Loneliness and the church

[fin]

So true. People always say that you be active and be out there in order to meet people. But it’s hard when you’re doing it and nobody even makes an effort to strike a conversation with you.

No matter what they say about everyone being welcome to join, there’s already a clique among those who have known each other for a long time.

People can be invited to coffee after Mass, but it doesn’t do any good if they’re given the cold shoulder when they arrive. They won’t come back the next time.

 

[Rose71]

Where do I report sightings of Good Catholic Women in England? I’ve seen a good number over the years! I’ve also seen several Good Catholic Men!

One shining example of good old Catholic hospitality was in the parish I attended for nearly 10 years as a single woman, bewteen the ages of 27 and 37. Many weekends, I would make the hourney back to see my parents and go to Mass with them, rather than face the Baltic conditions of my local church.

There was a peculiar craze for arriving early and sitting at the very end of the bench, nearest the aisle. This meant that unless you were incredibly early, every bench had 1 or 2 people perched at the end and boy would they make a meal out of letting you in? Shuffling up along the bench and letting the newcomer sit at the end was just never even contemplated! Bench-end Hoggers (BEHs TM) first try to studiously ignore the person trying to sit down, either because they are deep in the thralls of some sort of mystic experience rolleyes:I’m sure they are!) or because they feel it is their duty to reinforce the point that they are deep in prayer and unable to acknowledge their fellow Mass-goer because they are talking to God!

Step 2 is to feign surprise, followed quickly by disdain, before moving their body while still attempting to kneel or sit, towards the back of the bench while pulling faces that show the rest of the congregation just how terribly painful these contortions are - but bless 'em, they are risking pelvic dislocation just so those awful people who arrive after them can squeeze past.

Step 3 is to resume their original position before extending both arms to gather up prayer books, bulletins, hymnals and purses and re-assemble them as close to one’s bottom as possible, while casting wary glances at the interloper!

Step 4 comes at the Sign of Peace This is the bit where the BEH beams benevolently and extends his / her hand to the interloper, who often reacts with some degree of shock.

It has long been a mystery to me why people seem to crave that end spot in the bench. Is there some bit of Cannon Law I’m unaware of?

 

[Sarcelle]

So true. People always say that you be active and be out there in order to meet people. But it’s hard when you’re doing it and nobody even makes an effort to strike a conversation with you.

No matter what they say about everyone being welcome to join, there’s already a clique among those who have known each other for a long time.

There are some geographical differences. In the Midwest, people in the churches are more family oriented and will only interact with family and friends who they have known a long time. They will seldom talk to a stranger and at times will look at them suspiciously. In the East coast people are more open and friendly and would talk to you. This is my experience.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

It has long been a mystery to me why people seem to crave that end spot in the bench. Is there some bit of Cannon Law I’m unaware of?

Same as with seats on an airplane nobody wants to get stuck in the middle. It does tend to lead to some pews filling up with space for a large family left over. People can get a little grumpy if you ask to squeeze past them that’s for sure. It’s even worse if you have to move past them several times, like when you’ve got to go change a diaper. If they give me too much grief over it I just tell them to go suck eggs and keep their opinions to themselves.

 

[Xantippe]

Same as with seats on an airplane nobody wants to get stuck in the middle. It does tend to lead to some pews filling up with space for a large family left over. People can get a little grumpy if you ask to squeeze past them that’s for sure. It’s even worse if you have to move past them several times, like when you’ve got to go change a diaper. If they give me too much grief over it I just tell them to go suck eggs and keep their opinions to themselves.

I charitably assume all the aisle hogs have major bladder issues.

 

[WillyAL]

It has long been a mystery to me why people seem to crave that end spot in the bench. Is there some bit of Cannon Law I’m unaware of?

Can’t speak for other BEHs, but as for myself…I am a non-Catholic who attends Mass with my Catholic wife. Since I don’t go up for communion, I find it easier (on myself and on those sharing the pew with me) to sit on the end. That way I can get up once to let everyone out or back in, depending upon which end of the pew I’m at. If I’m in the middle people have to either crawl over me or squeeze around me. If someone arrives after I have already “hogged” the end of the pew, I have no problem whatsoever with letting them past. In fact I usually get up and step out allowing them to easily get by.

Hopefully this has helped solve the mystery you have been struggling with.

 

[DarkLight]

I find sitting at the end of the row improves my chances as a rather petite individual of being able to see what’s going on up front.

 

[thequeen]

I find sitting at the end of the row improves my chances as a rather petite individual of being able to see what’s going on up front./QUOTE

That is exactly the reason I sit at the end of the row.

I

 

[AClaire11]

There are some geographical differences. In the Midwest, people in the churches are more family oriented and will only interact with family and friends who they have known a long time. They will seldom talk to a stranger and at times will look at them suspiciously. In the East coast people are more open and friendly and would talk to you. This is my experience.

I’ve had the opposite experience. I grew up on the East Coast and lived in CT, MA, NH, and now VA. No one has ever talked to me after Mass, aside from the priest saying good morning, who usually didn’t even notice I was new and never got to know my name. Parish events were cliquey and never really led to any lasting friendships, at least in my experience.

People were much more friendly in the parish we attended on the West Coast. A few people would say hi, the priest introduced himself when he noticed we were new, and once someone even gave me a ride back home.

 

[AClaire11]

I find sitting at the end of the row improves my chances as a rather petite individual of being able to see what’s going on up front.

This is why I like to sit there, too. And now that I’m pregnant, it makes hurrying to the bathroom a lot easier

 

[Xantippe]

I’ve had the opposite experience. I grew up on the East Coast and lived in CT, MA, NH, and now VA. No one has ever talked to me after Mass, aside from the priest saying good morning, who usually didn’t even notice I was new and never got to know my name. Parish events were cliquey and never really led to any lasting friendships, at least in my experience.

People were much more friendly in the parish we attended on the West Coast. A few people would say hi, the priest introduced himself when he noticed we were new, and once someone even gave me a ride back home.

Midwest<East<West<South

???

 

[AClaire11]

Midwest<East<West<South

???

Maybe! I’ve never been to Mass further south than the DC area, but I imagine it’s more friendly, based on my other experiences there. “East Coast” covers three pretty different regions. The Mid-Atlantic, New England, and the South. I can’t comment on the Midwest, since I only attended Mass on campus while living there.

 

[Polluted]

I have no doubts that the Church I was confirmed in has the tight knit community some folks seek. Nor do I doubt people would come to someones aid in time of need. Heck when an elderly long time parishioner died the whole Church knew about it.

That was in a very small town though. I’m sure it varies location to location. I’m now in a much more populated área of the country. Needless to say unless you actually reach out and take part in some of the events listed in the flier…Church is gonna pretty much be a solo thing. Especially if you come right on time, and leave to your car immediately after. But I have no doubts one couldn’t find a community in Christ’s Church if they sought it out. Heck I stayed after Church to prayer a divine mercy novena and they had me pray off a decade and we’re eager to get to know me.

If you want community what are you doing to foster it? Get involved. Stay a while, the depth of your relationship to many other Catholics is entirely up to you.

 

[Sarcelle]

Maybe! I’ve never been to Mass further south than the DC area, but I imagine it’s more friendly, based on my other experiences there. “East Coast” covers three pretty different regions. The Mid-Atlantic, New England, and the South. I can’t comment on the Midwest, since I only attended Mass on campus while living there.

There are always exceptions of course. I’ve been to New England and the people there were always very friendly to me. Illinois also has people that are friendly along with Texas and Alabama. Indiana was more reserved and if you weren’t family people will not talk to you. I was lucky though that when I lived there I was “adopted” by a local family, a family of converts from Lutheranism and I do have fond memories of my time living in Indiana.

Of course this is just my individual experience.

 

[XenaFan]

It has long been a mystery to me why people seem to crave that end spot in the bench. Is there some bit of Cannon Law I’m unaware of?

As a single Catholic, if I sit in the middle I take up space that could belong to a family and will be forced to scoot to the end anyway.