Living at home

[Mindy_L]

I moved out of my parents home when I was in my late teens to pursue other job opportunities and decided to move back home to finish college two years ago at age 20. Since I’ve changed majors I have two years left of college. I currently work part time. I can’t afford to move out of my parents house right now because I have other expenses like books, gas, car insurance, cell phone bill, etc.

My parents are very supportive. My dad is wonderful. We take turns cooking dinner, sometimes go to the gym together, and enjoy doing projects around the house. My mom is great too. My mom and I haven’t always gotten along in the past, but I’ve learned to offer up all of the annoyances because at the end of the day it isn’t a big deal. We don’t have a lot of time together because she works crazy hours.

My parents and I go to mass together almost every Sunday. I have to say, my dad isn’t a practicing Catholic. I’ve caught him masturbating on several occasions. I never noticed when I lived at home in my childhood, but since moving home and being home during the day I have. I’ve caught my dad with his pants unzipped and then one time when my mom was vacuuming I caught my dad actually doing it. He thought no one was around and I walked past his office (on the first floor) with the door open and saw him. This was very disturbing and my dad made up poor excuses. I told him how disappointed I was and how it’s a mortal sin. I am a devout Catholic. Just walking past my dad when he’s in his office I can tell if he has been masturbating or not because he gets very nervous, his face turns red, and usually his shirt isn’t tucked in. I don’t know why he does it in such a “public” place. It really grosses me out and I don’t know how to handle the situation. I wish I didn’t know all of this about him but after living at home for two years it’s hard to not notice. I can only pray for him. Also if my parents and I have conflicting schedules we don’t go to mass together. When I’m not there they leave during communion.

As far as I’m concerned, my parents have always had a dysfunctional relationship. They weren’t married in the church, have slept in different rooms for over a decade, and I’m not sure if they are intimate. My mom works long hours. They go to mass together, have dinner together when my mom is able to get home from work early, and have mutual friends they see on a weekly basis. There isn’t much of a relationship though. I can tell my dad is very unhappy just with how he treats my mom and I sometimes. My mom has her faults and I’m sure I will never truly understand their relationship. My dad can be abusive. When my mom comes home from work around 8 pm, he is usually watching tv. He gets mad when my mom is getting something to eat because she is making noise and interrupting his tv show. He usually watches tv every night after dinner until he goes to sleep. 5 out of the 7 nights he has a couple mixed drinks. Also when he drinks he has a very quick temper. More than half the time my parents watch tv together but sometimes they don’t get along.

Like I said I get along with my parents but my dad isn’t always nice to me and being around my parents dysfunctional relationship is taking a toll on me. I can’t afford to move out and I appreciate what they do for me. Any advice besides praying for them constantly? It’s not my place to try and “counsel” them or ask them to seek a priest’s help.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Try to find a roommate. Get the heck out of there as quickly as you can. If it were me, I’d start working and put school on hold for now, or at least go part time while working. Just find another place to live. You know way too much about your parents.

 

[JackieMom]

I can only say that if I ever came across my dad whacking off, I would not be hanging around for it to happen again. Move out!

 

[Blue_Goose]

Get a job, find a roommate, and move out. You will find a way to get back into school.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

It’s not my place to try and “counsel” them or ask them to seek a priest’s help.

You are quite correct that you cannot fix your parents’ marriage. You can pray for them and provide a good Christian example. Be thankful and never judgmental toward them.

 

[Lisa1967]

Praying for you. That’s a hard situation.

Maybe you could take a leave of absence from school, earn some money, and explore other living arrangements. There may be someone in your parish willing to rent a room. I had a relative who rented a room in this manner and it worked out well. Some places have shared living arrangements where a younger person teams up with a senior and does chores for them and provides companionship in return for housing.

 

[agnes_therese]

Your father has issues beyond masturbating – leaving the door open when he knows his daughter is at home?!?!? That is sick.
Seriously, you need to move out asap. Look at all your expenses and see what you can do to cut them – cheaper cell phone plan? cheaper car insurance? Can you get more hours at your part-time job?

Please. Move out. This is not going to get any better.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I agree that it is best all around if you move away again. Check with your college student life office about finding other students looking for a roommate, or possible living on campus as an RA or with other support.

The situation of your parent’s marriage is not something you can fix. You can continue to visit them and keep up a relationship, even when living away. But you need to do it in a way that won’t damage your relationship with either of them because of what you know or see.

I also recommend that you seek some counselling/advice from your priest or a good Christian counselor. You shouldn’t be confessing other people’s sin, but you do need to be sure you don’t hold your father’s weaknesses (or your mother’s) against them. Their relatinship and the way they cope with whatever stress or issues they have is between them and God and not you.

 

[pamnbam]

Whoa! Yes, I agree you definitely need to get out of there ASAP!

Also, is there any way you can look into sex addiction resources for your dad, possibly? For him to masturbate in open spaces in the house like that is just awful. It strikes me as a bit of a sexual impulse problem. You said he seems embarrassed when he’s caught, so maybe he can’t help himself to some degree?