Living in sin: Mariage. Help

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barboza21

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I was a young practicing catholic. 16. Fell in love. Saw no easy way. Left with the guy I fell in love with. I am living with him. 19. He’s protestant. Not even close to his church right now. I love him with all my being. But I can’t love him more than God. When I left with him I thought God would help me convert him. I knew and know now that God can do it all. But lately I think… what if he doesn’t want to? What if this isn’t what he wants for me? What if he was testing me when I fell in love… to see whether or not I would pick Him? ;( I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend says he would marry me in the Catholic church if they wouldn’t make him promise that he is going to let our children be raised Catholic. If I end up pregnant, I AM SCARED. I CRY. We are practicing natural birth control. Can’t remember the name right now. But What if?? Do I need to get out? My parents are closer than ever to the church… as I also am, except I can’t take His body. I cry because of it. I know I am not worthy. I pray that hopefully God will help me. I know he wants to. But what if this isn’t what he wants for me? What if he wants me to leave? I don’t want to insult God. I should be out there preaching to others the right way of living. Not living in sin… I always said I was going to get married the right way. The way He intended. Virgin bride. Happy marriage. Except I am not married. It breaks my heart.
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If only Eve wouldn’t have bitten the apple. Or better yet, If people wouldn’t have started leaving the church. It would be easier. I he was Catholic, even a non practicing one, EVERYTHING would be so simple, so perfect. That’s how I see things. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I am. I’m hurt. 

I keep thinking: Well, God will help me. But I feel like I can’t hear him. Maybe I am not worthy to hear him, because I am living in sin. Would God really let me fall in love and see if I would choose Him over a human? It should have been easy but I didn’t. I was a teenager. As I am now. But now it is easier to see it. I see the world: so many people have it so easy. To get married right. To teach their children to live good solid Christian lives, and yet they don’t. But what is MY part in this world? I am sad. Should I leave, as much as it may hurt? What do I do??? I don’t know where to begin. I met him and nine months later I moved in with him. (behind my parent’s back. They have forgiven me and love me unconditionally. They do tell me and him the right way to do things. I am all for it, but he’s a protestant… We’ve been living together for a year and five months.  I love him with all my heart and soul. I can’t imagine anyone else. But if  have to leave him, I should…. ;(  Is there anything I can do?)
Why is it so hard? Why is it so difficult to live in god’s will and be happy and make Him happy? Why do we have to sin so ugly. Why couldn’t I avoid temptation?? I mean, what if I die tomorrow? How can I face our Lord?? What do I do?

Please, I would love to hear from others that have been through anything like this. Inspiration. Hope. Help. I need it all and more. Please. ;(
 
The best advice is to do what’s in your heart, your intuition. God gave you these gifts so you can use your own judgment. As far as praying that your boyfriend changes, that will never happen. You cannot force anyone to change through intention or prayer. Impossible. They must change on their own. As far as your worries about getting pregnant, I would consider using some kind of birth control. NFP doesn’t work very well - you’ll almost certainly get pregnant.
 
Honey, stop having sex with this guy and go back to your parents. Get an education, reconcile with God in the Sacrament of Confession, return to the practice of your faith.

You will learn and grow in your faith and realize that God does not want any of these bad things for you and he isn’t testing you. You have known the right path all along. BUT, God does give us free will and you used it to walk off the path and straight into mortal sin.

You can walk back to God any time. Take the first step-- out of this bad relationship. STOP having sex TODAY. Ask your parents if you can move back home. If not, get a female roommate.

When you honor God and his law, you will feel close to him and realize that he wants so much more for you than what you have given yourself by choosing sinful behaviors.

When you find the right man, he will honor and respect you and your faith. He will also think that raising a family in the Catholic faith is important. He will not want to dishonor you or God through premarital sex.

Please go see your priest and return to the Sacraments. You sound like you have really wonderful parents, let them help you.
 
Yeh, what he said. also the best way to lead someone to the faith is to give them a good example. Be that good example, if he really loves you he will respect your religion and maybe even learn to love it as well as you!
 
1ke said:
Honey, stop having sex with this guy and go back to your parents. Get an education, reconcile with God in the Sacrament of Confession, return to the practice of your faith.

You will learn and grow in your faith and realize that God does not want any of these bad things for you and he isn’t testing you. You have known the right path all along. BUT, God does give us free will and you used it to walk off the path and straight into mortal sin.

You can walk back to God any time. Take the first step-- out of this bad relationship. STOP having sex TODAY. Ask your parents if you can move back home. If not, get a female roommate.

When you honor God and his law, you will feel close to him and realize that he wants so much more for you than what you have given yourself by choosing sinful behaviors.

When you find the right man, he will honor and respect you and your faith. He will also think that raising a family in the Catholic faith is important. He will not want to dishonor you or God through premarital sex.

Please go see your priest and return to the Sacraments. You sound like you have really wonderful parents, let them help you.
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Dear barboza21 listen to 1ke. You know what you are doing is a sin (the title of the thread) and it is this sin that is tearing you up inside.
God bless
 
Others have already told you that you need to end this relationship. It sounds like you’ve come to this realization yourself, but are in denial. Your boyfriend has told you he will not agree to have his children raised in the Catholic faith, even though he shows no particular interest in his own protestant faith. That doesn’t bode well for a change of mind in the event you do conceive. If you search this forum you will find the unhappy stories of others who are going through this struggle. All describe the terrible toll it takes on their relationship.
 
Sin is bad not only because it offends God but also because it leads us away from Him.

Maybe this is a test. How can you be admired for being without sin if you’ve never been in an occasion where you might be tempted to sin? It is also admirable to have sinned and gone back to God, which is a great example for sinners that God can forgive anything and only when you die is it too late to return to Him.

It is not too late. You can still get married the right way, to choose to do things as God intended. But this guy you’re cohabiting with is not for you. He isn’t Catholic, isn’t willing to change or even raise your potential future children as Catholic, and doesn’t respect God or respect you. The longer you stay with him, the harder it is going to be to leave him. You will also drift further and further away from God as more time goes on. Get out while you still can!
 
It only gets worse. Trust me. He can say he is close in his own faith - but he is not. You say you are close to the Chuch but you are choosing sex with a man over Christ in the Eucharist. I am sorry to be blunt but you risk bringing child into this. He says that he will marry you in the Church if they will not make him raise the children Catholic. He cannot validly in the Church. In a case like this - yes God can do anything - but we have free will - we have to choose God - your bf has chosen - now choose for yourself.
 
Hi everone,

I must admit, I didn’t like reading any of your responses…

It was harsh.

However, the Lord is… AMAZING times 1000000000000000… ? I’m sure you all know this… 😃

Thanks be to God, all of you who prayed for me, especially my mom and dad.

He has told me he wishes to marry me… IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH :extrahappy:

It was like music to my ears. :harp:

I couldn’t sleep that night. The week right before that, I prayed more than ever, I prayed the rosary, and fasted… The Lord heard my cry out to Him.

I am completely excited. No date has been set yet, I am going to investigate what we need to do.

BUT IT IS NOT DONE YET… I NEED MORE PRAYERS THAN EVER. IFANYONE OUT THERE COULD PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, MAY GOD ALMIGHTY BLESS YOU. THANK YOU.

godwilling, the next time i reply to this thread, I will have good news.

Let it be your will, Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen. :gopray2:
 
barboza21 said:
Hi everone,

I must admit, I didn’t like reading any of your responses…

It was harsh.

However, the Lord is… AMAZING times 1000000000000000… ? I’m sure you all know this… 😃

Thanks be to God, all of you who prayed for me, especially my mom and dad.

He has told me he wishes to marry me… IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH :extrahappy:

It was like music to my ears. :harp:

I couldn’t sleep that night. The week right before that, I prayed more than ever, I prayed the rosary, and fasted… The Lord heard my cry out to Him.

I am completely excited. No date has been set yet, I am going to investigate what we need to do.

BUT IT IS NOT DONE YET… I NEED MORE PRAYERS THAN EVER. IFANYONE OUT THERE COULD PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, MAY GOD ALMIGHTY BLESS YOU. THANK YOU.

godwilling, the next time i reply to this thread, I will have good news.

Let it be your will, Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen. :gopray2:
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Yes - but he said that before as long as he didn’t have to raise the children Catholic. Will he be willing to allow you to do this as this is a requirement for validity of a Catholic marriage?
 
He knows our children will be raised catholic. He is still saying he wants to get married in the catholic church.
 
barboza21 said:
Hi everone,

I must admit, I didn’t like reading any of your responses…

It was harsh.

However, the Lord is… AMAZING times 1000000000000000… ? I’m sure you all know this… 😃

Thanks be to God, all of you who prayed for me, especially my mom and dad.

He has told me he wishes to marry me… IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH :extrahappy:

It was like music to my ears. :harp:

I couldn’t sleep that night. The week right before that, I prayed more than ever, I prayed the rosary, and fasted… The Lord heard my cry out to Him.

I am completely excited. No date has been set yet, I am going to investigate what we need to do.

BUT IT IS NOT DONE YET… I NEED MORE PRAYERS THAN EVER. IFANYONE OUT THERE COULD PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, MAY GOD ALMIGHTY BLESS YOU. THANK YOU.

godwilling, the next time i reply to this thread, I will have good news.

Let it be your will, Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen. :gopray2:
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Hey thats great news!! I pray your wishes are in line with Gods will and all, by the Grace of God, works out. Please post your first names, your’s and your future husbands, so we can add you to my evening and morning daily prayers. I pray a prayer at morning and evening for young couples, some by name if i have certain request. I pray for those couples to be able to see the purpose of marriage, the pupose of being a witness though the love of each other that they show the world the love Jesus has for His Church, us.

If you don’t want to post publically your names, send me a PM.
 
barboza21 said:
He knows our children will be raised catholic. He is still saying he wants to get married in the catholic church.
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Since you are both baptized, this is an opportunity for reception of the strength giving Holy Spirit at your marriage which will make you able to sustain in it according to the contract you both agree to: lifelong, exclusive, and granting the normal marital rights necessary to have children.
 
barboza21 said:
He has told me he wishes to marry me… IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH :extrahappy:

It was like music to my ears. :harp:
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Actions speak louder than words. Yours **and **his. Much of your situation is the way it is due to your choices and your behaviors. It’s time for you to make different choices and change your behavior.

Move home with your parents. Stop having sex with him. Go to confession and faithfully attend Mass and receive the sacraments. Ask him to attend Mass with you and pray with you daily. Prepare properly for the sacrament of marriage by being chaste and living apart. Work on obtaining a college education also.

If he loves you and wants to live a holy life with you, these things will not be a problem. If not… well, his actions will soon show you whether or not his words are trustworthy.
 
1ke said:
Actions speak louder than words. Yours **and **his. Much of your situation is the way it is due to your choices and your behaviors. It’s time for you to make different choices and change your behavior.

Move home with your parents. Stop having sex with him. Go to confession and faithfully attend Mass and receive the sacraments. Ask him to attend Mass with you and pray with you daily. Prepare properly for the sacrament of marriage by being chaste and living apart. Work on obtaining a college education also.

If he loves you and wants to live a holy life with you, these things will not be a problem. If not… well, his actions will soon show you whether or not his words are trustworthy.
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I 100% second this advice. 👍

My husband was a non-practicing Catholic. We got married in the Church. He agreed to raise the children Catholic. He never went to church after we got married. He did NOTHING to raise the children Catholic. In fact he openly became ever more hostile to Church Teaching, belittling it in front of the children.

He says he only agreed to raise the children Catholic because he had to in order to get married.
 
1ke said:
Actions speak louder than words. Yours **and **his. Much of your situation is the way it is due to your choices and your behaviors. It’s time for you to make different choices and change your behavior.

Move home with your parents. Stop having sex with him. Go to confession and faithfully attend Mass and receive the sacraments. Ask him to attend Mass with you and pray with you daily. Prepare properly for the sacrament of marriage by being chaste and living apart. Work on obtaining a college education also.

If he loves you and wants to live a holy life with you, these things will not be a problem. If not… well, his actions will soon show you whether or not his words are trustworthy.
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This is very good advice - on a practical note aside from the more important spiritual note - it will force you to truly face issues that come up in your engagement preparation as opposed to “falling into each others arms” as it is a very easy and human thing to do. It will make your communication better. It will also make your wedding more special.
 
Barboza21, I’m so glad you didn’t take the advice that said you should stop praying for his soul or any others. If it were true, we’d all be lost. I found it disturbing and sad. The Lord can open anyone’s heart to Him. There is nothing He can’t do. I hope you never stop asking. God bless.
 
Kontrak said:
Barboza21, I’m so glad you didn’t take the advice that said you should stop praying for his soul or any others. If it were true, we’d all be lost. I found it disturbing and sad. The Lord can open anyone’s heart to Him. There is nothing He can’t do. I hope you never stop asking. God bless.
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Thank you. That’s how I feel too. I will never give up praying for him or anyone else. Because the Lord our God can do it ALL and MORE. I have no doubt of that.

God Bless…
 
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