Little help with confession

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strawflower16

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I joined the Church this past spring where I went through the whole shebang, baptism and all. I have a hard time with confession and wondered if anyone had any advise for making this easier. Does it get easier with time? the more you do it the more comfortable you feel telling all this stuff to your priest? I have found that writing down what I want to talk about helps, but even then I get very nervous and feel like I am doing it wrong. Thoughts, comments?
 
If something is really eating away at you, and has been for a while, then the relief from losing that burden completely blurs out any awkwardness.

Remember that the priest NEVER judges you. Also I’d say the best confession-prep is making yourself realize the enormous gravity of whatever sins you have commited. Think of the suffering in Purgatory, or in serious cases, in Hell that you’ll experience with these sins engraved onto your soul. Imagine confession as Jesus sanding down your soul to get rid of the scratches on the outside. You might have hard feelings at first towards losing the scraps that must come off during the sanding(awkwardness or discomfort), but in the end you’re lighter and smoother. (Excuse my poorly worded analogy but it helps me :D)

I cried after my last confession out of happiness because it had been long coming. I felt so brave for finally letting it out. I hope you’ll learn to feel the same way!
 
I’d say that if confessing your sins ever DOES really become comfortable to you, THAT is when you should start to worry - being comfortable might mean you were becoming desensitised towards sin. Of course it probably will get at least a little easier as time goes on.

Remember that you’re mainly confessing to God, who knows all your sins anyway. The priest is there more as His mouthpiece to pronounce His absolution upon you.

Doesn’t mean you need go into much detail - in fact it is always wise to give a bit less detail rather than more, and let the priest ask questions if he needs more information.

As for ‘doing it wrong’ - the only way you could ‘do it wrong’ is if you lie or deliberately fail to mention a mortal sin in the confessional, or else if you go through the motions of confession but are totally unrepentant at heart.
 
Understand before you go why it is important to examine your conscience and why you truly detest your sins. Remember that the priest is a sinner, too, and that he is trying to help you. You aren’t going in to get the priest’s approval on anything. You are telling God that you are sorry.

Beforehand, think of Jesus’ agony in the Garden before He died. Think of how troubled he was, and how He suffered, and how it is the forgiveness of your sins that He suffered for. Even though Jesus is God-made-man, he went through real emotional and physical torment, and it was for you along with all mankind.

Don’t you want his forgiveness, even if the entire world could look down on your sin? Luckily, it is a lot more private than that, but don’t forget that our sins hurt others.

As far as practical tips at confession, make yourself say the “big one” first. Whatever is hardest to say, speak up. Don’t hide behind the words, say “I did _____”. This way, you will have the comfort of knowing that you were honest not just to a priest, but in confessing before God.
 
Thank you for the thoughts. It is good to know that it is not easy for others. I realize that it should not be, because then the question becomes are you truly sorry? I feel like I need a template of say this then this then your sins here and then this…🙂 but I dont think that really exists. Sort of a black and white person, dont really like gray areas. I do feel a sense of relief when I leave, like letting go which is very comforting and remembering that feeling makes it easier for me to want to go back so that I can feel that way again. I know that the preist does not judge me, but it is hard to not feel that way. I do find it easier if I dont have to look at him :). Sitting across from him the first time I couldnt really look him in the eyes anyway.
In my RCIA I was taught to think about my sins and ask forgiveness from God and be know that I was truly sorry before even going to confession. The act of going to confession was just the last step in actually performing the sacrament of reconciliation. This is what I have tried to do. But like everything new it is always a struggle!
 
strawflower16 said:
Thank you for the thoughts. It is good to know that it is not easy for others. I realize that it should not be, because then the question becomes are you truly sorry? I feel like I need a template of say this then this then your sins here and then this…🙂 but I dont think that really exists.
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Well, we have one for children that you can follow. Adapt it to your circumstances and needs, of course! 🙂
 
strawflower16 said:
Thank you for the thoughts. It is good to know that it is not easy for others. I realize that it should not be, because then the question becomes are you truly sorry? I feel like I need a template of say this then this then your sins here and then this…🙂 but I dont think that really exists. Sort of a black and white person, dont really like gray areas. I do feel a sense of relief when I leave, like letting go which is very comforting and remembering that feeling makes it easier for me to want to go back so that I can feel that way again. I know that the preist does not judge me, but it is hard to not feel that way. I do find it easier if I dont have to look at him :). Sitting across from him the first time I couldnt really look him in the eyes anyway.
In my RCIA I was taught to think about my sins and ask forgiveness from God and be know that I was truly sorry before even going to confession. The act of going to confession was just the last step in actually performing the sacrament of reconciliation. This is what I have tried to do. But like everything new it is always a struggle!
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Oh a template is easy enough, and it’s a good idea too - just be aware that if you deviate from it it won’t make the confession bad.

Here’s my template - I go into the confessional and kneel at the kneeler (you can sit in a chair if it’s offered and if you prefer). I normally cross myself and thensay:

‘Bless me, father, for I have sinned, it has been x amount of time since my last confession and in that time I have … assassinated the President twice, cheated my elderly granma of money on five occasions, in total swindling her of her $50 million life savings and kicked my dog every five minutes or so (venial sin, but habitual, so I’d want to confess it) … and for these and all the sins of my past life I am truly sorry’

That last bit lets the priest know you’re done, but if you remember any more sins, even while the priest is speaking or after his absolution, pipe up and say ‘excuse me, Father, I should just mention that I also told my best friend that she’s hideously fat’ …

The priest may give you some advice and/or a penance and/or ask you to say an Act of Contrition (none of which are compulsory). Often they’ll have a printed card in the confessional with an Act of Contrition on it, or you can memorise one that you like.

Listen for the priest to give you absolution ('I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father …") - without it the confession isn’t valid, although some priests may say it WHILE you are saying your Act of Contrition. Then he’ll usually say ‘go in peace’ or something, after which I always say ‘Thank you, Father’. Then you can skedaddle and do your penance.
 
Confession is never easy (especially if you’re like me and keep falling into the same sins :o), but I do find when I’m done it’s a like a big burden has been lifted off of my shoulders.
I like to use an analogy from my profession as a nurse. Sometimes we have patients come in with an abscessed wound. Just putting a bandaid and some antibiotic ointment on it just won’t cut it. The doctor needs to incise the wound and drain all the infectious material out and sometimes debride it (remove the dead tissue). I realize that’s not a pretty picture, but neither is what sin does to our souls, and confession is a way to cleanse the wounds on our souls caused by sin.
BTW, Scott Hahn has a great book on the Sacrament of Confession called Lord, Have Mercy, and in the back is a checklist based on the Ten Commandments that you can use to perform an examination of conscience prior to Confession.
 
Try this for a “credit card to heaven” or some such thing:
www.frpat.com/reconciliation.htm Everything but the sins.

The others have given you good advice. In some ways it gets easier. In other ways it never gets easy.

Sometimes the most humbling things to confess aren’t the biggest or the baddest, but the stupidest that you really don’t want anyone else to know.

You’ve got the infection analogy; I can give you a wart analogy. I once had a wart on my finger. At first I didn’t know what it was. Once I figured it out, I hoped it would go away by itself (but it didn’t). I kept it covered, so no one else would see it. It was always right there with me (before me always). It hurt when I touched something the wrong way. Then it started to fester and grow and spread. I knew I had to do what I had to do, because I was tired of dealing with the wart. I went to the doctor and he took one look and knew just what to do. Out came the needle to jam in there to numb it (that REALLY hurt). Then came the burning flesh thingy. It left an oozing sore, but the pain and aggravation of the wart was gone! And in a week or two, the sore had healed. It’s been a couple of years, and the wart has not come back. Not to say it won’t some day appear again, but this time I know what to do, and I won’t wait months and months.
 
Thanks for all the recomendations. I was all prepared to go to confession today before Mass, and there were a few people who hadnt gotten to see the priest but it was time for Mass to start, so we ended up just all going in together and I never got to use all these wonderful tips that you all gave me. But I felt much more prepared and ready to say what I needed to. 🙂
The book sounds good, will have to add it to my list of things to read. (it’s getting pretty long)
 
Keep in mind that, in the presence of any serious sin, you still do need to go to Confession…

I have often used the means explained in Frank McCourt’s book (though he left the Church, he includes a story of a Confession heard by a Franciscan). The priest found young Frank before a statue and instructed him to tell the saint ?St Francis? of his sins, while the priest listened; that way he wouldn’t be embarrassed to tell the priest.

So pray your sins aloud to God, and let the priest listen. The sacrament becomes quite prayerful, as it is a prayer. The Holy Spirit is sometimes palpable, as you have clearly invited Him there…
 
Hello Straw,

Just so you know I’m a 37 yr old lifelong Catholic and confession has never been easy for me. One thing that helped a ton was something one of our previous parish priests said. He said to remember how beautiful the sacraments are. Just think how great a wedding is or how great it is to see a baby baptized, or how great it is to receive the blessed sacrament and so on. Confession is another beautiful sacrament if you think about it. You receive forgiveness of your sins and are cleansed completely. It’s tough at first but what a great feeling!

Pullman92
 
Greetings Strawflower:)
Although I am no longer the cradle Catholic I once professed, I would suggest that you seek confession face to face. This sounds a bit frightening perhaps moreso then behind a screen, but the interaction between yourself and the priest will aid in calming your concerns.
One other thought, bear your conscience before God concerning all your sins in your personal reflection prior to confession, this too would give you comfort knowing that you have already admitted your sins to God himself. The priest in Catholicism is acting only as a conduit between you and God and not God himself.
Take time for reflection, in Catholicism venial sins are forgiven without the need of the confessional. IMO: In Catholicism, the more earnest you seek God and seek repentance, the more likely you will have a sense of confessing a good confession. The only mortal sins that aren’t forgiven in Catholicism, refer to those where you are deliberate in omission or not contrite of heart and sincerly repentant regarding that sin. But even if you omit one and had the right heart attitude in reflection and in the confessional; your sin will be forgiven. Some will advocate that if you recall it in the future to please confess it in the confessional probably more your benefit than God’s, because the sin is likely forgiven.
By his graces, his servant, Nic:)
strawflower16 said:
I joined the Church this past spring where I went through the whole shebang, baptism and all. I have a hard time with confession and wondered if anyone had any advise for making this easier. Does it get easier with time? the more you do it the more comfortable you feel telling all this stuff to your priest? I have found that writing down what I want to talk about helps, but even then I get very nervous and feel like I am doing it wrong. Thoughts, comments?
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