Living in a seperated state-again

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Thank you OGM. I didn’t realize how long the prayer was lol!! 😅 But I think it’s the most beautiful prayer I’ve ever prayed. In fact, it brought me to tears yesterday. And I’m including myself and some others I know who are struggling in their marriages and resolving marriage vocations as well. Anyhow, it’s so thorough and really walks you through your spirituality. I’ve fallen behind in that area, I’m going to confession right now and will be meditating on the prayer in prep for my confession.

I just reread my original response to you, Greenfields. I’m not sure I told you anything you already didn’t know, but I can definitely say the spiritual director was helpful, but I think my separation logistics were a very different situation from yours.

I think I’m serving out a type of purgatory now.
 
Greenfields said:
no time frame,no known goal,no nuffin but wait and see.
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Just floating and waiting on an identity of sorts is tough. I think that’s the hardest part. There’s no niche to take comfort in. Moving to a new city afterwards was especially hard. I wish I did have more time to chase after dreams and give back to the larger community, but like you say, maybe it’s a good thing that your kids kept you so busy and you didn’t have time to feel extremely sorry for yourself. 😅 I mean, I do still feel sorry for myself lol. I suppose I need to work on that more. And I’m not saying that you’re feeling sorry for yourself. I think I’d be a wreck if suddenly I was completely alone. Blah, sorry, I’m just blabbing away.
 
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Sorry, coming in a bit late.

I’ve glanced through the responses and don’t have much to add. The women here seem to understand your situation better than I would as a man.
Greenfields said:
Different husband ,I think there’s a small chance of getting back together,praying on agreement to get councelling
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I didn’t live in a “separated state” for long. My ex-wife was emphatic that our marriage was “over”, by her decision, and moved in almost immediately with her boyfriend.

I think there is a difference between marriages which are “troubled”, and ones where either partner has made the firm decision to leave, and they take a different approach from the partner who would like to keep the marriage.

If there’s a chance to save the marriage then that would be your first option, and hold out for it and pray for it. Obviously, this does not mean allowing yourself to be trampled on.

In general, look after your mental, physical and spiritual health. Get whatever support you can - in prayer, in friends, family, CAF… 🙂

2cents.
 
Now comes the big question…how long does a spouse wait for the other to rejoin them?
Does that depend on how much one can mentally endure?
 
Greenfields said:
Now comes the big question…how long does a spouse wait for the other to rejoin them?
Does that depend on how much one can mentally endure?
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An indirect answer - give due consideration to what the other is saying, or showing by their actions. If they are saying “it’s over”, then prepare for that. If they are willing to go to counselling, then hold out more hope.

Again, be strong, but not a doormat.
 
And if they say "there’s a 50/50 chance "?This is where my brick wall comes in handy…
And ‘time will tell’…
Argh.
Donkeys and carrots,dogs with bones looking at reflections…
 
Again, big cyber hugs. <<< ❤️ >>>

It’s moments like this when we especially need to ask for God’s guidance. He knows His plans for us.
 
Greenfields said:
Now comes the big question…how long does a spouse wait for the other to rejoin them?

Does that depend on how much one can mentally endure?
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I’m not sure what you mean by how long do you wait? Is he still in contact with you and emotionally stringing you along? What exactly are you planning to do if he refuses reunification? Would you then obtain a divorce and hope for annulment and remarriage if he goes off and say, remarries? Divorce is only permitted in the church if it is necessary to define separated financial living arrangements, such as for kids or retirement necessity.

A single life of chastity can become a very blessed, peaceful, and holy life. I think you need to give him some clear directions, such as, I’d like to get back to together if this and this happens (counseling etc). But then I would stop all the drama in between. In other words, if he wants to converse, I would only have it be in front of a third party. I wouldn’t be begging on my hands and knees for him to come back. I think this is what Edmundus meant by not being a door mat. You need to find a peace and strength within yourself and in your interior life with God, begin some new hobbies or interests, go volunteer and get out of the house more.
 
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Yes and yes .I think I’m almost at a stage I’ll be ok if he doesn’t want to.He has suggested he wants a divorce and try for Anulment ,I asked for councelling but he declined .We’re already in seperate countries,so a seperation on top of that means just less typing etc
I realise about not being a doormat,but some things like not sponsoring in his visa are final.Im praying for him to get back to where he was in his faith when we met because I know everything would fall into place if he had a conversion.All those
issues would be addressed
 
Thanks Gertabelle:) Saying the St Joseph novena is wonderful ,being proactive in prayer and getting to know this great Saint all the more
 
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