Living Arrangements

[rwoehmke]

I am an old geezer now but I can still remember how the hormones did rush. Even when a couple lives apart in those days of love and joy before marriage it is hard enough to avoid sin without compounding the difficulty by living in the same house same room, of course if that means you will be four in the bedroom (parents and you two) well, maybe it would work. Yes slip ups can be handled by confession, but why take the risk. You are beloved by God, why would you want to risk turning away from Him for even a moment?

 

[JimO]

Faithful 2 Rome:

IF the parents have trust, then exactly WHOM are you stating would be scandalized? And in this day and age…lets say that the entire neighborhood knew of this arrangement…do you think someone would actually be scandalized by this?

I’m sorry Faithful, but I cannot agree that the piety or lack of piety of those who might be scandalized by this situation is even relevent. That would be moral relativsim. It’s never okay to sin even if everyone around is sinning and even if nobody recognizes it as a sin. On the contrary, we are called to be light and salt.

This situation is not just a potential for scandal, it is placing oneself and a loved one in the proximal occasion of sin. That is a sin itself, a sin against God, against oneself as the temple of the Holy Spirit, and against his loved one. It is a dangerous situation. In a previous post I recounted the consequences to my nephew who was in the exact same situation. Nothing good can come from it. However, if cc_walker sacrafices and makes other arrangements, I believe that the Lord will bless his marriage for his obedience and his willingness to avoid even the appearance of evil.

I’m not trying to be “holier than thou”. I’m a sinner, same as everyone. I’m not judging cc_walker. He asked for an honest opinion, popular or not, and I have given mine. You have a right to your opinion too. In many cases opinions are not right or wrong, they are just opinions. However, this isn’t just providing opinions, it is an attempt to provide guidance in a matter could lead to grave sin. We have to be a lot more careful in this situation and err on the side of caution, not just for cc_walker, but for ourselves.

Blessings

 

[Lori]

My heart is heavy for the author of this post because I see how much he is struggling with this issue (the fact that this is now the second [at least that I have seen] post about this same exact topic when the first prost did very adequately answer all of these questions).

Young man (I am actuallystill a young person myself), the fact that you keep posting the same questions, hoping to get a somehow different answer shows me that you already know the answers in your heart. God put them there.

There is no one on this board that you have to answer to–only God. Your heart has already told you what you need to do, hasn’t it?

My answer to your question is the same as those of the other respondents; however, if you are financially completely unable to change this arrangement, I ask that you please just continue to pray and listen for God’s answers of what he thinks your next step should be. He is with you–you need to listen to Him–and NOT us. You all to well know what we think and why we think it.

May our Lord bless and protect you and yours, Lori

 

[buffalo]

Faithful 2 Rome:

Are people here responding to what the CHURCHs position is…or your OWN? Cause some responses such as “no” lead one to believe you are answering according to the Church and since I dont think she has a position on this, you are being misleading.

Look at it like this…with LOGIC and REASON and what the Church DOES say… when a man & woman isnt married according to the Churchs laws but discover they wish to be…they would go thru an annulment if previously divorced or they would be gearing up to be married in the Church properly if they converted etc… what the Priest tells them to do is this: Until xyz occurs or is granted, you must promise to live like brother and sister…NO SEX. She doesnt say, one of you must move into a hotel until things are proper…but SEPARATE BEDS are recommended…and frankly Id laugh if she ever told a husband to live in a hotel and pay that extra expence…thankfully she DONT.

You arent getting an apartment beforehand and living together…you’re asking about sharing the same room in your PARENTS home in SEPARATE BEDS…you have made a promise… only you two know how sincere that promise is… frankly one isnt dealing in reality if they think just cause you have separate rooms to sleep in you wont be tempted…during the day…whats to stop you two from fooling around if the folks go out shopping? Is your sleeping arrangement really gonna have any effect on you getting it on in the laundry room perhaps? I’ve become aroused simply by smelling cinnamon… and there werent ANY women around me…Sorry, but some reason needs to be given other than reactions like mushroom cloud photos, images of gasoline and catastrophy… geez…I wish people would react as strong to violence in American culture as they do to sex…as if the world is gonna end if you two do slip up…thats thebeauty of Confession…not as a crutch to always fall back on and be abused…but its there…why? Cause we are sinners… and temptation is ALL OVER and can come from ANYTHING… if ya think you cant handle waiting…then sleep in separate rooms… if you know your vows are strong and she isnt gonna be letting you see her crawl into her bed wearing a nightie…stay in the room… I hope that was adult enough…cause some of the other responses just dont seem to cope with sex questions with charity and reason.

Don’t forget scandal.
Respect for the souls of others: scandal

[2284](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2284.htm’) Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.

[2285](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2285.htm’) Scandal takes on a particular gravity by reason of the authority of those who cause it or the weakness of those who are scandalized. It prompted our Lord to utter this curse: "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."86 Scandal is grave when given by those who by nature or office are obliged to teach and educate others. Jesus reproaches the scribes and Pharisees on this account: he likens them to wolves in sheep’s clothing.87

[2286](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2286.htm’) Scandal can be provoked by laws or institutions, by fashion or opinion.

Therefore, they are guilty of scandal who establish laws or social structures leading to the decline of morals and the corruption of religious practice, or to "social conditions that, intentionally or not, make Christian conduct and obedience to the Commandments difficult and practically impossible."88 This is also true of business leaders who make rules encouraging fraud, teachers who provoke their children to anger,89 or manipulators of public opinion who turn it away from moral values.

2287 Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. "Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!"90

 

[space_ghost]

jrabs:

OK folks ( Space Ghost, dhgray, Tom, Uncleauberon, Kage_ar, Scott Waddell, Tantum Ergo et al from the other post). Looks like we are not invited to answer this question other than saying…

God Bless you on your up-coming marriage. May God guide you.

i never get to play…

oh, peace, and good luck to you and your significant other in the future…

 

[kmktexas]

Are people here responding to what the CHURCHs position is…or your OWN? Cause some responses such as “no” lead one to believe you are answering according to the Church and since I dont think she has a position on this, you are being misleading.

Look at it like this…with LOGIC and REASON and what the Church DOES say… when a man & woman isnt married according to the Churchs laws but discover they wish to be…they would go thru an annulment if previously divorced or they would be gearing up to be married in the Church properly if they converted etc… what the Priest tells them to do is this: Until xyz occurs or is granted, you must promise to live like brother and sister…NO SEX. She doesnt say, one of you must move into a hotel until things are proper…but SEPARATE BEDS are recommended…and frankly Id laugh if she ever told a husband to live in a hotel and pay that extra expence…thankfully she DONT.

But the church also says that IF their irregular status is known (as in when one party is known to have been previously married) and IF the couple wish to receive Communion, they should do so at another place where their situation is not common knowledge. This is to avoid the appearance of living in a sinful relationship but still presenting oneself for Communion.

 

[renee1258]

yes, but frustrating for each other. I completely understand, leases on apartment runs out before the wedding date and so forth. It could look bad, but when you’re married people shouldn’t be butting into what you do in your bedroom. If people ask, and you tell them but they think your lying, that is their problem. But still it is frustrating, so whenever avoid it.