Living together

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Lynn-D:
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It is your choice not to treat him any different that a live in boyfriend and you will not contribute later to any wedding costs since that would be after the fact and not as a prelude.
This advice does work. My parents met when they were just out of highschool and the influence of religion in their lives had been a very confusing one. My parents were intending on moving in together, but my grandparents were “old-school” and told her that if she moved in with my dad, they would not pay for her wedding.

So they got married pretty quickly. This wasn’t adviced at all. The priest told them that there was no reason not to wait a bit longer for them to become more financially stable and to mature a bit more, but they were married as it was better than them living together.

My parents niavity did cost them a college education as I came into the picture only a little over a year after their wedding. But my parents have grown in their faith over the years and we are a family that from time to time does pray the rosary together – though we do play boardgames together more often.
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Actually, according to the news reports, Christoph Cardinal Schonborn, the archbishop of Vienna, has instituted a Catholic Church ceremony to bless “couples, fiancés and people in love” including homosexual partners whether they are married or not.
lifesite.net/ldn/2006/feb/06022007.html
 
1ke…

I’ll preface my comment by admitting that I’m ignorant of the grounds necessary for annulment.

For a religion that professes not to believe in divorce, Catholicism has only changed the word for the dissolution of a marriage to annulment. Either the requirements for a valid marriage are too complicated or there is a loop-hole large enough to drive a truck through. Perhaps, both.

Before I became Catholic, I didn’t believe in divorce. I allowed myself one marriage and that was it. There were no “if’s, and’s or but’s”. If I didn’t do it right the first time, then that was it. Because of this attitude, I had to be darn sure I knew what I was doing when I got married. There were no second chances.

In the end, I didn’t found that relationship that I felt could survive the worst that life has to offer. Too many people live in the moment and don’t consider what the future can hold. The Church has left a huge means of escaping mistakes and not holding people accountable. If I’d known this, I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself all these years.
 
Our daughter and her fiance’ live together with our 5 year old grand daughter. Blessedly our daughter’s first decision on her annulment came about 10 days ago. They had a meeting with Father. He set the date on the Church calendar, gave them so info on Catholic marriage and told them they would shortly be contacted by their sponsoring couple.
Two surprises here.
  1. Father set the date for the wedding with just the first decision. Of course it is likely that the second will just radify the first. But I was surprised.
  2. He said Nothing About Co-Habitating. I was amazed.
    Ok. So we are planning the wedding.
    Is this pretty normal these days?
 
I’m amazed that nobody has thought to mention the 6th commandment and what St. Paul said about fornicators not going to Heaven. Presuming that “God will understand” and doing whatever you want is not living the Christian life. You would be doing your daughter a favor by explaining that this is God’s law not yours. Your daughter will be endangering her salvation and her boyfriend’s by moving in together. And yes, if she asks, people can go to hell by living this way and dying unrepentent.
 
I understand why men might want to settle for just living together and the lack of commitment it implies. What I’ve never understood is why women go along with it.
 
JimG said:
I understand why men might want to settle for just living together and the lack of commitment it implies. What I’ve never understood is why women go along with it.
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👍

In this modern age of supposed women’s liberation, many women are letting us men get away with more bs than if we were Vikings on a pillage in 8th-century England.

Burn this in your heads: A man will not love or respect you more if you give in to pressure to have premarital sex–it will be less. Bad men cannot be changed by you, so find a man who is good to start with (yes, they exist) and not a jerk. If you agree to cohabit with a man, know that he regards it not as a growing period, but rather a marriage with a consequence-free escape hatch. And if you confront the man with all this, he will likely deny it. Not because he is necessarily lying, but because he is self-deluded.
 
JimG said:
I understand why men might want to settle for just living together and the lack of commitment it implies. What I’ve never understood is why women go along with it.
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Isn’t because they have baggage or some other bad experience in life, usually with their father, that leaves them with lower standards, a feeling of being only an object and feeling worthless?

They don’t know or don’t believe that they can demand more and seek out a beautiful marriage, instead content to live in a fake relationship.

Of course, I also see more and more a secular temptation: that is, as a young adult it would be so easy to have a companion who is going through the same life struggles, share a roof, split the money, etc. Marriage is seen as one more big hardship on the already piled high plate of huge debt, full time job, years of schooling, dysfunctional families, partying, friendships, freedom, etc. Why not just move in together?

But to the OP; why in the world is your dd 26 and not getting married? I can see a teen trying to bridge the gap by moving in, but to be 26 (and I assume he is older) would mean that they are both in solid jobs or have much job experience, that they are both done with undergrad and grad school, or about to finish, etc…

Seems odd that they aren’t getting married? I would ask her why and point out how odd that is. It’s perfectly a good time to marry, in fact, getting a little up there in age, no?

Are his parents divorced? Have you and your spouse been divorced, separated or had marital difficulties?
 
  1. Your daughter is too old to be playing house.
  2. It is not healthy for her soul. Fried chicken is not healthy for the body. Spending all of your spare time watchin TV is not healthy for the mind and, simply put, living together is not healthy for the soul.
Micki
 
People always seem to think living together always means sex. There HAVE been cases in which males and females lived together, but on a platonic basis. The living together thing is an old stereotype.
 
My son is planning,unfortunately, to have his girfriend move in with him. Yes, they both have decent jobs, but feel that they have to have a sit down dinner, band, etc. and therefore “need” to live together to save money for this. I don’t know when a wedding with just a cake, nuts, punch reception became thought of with disdain.
 
Kusnierek said:
I’m sure this is a common question, but my daughter who is 26 wants to move in with her boyfriend. Of course she informed me and my responce was that she is an adult and can make her own decissions but that I wasn’t happy about the situation. I drew a blank and need some help.

My questions is what are some good responces to her that would discourage her from going thru with her plans.
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You could start by reminding her of the old (but ever-new) saying, “Why should I buy the whole cow when I can get the milk for free?” Not very flattering to her, the cow.

Then you could ask her what she will do when she gets pregnant (and be sure you say when, not if, because otherwise she’ll just evade and insist that she won’t).

You could also point out that couples who live together don’t usually get married, and when they do they divorce at a higher rate. So what is her point? What is she hoping to get out of moving in?

Finally, I think Dr. Laura Schlessinger has some good things to say on this subject. You might want to look up some of her books on Amazon and get one for your daughter to read.
 
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