Living in sin: Mariage. Help

[mjs1987]

Barboza21, I’m so glad you didn’t take the advice that said you should stop praying for his soul or any others. If it were true, we’d all be lost. I found it disturbing and sad. The Lord can open anyone’s heart to Him. There is nothing He can’t do. I hope you never stop asking. God bless.

Where did anyone say she should stop praying for him? They advised againt believing prayer would make him change and advised her to stop living in sin but never did they say to stop praying for him.

For my advice, read the countless threads on here of women who married hoping to change a guy that now have kids that dont practice. It will also be difficult to raise her kids to be chaste because she doesnt have the life experience of knowing how to do it herself. All she will be able to say is do as I say not as I do which is IMO something kids see right through and generally ignore.

You can pray for conversion but not sacrifice the salvation of your kids over puppy love. In essence, that is the gamble she is taking. She is gambling the salvation of her kids over him converting. I know of no mixed or lukewarm marriage where all the kids stayed Catholic. Almost all leave the church since they dont get a clear message from home and they tend to cherry pick things they like and dont like about religion.

 

[Dorothy]

Thank you. That’s how I feel too. I will never give up praying for him or anyone else. Because the Lord our God can do it ALL and MORE. I have no doubt of that.

God Bless…

Barboza if you want this to truly work then you should now be living apart from your boyfriend and going to the Sacraments, Our loiving God requires us to obey Him, not to try to work things out our way.

 

[TRAD1936]

Hi everone,

I must admit, I didn’t like reading any of your responses…

It was harsh.

However, the Lord is… AMAZING times 1000000000000000… ? I’m sure you all know this…

Thanks be to God, all of you who prayed for me, especially my mom and dad.

He has told me he wishes to marry me… IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH :extrahappy:

It was like music to my ears. :harp:

I couldn’t sleep that night. The week right before that, I prayed more than ever, I prayed the rosary, and fasted… The Lord heard my cry out to Him.

I am completely excited. No date has been set yet, I am going to investigate what we need to do.

BUT IT IS NOT DONE YET… I NEED MORE PRAYERS THAN EVER. IFANYONE OUT THERE COULD PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, MAY GOD ALMIGHTY BLESS YOU. THANK YOU.

godwilling, the next time i reply to this thread, I will have good news.

Let it be your will, Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

I have several questions that have a direct impact on this situation and need to be addressed by you and him.

One are you still living with him?
Two are you still having sex with him.?

You do realize that the only way that you can live with him is if there is **no sexual contact until marriage **don’t you? . None at all. Not once a month, no game playing, not o…l sex,absolutely nothing more than maybe a chaste kiss. Maybe. In essence you would have to live as roomates or as brother and sister. Is he or you for that matter willing to do that and live with it?

Depending on the Parish it could take several months up to a year for the Priest to perform the marriage. You and your boyfriend will have to go to pre marriage events or classes and both of you will have to speak with the Priest. Are both of you willing to do that? Another somewhat personal question so please forgive me for asking, but it is important.

When exactly did your boyfriend tell you that he wanted to marry you in the Catholic Church and raise the children as Catholic? Had you told him that you were leaving? Had you told him that you could no longer have sex with him?

If either of those happened, I somehow doubt his sincerity. Men, and since I am one I know, can and will often say anything and do just about anything to keep a woman with him to get what he wants. We can be very convincing in this area, promising love, fidelity and eternal devotion. As long as we get what we want. We are also very good at making women feel guilty for not going along with this. I’m sure that you know what that is that many of us are looking for primarily…

If your boyfriend is serious, he will not object to no sex with you prior to marriage. If he does object, or comes up with some wild excuse why he needs sex, then he is not serious and in effect is just using you.

As I said, I am sorry to have to say these things to you and ask the questions that I have asked, but I am sincerely worried about you and don’t want to see you make a mistake that you will regret later in life. I know too many people, including my olderst daughter ,who did just that.

One word of advice from an old man:

Watch what he does and how he acts more than what he says. The old adage that actions speak louder than words is compltely 100% true.

I assure you of my prayers and truly wish you the very best and Gods graces in everything you do.

 

[barboza21]

They **advised againt believing prayer would make him change **

It will also be difficult to raise her kids to be chaste because she doesnt have the life experience of knowing how to do it herself. All she will be able to say is do as I say not as I do which is IMO something kids see right through and generally ignore.

I know of no mixed or lukewarm marriage where all the kids stayed Catholic. Almost all leave the church since they dont get a clear message from home and they tend to cherry pick things they like and dont like about religion.

Wow…

umm yeah advised me to not believe that prayer would make him change. YET it was prayer that made him want to marry me in the church.

So I guess it has already been established that God is powerless. That God will NOT let me marry in the church. receive Him. have kids. baptize them. teach them the Catholic faith. give me the strength, power, love, courage, wisdom, (nothing) to be able to teach my kids right from wrong. and that the will not know the grace of God to decide for themselves that chastty s the right way…

How did yo come to that conclusion? How do you know im completely lost? so lost that my kids will be lost too? will be lost exactly like me?

unbelieveable.

I’ve heard MANYYYYY examples. maaaaany stories where the kids in a catholic/protestant home became catholic. Scott Hahn’s for one. ( he even got his wife to convert) thanks to God.

Catholic Answers Live has people calling in all the time telling of their situation (cath married wth protestant). However, Patrick doesn’t discourage them… He tells them to pray to God…

 

[Dorothy]

Wow…

umm yeah advised me to not believe that prayer would make him change. YET it was prayer that made him want to marry me in the church.

So I guess it has already been established that God is powerless. That God will NOT let me marry in the church. receive Him. have kids. baptize them. teach them the Catholic faith. give me the strength, power, love, courage, wisdom, (nothing) to be able to teach my kids right from wrong. and that the will not know the grace of God to decide for themselves that chastty s the right way…

How did yo come to that conclusion? How do you know im completely lost? so lost that my kids will be lost too? will be lost exactly like me?

unbelieveable.

I’ve heard MANYYYYY examples. maaaaany stories where the kids in a catholic/protestant home became catholic. Scott Hahn’s for one. ( he even got his wife to convert) thanks to God.

Catholic Answers Live has people calling in all the time telling of their situation (cath married wth protestant). However, Patrick doesn’t discourage them… He tells them to pray to God…

Trad wrote a very good response to you,…I don’t know how you came up with the response that you have above. I think it is because you do not want to respond to the questions she asked. You were not told that you were lost. However, you were told the whole story about what you should be doing.

May the Lord lead you, and I pray you respond according to His ways.

 

[joandarc2008]

Trad wrote a very good response to you,…I don’t know how you came up with the response that you have above. I think it is because you do not want to respond to the questions she asked. You were not told that you were lost. However, you were told the whole story about what you should be doing.

May the Lord lead you, and I pray you respond according to His ways.

The difference between those situations and yours is that Patrick is giving hope and solutions to people who are already in the situation.

We are trying to help you make a situation better before the children come so that they have the environment MOST conducive to a good Catholic upbringing. That is all that is being said to you.

If you do not want the advice why ask for it - there is a prayer intention forum - if you go there people will pray for you and offer no advice.

Here people are giving you exactly as you have asked. I hope to give you both.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace
The Lord is with Thee,
Blessed Art Thou Among Woman
Blessed Is the Fruit of Thy Womb, Jesus

Hail Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for Us Sinners,
Now and at the Hour of Our Death
Amen.

 

[barboza21]

I have several questions that have a direct impact on this situation and need to be addressed by you and him.

One are you still living with him?
Two are you still having sex with him.?

You do realize that the only way that you can live with him is if there is **no sexual contact until marriage **don’t you? . None at all. Not once a month, no game playing, not o…l sex,absolutely nothing more than maybe a chaste kiss. Maybe. In essence you would have to live as roomates or as brother and sister. Is he or you for that matter willing to do that and live with it?

Depending on the Parish it could take several months up to a year for the Priest to perform the marriage. You and your boyfriend will have to go to pre marriage events or classes and both of you will have to speak with the Priest. Are both of you willing to do that? Another somewhat personal question so please forgive me for asking, but it is important.

When exactly did your boyfriend tell you that he wanted to marry you in the Catholic Church and raise the children as Catholic? Had you told him that you were leaving? Had you told him that you could no longer have sex with him?

If either of those happened, I somehow doubt his sincerity. Men, and since I am one I know, can and will often say anything and do just about anything to keep a woman with him to get what he wants. We can be very convincing in this area, promising love, fidelity and eternal devotion. As long as we get what we want. We are also very good at making women feel guilty for not going along with this. I’m sure that you know what that is that many of us are looking for primarily…

If your boyfriend is serious, he will not object to no sex with you prior to marriage. If he does object, or comes up with some wild excuse why he needs sex, then he is not serious and in effect is just using you.

As I said, I am sorry to have to say these things to you and ask the questions that I have asked, but I am sincerely worried about you and don’t want to see you make a mistake that you will regret later in life. I know too many people, including my olderst daughter ,who did just that.

One word of advice from an old man:

Watch what he does and how he acts more than what he says. The old adage that actions speak louder than words is compltely 100% true.

I assure you of my prayers and truly wish you the very best and Gods graces in everything you do.

Hello Trad,

I had the understanding that it wasn’t… Mandatory. to live separate and remain chaste . that was only if you specifically chose to do so… my mother spoke with our deacon at church.

and no. Thanks to God! He just miraculasly said he was thinking of that too (to get married in the Catholic church, when I mentioned to him that I wanted to). We had not had a fight or an argument… or anything of that nature. I know it was God that had been workin with him…

And I am not at all offended by what you said.

And the deacon said we have to make an appointment to go talk to him. He’ll make sure we’re actually ready to get married. then we go to a marriage class. only one since they make it all day long. (the next one they have is in Feb.) AFter that, we pick a date. If God grants me this blessed marriage. i am truly hoping to be able t get married right away. (after tht class in Feb.) I don;t want a fancy wedding. i want a marriage. Burgers on my dad’s grill will truly sufice.

Thank you for your concern. Continue to pray for me and him. Please. Thank you.

may God Almighty bless you.

 

[barboza21]

Trad wrote a very good response to you,…I don’t know how you came up with the response that you have above. I think it is because you do not want to respond to the questions she asked. You were not told that you were lost. However, you were told the whole story about what you should be doing.

May the Lord lead you, and I pray you respond according to His ways.

I’m sorry i’m confused. I wasn’t writing that to Trad. I barely saw Trad’s post today. just replied in fact.

Thank you for your prayers.

 

[barboza21]

The difference between those situations and yours is that Patrick is giving hope and solutions to people who are already in the situation.

We are trying to help you make a situation better before the children come so that they have the environment MOST conducive to a good Catholic upbringing. That is all that is being said to you.

If you do not want the advice why ask for it - there is a prayer intention forum - if you go there people will pray for you and offer no advice.

Here people are giving you exactly as you have asked. I hope to give you both.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace
The Lord is with Thee,
Blessed Art Thou Among Woman
Blessed Is the Fruit of Thy Womb, Jesus

Hail Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for Us Sinners,
Now and at the Hour of Our Death
Amen.

Okay that understandable… (about people already IN the situation) however, I feel like it has already been ruled out that I will get to benefit from this marriage. i know I’m not at the altar already, but I’m only wishing for the best.

I truly don’t want to hurt or insult anyone. And I am sorry if I have. Please forgive me. I truly am thankful for the advise being given.

and thank you for the hail mary-joandarc

 

[qui_est_ce]

Hello Trad,

I had the understanding that it wasn’t… Mandatory. to live separate and remain chaste . that was only if you specifically chose to do so… my mother spoke with our deacon at church.

may God Almighty bless you.

Are you saying you don’t believe you need to live separately and chaste BEFORE you are married in the Catholic Church?

 

[NEWCATHOLICJEFF]

I was raised Lutheran and after 12 years of marriage to a Cradle Catholic went through the RCIA process, well almost. My wife had to get an annulment and me being deployed has made it very difficult for the Bishop to come out to confirm me, almost 2.5 years of RCIA. Some of the advice you have received has been really good. Going home and waiting to get married is wise. I would also say that having him convert is also HIGHLY recommended. It is true that your children will will confused. I have four and the oldest three are for all intensive purposes non practicing Catholics. The youngest is 13 and has pretty much been raised with me participating in the RC parish. The next oldest is 18 and he and his older sisters saw me as a Protestant.

If he wants to have Christian children then I suggest he converts. Pretty simple really he just needs to start reading some OLD Church Documents to see why the RC Church should be followed.

Take care,

 

[joandarc2008]

Okay that understandable… (about people already IN the situation) however, I feel like it has already been ruled out that I will get to benefit from this marriage. i know I’m not at the altar already, but I’m only wishing for the best.

I truly don’t want to hurt or insult anyone. And I am sorry if I have. Please forgive me. I truly am thankful for the advise being given.

and thank you for the hail mary-joandarc

No problem - I was very much the same before I got married. There was some advice I wanted to hear and some advice. I did not. I guess maybe what I am trying to say to you is that many of us are coming on so strongly because we have been here before.

Here is my proof:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=264566

This was a month before the wedding. t the time we were living chastely together. I was praying. IT wasn’t enough. Now that being said it does no mean that this is the way it always turns out but this is what he CCC instructs us to do:

This is the link if you want to read the full chapter and not just the excerpt

2350 Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.

 

[barboza21]

Are you saying you don’t believe you need to live separately and chaste BEFORE you are married in the Catholic Church?

Yes. I know its best and prefered.

Yet, even though I’m in this situation, the deacon didn’t condemn it.

 

[barboza21]

I was raised Lutheran and after 12 years of marriage to a Cradle Catholic went through the RCIA process, well almost. My wife had to get an annulment and me being deployed has made it very difficult for the Bishop to come out to confirm me, almost 2.5 years of RCIA. Some of the advice you have received has been really good. Going home and waiting to get married is wise. I would also say that having him convert is also HIGHLY recommended. It is true that your children will will confused. I have four and the oldest three are for all intensive purposes non practicing Catholics. The youngest is 13 and has pretty much been raised with me participating in the RC parish. The next oldest is 18 and he and his older sisters saw me as a Protestant.

If he wants to have Christian children then I suggest he converts. Pretty simple really he just needs to start reading some OLD Church Documents to see why the RC Church should be followed.

Take care,

I understand the advice being given is sincere and is really good. However, it Is easier said, then done. I AM taking the advice into concideration…
And I do know it would be for the absolute best for him to convert It is what I constantly pray for. But I can’t force him…

When you say Old church documents… CA you specify? Maybe they will be grat help. ")

Thank you.

 

[barboza21]

No problem - I was very much the same before I got married. ***There was some advice I wanted to hear and some advice. I did not. I guess maybe what I am trying to say to you is that many of us are coming on so strongly because we have been here before. ***
Here is my proof:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=264566

This was a month before the wedding. t the time we were living chastely together. I was praying. IT wasn’t enough. Now that being said it does no mean that this is the way it always turns out but this is what he CCC instructs us to do:

This is the link if you want to read the full chapter and not just the excerpt

you know, the truth is I feel that way too.

However, everything that i’ve been told really IS making a difference. I am truly taking them into concideration. Hopefully the Lord will give me the strength that I need…

 

[joandarc2008]

you know, the truth is I feel that way too.

However, everything that i’ve been told really IS making a difference. I am truly taking them into concideration. Hopefully the Lord will give me the strength that I need…

And don’t get me wrong - still praying for you. I just wanted you to know that nothing you are going through is happening in a vacuum - a few of us have been there.

BTW- what does his Church say about living together and sex before marriage? Ask him that? I do not know a Church yet that thinks premarital sex is alright - well atleast a Christian one.

 

[LaFleurDeLis]

Hi everone,

I must admit, I didn’t like reading any of your responses…

It was harsh.

However, the Lord is… AMAZING times 1000000000000000… ? I’m sure you all know this…

Thanks be to God, all of you who prayed for me, especially my mom and dad.

He has told me he wishes to marry me… IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH :extrahappy:

It was like music to my ears. :harp:

I couldn’t sleep that night. The week right before that, I prayed more than ever, I prayed the rosary, and fasted… The Lord heard my cry out to Him.

I am completely excited. No date has been set yet, I am going to investigate what we need to do.

BUT IT IS NOT DONE YET… I NEED MORE PRAYERS THAN EVER. IFANYONE OUT THERE COULD PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, MAY GOD ALMIGHTY BLESS YOU. THANK YOU.

godwilling, the next time i reply to this thread, I will have good news.

Let it be your will, Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

This is wonderful! A great example of how prayer can help you through the difficult times. The Lord is very forgiving! I hope you continue to be happy with your future husband and with God our Father.

 

[Monica4316]

I dont know the answer to your question, but it might be that God is asking you now - would you choose to continue living in sin, or choose Him ? Choosing God would involve beginning to live chastely and making a good Confession

God bless

 

[Monica4316]

Hello Trad,

I had the understanding that it wasn’t… Mandatory. to live separate and remain chaste . that was only if you specifically chose to do so… my mother spoke with our deacon at church.

Barboza,

I’m not sure what the deacon told you, but the teaching of the Catholic Church is that it’s a sin to have premarital sex. If the deacon told you otherwise, he is incorrect. I think it would be best for you both to abstain before marriage, and also make sure you confess premarital sex when you go to Confession. (don’t be afraid the priests have heard everything). God bless

 

[barboza21]

And don’t get me wrong - still praying for you. I just wanted you to know that nothing you are going through is happening in a vacuum - a few of us have been there.

BTW- what does his Church say about living together and sex before marriage? Ask him that? I do not know a Church yet that thinks premarital sex is alright - well atleast a Christian one.

Thank you for praying for me. I truly appreciate it.

& that is good advice. I will ask him that.