Loaded Question: Annulment to Nun?

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Many years ago, in a land far, far away…

J/K

I’m a practicing, traditional Catholic. I was married quite young, but the marriage was annuled. As a young girl, I considered a religious life, but felt very strongly drawn to motherhood. Because of my desire to be a wife and mother, I feared I could not be faithful to a vow of celebacy, and I eventually wrote it off as an option (not taking in to consideration the graces I would have been given to handle such issues).

Fast forward 16 years. I’m in my early 30s, I have a 9 year old son that has been telling me he wants to be a priest since he was a toddler and currently serves at High Mass. My nephew/Godson, switched universities to trade his baseball scholarship for the religious life. I have been praying for his vocation for years, while mine sort of crumbled around me. When my nephew made his decision, just recently, I started having persistent thoughts about the religious life again, but wrote them off…who would want someone with a child? Someone divorced?

But I can’t shake the feeling.

I frequently imagine myself raising my son, then becoming a religious missionary and/or teacher. I have done international missions in the past in the capacity of an educator and caregiver.

Do I have any options? If so, are any of them in the traditional orders? Am I crazy? It’s been in the back of my mind since I was a little girl and it grows more persistent all the time. There is another man in my life now, and I frequently think about how much I love him, but want to be with God more. I look at him and I’m stunned at how easily I could walk away from the promise of Catholic marriage and children to serve in a charitable capacity for the rest of my life. I love him but I’m not sure I WANT to take it to the next level. I think I want to raise my son, and then serve God “all the days of my life.” There are so many in my family in the religious life, and I admire them greatly. Most of them are OSB. I’m drawn to matters of education and the interior life, but also enjoyed my time feeding the hungry and caring for the sick in Central America.

It’s hard to discern between options when you don’t know what your options are. Do I have any? What can I be thinking/praying about over the next 9 years?
 
short answer yes, many formerly married women have entered religious orders, in fact some were founded specifically for such woman. If the husband were still living yes she would need an annulment first. She would also have to wait until her children were raised and her obligations to them discharged, as did Mother Elizabeth Seton. There are more saints who went this route.
 
Thank you, that’s very encouraging! I am curious how commonly this is allowed in orders who observe the traditional mass. Our priests are FSSP, and we do have some sisters from a place down the street who attend, but they are not affiliated formally. They just enjoy the old mass.
 
Listen_Up said:
Many years ago, in a land far, far away…

J/K

I’m a practicing, traditional Catholic. I was married quite young, but the marriage was annulled. As a young girl, I considered a religious life, but felt very strongly drawn to motherhood. Because of my desire to be a wife and mother, I feared I could not be faithful to a vow of celibacy, and I eventually wrote it off as an option (not taking in to consideration the graces I would have been given to handle such issues).

Fast forward 16 years. I’m in my early 30s, I have a 9 year old son that has been telling me he wants to be a priest since he was a toddler and currently serves at High Mass. My nephew/Godson, switched universities to trade his baseball scholarship for the religious life. I have been praying for his vocation for years, while mine sort of crumbled around me. When my nephew made his decision, just recently, I started having persistent thoughts about the religious life again, but wrote them off…who would want someone with a child? Someone divorced?

But I can’t shake the feeling.

I frequently imagine myself raising my son, then becoming a religious missionary and/or teacher. I have done international missions in the past in the capacity of an educator and caregiver.

Do I have any options? If so, are any of them in the traditional orders? Am I crazy? It’s been in the back of my mind since I was a little girl and it grows more persistent all the time. There is another man in my life now, and I frequently think about how much I love him, but want to be with God more. I look at him and I’m stunned at how easily I could walk away from the promise of Catholic marriage and children to serve in a charitable capacity for the rest of my life. I love him but I’m not sure I WANT to take it to the next level. I think I want to raise my son, and then serve God “all the days of my life.” There are so many in my family in the religious life, and I admire them greatly. Most of them are OSB. I’m drawn to matters of education and the interior life, but also enjoyed my time feeding the hungry and caring for the sick in Central America.

It’s hard to discern between options when you don’t know what your options are. Do I have any? What can I be thinking/praying about over the next 9 years?
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Greetings! I have heard of sisters who were married, but got an annulment (which is considered “never married” by the Church). And I have heard of sisters who have been mothers first and then became sisters because of later vocations. Since your call has been persistent, you may have a genuine vocation. I would suggest that you talk to your parish priest about what to do in your situation. I know you will definitely have to wait until your child is at least 18 and out on his own, but that means that you have 9 years to build up your relationship with Christ! Great things could happen in that time if you keep your prayer life to it’s maximum strength and use the Sacraments to your benefit. Try to attend Daily Mass if you can or at least go every Sunday, read the Bible, pray the Liturgy of the Hours, receive the Eucharist as often as you can (in a state of grace, of course; if you have a mortal sin on your conscience, you must confess it first), go to Confession at least once a month, spend some time in adoration, walk the Stations of the Cross, etc. All of these will help you grow in your relationship with the Lord.

Considering that you are in a relationship with a man right now, I would advise you to talk to him about your feelings (hopefully he’ll understand). Also, find a spiritual director (priest, sister, or brother) and ask them about what to do with your current relationship. See if they say that you should end it, or not. Of course, this is your decision, but they can at least give you the advice.

Here is a list of orders that will accept later vocations and that do missionary work (you can start a new search if you want) should you find that you are called, and your S.D. is in agreement (you will probably be in your early 40s when you are able to join):

db.religiouslife.com/reg_life/irl.nsf/as/?SearchView&Query=[active]=%221%22%20AND%20[missionary]=%221%22%20AND%20[women]=%221%22%20AND%20[belated]=%221%22

God bless you! :crossrc:
 
Yes, most orders will accept woman who have annulments. However, since you are still responsible for your child, I don’t think any would accept you until your child is 18 and out of high school. That would put you in your 40s by the time you are seeking your vocation, which your age at that point would be a bigger obstacle than your annulment. (Honestly a lot of orders would cut you out at the age you are in now–your early thirties!)You will probably be able to find an order but whether it is an order that “fits” your needs is another question altogether.

Good Luck!! I hope you are able to bring your vocation to fruition. And that is so wonderful that your son is already having thoughts of becoming a priest. It would really be beautiful if he became a priest and then you became a nun!!
 
Listen_Up said:
Many years ago, in a land far, far away…

J/K

I’m a practicing, traditional Catholic. I was married quite young, but the marriage was annuled. As a young girl, I considered a religious life, but felt very strongly drawn to motherhood. Because of my desire to be a wife and mother, I feared I could not be faithful to a vow of celebacy, and I eventually wrote it off as an option (not taking in to consideration the graces I would have been given to handle such issues).

Fast forward 16 years. I’m in my early 30s, I have a 9 year old son that has been telling me he wants to be a priest since he was a toddler and currently serves at High Mass. My nephew/Godson, switched universities to trade his baseball scholarship for the religious life. I have been praying for his vocation for years, while mine sort of crumbled around me. When my nephew made his decision, just recently, I started having persistent thoughts about the religious life again, but wrote them off…who would want someone with a child? Someone divorced?

But I can’t shake the feeling.

I frequently imagine myself raising my son, then becoming a religious missionary and/or teacher. I have done international missions in the past in the capacity of an educator and caregiver.

Do I have any options? If so, are any of them in the traditional orders? Am I crazy? It’s been in the back of my mind since I was a little girl and it grows more persistent all the time. There is another man in my life now, and I frequently think about how much I love him, but want to be with God more. I look at him and I’m stunned at how easily I could walk away from the promise of Catholic marriage and children to serve in a charitable capacity for the rest of my life. I love him but I’m not sure I WANT to take it to the next level. I think I want to raise my son, and then serve God “all the days of my life.” There are so many in my family in the religious life, and I admire them greatly. Most of them are OSB. I’m drawn to matters of education and the interior life, but also enjoyed my time feeding the hungry and caring for the sick in Central America.

It’s hard to discern between options when you don’t know what your options are. Do I have any? What can I be thinking/praying about over the next 9 years?
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Like the poster before me said, wait until your child is 18 before any serious vow commitment.

What I would explore is any lay options within these orders. You can do quite a bit with an order and not take the official vows. The Benedictines ones are called Oblates. You are a layperson with the order but you can still get alot out of it.
 
I know a sister who got annulment. Her children are all grown up.
 
Listen_Up said:
Many years ago, in a land far, far away…

J/K

I’m a practicing, traditional Catholic. I was married quite young, but the marriage was annuled. As a young girl, I considered a religious life, but felt very strongly drawn to motherhood. Because of my desire to be a wife and mother, I feared I could not be faithful to a vow of celebacy, and I eventually wrote it off as an option (not taking in to consideration the graces I would have been given to handle such issues).

Fast forward 16 years. I’m in my early 30s, I have a 9 year old son that has been telling me he wants to be a priest since he was a toddler and currently serves at High Mass. My nephew/Godson, switched universities to trade his baseball scholarship for the religious life. I have been praying for his vocation for years, while mine sort of crumbled around me. When my nephew made his decision, just recently, I started having persistent thoughts about the religious life again, but wrote them off…who would want someone with a child? Someone divorced?

But I can’t shake the feeling.

I frequently imagine myself raising my son, then becoming a religious missionary and/or teacher. I have done international missions in the past in the capacity of an educator and caregiver.

Do I have any options? If so, are any of them in the traditional orders? Am I crazy? It’s been in the back of my mind since I was a little girl and it grows more persistent all the time. There is another man in my life now, and I frequently think about how much I love him, but want to be with God more. I look at him and I’m stunned at how easily I could walk away from the promise of Catholic marriage and children to serve in a charitable capacity for the rest of my life. I love him but I’m not sure I WANT to take it to the next level. I think I want to raise my son, and then serve God “all the days of my life.” There are so many in my family in the religious life, and I admire them greatly. Most of them are OSB. I’m drawn to matters of education and the interior life, but also enjoyed my time feeding the hungry and caring for the sick in Central America.

It’s hard to discern between options when you don’t know what your options are. Do I have any? What can I be thinking/praying about over the next 9 years?
Click to expand...
Yes you have options… Maybe more than you realize.
  1. I would contact a good spiritual director to see if he feels that you indeed have a vocation to the religious life.
  2. then** if the answer is indeed yes.***. and seeing that you have an annulment… there are many ways you can begin your search now so as to be in a good place to pursue a vocation once your children are of age.
The key is: discerning whether or not the call is valid. If so then…
  1. many communities allow associate programs… and if your spiritual director feels you are indeed called in that direction, to vowed religious life… you could work on that premise over the next 9 or so years and be in a good position should you be called to religious life.
  2. Today many communities allow older vocations… and if the link is established early… then that is even better… [so do find a good director… even if you ultimatly werent called??? you still will have a valuable resource for your own spiritual journey]
    Blessings of Peace and Good!
 
Mother Angelica’s own earthly mother was one of the sisters until her death.

Did you know that?
 
There are sister moms, in the Sisters of Providence of Mother Joseph Province in Washington state, others in the Sisters of Mercy of the Americas, and I believe the Jonesboro Benedictines as well. They are not as rare as they used to be.
 
There are many orders who accept older women with annulments and that list is going to continue growing. However, if you are thinking of one of the neo-trad orders, they accept only younger women without annulments and I suspect preferably virgins–orders such as the Nashville and Ann Arbor Dominicans.

However, most of the orders demand that you demonstrate that your child is truly* self-sufficient*. Being 18 years old isn’t enough.

I agree that you should obtain a spiritual director, start considering the type of order you may want to join and become an associate or an oblate-, all of this in due time—and ditch the boyfriends or significant others.
 
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