Loneliness and spiritual sensitive people

[Rosarydevotion]

God made me a very sensitive person. I’m able to pick up on every little nuance that’s going on around me. I can feel what other people feel and I can pick up on subtleties that other people easily miss. etc. I can also feel the spiritual world, I know when God has sent me graces, and I know when the evil spirits are harassing me.

Because of all this, I find it extremely tiring to be around too many people. I hate parties, and I loath to make superficial conversation. I have a neighbor that I go walking with around the neighborhood, but I actually find myself preferring to walk alone because I hate the surface conversations. I would rather just be by myself than be with someone who doesn’t understand the deeper issues of life. I actually find it more lonely being around people sometimes. I’ve been told that I need to be more accepting of people, but it’s not that I don’t accept people it’s just that I get tired of trying to alter my mind set and feelings in order to fit in to the status quo.

Sometimes I feel like God has made me this way so that I would come to lean on Him alone. He has made my life very lonely. And even though He gives me many spiritual consolations, I sometimes wish I had someone who I could relate to.

Can anyone relate to this? If so, how do you deal with it?

 

[bardegaulois]

Being an introvert, I can understand very well how tiring company can be, up to the point that one can find oneself very bored and lonely. I’ve become a little more gregarious with age, but I can remember my solution when I was younger was reading. No, not necessarily spiritual reading, but reading novels. I was almost always working on a novel as well as a work of non-fiction as well. Of course, there were many characters I related to quite strongly–Hamlet and Alyosha Karamasov. But what was more, I came better to understand the broad diversity of human existence, including that of those whose company I often shunned then.

Studies have shown that those who read more novels as children grow to become more empathetic people as the age. My experience would show that the same is true of adults; avid readers of good literature have a generally better understanding (and, yes, tolerance) of human nature with all its foibles. So might I suggest a few evenings with Charles Dickens?

 

[mathematoons]

That looks like something I could have written, except for the part about being able to read people.

I’m afraid the truth, as unpleasant as it may be to think about, is that it’s an unsolvable problem. I tried from kindergarten to a year ago (I was 30, going on 31), and I have only succeeded at having a few short-term friends, nothing more.

The only thing that has helped is the following quote from The Story of a Soul by St. Thérèse of Lisieux:

O happy failure, from how many evils have you saved me! I am most thankful to Our Lord that He let me find only bitterness in earthly friendships. With a heart like mine, I should have been taken captive and had my wings clipped, and how then should I have been able to “fly and be at rest?” [Cf. Psalm 54 [55]:7]

How can a heart given up to human affections be closely united to God? It seems to me that it is impossible. I have seen so many souls, allured by this false light, fly right into it like poor moths, and burn their wings, and then return, wounded, to Our Lord, the Divine fire, which burns and does not consume.

 

[jaimeleglise]

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Being an introvert means you get your energy from being alone and in a quiet setting. This can lead to great quiet, contemplative prayer.

This is the way God made you.It is to be embraced and accepted. I too,greatly dislike parties,loud music, loud talking, it is overwhelming. It is simply another way of being

Ask God to send you a friend who shares some of the same interests and ideals that you do.
There is no rule in the universe that you have to have many friends, go many places and talk a lot. This world needs thinkers to keep it going.

I am reminded of the time my uncle from Boston passed away. His funeral was on the hottest day of the year, and it was a long three hour Orthodox service. People would come in and then go outside and sit for a while for a break.

My uncle from Taiwan and my father from Washington DC were there sitting on a bench next to each other. They rarely saw each other because they lived thousands of miles apart, yet they were kindred spirits, very closely bonded and loved each other dearly. To my surprise, they did not say one word to each other. They simply in silence enjoyed each other’s presence. These two brothers, who were never talkative to begin with, shared a very deep bond that no words could match.

Some of Jesus’ favorite people were introverts who bore much fruit. He often in the Scriptures took time away from it all to “recharge”.

 

[rafarose]

I am exactly the way you described!! I have been very sensitive since I can remember–crying too much as a child and sensitive to my environment and towards others. I feel what others feel at the moment and when people suffer, part of me suffers too. I enjoy dancing but I don’t like crowded parties and I dislike superficial conversations too!

I have generally come to accept who I am, but I do ask God to make me less of a cry baby I have accepted the beauty and pain of loneliness. God has given me a wonderful Catholic friend and we have helped each other grow in so many ways, through God’s grace ofcourse. She is much much more outgoing than I am and i am so astonished how much we get along, given our different personalities. When God is at the center of your relationships, they are fruitful, beautiful and amazing. She feels she is called to the religious life and I will definitely miss her when she goes off to the convent. Point being, maybe God is preparing a beautiful friendship for you. Trust in Him.

 

[multitude]

I’m a relatively sensitive person. I don’t mind not acting like myself, not too much if it is just to try to relate to people, but I don’t like being double-crossed for it, since, for what it is worth, I do have a good amount of empathy. Why declare war on a nobody like me? Which is why I get a lot out of the stories of Jacob vs. Esau, Abel vs. Cain, and why I relate to Jacob and Abel. So in a way, I’ve never felt all that lonely either way, whether I’m by myself or with people. However I do get tired of being around too many people.

But only just this past year, when I began to take my faith seriously again, I’ve had dreams, nightmares. They call it sleep paralysis, but I’m not sure. Meeting those from Hell, that sort of thing. It’s not the first time either, I’ve had some odd experiences as a kid, but it’s particularly pronounced when I take my faith seriously. It is also why I would never consider any other religion or Protestantism; my spiritual experiences alone almost confirm who really has the truth. It may be superstition to others but it isn’t to me. Why the spiritual intensity as a Catholic, otherwise? To me, they are graces from God, they’re not always the graces I would prefer, but I’ll take 'em.

I was more of a math and science person as a kid and teenager, actually, and not necessarily a literature buff. However I’m becoming increasingly drawn to the humanities as an older person.

 

[truthquester]

God made me a very sensitive person. I’m able to pick up on every little nuance that’s going on around me. I can feel what other people feel and I can pick up on subtleties that other people easily miss. etc. I can also feel the spiritual world, I know when God has sent me graces, and I know when the evil spirits are harassing me.

Because of all this, I find it extremely tiring to be around too many people. I hate parties, and I loath to make superficial conversation. I have a neighbor that I go walking with around the neighborhood, but I actually find myself preferring to walk alone because I hate the surface conversations. I would rather just be by myself than be with someone who doesn’t understand the deeper issues of life. I actually find it more lonely being around people sometimes. I’ve been told that I need to be more accepting of people, but it’s not that I don’t accept people it’s just that I get tired of trying to alter my mind set and feelings in order to fit in to the status quo.

Sometimes I feel like God has made me this way so that I would come to lean on Him alone. He has made my life very lonely. And even though He gives me many spiritual consolations, I sometimes wish I had someone who I could relate to.

Can anyone relate to this? If so, how do you deal with it?

I can relate to that perfectly.

 

[liturgy96]

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Being an introvert means you get your energy from being alone and in a quiet setting. This can lead to great quiet, contemplative prayer.

This is the way God made you.It is to be embraced and accepted. I too,greatly dislike parties,loud music, loud talking, it is overwhelming. It is simply another way of being

Ask God to send you a friend who shares some of the same interests and ideals that you do.
There is no rule in the universe that you have to have many friends, go many places and talk a lot. This world needs thinkers to keep it going.

I agree with this, being an introvert myself Thankfully, by the grace of God, I have found friends who shared my interests and have led me to see more of the beauty within Catholicism

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

I only put my finger on this very recently (being 60). Before that, I couldn’t give it a name or concept.

At the same time I don’t understand most people’s weird social hoops so that repels people for some strange reason.

I wish people would make better use of the gifts I have got. Most people are drastically lacking in some basic gifts so I have to cope with insufficiently helpful people around me all the time whereas they don’t know what they are missing either in themselves or others.

When I say “helpful” I don’t mean going out of their way I just mean developing enough potential to be more rounded.

Nobody introduces someone to me (or vice versa) any more and nobody will pair up with me to visit someone. They don’t do these things with anyone at all.

 

[Rosebud77]

Why are you worried? Are you trying to live up to some anonymous and soulless " norm" that some researcher talks of? Be yourself. You cannot live any other life than yours. I have serious untreatable illnes which makes company totally draining except maybe once a week. Else I am totally alone, working with my hands in solitude for the needs of others. That is me! No need to apologise or feel you have to explain yourself. Why try to emulate others? Better save your energy. Loneliness for me does not exist any more… Even the internet and coming here is an intrusion i make very seldom… be at peace with who and what you are. I am!

 

[Rosarydevotion]

Thank you all so much for your responses, I find them very validating.

I think the reason I’ve been down about this lately is because the way I feel somewhat ostracized by others. I feel that I’ve been looked down upon because of the way I am and so then I start to feel not just lonely but condemed.

Strange enough I like that I am very sensitive, because I enjoy the richness of it. I just get down about not fitting in no matter how hard I try.

 

[7_Sorrows]

I can relate with everything you are saying. I am very sensitive and an introvert also having a small group of friends.
I moved to a new community 7 years ago and it has been so hard. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere here. The only place I have peace is the Adoration chapel during my time alone there.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Thank you all so much for your responses, I find them very validating.

I think the reason I’ve been down about this lately is because the way I feel somewhat ostracized by others. I feel that I’ve been looked down upon because of the way I am and so then I start to feel not just lonely but condemed.

Strange enough I like that I am very sensitive, because I enjoy the richness of it. I just get down about not fitting in no matter how hard I try.

I do believe what you are describing is being an introvert.  There is nothing at all wrong with it.  Its normal, its natural and science has found that its actually *NEEDED* for society's survival. (not saying that extroversion is not needed also)   There just happens to be less of us than the number of extroverts.   It doesn't help either when the culture you live in deems introversion as some sort of mental illness or that "loners" might be "dangerous".   Gosh, have they ever taken a step back to look at themselves for once!?    I guess not because that would mean they were introverted!!!!   :p   

I understand very much where you are coming from.  It also doesn't help that introverts don't really have a way of meeting up.  Its not like we are anti-social...  but for people who prefer (and need)  to spend time alone to recharge- they won't be the one's deciding to go to a party- even if its a party of and for introverts!   So the problem of loneliness kind of perpetuates.   Meanwhile, half the population of introverts sit alone wishing...  waiting... wanting...    wondering....   wistfully wailing?  (ok, I'm getting a bit silly here now)

By saying all that, I don’t want to dismiss the spiritual aspect of what you said or sound like the suffering is not real. I know it goes much deeper than just the way a mind happens to be wired up and I understand that the suffering is real and difficult. I’m just trying to inject a little humor and good will into the matter, to be cheery.

As far as how to deal with it…

I was told to ‘grow thicker skin’. Not sure if that is possible when your genetic make-up is to be sensitive, but I think you can find ways to protect yourself better from those moments of being over stimulated or ‘encroached upon spiritually’. As the right thing to do when anyone is in a problem they don’t have answers to… continue to pray and ask God for help in this matter.

I’m assuming that you are young… (I’m guessing anywhere from mid-teens to mid-30’s) and so I wanted to reassure you that it takes time to develop understanding of one’s self and others. Just don’t let it get you down! There is nothing wrong with being how you are! God made you that way.

 

[bsf]

Rosarydevotion,

I do not have answers for you. However, I can identify with some of what you wrote. In an attempt to make sense of myself and life, I have turned to books. Sometimes, what I read helps concretize vague notions that have been floating around inside of me and slowly helps me understand. Here are a few titles that seem relevant to your post.

Loneliness by Clark E. Moustakas
Loneliness and Love by Clark E. Moustakas
The Temperament God Gave You by Art Bennet, LMFT and Laraine Bennet

 

[AttendeDomine]

Can anyone relate to this? If so, how do you deal with it?

I can relate to much of it, outside of the loneliness aspect.

One thing to keep in mind is that **all **temperaments have their advantages as well as their weaknesses. We can use advantages to help us to grow spiritually, and we must overcome the weaknesses. Ultimately, our goal is to not have a particular temperament as such, but to have the strengths of each without the weakness of any of them.

This is why I have to disagree with those who would say that the personality you described is just the way you are and that it should be embraced. The good should be embraced, but not the bad. But knowing that you have a certain temperament will help you to understand an underlying cause for much of the sin in your life, and this can help you to root it out.

In terms of what can be done about some of the things you mention, well, hating shallow conversation is a good insofar as it implies that a person has an appreciation for depth and for nuance. However, this can become a source of pride and an instance of looking down on others. Not everyone is deep. This doesn’t mean that their own social needs are non-existent. We have to look beyond our own desires and sacrifice ourselves in order to be of service to others. In fact, those who think more about quiet things are more prone to have wisdom, or the ability to order everything towards God as its final end. This is an extremely valuable tool to share with others.

Moreover, God does not give us gifts just so that we can enjoy them and derive pleasure. He gives us gifts so that we can share them with those who don’t have them. Going deeper and deeper inside of yourself will not help you to achieve this, and thus you would be squandering the gifts God has given you.

Having a shallow conversation with someone at a particular point in time might be just what God wants you to do in a given situation. Perhaps pursuing such a line of discussion might actually lead to something down the road we can’t be aware of in any given moment. Ignoring this because you’re more interested in the pleasure of good conversation is, frankly, an imperfection. Following the cross means doing things that are difficult, not simply being attached to pleasure and becoming frustrated when we have to put it aside.