Lonely during Mass

[Catolico_Romano]

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Yesterday, during Mass, I felt a great solitude in my heart. As you may have read in my previous post, my wife has left the Church, and shw won’t allow our two children to attend Mass, either.

So I’m going by myself. Although I had Communion, I felt empty, feeling guilty that I am the one who is separating himself from the family. My wife already told me that she will put her beliefs before our marriage, and that if I don’t accept that, that she would seek a divorce in case this causes too much friction between us.

Of course, I don’t want a divorce, but I don’t feel my faith is so strong that I should put it before my family, especially my children. I do know that I want to remain in the Church, because I do believe it is the Truth.

Also, my wife now says that most Protestant congregations are also wrong because they celebrate Christmas and have remained too close to Catholicism. She hasn’t attended any congregation for the last couple of Sundays. She says she will only read the Bible for now, until the Spirit leads her into another congregation.

I know I haven’t been the most devout of Catholics, but for the past year, I’ve been studying our faith, learning the meaning behind the Liturgy and the doctrines, and I know I’m home. My family has been Catholic for generations, and this is the faith I had since I was a little boy.

I want to go back to having that pure faith I had as a little boy, attending Catholic elementary school, and when my great-grandfather used to take me to Mass, and tell me Bible stories sitting on his rocking chair.

En Cristo,
Catolico_Romano

 

[smndtupidisaftr]

Pray, pray, and pray some more. And remember that you are not the one who is separating your family. She is separating it and seems to be making the decision for the children when it should be done together.

Maybe you’d consider posting this in the Prayer Intentions Forum as well to get the prayers of other Catholics.

This is a tough situation and I pray that God blesses you and preserves you through this.

 

[CatholicServant]

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Yesterday, during Mass, I felt a great solitude in my heart. As you may have read in my previous post, my wife has left the Church, and shw won’t allow our two children to attend Mass, either.

So I’m going by myself. Although I had Communion, I felt empty, feeling guilty that I am the one who is separating himself from the family. My wife already told me that she will put her beliefs before our marriage, and that if I don’t accept that, that she would seek a divorce in case this causes too much friction between us.

Of course, I don’t want a divorce, but I don’t feel my faith is so strong that I should put it before my family, especially my children. I do know that I want to remain in the Church, because I do believe it is the Truth.

Also, my wife now says that most Protestant congregations are also wrong because they celebrate Christmas and have remained too close to Catholicism. She hasn’t attended any congregation for the last couple of Sundays. She says she will only read the Bible for now, until the Spirit leads her into another congregation.

I know I haven’t been the most devout of Catholics, but for the past year, I’ve been studying our faith, learning the meaning behind the Liturgy and the doctrines, and I know I’m home. My family has been Catholic for generations, and this is the faith I had since I was a little boy.

I want to go back to having that pure faith I had as a little boy, attending Catholic elementary school, and when my great-grandfather used to take me to Mass, and tell me Bible stories sitting on his rocking chair.

En Cristo,
Catolico_Romano

Hello and God Bless Catolico Romano,

I am so sorry for the burden you are carrying and am praying for strength for you to continue in our faith - as you stated it is the Truth and Truth does not change (even for family). It is also your duty to lead your family (especially your children but even your wife). If you aren’t able to lead them via direct influence, i.e. weekly attendance at Mass and home prayers, maybe through your unwavering example through your Mass attendance, prayer, fasting, and confession, your example will thaw your wife’s heart and be a rock for your children.

Don’t lose sight of our Lord and spend time with him especially in adoration - go spend time with Him at the tabernacle in prayer. You will find comfort there.

 

[hooper496]

Hello,

You will be in my prayers. Sounds like your wife may have fallen in with those who denigrate the Church because of her “pagan” roots.

You may find this site useful for providing biblical and Early Church Fathers proofs for your wife.

scripturecatholic.com.

In the mean time, pray. And rest your head on Jesus, just as St. John did at the Last Supper!

 

[chero23]

Hearing you say that scares me alot. My girlfriend is a Seventh Day Adventist and our religious differences has kept us seperated from getting engaged and getting married. My worries is that her family and church believes that the Catholic Church is the great Whore of babylon and the Pope is the Antichrist. i have told her that if that is her attitude or that if that is the attitude they teach at her church that our relationship cannot work, then to have kids and for our kids to be splitting time at her church and mine, and to hear from her church the bad things they speak about ours.
You mentioned something interesting. You say that in your own research you have reaffirmed that you are in that same Church that all your generations have been a part of. I see were your coming from when you mention about going to mass alone, but this is were you have to tell your wife, that their your kids too. I mean don’t start a heated argument, but do let your wife know, hey their also my kids, if your having doubts about faith let me be the one who guides them now. God willing she comes around. Mass is a time to be with your family, and if she doesn’t want to be there, you keep fighting with your truth.
Don’t let go or compromise your beliefs.

 

[Bartolome_Casas]

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Yesterday, during Mass, I felt a great solitude in my heart. As you may have read in my previous post, my wife has left the Church, and shw won’t allow our two children to attend Mass, either.

So I’m going by myself. Although I had Communion, I felt empty, feeling guilty that I am the one who is separating himself from the family. My wife already told me that she will put her beliefs before our marriage, and that if I don’t accept that, that she would seek a divorce in case this causes too much friction between us.

Of course, I don’t want a divorce, but I don’t feel my faith is so strong that I should put it before my family, especially my children. I do know that I want to remain in the Church, because I do believe it is the Truth.

Also, my wife now says that most Protestant congregations are also wrong because they celebrate Christmas and have remained too close to Catholicism. She hasn’t attended any congregation for the last couple of Sundays. She says she will only read the Bible for now, until the Spirit leads her into another congregation.

I know I haven’t been the most devout of Catholics, but for the past year, I’ve been studying our faith, learning the meaning behind the Liturgy and the doctrines, and I know I’m home. My family has been Catholic for generations, and this is the faith I had since I was a little boy.

I want to go back to having that pure faith I had as a little boy, attending Catholic elementary school, and when my great-grandfather used to take me to Mass, and tell me Bible stories sitting on his rocking chair.

En Cristo,
Catolico_Romano

You didn’t really tell us much about your wife, so it is hard for us here to guess what is really going on with her. But I will guess anyway. I bet this all, really, deep down, has little to do with religion or theology. She may think that’s the problem. Or, maybe she is consciously aware that she’s using religion as a basis for pushing you away. All this could be due to emotional developments within her, or in your relationship with her. Whatever it is, I think you must do something. I think she’s going to keep on finding more and more faults with you (due to religion, and maybe other factors) until finally she has, like a prosecutor, built up a case to divorce you. Who knows why. But, before it gets that far, you may be able to intervene with a strategy and tactic to develop a better relationship with her, and a happier home life in general. To me, the first thing is for you to be like a Sherlock Holmes-type detective, and try to, in your mind, figure out what is going on with her, what is causing or driving all this. She’s unhappy about something. She wants something that she’s not getting. She’s angry about something. I wouldn’t try directly asking her to explain herself. If she knows, she won’t tell you. If she doesn’t know, she can’t tell you. Think. Why was she happy before, but not now? What has changed? Women are hard for us men to understand. They do not think like men. But understanding their female-logic is key to managing things with them. Don’t let her bait you into religious debates, since that will be just her proving to herself and the world that intolerable friction does exist in the marriage, thus justifying her exit from it. In chess and in the military, a player tries to determine what the “end game” of another player is. If she is determined to divorce you, that is perhaps stoppable, but you must develop a strategy do deal with that. Arguing about religion is no-win scenario. Christians have been arguing about religion for 2,000 years, and we have more divisions among Christians than ever. Keep your faith, but don’t be an Inquisitor or Crusader or Attila the Hun about it. That’s what she’s baiting you into doing, I suspect. Spouses can become like enemies. But Jesus says to love our enemies. It is not unknown for enemies to be won over into friendship, by a set of strategies and tactics that work on the particular person. Sometimes extra kindness is the answer. Sometimes “tough love.” Sometimes finding and developing common ground and common interests. Sometimes focusing on a common enemy. Sometimes by introducing something entirely new into the situation tha takes everyone’s focus off old former issues.

The famous book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” has, as Habit 5: “Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.” See: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People

God bless you.

 

[LittleScoty]

You are indeed bearing a heavy cross. You have our love, support and prayers.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

Eternal Father, we thank You for the crosses that we bear knowing that each one is an opportunity to grow closer to You. We believe that all things are possible through You and that for those who love You, all things work together for good. We come together now humbly asking that You send Your Holy Spirit to this family in need. We ask that You protect them from the devil and sustain, guide and fill them with sufficient grace to bear this heavy cross with renewed love, patience, and forgiveness that brings peace to their lives and glory to Your name.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
Amen

 

[R_C]

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Yesterday, during Mass, I felt a great solitude in my heart. As you may have read in my previous post, my wife has left the Church, and shw won’t allow our two children to attend Mass, either.

So I’m going by myself. Although I had Communion, I felt empty, feeling guilty that I am the one who is separating himself from the family. My wife already told me that she will put her beliefs before our marriage, and that if I don’t accept that, that she would seek a divorce in case this causes too much friction between us.

I will give my opinion, which is the fallible opinion of a poor sinner.

I believe that yesterday the Lord shared something special with you. That He allowed you to be more united than usual with Him on the Cross. In fact, when you say “So I’m going by myself” tears come out, because I hear Christ speaking. I hear Christ calling His beloved Bride, who just won’t accept the truth, acknowledge the light…and so, feeling great solitude and sorrow, He decides to go by himself…because it is the right thing to do.

I am very sorry for your sorrows, and very touched by the profundity of your faith. She is wrong, brother, and the very idea that those beliefs she holds allow for divorce suffice to show the blindness of that heresy…but the Church, as you are learning, is God’s, and anything other than Christ is emptiness and void…and, also, she has no authority to not allow your children to go to Mass, since you are the husband and as such have the God-given authority of the Head of the Household, whether she likes it or not…so take your kids to Christ no matter what she says, and if she insists to the point of threatening separation, exercise your authority as a husband and remind her that she will be guilty of sacrilege before the living God who said, about Marriage: “The two shall become one flesh. That which God has united let no man separate”.

Be strong in Christ and draw closer to Him. Perhaps, ask your priest for spiritual direction, too. But don’t give up what is yours by divine right. Stand up and remember that anything wrong or sinful she causes, it will be solely her fault as long as you are standing next to Christ and she is standing next to nothing but herself and her pride.

 

[R_C]

Good Lord, I pray I am wrong, but when you say "my wife now says that most Protestant congregations are also wrong because they celebrate Christmas " this sounds like the arguments of a pseudoChristian cult developed by a group called the Watchtower Society, who in their delusion call themselves “J.'s witnesses”. The members of this group need professional help. I also lost a loved one (though we were not married) because of them - when I realized the extent of the damage that had been done to her in terms of mental manipulation it was too late, she was coerced into leaving…and I was also very weak in the faith, so I was no role model…I pray I am mistaken, but if I am not, then remember: this is not a matter of religion, but of a loved one being under the trap of a cult and in need of professional counseling. These fanatics go to the extent that they allow themselves or a loved one - even a child - to die but they’ll refuse blood transfusions…in short, they are dangerous to themselves and to others.

It is possible that God may be asking quite a lot from you. Be strong and don’t be afraid. And if I’m right, then also do speak to a priest, you will need it.

 

[ExGratia]

I am very sorry for your sorrows, and very touched by the profundity of your faith. She is wrong, brother, and the very idea that those beliefs she holds allow for divorce suffice to show the blindness of that heresy…but the Church, as you are learning, is God’s, and anything other than Christ is emptiness and void…and, also, she has no authority to not allow your children to go to Mass, since you are the husband and as such have the God-given authority of the Head of the Household, whether she likes it or not…so take your kids to Christ no matter what she says, and if she insists to the point of threatening separation, exercise your authority as a husband and remind her that she will be guilty of sacrilege before the living God who said, about Marriage: “The two shall become one flesh. That which God has united let no man separate”.

Be strong in Christ and draw closer to Him. Perhaps, ask your priest for spiritual direction, too. But don’t give up what is yours by divine right. Stand up and remember that anything wrong or sinful she causes, it will be solely her fault as long as you are standing next to Christ and she is standing next to nothing but herself and her pride.

I was thinking this and R_C put it very well. And this is coming from a wife! Praying for you and your family.

 

[NessFrancis]

I agree with the other posts. All I kept thinking while reading the original post was that you are the head of your family. She is suppose to take your lead. Also, God is the head above you. Therefore, you are doing the right thing by going to mass. Do not let her take that away from you or your children. Tell her that if she is directionless, atleast you have a place of God to lead your children to and you will not take that away from them. To me, it’s like she is the blind leading the blind (your children), if not blind at least they are impressionable. Find passages in the bible which talk about the wife submitting to the husband. Explain to her you are doing your best in leading the family to Christ. Maybe, you two can discuss with a priest about her concerns in the faith. Do you have a catechism? Any question she has about the faith would be in there. The cheaper ones are $8.

 

[AHH94]

I agree with the other posts. All I kept thinking while reading the original post was that you are the head of your family. She is suppose to take your lead. Also, God is the head above you. Therefore, you are doing the right thing by going to mass. Do not let her take that away from you or your children. Tell her that if she is directionless, atleast you have a place of God to lead your children to and you will not take that away from them. To me, it’s like she is the blind leading the blind (your children), if not blind at least they are impressionable. Find passages in the bible which talk about the wife submitting to the husband. Explain to her you are doing your best in leading the family to Christ. Maybe, you two can discuss with a priest about her concerns in the faith. Do you have a catechism? Any question she has about the faith would be in there. The cheaper ones are $8.

I would not recommend telling her that she is “directionless” or any passage relating to wives submitting to husbands. That can put her off.
The best think to do is have a simple conversation. Discuss your honest feelings in a calm conversation with no criticism. There is no better cure than talking it out. You might not reach an immediate agreement but she will respect you for it and you might have a better chance of making things work as time goes on.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

…Ok, I don’t have a lot of advice to give, but I absolutely wouldn’t recommend saying to your wife “I understand that we have a lot of sensitive and personal issues regarding religion, but mine says that I’m the head of the household and that you should submit to me, so we are going to do things my way”. That won’t get you anywhere at all.

And if she did follow through with the divorce what are the odds that he would get even joint custody of the kids if that’s the way he talks to his family and views himself? That’s just being a bully, nothing more.

 

[odgers]

Dear Catolico_Romano,

I strongly suggest you seek the advice of a good priest. It would probably be most helpful to approach a priest and ask to set up a time for consultation. We can seek advice in the Confessional but often times the priest is rushed; also you may find you need to seek the same priest’s advice again.

Your wife is the one who is the lost soul and breaking her family apart. She must feel some guilt as she is trying to make you feel that you are doing the breaking up of the family. Like Eve who wanted Adam to also eat of the apple, it seems humanity feels better about doing wrong when there are others to join or back them. I would try to remind her of your love for her. Write her letters listing the many reasons you love her, write her a letter recounting events, like when you met her or first fell in love, or when you proposed to her. She doesn’t need anger but rather love. You should both read the Christian book Five Love Languages.

Remember, many great saints speak of a loneliness where they cannot “feel” the presence of Jesus. They are saints because they do not reject Jesus, or change churches, but rather accept this great burden as a huge sacrifice that they must carry and offer back to Jesus for poor souls, or however you want to offer it up. I have found great solace whenever I have hard times by simply saying “I offer my suffering to You, Jesus, for poor souls in need.” (Or “poor souls of Purgatory.”)

I also suggest you say a novena, perhaps the one to St. Monica might feel close to your heart. St. Monica prayed for the conversion of her husband and son (St. Augustine.) She sacrificed much and saw the conversion of her husband shortly before his death and the conversion of her son shortly before her death.

God is always listening; we must be patient and accept the burdens he has allowed us. St. Paul tells us that ALL things, even the bad things, work together for good. He tells us that even bad things are meant to help us become closer to God and lead us to Him in Heaven.

I pray that out of this trial that your family will find a new strength in God and the Catholic Church.
Sincerely, Carol