Living in a non-Catholic family that hates/is embarrassed by your faith

[SBushman5278]

I am the sole Catholic in my family. The entirety of my family is either Methodist or Agnostic.

I try to talk about my faith and present the true church teaching when I can, if they present any errors or misconceptions. I tell it like it is, and I am not politically correct.

My sister is living as a male and taking hormone treatments. I told my mom and family the honest truth that I cannot condone it, because it is mortal sin to do such a thing to oneself. And if you die in a state of mortal sin, whatever sin you commit, you risk going to hell.

My mom yelled at me, telling me that she is fed up, that I shouldn’t talk about my faith anymore, and that if this comes up again, that I could find somewhere else to live. “Doesn’t your church teach you to honor your mother and father?”, she said.

I told her yes, but I have a duty as a Catholic to always present the one true faith, and to not condone sin. And she’s not the only one who is fed up. My grandma is too, and she says I talk about the faith way too much, and that I need to tone it down.

I can’t help that I love my faith, and want to share it to others. I can’t help that I am doing this because I want them to hear the truth and get to heaven one day. But they hate the truth, and they don’t want to hear it. They just want to keep living in their blissful little world…

I’m worried… I can’t afford to live on my own, and I’m scared that this will come to a breaking point. I don’t know what to do… Please, some advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[mrbean007]

You’re very sincere, and that’s admirable. I think when it comes to speaking up, you need to know when to concede that it’s no longer productive and switch to a more passive mode, such as praying.

If you keep talking about your faith when they hate it so much, you’ll only further harden their hearts. Instead, take it to prayer. Don’t condone, but don’t actively condemn their actions either. Instead, be a loving son and brother. Be kind to them, talk about other things, simply be in their presence. Let your existence do the speaking for you.

In the peace that you and your family build together, you might find a place where talking about what you believe is gradually more acceptable. And in the meantime, pray. God can do so much more than you.

 

[1ke]

Methinks you should study the virtues of prudence and charity most earnestly.

 

[marlap2]

I live in an environment / family / society that is pretty anti-Catholic … at times, so I understand and sympathize.

You need to do a little underground / spiritual warfare and step back a bit.

Paul understood this well. You can’t always hit people over the head and use the “Hellfire scenario” to win souls.

1 Corinthians 9:19-23

Paul’s Use of His Freedom
19 Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. 20 To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. 21 To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. 23 I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

Use your closet / prayer time to storm heaven. Some of the best saints, like Saint Monica did this to great success. Even one of my favorite saints, St. Francis, won over a Muslim Sultan with his generous love. Maybe not a conversion, but an opening of doors…

You’d be surprised to know how many people take me aside and ask for prayer, knowing I’m a person of faith who will listen, and not preach (openly) If they ask, I answer with love, and storm heaven as much as possible. There has been many conversions in my family, all due to God’s mercy, and in some cases, ME STEPPING OUT OF THE WAY!

I was at a wedding last week, and I had two people (sister in laws) asking me for prayer, (almost at the same time) SO, I asked if we could pray right there, so hand in hand we prayed right then and there, and it was truly beautiful. For me, it was the best part of the day. I love doing God’s will.

 

[Lou2U]

I am the sole Catholic in my family. The entirety of my family is either Methodist or Agnostic.

I try to talk about my faith and present the true church teaching when I can, if they present any errors or misconceptions. I tell it like it is, and I am not politically correct.

My sister is living as a male and taking hormone treatments. I told my mom and family the honest truth that I cannot condone it, because it is mortal sin to do such a thing to oneself. And if you die in a state of mortal sin, whatever sin you commit, you risk going to hell.

My mom yelled at me, telling me that she is fed up, that I shouldn’t talk about my faith anymore, and that if this comes up again, that I could find somewhere else to live. “Doesn’t your church teach you to honor your mother and father?”, she said.

I told her yes, but I have a duty as a Catholic to always present the one true faith, and to not condone sin. And she’s not the only one who is fed up. My grandma is too, and she says I talk about the faith way too much, and that I need to tone it down.

I can’t help that I love my faith, and want to share it to others. I can’t help that I am doing this because I want them to hear the truth and get to heaven one day. But they hate the truth, and they don’t want to hear it. They just want to keep living in their blissful little world…

I’m worried… I can’t afford to live on my own, and I’m scared that this will come to a breaking point. I don’t know what to do… Please, some advice would be greatly appreciated!

Some advice from an Agnostic:

1. You say you talk about the truth when you can. Does this mean it is the only thing you talk about, or the only thing you wish to discuss? Or does it mean you talk about it when the topic comes up? If the former, I would suggest you tone it down and let someone else talk about a topic they are interested in. If the latter, I would say a short sentence such as “the CC teaches this about ______”.
2. I would not talk any more about your sister. I would apologise for upsetting your mother and your sister (if she was there at the time) and then say no more. If someone asks you about it, say “I have made my thoughts clear on this and do not wish to continue discussing it” and refuse to enter another argument. Try and build up your sister’s esteem instead of suggesting she’ll go to hell.
3. I think it’s commendable that you are so passionate about your faith, but one way to really put people “off” is to cram it down their throats. I understand this is not your goal, but it’s how you seem to be coming across to your family. When your mother told you not to talk about “this” any more, did she mean in regards to your sister? If so, I can understand her telling you she does not want to hear any more, as she obviously loves your sister, and suggesting she could go to hell isn’t really helpful to anyone.
4. No, you can’t help that you want to share your faith, and that you want your family to learn about your faith. But you can start doing this in actions, and not in words. Pray, Go to Mass. Go to Adoration and Confession.
5. I don’t think your family “hates the truth” and I don’t think it is fair of you to say that. I think they are uninterested and tired of hearing about your faith, which is a different thing altogether. I know it’s difficult when you have something you are so passionate about and you just want to tell everyone how amazing it is, but nobody wants to listen. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
6. This will have no reason to come to a breaking point. Listen to your mother. She’s saying “don’t talk about your faith”. So, start living your faith. You aren’t being less of a Catholic if you don’t say something every single time.
7. As an add on to #5 and #6 (but also a separate point) - try to stop victimising yourself and making your family the bad guys. You say " I can’t help that…" and “they just want to keep living in their blissful little world”. Your family goes through struggles, the same as you, and your sister more than most. Just because your family is not Catholic doesn’t mean their lives are “blissful” and their reactions do not show hatred, but annoyance. I understand that as a Catholic, you have a “duty” to your faith and to not condone sin, but it is counter productive to tell people they may go hell. It is also counter productive to suggest that they hate your faith because they are uninterested.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Lou

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

I try to talk about my faith and present the true church teaching when I can, if they present any errors or misconceptions. I tell it like it is, and I am not politically correct.

First off, there is an old saying, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Everything I’ve read in the rest of your post suggests you are using the ‘vinegar’ approach, and wondering why nobody cares to swallow it.

Second, when you say, “You try to”–are you bringing it up when the discussion turns towards religion, and it’s a free-flowing exchange of ideas, or are you sitting there lecturing to people who aren’t particularly interested, but are perhaps simply humoring you?

My sister is living as a male and taking hormone treatments. I told my mom and family the honest truth that I cannot condone it, because it is mortal sin to do such a thing to oneself. And if you die in a state of mortal sin, whatever sin you commit, you risk going to hell.

My mom yelled at me, telling me that she is fed up, that I shouldn’t talk about my faith anymore, and that if this comes up again, that I could find somewhere else to live.

If you told me my child was going to hell, I’d jump your stuff too. What honestly makes you think that’s a good approach?

I told her yes, but I have a duty as a Catholic to always present the one true faith, and to not condone sin. And she’s not the only one who is fed up. My grandma is too, and she says I talk about the faith way too much, and that I need to tone it down.

Two cents from a bystander: You’re coming across as pushy and arrogant, and completely unaware of your audience’s lack of interest slowly growing into full-blown irritation.

I can’t help that I love my faith, and want to share it to others. I can’t help that I am doing this …

You can, you just choose not to.

because I want them to hear the truth and get to heaven one day. But they hate the truth, and they don’t want to hear it. They just want to keep living in their blissful little world…

You sound very condescending here. If this is how you come across IRL, I don’t wonder they don’t want to listen to you.

I’m worried… I can’t afford to live on my own, and I’m scared that this will come to a breaking point. I don’t know what to do… Please, some advice would be greatly appreciated!

It sounds like your family was probably willing to tolerate you going on about your faith up until you started in on your sister–and your mother snapped and pushed back. If you are trying to make your mother choose between your faith and her child, guess what–your faith is going to lose. Big time.

It also sounds like ‘their house, their rules’, so you might want to think on that.

 

[maryjk]

Methinks you should study the virtues of prudence and charity most earnestly.

Yep.

Living your faith doesn’t mean going around telling everyone about their sin.

Think about it, OP, how would you feel if someone did that to you?

 

[boomerang]

Don’t talk religion with your family. Always set a good example of how a Christian lives, but don’t preach. You would only be casting pearls before swine. Pray and make offerings and sacrifices for their conversion. Let the Holy Spirit do the work.

 

[CB_Catholic]

We used to call that “Beating someone over the head with the Bible”.

It never works.

You have some good advice here, listen to it.

 

[SuS33]

Don’t talk religion with your family. Always set a good example of how a Christian lives, but don’t preach. You would only be casting pearls before swine. Pray and make offerings and sacrifices for their conversion. Let the Holy Spirit do the work.

I do that with my family too. Pray more, and let your life be an example to your faith. In other words, living the Gospel is more effective than preaching it. And pray A LOT!!! Make LOTS of sacrifices. The least pain you have, offer it right away for their conversion.

And mostly remember to just LOVE them.

 

[johnnyc176]

It is very admirable that you obeyed the command of Christ to proclaim the Truth of His Gospel and His Church, the Catholic Church. If they truely will not listen then you must shake the dust off your sandals so to speak but continue to pray. However there are still little things you can do like leaving reading material around. They might not want to hear from you but leaving a book like Catholicism for Dummies laying around you never know if it is not picked up and looked through with curiosity.

 

[AKDee]

I think whatever you say should be said with Christian charity. Intimating that your sister is in risk of hell, while technically correct, is not charitable. And, just as importantly, unlikely to help. When what you say comes across as judgmental like that, it’s unlikely to draw anyone to Christ. What draws people to Christ is His love and forgiveness.

There is a saying somewhat like, “Preach the gospel at all times, use words when necessary.”

Stop passing judgment on your family. LIVE the gospel, and let your life and your example speak to Christ’s work in you.

Edit to add: Also, just thought of this. I was listening to a talk on Our Lady one time, and they said she said that you have to do penance for conversion, not just pray for it. You might step up your penances and ask God to apply them to your family.

 

[johnnyc176]

I think whatever you say should be said with Christian charity. Intimating that your sister is in risk of hell, while technically correct, is not charitable. And, just as importantly, unlikely to help.

Well we really don’t know because we have not heard too much from our pastors about the consequences of sin and going against the teachings of Jesus.

When what you say comes across as judgmental like that, it’s unlikely to draw anyone to Christ. What draws people to Christ is His love and forgiveness.

We should not judge hearts but we can judge actions. One will not seek a physician if they do not think they are sick.

There is a saying somewhat like, “Preach the gospel at all times, use words when necessary.”

Yes it is attributed to St. Francis, however there seems to be question he actually said it…

catholicvote.org/pope-francis-and-st-francis-preach-the-gospel-always-and-for-the-love-of-god-use-words/

Our Lord sent the apostles out to preach the Gospel…not to mingle. Our first Pope converted 3,000 using words guided by the Holy Spirit. Maybe the Church finds itself in the position it is in because it has been hesitant to talk about sin, satan and hell.

Stop passing judgment on your family. LIVE the gospel, and let your life and your example speak to Christ’s work in you.

It’s not really a judgement…the op can see what is going on. Let’s say you see your friend has not been going to Mass. You say to him hey I haven’t seen you at Mass lately everything ok? He says that Jesus really doesn’t care whether we go to Mass or not…it’s not a big deal. You leave it at that? How bout if someone you know is contemplating abortion. You keep quiet?

 

[johnnyc176]

Compliment your sister on the things that she does that you admire! Resist the urge to comment on her lifestyle (good or bad) but tell her good things about her as a PERSON. Your sister is trying to live like a man, she is obviously in desperate need of affirmation and needs lots of help. Now is the time to show her love not criticism, don’t support her choices but show her love as a child of God.

Now ask yourself if this same person is seeking an abortion. Do you affirm that choice?

 

[boomerang]

One other thing. You might want to ask for the intercession of Our Lady of Beauraing. The Blessed Virgin appeared to five children in Beauraing, Belgium from Nov. 1932 to Jan. 1933 a total of 33 times. In one of these apparitions, she told the children, “I will convert sinners.” Let’s take Her seriously and plead for Her help. This is an approved apparition. An interview with the last surviving visionary can be seen here (starting at 4:30): youtube.com/watch?v=bm5ZIHxXizY

Our Lady of Beauraing, pray for us!

 

[PennyinCanada]

If you think of what you’re doing as strategy, this strategy is not working. Time to switch things around.

Pray the rosary for them daily, as our Blessed Mother has asked, for the conversion of sinners and peace in this world, at Fatima.

God knows about their entire life. They may live to 85 and at 80 come into the Church. Don’t rush the process, but continue to offer prayers and any little sacrifices during your day for their conversion, and in reparation for your own sins.

My father, at age 79, got the news that he had terminal cancer. He called up one Sunday morning and said Pick me up, I’m coming to church with you this morning. We did. I cried. That was a very long wait. The last people to see him conscious was our priest and deacon who gave him the anointing of the sick. Gives me tears to remember the goodness and kindness of God, to call my dad, even in the last year of his life. He is faithful. Trust.

 

[mommy_k]

I would follow Jesus’ example with this, and by actions, not words lead your sister and family to Him as other posters have stated.

What leads people to Jesus is kindness, peace and acts of mercy. If someone has no faith, the threat of hell is meaningless, as they don’t either believe in it or by their religion they believe they are automatically forgiven.

You can also read the bible about how Jesus converted people. A good start would be the story of Zacchaeus. All Zacchaeus, the most sinful and hated man in town. When he saw Jesus, Jesus invited himslf to dinner and Zacchaeus converted. Jesus didn’t say much, just showed kindness and mercy.

Perhaps you need to relflect Jesus to your sister and family so they can see Him too. That would be the first step.

 

[AKDee]

“I was drawn into the Catholic church by someone who pointed out my sins to me on a regular basis and nagged me and irritated me about my lifestyle” said NO ONE ever.

This. ^^^

People are stubborn. They dig in their heels when they feel judged. In my experience, people who feel judged by Christians are less likely to come to Christ, not more likely.

Additionally, the concept of hell itself is a stumbling block for many non-Christians. It’s not the way to open a dialogue on the faith.

Live the gospel in your daily life, pray the rosary daily for your family as someone else suggested, do penance for their conversion. Perhaps offer a daily chaplet of Divine Mercy for them in addition to the Rosary, or as you work during the day offer up your efforts for their conversion. But I highly suggest that you stop judging them, even silently, and start loving them instead.

I don’t know if you’re ever read Rome Sweet Home by Scott and Kimberly Hahn, but there’s a section in there where Scott is despairing of Kimberly ever converting. And a friend of his suggested that he stop trying to convert her and instead just love her and spend time with her. And it was that which converted her, not all his attempts at conversion.