Living celibate, and social reactions to it

[BarbaraTherese]

Thanks for the clarification. That sounds like quite a life!

…it has its times of drought when the grass is oh so very much greener elsewhere…and why I dont make the move to those greener pastures has to be due to Grace alone. Like all states of life it has its ups and downs…

 

[LSK]

I have always been shy, quite reserved, pacifistic, very slow to condemn someone, and always feeling sorry for people- who hate my guts. On the other hand, perhaps you could say that I’m cold hearted, aloof, and distant. In any case my take on what I was hearing about the Bible, when I was little, was that God took a dimmer view of a sexual thought than of an act of murder. And I also got the impression, in my old southern family, that all women were basically of the same status as Nuns; pure, virtuous, untouchable, supra-humanly perfect.You should stay on the opposite side of the room from women out of respect - and so that they won’t get the wrong idea about your intentions, and that if it was unavoidable to address one of them, I had this powerful urge to genuflect. Now that I am much older, and have long since been introduced to the real world, I am still confused, and, honestly, I MISS and I PREFER that BEAUTIFULLY ROMANTIC perspective and context of my childhood.
So I have lived a celibate life.

• I have no intention of entering the religious life, obligations to my parents preclude that.
  I am constantly being disgusted, frustrated, and depressed that most people obviously assume right off the bat that I must be homosexual, or worse deviant, or physically defective.
  Come on now! Is celibacy-chastity REALLY that unusual or rare? And what of this implied notion- if not stated outright- that ALL males are potential rapists or sexual monsters or homosexuals? ( and where does that leave the pope for example?) What might the potential long-term corrosive effect of that notion be if it goes unquestioned and unchallenged?
  I have this theory that the western world is so given over to sexual excess that in self-defense / self-justification it must foster the notion that chastity is peculiar.
  The lack of self-restraint is so EMBARASSINGLY ubiquitous that semantic gymnastics must be employed to prop it up, like, for example , to argue that dressing women up in peter pan collars and knee length skirts and idealizing them is objectifieing them and demeaning them. ( but if we dress them in bikinis and drape them over chevrolets we have made them our republican equals! )
  I know how protestants see it these days; chastity is strictly for the under-18 crowd .( and to tell the truth, the reasons for that are not theological, philosophical, or idealogical; we don’t want pregnant 13 year old girls, we don’t want 15 year old boys in hospital with AIDS. ) Otherwise, you should get married 5 times, you should leave your heirs with hopelessly confused geneologies, but NEVER should you ELECT TO REFRAIN because you think it’s noble and romantic!
  Do Catholics in general feal that way too?
  Any other old maids out there? what do you think?

First of all I really enjoyed reading this - you obviously have a wonderful sense of humor and a great gift of writing in the wonderful Southern Tradition of a Flannery O’Connor.
I live a celibate life because I am an unmarried Catholic woman. I have been accused of suppressing my sexuality or of being a homosexual or just plain defective in some manner. However none of those accusations have come from my friends in the Holy Mother Church who share my love for God and devotion to the Eucharist.

hmmmmm…

 

[jc-servant]

Well this is an interesting discussion!

From what I understand of the definitions, I’m not “celibate” but rather “chaste” because I’m still single and looking for my future spouse. However, I can relate to some of the posts. I’m a convert, so I understand about being around people who have no idea what the church teaches about sexuality or what chastity even means. I agree that the OP needs to find some like-minded people to hang out with regardless of his income or job. When I was a new convert I had not heard of groups like the Young Serrans or other organizations where I could socialize with faithful orthodox Catholics.

One thing that I did even while in RCIA was to get involved in Catholic activities at the parish and in the diocese. I volunteered for our high school ministry after I was confirmed and I made a great group of chaste, orthodox Catholic friends (male and female). It was like a wonderful group of brothers and sisters (including singles and a few married couples). It is great to feel support in your chastity from like-minded friends. BTW, we had mechanics, mortgage bankers, stay-at-home mothers, etc all hanging out together doing God’s work and no one cared about anyone’s occupation. They have taught me a lot of things including not being ashamed to pray in restaurants or to tell people that I’m chaste when the sex talk comes up!

Kind of off the original topic, I read from the OP perhaps some apprehension about building platonic relationships with women or even thinking about marriage. I want to say that in my experience it has been the men who were hung up on being “blue collar” once they found out I’m an attorney. I could not care less what a man’s job is so long as it is legal, honest work that he does to the best of his ability. I know other single Catholic professional women who are still hoping for a good Catholic man and who have “blue collar” men run away after they find out their occupations. I hate to hear about any decent man who holds himself back over his job or income from making new acquaintances/friends.

 

[Norseman82]

OK, I assume from your previous posts that you are a male.

In my parents case, even when I was five years old they were already set in the habit of saying very harsh, terrible, things to me, incessantly. To this day I hate weekends, because that means I literally get to hear it for as much as 16 hours at a stretch.

Are you financially dependent upon them or live with them? Are you biding your time thinking you are going to inherit something? Why put up with that abuse? Because that is what it is, emotional abuse.

I think now, in hindsight, that becoming a common laborer was the best thing that ever happened to me !
If I had become an army officer or a teacher I would have become 50 times the vain, arrogant *&$%#@ that I am anyway.

But had you become an army officer or teacher you might have gotten away from that nightmare home situation.

Indeed, I’m convinced that God has an especially ironical sense of humor, and that fully 100% of the time when “bad” things happen to us God is actually BLESSING us.

So, at a very early age I learned a cold, reptilian, " apart-ness" in order to handle it. ( or perhaps that’s just some half-baked Fruedian ****? ) It does, however, have a positive side,
if you are a serial killer for example, I’m probubly not going to hate you with quite the same gratuitous relish that others seem to exhibit, because to me all humans look like three-eyed giant green cockroaches.

Dude…please take a step back and look back at what you wrote and listen to yourself.

Do you honestly think that child sexual abuse is a blessing? Do you honestly think that looking upon all other people as three-eyed giant cockroaches is positive and Christian and a blessing?

I suggest you make an appointment with the priest where you are taking RCIA and discuss these points with him, because you have serious family issues and they are already negatively impacting your Christian life (celibate or not) in light of what you wrote above.

And if you are angry at me for my bluntness and want to come up to Chicago to take a swing at me, no problem, I’ve got extra gloves and headgear, and I can buy an extra mouthguard from the Sports Authority down the street. But as someone (I’m a single male a couple of years older than you) who lost his immediate family early and had to see alcoholism at home, I can tell you that for your own sanity and well-being you need to become independent and get out of that nightmare family situation you are in, because it is NOT making you holy or purified, it has gotten to the point of becoming an occasion of sin.

At least in the eyes of this three-eyed giant green cockroach…

 

[unworthy]

hey there,
have you thought of a possible vocation to Opus Dei? It’s for lay people like you and I who can be celibate and serve God in one’s own profession.

-unworthy

 

[kesa82]

Norseman82 - No, I don’t think I would want to punch you. The sense that I get from you is that you mean well.
You would agree, wouldn’t you, that I have written a great deal already, and much of that personal information?

I would rather idealize women ( objectify them the critic would say ) than bed them. 'Nough said.
But like I alluded to, the spoken or written word has definite limits, first on the list being that there are always a thousand or a million details, but even one detail in a million can still be an important detail, so you can prove to yourself with elementary school math that you can’t tell the whole truth, because you can’t include a million details, and since you can’t tell the whole truth you are left with …?

Anyway, basically, I disagreed with all your points.

• which is not to say you are wrong.
  But I disagree.

 

[TrishaW]

Personally, I think it’s wonderful! And I can totally understand how this is a preferable lifestyle coice; especially in today’s sex-crazed world.

Our diocese recently had a woman take vows as a Consecrated Virgin. It was a very beautiful thing and I do believe that God has set that path for some people. Some were meant to marry and have children, some were meant to live a life as a Religious and serve the Lord that way. Others, like perhaps yourself, were called to live a single life. They are all necessary ways to serve the Lord.

I think as long as you’ve prayed on this and are sure of your path, go for it. As far as what others think, that will happen whether you’re single or married. It is just a fact that some people will judge you no matter what your life choices are.

God bless you!

Trish

 

[kage_ar]

Since I know many intelligent, compassionate, devout “blue collar” “rednecks” - I’ll refrain from much more than suggesting some spiritual direction and praying about humility.

May you find true virtue and goodness in the Church.

 

[Wammy101]

I am not celebate. I see no problem with protection or pre marital sex. Or maybe thats just me… any way, I am not celebate, and see no problem with some-one who is not celebate.

 

[Wammy101]

I am not celebate. I see no problem with protection or pre marital sex. Or maybe thats just me… any way, I am not celebate, and see no problem with some-one who is not celebate.

 

[LSK]

I am not celebate. I see no problem with protection or pre marital sex. Or maybe thats just me… any way, I am not celebate, and see no problem with some-one who is not celebate.

Then you are not, if you are Catholic, in communion with Church teachings.
Now, having said that I am assuming that you are not married. If you are married and not celibate then you are in communion with Church teachings. I would hope, however, that you are chaste and living in accordance with Church teachings in your married life.

As to ‘using protection’ - what are you trying to protect yourself from? Having a child out of wedlock? Not getting a disease? I know a way to avoid both of those situations AND be in communion with Rome - thus allowing me to receive the Holy Eucharist, the Body Blood Soul and Divinity of Jesus Himself without fear of doing so in a state of mortal sin…

living according to the teachings of the Church in particular to those teachings that pertain to sexual freedom (and please note I wrote ‘freedom’ rather than ‘license’).

 

[Wammy101]

Then you are not, if you are Catholic, in communion with Church teachings.
Now, having said that I am assuming that you are not married. If you are married and not celibate then you are in communion with Church teachings. I would hope, however, that you are chaste and living in accordance with Church teachings in your married life.

Did you read my profile. I am not Catholic. I’m Wiccan, so living in accordance to CC teachings would be hypocracy

As to ‘using protection’ - what are you trying to protect yourself from? Having a child out of wedlock? Not getting a disease? I know a way to avoid both of those situations AND be in communion with Rome - thus allowing me to receive the Holy Eucharist, the Body Blood Soul and Divinity of Jesus Himself without fear of doing so in a state of mortal sin…

Yeah. I am trying to not have children out of wedlock, and disease protection is a biggie. marriage is not even an option for me now. Again, I am not Catholic, so the Body of Christ isn’t an issue

living according to the teachings of the Church in particular to those teachings that pertain to sexual freedom (and please note I wrote ‘freedom’ rather than ‘license’).

Sexual freedom is part of who I am. My parents (both of whom were Catholic) Often ( a little tooooo often) had protected sex.
Both of their kids (my bro and me) were planned, not a ‘ooops, I’m pregnant’ kinda thing. so I was brought up in an environment that permits, nay almost encourages protected sex with people you are ‘with’.
Cya,
Wammy

 

[LSK]

I rarely read the profiles of people who leave comments so no, the answer to your question is that I did not read it and did not know you are not a Christian.

Therefore, my statement still applies. If you are a Catholic you are bound by the teachings of the Holy Mother Church. You are not a Catholic. You are a Wiccan. You are bound, therefore, by the teachings of your religion. If your religion promotes the use of artificial birth control and premarital sex then obviously this thread does not apply to you.

HOWEVER, if you wish to avoid children out of wedlock and sexually transmitted diseases then living a celibate and chaste life in accordance with the teachings of my religion would keep you 100% safe.

If your parents were baptized and confirmed Catholics but practiced artificial birth control then they were not in communion with the teachings of their religion.

Sexuality is very important to Catholics. We don’t do an 'oops, I’m pregnant" kind of thing because we know what causes pregnancy. In this respect all our children are planned. If we do not wish to have children we do not have sex. Therefore, we become defined holistically rather than simply by what we do with our genitals.

cya, wammy

 

[BlestOne]

I
Sexuality is very important to Catholics. We don’t do an 'oops, I’m pregnant" kind of thing because we know what causes pregnancy. In this respect all our children are planned. If we do not wish to have children we do not have sex. Therefore, we become defined holistically rather than simply by what we do with our genitals.

cya, wammy

LSK,
I loved this…

Hey Whammy…it’s not oops I’m pregnant…It is “God has blest us” We believe that God creates life and God knows who and when it is best. I have had 4 such blessings in my life, resulting from 3 pregnancies. My husband would be bouncing off the walls happy if I came home from work tonight and told him I was expecting… Heck, I would be bouncing off the walls happy if I was expecting. If God blesses us with more children we would gladly accept them into our home, it doesn’t have to be a planned “if we do it tonight, I’ll get pregnant” moment, nor should it be. Sexual relations is a recommitment of our wedding vows…The marriage covenant we made to each other and to God. Children are the wedding gifts.

 

[kesa82]

Since I know many intelligent, compassionate, devout “blue collar” “rednecks” - I’ll refrain from much more than suggesting some spiritual direction and praying about humility.

May you find true virtue and goodness in the Church.

Actually , some of the best people I have met were blue collar rednecks. Indeed, if I’m disappointed in any group it would be the college-educated. A college education does not necessarily train better character, but it certainly does train you in the art of cant and lieing. But, as I’ve indicated previously, if I qualified everything, foot noted everything, explained everything, saying hello would take 100 pages.
Vanity is a big problem of mine, and I hope I do find spiritual direction, humility, true virtue, and goodness in the Holy Catholic Church. That’s why I’m here.