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ProdglArchitect
Guest
I am incredibly fortunate in that I have a very understanding and supportive wife who’s helping me. Many of the men in my group are… not so lucky…
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I am incredibly fortunate in that I have a very understanding and supportive wife who’s helping me. Many of the men in my group are… not so lucky…
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redbetta
Guest
OP, I am also a very lonely person, though, not for the same reasons. I wish I could offer answers and solutions, but, I haven’t found them for myself yet. I would give you a hug if I could. But, for what it’s worth: :hug1:.
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pianistclare
Guest
To the OP:
Get involved with service groups through your parish or the community at large.
Habitat for Humanity, local food banks, mental health centers fro children, etc. When you give of yourself you will meet LOTS of people just like yourself. Single, and interested in making the world a better place. Staying busy is key.
When you work hard and play hard, you tend to fall right to sleep and also, mentally, your mind is at peace because you have helped someone less fortunate.
Try it. Your pastor likely has lots of projects you could help out with.
God bless you.
Get involved with service groups through your parish or the community at large.
Habitat for Humanity, local food banks, mental health centers fro children, etc. When you give of yourself you will meet LOTS of people just like yourself. Single, and interested in making the world a better place. Staying busy is key.
When you work hard and play hard, you tend to fall right to sleep and also, mentally, your mind is at peace because you have helped someone less fortunate.
Try it. Your pastor likely has lots of projects you could help out with.
God bless you.
S
SonOfMan
Guest
Yes, they probably developed that addiction when they were single, alone, and in a low spot in their life before marriage and consequently brought it into their marriage. I find it hard to believe that an addiction to porn could develop in a healthy marriage after the fact so easily. When a person is emotionally balanced and has had the “real thing”, there is less need for fantasy. Even St. Paul said it is better to marry than burn with desire, as a way to control the passions.
But I think we can all agree that porn addiction is a problem regardless.
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pianistclare
Guest
While I totally agree with your last statement, you would indeed be so surprised at how many people are addicted to porn that has NOTHING whatsoever with their spouse, or their love of their spouse. That’s why it’s so hurtful. The spouse doesn’t understand why they “need” porn. They wonder if they are not pleasing enough?> They wonder what about fantasizing about a total stranger or a faceless body is appealing when they are right there, desiring that intimacy.
It’s not all that much about sexual gratification when you drill down into the addiction.
I’ll try to find some articles…
Peace.
S
SonOfMan
Guest
My reasons for falling into porn are much different than everyone else’s, it looks like. I fall into porn because I dont have a spouse. If I had a spouse, along with all the responsibility, patience, care, and love that I would give by trying to be a good husband, I wouldn’t be tempted by porn. I am not even talking about sex with my theoretical spouse, just her love and emotion would be enough to break my habit. Just to have someone to love and take care of would break my habit.
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Allegra
Guest
If that’s the case, why don’t you volunteer at a children’s hospital or rest home? Or become a Big Brother? Or get a puppy? There are lots of people out there who need someone to love and take care of them. That sounds like an obvious solution to the problem, and would probably have all sorts of wonderful benefits in addition.
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sepgs2004
Guest
Dear friend.
Loving wishes in our Lord Jesus Christ.
A short prayer to you…
I agree with many as far as this pornography matter. In the sense that, love has the power to put it off for good. However, pornography, if not confessed sincerely to and forgiven by our Lord, will have its bad tentacles lying around and so will stain and spoil even a future good marriage relationship.
I am not inspired to speak to you for you being gay. Please talk to our Lord, in your intimacy, when you do so.
Any sin, whatever it is, would hurt God. Since it hurt God, who we are in love with, we ask sorry. Since He is so loving, He is God, and He asked us to ask, we ask His grace to give us strength and wisdom so we do not commit it again. The more we realize these things in our being, it would be better. We do not have to work by ourselves to realize these things. As a matter of fact we should not. We should seek God’s help in whatever we cannot. Whatever we can, is possible only due to the loving grace already provided to us. Whatever we cannot, we need to seek the loving grace. May be God takes the temptation away or He gives strength & wisdom to us to overcome it. He will grace whatever is necessary.
Also, it is better if we do not pay too much attention to the sin and the number of times, etc. It is a worldly approach. Rather, we pay attention to how it would have hurt our God, so that our asking for forgiveness is meaningful.
Dear friend, I would like to welcome you to meditate on the love of God. Please look at our Lord in your heart for some time.
I would like to invite you to look around. Trees, birds, seasons, animals, rain, etc. We do not choose the person who passes by us. We do not choose the bird which flies by us when it flies by. We do not choose when it rains. We do not choose a sound that occurs during the night. And so many things. Almost none of these events hurt us, even to our understanding that has no eternal goodness perspective and prefers material comfort. As a matter of fact, they are all gestures of love of our God.
Could you please ask our Lord to show you the way, not just out of this situation, but to show you the way that He wishes. Because this situation is nothing for God. By this, please understand that I am not undermining your situation. Please. The degree of the complexity of the situation is mostly due to our dependence on the world.
Some other facts are: there are two ways to get out of a sin, one is by yielding to the love of God in us, the other way is to feel and do it ourselves. The second way will give us a temporary solution and possibly pride as well. The second way is like trading one sin for another.
I would welcome you to yield yourself completely to God. I do not know what this means to you.
However, keep on doing sincere talking to our Lord Jesus every now and then. Talk to our Holy Mother Mary often if you do not have any strict objection.
Another way of looking at a way is to have a relationship with our Lord Jesus. Whatever you know of the word relationship, have it with Jesus. If ever in doubt, ask Jesus.
Wish you the best.
Dear Lord, humbly I like to beseech You, to give this friend a feeling of Your true love. You know the best for this friend and for all of us, because You are the Truth and the Light. We would like to let You in our being and take the full control of us.
Loving wishes in our Lord Jesus Christ.
A short prayer to you…
I agree with many as far as this pornography matter. In the sense that, love has the power to put it off for good. However, pornography, if not confessed sincerely to and forgiven by our Lord, will have its bad tentacles lying around and so will stain and spoil even a future good marriage relationship.
I am not inspired to speak to you for you being gay. Please talk to our Lord, in your intimacy, when you do so.
Any sin, whatever it is, would hurt God. Since it hurt God, who we are in love with, we ask sorry. Since He is so loving, He is God, and He asked us to ask, we ask His grace to give us strength and wisdom so we do not commit it again. The more we realize these things in our being, it would be better. We do not have to work by ourselves to realize these things. As a matter of fact we should not. We should seek God’s help in whatever we cannot. Whatever we can, is possible only due to the loving grace already provided to us. Whatever we cannot, we need to seek the loving grace. May be God takes the temptation away or He gives strength & wisdom to us to overcome it. He will grace whatever is necessary.
Also, it is better if we do not pay too much attention to the sin and the number of times, etc. It is a worldly approach. Rather, we pay attention to how it would have hurt our God, so that our asking for forgiveness is meaningful.
Dear friend, I would like to welcome you to meditate on the love of God. Please look at our Lord in your heart for some time.
I would like to invite you to look around. Trees, birds, seasons, animals, rain, etc. We do not choose the person who passes by us. We do not choose the bird which flies by us when it flies by. We do not choose when it rains. We do not choose a sound that occurs during the night. And so many things. Almost none of these events hurt us, even to our understanding that has no eternal goodness perspective and prefers material comfort. As a matter of fact, they are all gestures of love of our God.
Could you please ask our Lord to show you the way, not just out of this situation, but to show you the way that He wishes. Because this situation is nothing for God. By this, please understand that I am not undermining your situation. Please. The degree of the complexity of the situation is mostly due to our dependence on the world.
Some other facts are: there are two ways to get out of a sin, one is by yielding to the love of God in us, the other way is to feel and do it ourselves. The second way will give us a temporary solution and possibly pride as well. The second way is like trading one sin for another.
I would welcome you to yield yourself completely to God. I do not know what this means to you.
However, keep on doing sincere talking to our Lord Jesus every now and then. Talk to our Holy Mother Mary often if you do not have any strict objection.
Another way of looking at a way is to have a relationship with our Lord Jesus. Whatever you know of the word relationship, have it with Jesus. If ever in doubt, ask Jesus.
Wish you the best.
Dear Lord, humbly I like to beseech You, to give this friend a feeling of Your true love. You know the best for this friend and for all of us, because You are the Truth and the Light. We would like to let You in our being and take the full control of us.
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pianistclare
Guest
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Xantippe
Guest
You think that married people never feel invisible, lonely, helpless and desperate?
First get some sort of handle on chastity, then marry.
S
SonOfMan
Guest
Not the same invisible, lonely, helpless, and desperate feelings of a single person. I say this as a single heterosexual male, but I can only imagine how painful it is for the OP.
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Xantippe
Guest
I’d say, “You must be new on CAF!” but I see that you’re not. Do you ever read the sad-tales-of-woe in the Family Forum? I would suggest doing that.
Even in a happy marriage, the married person has stresses, sorrows and burdens that you can’t even begin to imagine at this point.
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pianistclare
Guest
Has anyone watched this video that was publicized on CAF for some time?
It’s excellent.
everlastinghills.org/movie/
It’s about 3 Catholics and their struggle with SSA.
I highly recommend it, it’s very well done.
Peace.
It’s excellent.
everlastinghills.org/movie/
It’s about 3 Catholics and their struggle with SSA.
I highly recommend it, it’s very well done.
Peace.
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ssa_fellow
Guest
Thank you for your prayers and your post.
I just want to address that, I’ve been to my local Courage chapter, and it really was not a good experience for me. I’m debating whether or not to go this next time. I was the youngest person there, and I really didn’t relate to anyone else there, which is obviously unfortunate, bc there’s only so many of us.
Idk… it gave me a lot of anxiety, bc these men (no disrespect to them) were basically what my greatest fear is: being miserable and alone several decades from now. I’m in my early 20’s still. I wish that the people there were joyful and everything… but they really weren’t.
Also, they kind of assumed that I’ve been “actively gay”, which I have never been. I’m a virgin, and I’ve never so much as held someone’s hand or kissed anyone. And… I felt it was kind of offensive, or something. It was incredibly awkward that they were all assuming I was promiscuous as they were at my age, which, I am not…
So … that’s my rant about Courage. I guess I need to tell my priest about this, and see what he says. Idk, imagine a young member of the Knights of Columbus, he’s the only young one, but instead of the older Knights being role models and inspiring by being good husbands/ fathers/ Catholics… they all have addictions, and are seriously miserable.
Idk, they just were not ‘role models’ for me, which again, is unfortunate…
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LoyalViews
Guest
Does music bring you any comfort?
Seriously. When I’m at my depths I turn on George Beverly Shea. Here’s a lovely rendition of “Safe in the Arms of Jesus” by the before mentioned.
Seriously. When I’m at my depths I turn on George Beverly Shea. Here’s a lovely rendition of “Safe in the Arms of Jesus” by the before mentioned.
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ssa_fellow
Guest
Thank you very much for your post!
Yeah, I try to be close to the Lord. I wish I was closer to the Lord.
Its just very hard, because I feel like most people aren’t called to what I’m called to.
I have to love the Lord more or something.
My love of Jesus is desperate, because he’s really all I have. I mean, I suppose it is the one romantic relationship I have, and also with Our Blessed Mother. As another poster said.
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bobballen_18
Guest
I don’t particularly have any advice for you, other than to echo those who have stressed getting involved in your community in as many ways as possible.
I am also a male in his early-20s who struggles with SSA. Although I am not exclusively attracted to other males, I have come to realize/admit that it is the stronger/dominant attraction. Like you, I am a “virgin” and especially after your description above about Courage, it solidifies my concerns/fears about giving the local courage chapter a shot. Not that I don’t think Courage does good work - just that it seems to be aimed towards those who have struggled with living a promiscuous lifestyle/active gay life. So you and I seem to be similar in that respect.
One thing that I have noticed is that due to this feeling of my situation being “different” than everyone else’s, it’s very, very easy to fall into the false thought process that “there is no help for me”. There’s got to be faithful Catholic therapists/psychologists who could help. I’m saying this more out of hope than personal experience, since due to the above mentioned harmful thought process, I’ve never sought very hard for help. Have you ever sought any other help outside of Courage or your parish priest? That’s probably the next step for me, personally - to seek the help of a Catholic therapist who can help me sort out my thoughts - to change my thought process - which would theoretically help improve my low self-esteem. Worth a shot at least.
Anyway, plenty of good replies before for you. Again, I think a large part of the solution is getting outside of ourselves and putting ourselves at the service of others, and in the process, we will surely form relationships that will fulfill our need for intimacy - primarily friendship, and then, God-willing, marriage and sexual intimacy.
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bobballen_18
Guest
Funny you bring up music. I personally think music can and should be a source of comfort for any Catholic. Good music, of course - music that will open us up to true beauty and God Himself.
For me, that is any music in the Classical tradition - but first and foremost, Sacred Music in the Tradition of the Church, most especially that music which is most proper to the Catholic Church - Gregorian Chant and polyphony. Since I work as an organist and choir director, my very job can bring me much comfort - for that I am blessed.
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ssa_fellow
Guest
I live in a town and a region of the country where there aren’t many Catholics. I’ve had 2 priests act as my spiritual director, but they’re both in the big city which is an hour away. Because of that, I’ve only very irregularly gotten spiritual direction. I go closer to every 2 months, than every month…
One of the priests in town is the vocation director, who I know very well. But, because he’s the vocation director, he doesn’t also want to be my spiritual director, in the event I might actually have a vocation to the priesthood/ religious life. Which, it doesn’t seem like too many people in the Church would want me to be a priest/ religious. Who knows, maybe Jesus has a different opinion
)
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ssa_fellow
Guest
I do like music. That was quite good!
I mainly like classical music, you know… its not all about love, like everything else.
The post about how Jesus suffered loneliness made me think of this:
He was despised. Its in Handel’s Messiah.
youtube.com/watch?v=CP4JSVMBdZg
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