Living Celibacy

[Neil_Anthony]

I’m really sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but it was hard to find one that it would fit into. Moderators please move this if it’s in the wrong forum.

As a single man I’ve known for a long time that God expects me to be celibate, but only recently have I received and accepted God’s grace which gave me strenth to do that. However, I’m starting to wonder if this is really spiritually healthy. It seems that inappropriate thoughts come to my mind much more often, and at inappropriate times, and I think of things and am tempted to do things which are worse than I ever thought about before. Also at times it’s hard to not think of women inappropriately. Surely this isn’t a healthy situation (spiritually), it seems that being like this could be a near occasion of sin.

On the other hand I don’t think I’m called to married life. I wonder about the long term spiritual effects of living like this. Are there supplements or drugs you can take to make it easier? Prayer often helps, although sometimes it’s almost impossible to focus on prayer because other thoughts keep intruding.

Any advice from long-term single people and monks or priests would be very appreciated.

 

[Coreopisis]

I’m really sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but it was hard to find one that it would fit into. Moderators please move this if it’s in the wrong forum.

As a single man I’ve known for a long time that God expects me to be celibate, but only recently have I received and accepted God’s grace which gave me strenth to do that. However, I’m starting to wonder if this is really spiritually healthy. It seems that inappropriate thoughts come to my mind much more often, and at inappropriate times, and I think of things and am tempted to do things which are worse than I ever thought about before. Also at times it’s hard to not think of women inappropriately. Surely this isn’t a healthy situation (spiritually), it seems that being like this could be a near occasion of sin.

On the other hand I don’t think I’m called to married life. I wonder about the long term spiritual effects of living like this. Are there supplements or drugs you can take to make it easier? Prayer often helps, although sometimes it’s almost impossible to focus on prayer because other thoughts keep intruding.

Any advice from long-term single people and monks or priests would be very appreciated.

Honestly, I don’t know a single or married man who doesn’t have these thoughts. From the guys I know I hear this is pretty darn normal.

My brother is not celibate but is your typical single guy and he has these thoughts all the time. One of my close male frields is in the third year of a committed relationship where they are not celibate and he has these thoughts all the time. My best friends husband, they’ve been married 13 years and they have a very active sex life and he has probably more thoughts than any single guy I know.

Anyway I don’t know what the spiritual impacts of all this is but it does seem to be the norm for men in general to have such thoughts. Now choosing to be celibate should bring you closer to God which would put you in the line-of-fire spiritually. I would be willing to bet that you are under some spiritual attack that is trying to draw you away from your choice.

Although I understand it is distressing I would try not to worry about it to much and instead pray for help from God and your Guardian angel to protect you from these attacks.

Good Luck!

 

[blessedstar]

I’m really sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but it was hard to find one that it would fit into. Moderators please move this if it’s in the wrong forum.

As a single man I’ve known for a long time that God expects me to be celibate, but only recently have I received and accepted God’s grace which gave me strenth to do that. However, I’m starting to wonder if this is really spiritually healthy. It seems that inappropriate thoughts come to my mind much more often, and at inappropriate times, and I think of things and am tempted to do things which are worse than I ever thought about before. Also at times it’s hard to not think of women inappropriately. Surely this isn’t a healthy situation (spiritually), it seems that being like this could be a near occasion of sin.

On the other hand I don’t think I’m called to married life. I wonder about the long term spiritual effects of living like this. Are there supplements or drugs you can take to make it easier? Prayer often helps, although sometimes it’s almost impossible to focus on prayer because other thoughts keep intruding.

Any advice from long-term single people and monks or priests would be very appreciated.

These terrible thoughts you are having are not from you. Satan will do almost anything to destroy your celibacy. There are two kind of temptations against celibacy, the one arising from the evil one and the other from the broken human nature. The former thoughts from the evil one are so distressing in nature and can be at times relentless and are totally against the will.

As for the latter thoughts, well they are from you and are due to the broken nature of humanity. Ignore them and brush them aside and when you see a beautiful lady, just thank God for making such a lovely creature and then ignore these thoughts.

The great grace you have is a pearl beyond price, the gift of celibacy. I made a vow between Jesus and myself to be celibate as I was called to do. For the most part this is not a struggle, it feels totally natural to me or I would not have embarked on this life of celibacy if clearly it was not something I was drawn to. This perfect gift is sustained in Jesus, I cannot manage it a minute by myself, but Jesus has upheld it for many years. Like any gift from God it will be tested, so say if you have the gift of humility, your humility will be tested in day to day life and the evil one will conspire against it in each and every person who has embraced the gift. So it’s just the same with celibacy.

Don’t worry about the thoughts. Tell Jesus everything and ask Him to uphold you in your beautiful gift of celibacy. Then focus your mind on something else because whilever your mind is focused on one sin or other the temptation will always be great. Distract yourself with some work, or something like that.

I say this prayer daily:

** O Holy Spirit, Great Paraclete
Thou Who in toil art comfort sweet
Grant me, I beseech Thee
The priceless gift of fortitude
That through it all
dread of danger overcome
I may stand firm in all temptations
And may be strong to follow generously
Jesus Christ, my Lord. Amen.**

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[Coreopisis]

Neil, Honestly, I don’t know a single or married man who doesn’t have these thoughts. From the guys I know I hear this is pretty darn normal married, celibate, or otherwise.

My brother is not celibate but is your typical single guy and he has these thoughts all the time. One of my close male frields is in the third year of a committed relationship where they are not celibate and he has these thoughts all the time. My best friends husband, they’ve been married 13 years and they have a very active sex life and he has probably more thoughts than any single guy I know.

Anyway I don’t know what the spiritual impacts of all this is but it does seem to be the norm for men in general to have such thoughts. Now choosing to be celibate should bring you closer to God which would put you in the line-of-fire spiritually. I would be willing to bet that you are under some spiritual attack that is trying to draw you away from your choice.

Although I understand it is distressing I would try not to worry about it to much and instead pray for help from God and your Guardian angel to protect you from these attacks.

Good Luck!

PS: I am a single woman who also has chosen to be celibate for a little while now. I NEVER had thoughts before but now I do. My thoughts have gotten to the point that they disgust me seriously, so I don’t think they come from me directly if you knwo what I mean.

 

[inthecloud]

I believe that you must search on books on asceticism and mysticism. Catholic and Orthodox. Since you are celibate, prayer, contemplation and exercise (taking the place of a monk physical labor) will help you.

 

[Keikiolu]

I’m really sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but it was hard to find one that it would fit into. Moderators please move this if it’s in the wrong forum.

As a single man I’ve known for a long time that God expects me to be celibate, but only recently have I received and accepted God’s grace which gave me strenth to do that. However, I’m starting to wonder if this is really spiritually healthy. It seems that inappropriate thoughts come to my mind much more often, and at inappropriate times, and I think of things and am tempted to do things which are worse than I ever thought about before. Also at times it’s hard to not think of women inappropriately. Surely this isn’t a healthy situation (spiritually), it seems that being like this could be a near occasion of sin.

Why are you celibate?

Chasteness is not giving something up, but being “a spouse” to something greater.

What do you fill that “place” which your spouse should occupy?

If you don’t fill it with a “worthy thing”, then Satan will fill it for you.

On the other hand I don’t think I’m called to married life. I wonder about the long term spiritual effects of living like this. Are there supplements or drugs you can take to make it easier? Prayer often helps, although sometimes it’s almost impossible to focus on prayer because other thoughts keep intruding.

Any advice from long-term single people and monks or priests would be very appreciated.

Fill the place of your spouse with what God suggests.

Read the “Theology of the Body”.

Mahalo ke Akua…!
E pili mau na pomaikai ia oe. Aloha nui.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I’m really sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but it was hard to find one that it would fit into. Moderators please move this if it’s in the wrong forum.

As a single man I’ve known for a long time that God expects me to be celibate, but only recently have I received and accepted God’s grace which gave me strenth to do that. However, I’m starting to wonder if this is really spiritually healthy. It seems that inappropriate thoughts come to my mind much more often, and at inappropriate times, and I think of things and am tempted to do things which are worse than I ever thought about before. Also at times it’s hard to not think of women inappropriately. Surely this isn’t a healthy situation (spiritually), it seems that being like this could be a near occasion of sin.

On the other hand I don’t think I’m called to married life. I wonder about the long term spiritual effects of living like this. Are there supplements or drugs you can take to make it easier? Prayer often helps, although sometimes it’s almost impossible to focus on prayer because other thoughts keep intruding.

Any advice from long-term single people and monks or priests would be very appreciated.

I think you have celibacy confused with chastity. Celibacy means you will not marry. Chastity means you’ll live a life of purity in accord with Church teaching.

That being said. Don’t confuse sexual desire with lust. All healthy heterosexual men, have sexual desires for women. This is a natural biological condition, which if God had not given it to us, the human race would not have survived. Lust is the desire to have sex, for the sake of self-pleasure, without the expression of love for the other person. In many ways, lust is an extension of the ego onto the other person.

If you desire a wife, some one to fall in love with and share your life with, pray for her. God won’t force anyone into your life, but will set up the situation for the perfect mate to come your way.

God Bless
Jim

 

[mercygate]

The conventional wisdom is that these thoughts and feelings go away after a time. Usually about three days after you’re dead.

 

[blessedstar]

The conventional wisdom is that these thoughts and feelings go away after a time. Usually about three days after you’re dead.

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[Neil_Anthony]

Thanks to everyone who’s responded for your advice.

I think you have celibacy confused with chastity. Celibacy means you will not marry. Chastity means you’ll live a life of purity in accord with Church teaching.

That being said. Don’t confuse sexual desire with lust. All healthy heterosexual men, have sexual desires for women. This is a natural biological condition, which if God had not given it to us, the human race would not have survived. Lust is the desire to have sex, for the sake of self-pleasure, without the expression of love for the other person. In many ways, lust is an extension of the ego onto the other person.

If you desire a wife, some one to fall in love with and share your life with, pray for her. God won’t force anyone into your life, but will set up the situation for the perfect mate to come your way.

God Bless
Jim

I use the term celibacy because my personality and temperament aren’t suited to married life and so I believe God isn’t calling me to married life. So I’m trying to accept single life as a lifelong vocation.

If my thoughts were just healthy desire they would be annoying but not so upsetting. They cross into the realm of lust. For obvious reasons I won’t go into any more detail but I have concern that if I stumble or fall now, I could end up doing sins more serious than, say, making love with a (hypothetical) fiancee. I could end up doing things purely lustful rather than having a component of love.

Also the thoughts can be very distracting, even in church I find myself being distracted by how beautiful people at church are, when I should be praying. Maybe if I sit in the front pew it’ll be less distracting, but I shouldn’t have to do thigns like that. It seems like I might be developing an obsession which is why I used the term unhealthy.

 

[Neil_Anthony]

The conventional wisdom is that these thoughts and feelings go away after a time. Usually about three days after you’re dead.

thanks!

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Neil_Anthony

your situation doesn’t sound easy and I’m sorry its difficult for you.

We all have feelings of lust from time to time, even us old married men. For me, I keep praying and asking God for help. Most of time it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But when I fall, I start over again, by going to confession.

A wise old priest told me once, that only time you will avoid giving into temptation, is when the REASON for not commiting the act, becomes stronger than the desire.

So, I think you need to look at what’s tempting you and ask God to lead you to the reason and understanding on why you should avoid these things and not just because the Church says its wrong.

Anyway, for me, prayer is the strongest remedy to overcome temptations.

God Bless
Jim

 

[Keikiolu]

Thanks to everyone who’s responded for your advice.

I use the term celibacy because my personality and temperament aren’t suited to married life and so I believe God isn’t calling me to married life. So I’m trying to accept single life as a lifelong vocation.

“Single life”, if meant as “non-married life”, is not a vocation.

It is a “fasting”. A form of fasting is not a vocation.

A vocation is a call TO something, not a call to abstain from something.

What you need to do is find a vocation, a calling TO something.

What does God say you are called to do?

If my thoughts were just healthy desire they would be annoying but not so upsetting. They cross into the realm of lust. For obvious reasons I won’t go into any more detail but I have concern that if I stumble or fall now, I could end up doing sins more serious than, say, making love with a (hypothetical) fiancee. I could end up doing things purely lustful rather than having a component of love.

Also the thoughts can be very distracting, even in church I find myself being distracted by how beautiful people at church are, when I should be praying.

Perhaps God is trying to show you that people ARE beautiful…? Which they are.

What does the beauty of people mean to you? Is it an expression of God in His most beautiful creation?

When Christ saw beautiful people I would imagine that He saw a magnificently inspirational example of God’s creation which points toward God as the one to thank for the beauty of creation.

A beautiful person is a prayer of adoration for God’s gifts prayed by the matter of His creation itself…!

Maybe if I sit in the front pew it’ll be less distracting, but I shouldn’t have to do thigns like that. It seems like I might be developing an obsession which is why I used the term unhealthy.

Once again,… what is your vocation? What are you called to DO? Not what are you called to not do?

When you have found your spouse, and live with that spouse in chastity, your “distractions” will fall away and be replaced by acts of love within your vocation which glorify God.

(( Theology of the Body ))

Aloha nui loa…!

 

[Neil_Anthony]

“Single life”, if meant as “non-married life”, is not a vocation.

It is a “fasting”. A form of fasting is not a vocation.

A vocation is a call TO something, not a call to abstain from something.

What you need to do is find a vocation, a calling TO something.

What does God say you are called to do?

Perhaps God is trying to show you that people ARE beautiful…? Which they are.

What does the beauty of people mean to you? Is it an expression of God in His most beautiful creation?

When Christ saw beautiful people I would imagine that He saw a magnificently inspirational example of God’s creation which points toward God as the one to thank for the beauty of creation.

A beautiful person is a prayer of adoration for God’s gifts prayed by the matter of His creation itself…!

Once again,… what is your vocation? What are you called to DO? Not what are you called to not do?

When you have found your spouse, and live with that spouse in chastity, your “distractions” will fall away and be replaced by acts of love within your vocation which glorify God.

(( Theology of the Body ))

Aloha nui loa…!

Thank you, I’m going to read Theology of the Body, it sounds like it’s just what I need

 

[blessedstar]

Neil, I’ve been thinking, have you discussed this with your Priest, Confessor or Spiritual Director? Did you just decide to be celibate because you didn’t find a suitable woman presently? What was the discernment process when you made this huge decision?

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[Neil_Anthony]

Neil, I’ve been thinking, have you discussed this with your Priest, Confessor or Spiritual Director? Did you just decide to be celibate because you didn’t find a suitable woman presently? What was the discernment process when you made this huge decision?

In the Living Prayer of my life

I haven’t made it as a permanent vow or decision… It just seems like a reasonable choice for the forseeable future unless I go through some major changes.
I’ll discuss it more with my spiritual advisor though… in the meantime I’ll use all my single-guy free time to pray more

 

[blessedstar]

I’ll discuss it more with my spiritual advisor though… in the meantime I’ll use all my single-guy free time to pray more

Good plan of action!

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[Coreopisis]

I haven’t made it as a permanent vow or decision… It just seems like a reasonable choice for the forseeable future unless I go through some major changes.
I’ll discuss it more with my spiritual advisor though… in the meantime I’ll use all my single-guy free time to pray more

I just read through this thread and I have to agree with this decision. It seems like this would be a HUGE decision for any man so why make it without proper discernment. Besides there are nice girls out there who are beautiful too who are looking for the right guy. What if you are actually the right guy and you ignore it because you are focused on this whole decision? You could miss out on a calling to married life and a really good thing.

You never know, maybe your supposed to be married and you will have a son who ends up being a saint?

 

[Neil_Anthony]

I believe that you must search on books on asceticism and mysticism. Catholic and Orthodox. Since you are celibate, prayer, contemplation and exercise (taking the place of a monk physical labor) will help you.

Hi inthecloud,
I’ll look for books by monks about living the monasticlife. Why did you list mysticism?

 

[Neil_Anthony]

“Single life”, if meant as “non-married life”, is not a vocation.

It is a “fasting”. A form of fasting is not a vocation.

A vocation is a call TO something, not a call to abstain from something.

What you need to do is find a vocation, a calling TO something.

What does God say you are called to do?

…

Once again,… what is your vocation? What are you called to DO? Not what are you called to not do?

Who knows…