug "it happens."

It happens?!?!?! What kind of person says that? I am deeply passionate about the abortion issue and to have him respond so cold-heartedly makes me ill. Don’t know what to do 😦
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I would have probably made the same comment. I would have made it out of acceptance that evil does happen; whether we like it or not. A comment like that does not imply acceptance of the practice it is also a different way to say “I am sorry, it sucks!”.
 
Actually I kind of agree with the husband on this. It does happen, That is a fact. And especially in this political and moral climate we are in it is so hard to get up the outrage at every evil out there. It is positively exhausting for me to watch our world like this. Perhaps the husband was just plain old tired. think of it from his perspective, a wife that is active and outraged all the time at this. (not a bad thing) and a world that can’t even accept healthy babies. Now one cannot afford to have that response for a length of time for fear of indifference but every once in a while especially in the trust and care of a spouse one has to take a break. Maybe that is what he was doing. Maybe he fears for the mental health of a marriage and wife to which every thing is a spirutual war. Again, this isnt a bad thing but soldiers on the battlefield occasionally weep, cry, run, and cower. thier fellow comrades help them get fit to get back in the battle. And there is no comrade such as a spouse.
Also, I think, “like a slap in the face” is an overly dramatic way to post this, perhaps this type of drama is what could tire someone out to the point of indifference.
 
Matt33 said:
Actually I kind of agree with the husband on this. It does happen, That is a fact. And especially in this political and moral climate we are in it is so hard to get up the outrage at every evil out there. It is positively exhausting for me to watch our world like this. Perhaps the husband was just plain old tired. think of it from his perspective, a wife that is active and outraged all the time at this. (not a bad thing) and a world that can’t even accept healthy babies. Now one cannot afford to have that response for a length of time for fear of indifference but every once in a while especially in the trust and care of a spouse one has to take a break. Maybe that is what he was doing. Maybe he fears for the mental health of a marriage and wife to which every thing is a spirutual war. Again, this isnt a bad thing but soldiers on the battlefield occasionally weep, cry, run, and cower. thier fellow comrades help them get fit to get back in the battle. And there is no comrade such as a spouse.
Also, I think, “like a slap in the face” is an overly dramatic way to post this, perhaps this type of drama is what could tire someone out to the point of indifference.
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First of all, I think your post was a bit rude.

Second, there are about a hundred different ways he could have responded to my statement without being apathetic OR engaging me in a “spiritual war”. Here’s an example:
Me: “Did you know that X number of babies are aborted just because they have down syndrome?”
Him: “yeah, that is sad” or “no, that is tragic” or “wow, that is terrible”

ANY of those responses would have been better than an apathetic shrug and a “it happens…”

And THIRD, my husband has known from day one that abortion is an issue I am very sensitive about. That simple fact alone should have encouraged him to be a bit less uncaring.
 
Matt33 said:
Actually I kind of agree with the husband on this. It does happen, That is a fact. And especially in this political and moral climate we are in it is so hard to get up the outrage at every evil out there. It is positively exhausting for me to watch our world like this. Perhaps the husband was just plain old tired. think of it from his perspective, a wife that is active and outraged all the time at this. (not a bad thing) and a world that can’t even accept healthy babies. Now one cannot afford to have that response for a length of time for fear of indifference but every once in a while especially in the trust and care of a spouse one has to take a break. Maybe that is what he was doing. Maybe he fears for the mental health of a marriage and wife to which every thing is a spirutual war. Again, this isnt a bad thing but soldiers on the battlefield occasionally weep, cry, run, and cower. thier fellow comrades help them get fit to get back in the battle. And there is no comrade such as a spouse.
Also, I think, “like a slap in the face” is an overly dramatic way to post this, perhaps this type of drama is what could tire someone out to the point of indifference.
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Are you arguing with the OP or with someone that you are close to? :confused:
 
Obviosly I didn’t come accross like I wanted to. Sorry if it was rude, just trying to come at it with a charitable assumption from a different point of view. Whew! Again sorry. Hopefully you all can look past the way I posted and see my true point, which I assure you was not rude but was a different point of view. Trying to be helpful, trying to give the husband the benifit of the doubt here. Perhaps we all should do the same.
Too much estrogen perhaps, or maybe too much testosterone on my part.
Again sorry
 
sydney28 said:
, my husband has known from day one that abortion is an issue I am very sensitive about. That simple fact alone should have encouraged him to be a bit less uncaring.
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I am sure your husband does know your position. Perhaps he is all too well aware of it.
that said, it is never a good outcome when women analize a stoic comment from men expecting something else. If you want us to react a certain way, then you better darn well wright us a script.😃
 
Cristiano said:
Are you arguing with the OP or with someone that you are close to? :confused:
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neither. As the one who usually gets worked up about these things, I have learned to take a cue from my wife when she gets tired of my rants on politics, or injustices.
 
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