Living together before marriage

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WHY:confused: does everyone assume that living together before marriage means that your having sex???
It is possible for two people to share a home and and not be doing the horizontal mambo!
 
Karin, living together before marriage has the appearance of evil. And I would venture to guess, that if you live together long enough, you would cave in and have sex.
 
Karin said:
WHY:confused: does everyone assume that living together before marriage means that your having sex???
It is possible for two people to share a home and and not be doing the horizontal mambo!
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As Catholics, then the Church declares that they are then clearly guilty of the sin of scandal. Again, another symptom of the self-serving, sin rationalizing generation that we are surrounded by. How refreshing it would be if instead we were surrounded by a cloud of faithful Catholic witnesses to the truth.

2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense. (CCC)
 
KCT said:
I was talking to someone today who said the norm is to live together until you’re ready to have kids, then get married. That’s what her son and future dil are doing.

Have you heard of this? I hadn’t until now. —KCT
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Even if one ignores the immorality of what they are doing statistically they are twice as likely to get divorced if they do marry. the odds, however, are that they will never get married. The Most likely scenario is she will get pregnant and he will dump her.
 
Karin said:
WHY:confused: does everyone assume that living together before marriage means that your having sex???
It is possible for two people to share a home and and not be doing the horizontal mambo!
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But it is not possible for them to do so and not give the appearance of living in sin. Giving scandal is a sin in itself
 
newf said:
Karin, living together before marriage has the appearance of evil. And I would venture to guess, that if you live together long enough, you would cave in and have sex.
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LOL!!
My dh and I lived together for nearly 2years before we got married… and we never had sex till we got married;)
 
Karin said:
LOL!!
My dh and I lived together for nearly 2years before we got married… and we never had sex till we got married;)
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Thats nice. But how many people saw you livng togehter and assumed you were having sex? Now you may say thats none of their business but you gave the appearnce of impropriety, And Our Church says that is very wrong… By you example you tacticly approved pre-marital sex.
 
How many people knew they werent married? People just dont ask any more. In fact the little old lady that lives across from me and hubby was shocked to learn that we *were *married! she even jokingly remarked “but youre so young! are young people still getting married?” at least I think it was a joke…:confused: …hmmm…anyway… it really is hard to tell unless you go around saying hi im married, hey how ya doin, im married! some people dont wear wedding rings so thats often not a good way to tell. its tough in todays society.
 
Karin said:
LOL!!
My dh and I lived together for nearly 2years before we got married… and we never had sex till we got married;)
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This visible public behavior (cohabitating unmarried couples) contributes to part of the problem and not part of the solution to the errosion and decay of today’s societal morals. I fail to grasp any humor or cuteness in this. Such behavior only makes it more of a difficulty and challenge for those seeking to walk the straight and narrow way that leads to life.
 
estesbob said:
Even if one ignores the immorality of what they are doing statistically they are twice as likely to get divorced if they do marry. the odds, however, are that they will never get married. The Most likely scenario is she will get pregnant and he will dump her.
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When my partner and I lived together before marriage we considered it a hand-fasting. That was a tradition way back when that a couple would live together as a married folks do for a period of time and if they had a child they would wed officially or if during or after the period of time they chose not to be together they could go their own ways with no blame upon them.

I’m skeptical of those stats because of the fact that those who live together tend to be less restrictive morally. They are less likely to be deeply involved in a faith community that forbids it and so are less likely to see divorce as a bad thing to be avoided. So they should as a class have higher rates of divorce even when they do marry.

As far as the couples splitting up who co-habitate but do not marry–that’s a good thing. These are people unsuited to each other who would only have swelled the divorce count had they wed.

And I’ve been surprised recently to see unwed fathers coming forward and suing for their paternal rights (bully for them!) and wanting to be involved with their children even though not married to the mother.
 
Karin said:
LOL!!
My dh and I lived together for nearly 2years before we got married… and we never had sex till we got married;)
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Maybe so, but you already had a child (I believe you told us in a previous post) and that makes it LOOK like you were ‘experienced’ in that dept.

May I ask why it took you 2 years to get married?? Were you holding out for a big wedding? I honestly do not understand why you didn’t get married asap.
 
a_cermak said:
When my partner and I lived together before marriage we considered it a hand-fasting. That was a tradition way back when that a couple would live together as a married folks do for a period of time and if they had a child they would wed officially or if during or after the period of time they chose not to be together they could go their own ways with no blame upon them.
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Do you have more information regarding this “tradition way back”?

Correct me if I read you words incorrectly, but this “hand-fasting” cohabitating arrangement sounds simply like “shaking up” and the sin of fornication.

I am left wondering how this is not simply an excuse to please the flesh is in any way more superior to the old fashioned, and tried and true, notion of courstship leading to engagement with one’s fiance/fiancee.
 
newf said:
Maybe so, but you already had a child (I believe you told us in a previous post) and that makes it LOOK like you were ‘experienced’ in that dept.

May I ask why it took you 2 years to get married?? Were you holding out for a big wedding? I honestly do not understand why you didn’t get married asap.
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That doesnt seem like anyones business to me, sorry but just my own opinion. and this post sounds very rude and self righteous. People wait for different reasons, all of which are personal.
 
It was a Celtic tradition (particularly in Northern Scotland). The couple lived together, although if they had sex they were considered to be married and supposed to publicize it in Church, but the proof that they had had sex was a child. No child, no marriage unless the couple wanted to continue in the marriage–since no child was evidence enough of no sex in an era of undependable/unavailable contraception, they could go about their lives and contract marriage with others.

In today’s society, the concept of hand-fasting has morphed a bit (due to oodles of fairly dependable contraception) but the main point remains, have a child or want a child, get married.
 
newf said:
Maybe so, but you already had a child (I believe you told us in a previous post) and that makes it LOOK like you were ‘experienced’ in that dept.
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Yup I had been married before…hence the child I already had:D …
hence the “experience”😉 even though my ex MIL likes to believe it was an Immaculate Conception
May I ask why it took you 2 years to get married?? Were you holding out for a big wedding? I honestly do not understand why you didn’t get married asap.
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Not a big wedding by any standard…why it took us 2 years…why not?
 
TarAshly said:
How many people knew they werent married? People just dont ask any more. In fact the little old lady that lives across from me and hubby was shocked to learn that we *were *married! she even jokingly remarked “but youre so young! are young people still getting married?” at least I think it was a joke…:confused: …hmmm…anyway… it really is hard to tell unless you go around saying hi im married, hey how ya doin, im married! some people dont wear wedding rings so thats often not a good way to tell. its tough in todays society.
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so true for most of the year since I gardne alot I do not wear my wedding ring…so if you looked at my hands you’d never know I was married;)
 
😉 thanks TarAshly
TarAshly said:
That doesnt seem like anyones business to me, sorry but just my own opinion. and this post sounds very rude and self righteous. People wait for different reasons, all of which are personal.
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Karin said:
so true for most of the year since I gardne alot I do not wear my wedding ring…so if you looked at my hands you’d never know I was married;)
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Lol, I always thought you lived in a condo 🙂 No idea where I got that idea from hehe
 
TarAshly said:
That doesnt seem like anyones business to me, sorry but just my own opinion. and this post sounds very rude and self righteous. People wait for different reasons, all of which are personal.
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Sorry it sounds rude, I didn’t mean it that way. I actually am just trying to understand why someone would want to live together for 2 years and not be married, especially when there is a child involved. I just don’t get it.
 
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