Living in Fantasy-Land

[Scout]

Has anyone out there, particularly women, become engaged or even obsessed with things like fanfiction and romance novels and things like that? Have you become to involved that you’ve become depressed and despondent about your own life and wish you were living somewhere else, with someone else? You start getting unrealistic expectations of what your life should be like, or what you want it to be like, and you spend a lot of time day-dreaming?

Has anyone dealt with this situation before? If so, how did you handle it? How did you change? What would you say to someone going through these struggles?

Thanks.
Scout

 

[Nita]

Hi Scout,

It was years ago, but yes, I went through a period (10 or so years??) where I devoured romance novels. I didn’t have the effects you spoke of (depression, etc), but I knew I was reading junk and it wasn’t good for me. (I was getting the books from the library; couldn’t afford to buy them at the rate I read. ) Best as I can recall, I finally got disgusted enough with myself and just decided to quit - cold turkey, so to speak. At about the same time I had discovered a Catholic bookstore and got started reading some lives of saints - especially the mystics. That led to further reading about our faith. And I’ve loved every minute of it – way more than I ever liked those novels. Didn’t have access to a Catholic library tho, so had to buy the books. Have accumulated so many books over the last 20 years that I could open my own Catholic bookstore!!

Anyway, when you give up the junk novels, it’s important to find something to take their place - either good reading or good activity or both.

God bless you and help you break this habit,
Nita

 

[rosebudsal]

Hated romance novels with a passion then and still do. I loved fanfiction like crazy. I wrote a lot of it too. Fandom was/is fun. I know people can be obsessed about it and get so wrapped up in it, that it becomes more fun than reality at times. Sometimes, the escape it provides is what it’s all about. There are limits though.

I went to several Highlander conventions and because of it, I’ve made some of the best, most wonderful friends I’ll ever have in my life. I even dragged my best friend into it, ;-). I still stay in touch with most of them and have gone to one’s wedding, have gone to visit others from time to time and they’ve all come to visit me. I wouldn’t trade those days spent online, chatting, writing and reading fanfiction. I don’t think it was a waste of my time. I don’t know if it felt like it was better than real life. I’m a writer and I spend a lot of time living in my head as it is so it’s easy to get wrapped up in “other worlds” so to speak.

When I started writing it, my original fiction was stalled. I couldn’t come up with a good idea or write a paragraph that was any good. The fanfic I wrote, I finished, people read, commented and fed my ego or critiqued my writing, which I needed. I know I’m a better writer for it. Though I know what they’re doing via Live Journal posts, I now feel a bit left out because I’ve stopped writing, reading, even watching TV these days and my old friends still do. They’ve moved on to different fandoms, but they’re still having fun. So, I find myself obsessed with my original writing and hope to finish something, someday!

Like any hobby or activity it can lead to addiction, obsession etc… but fantasy is also a good thing, in moderation of course. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality, I won’t disagree with you about that, but you do have to distance yourself from the fantasy and live in the real world.

Not sure if this helped but I had to add my two cents for what it’s worth.

 

[rosebudsal]

Has anyone dealt with this situation before? If so, how did you handle it? How did you change? What would you say to someone going through these struggles?

Thanks.
Scout

I’d say the best thing is to find a new activity that you can love just as much. I’m also a very typical Gemini and get bored fairly easily, so I have to find something else. When Highlander was canceled I wrote all that I could, I looked around and then went back to my original fiction. I also go to the gym and work out. There are other creative outlets, I’m sure if you look around you might find something. Maybe it’s prayer, getting active at church or joining some sort of social club.