Lonely

[annie17on12]

I am extremely lonely. I’m not in university and don’t have a job. A lot of my friends decided to cut me off for no reason. I have suspicions as to why, but it still doesn’t make sense. I tried talking to one of my best friends but I was ignored and I don’t feel like I should pursue it any further. I got the message. A lot of my other “friends” have cut me off because of my Catholicism. Its enough to leave me in tears. I try offering it up, but it doesn’t relieve any of the internal pain. It feels like everyone despises me. All I have is God. Besides prayers, is there anything I can do to find friends? I have tried making friends since all of this but people don’t want to be friends with a loner.

 

[hesso12]

Don’t you have Mother or Father.Brother or Sister?

You said you said you don’t have any friend’s.but you do God is your Friend he is your Father.

**A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 ** This is talking about God.

You said your alone,but you said you have God so how can you be lonely?
You have a relationship with God and all things come from him.

The reason why your friend’s don’t,want you is because of your indifference as in your are a Godly person and they may not be,so they cannot adjust with you (14Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14)OR it could be the other way around and a faithful daughter of God has nothing to worry about.Put your trust on the lord.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”Deuteronomy 31:6

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.Isaiah 41:10

 

[pensmama87]

I am extremely lonely. I’m not in university and don’t have a job. A lot of my friends decided to cut me off for no reason. I have suspicions as to why, but it still doesn’t make sense. I tried talking to one of my best friends but I was ignored and I don’t feel like I should pursue it any further. I got the message. A lot of my other “friends” have cut me off because of my Catholicism. Its enough to leave me in tears. I try offering it up, but it doesn’t relieve any of the internal pain. It feels like everyone despises me. All I have is God. Besides prayers, is there anything I can do to find friends? I have tried making friends since all of this but people don’t want to be friends with a loner.

Do you live with family?

Do you have health insurance? Access to counseling services? Catholic Charities in your area might be able to provide free or low-cost counseling. A good counselor could help you find some direction in your life as well as help you work on the social skills needed to make and keep some friends (good ones.)

Can you volunteer at your parish? Is there a young adult ministry or other activity that would specifically address people your age?

 

[Lou2U]

I am extremely lonely. I’m not in university and don’t have a job. A lot of my friends decided to cut me off for no reason. I have suspicions as to why, but it still doesn’t make sense. I tried talking to one of my best friends but I was ignored and I don’t feel like I should pursue it any further. I got the message. A lot of my other “friends” have cut me off because of my Catholicism. Its enough to leave me in tears. I try offering it up, but it doesn’t relieve any of the internal pain. It feels like everyone despises me. All I have is God. Besides prayers, is there anything I can do to find friends? I have tried making friends since all of this but people don’t want to be friends with a loner.

Have you considered talking to a Priest about this? Does your university offer support for its students? I think you would benefit from seeing your doctor, and perhaps a counsellor to talk about why you feel this way.

The best thing for you to do is stop considering yourself as a loner. You are not. I think you are suffering from low self esteem and depression, and you can get help for these issues.

As for making friends - what do you enjoy? Try seeing if your university runs a club in something active; hiking for example. Not only will you get to meet new people, but you will help yourself with your thoughts. Taking a long walk helps depression. If you don’t have any active hobbies, I would encourage you to try something.

Don’t be disheartened if you find nothing is paying off at the start. Good, solid friendships take time to build up. Try not to look to much into the future. Take every day as it comes and don’t be afraid to feel happy after feeling alone.

Another thing you could try - look in the mirror, and look at yourself. What do you see? Right now, you are probably seeing lots of negative and not a lot of positive. But you should start looking for the positive instead. From your post, I can see that you are very devout and committed to your faith, you are loyal and you are trying to help yourself because you recognise there is something wrong. Recognising a problem is one of the most important things you can do, because so many people just want to put their head in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong. As a person who struggles with admitting when you have a problem, I can say with certainty you are incredibly brave - not only for seeing a problem, but coming here to ask for advice.

I promise you: things will get better for you. You just need to hold on, and definitely speak to your Priest, a doctor and see about getting some counselling. :console:

Lou

 

[LSK]

I am extremely lonely. I’m not in university and don’t have a job. A lot of my friends decided to cut me off for no reason. I have suspicions as to why, but it still doesn’t make sense. I tried talking to one of my best friends but I was ignored and I don’t feel like I should pursue it any further. I got the message. A lot of my other “friends” have cut me off because of my Catholicism. Its enough to leave me in tears. I try offering it up, but it doesn’t relieve any of the internal pain. It feels like everyone despises me. All I have is God. Besides prayers, is there anything I can do to find friends? I have tried making friends since all of this but people don’t want to be friends with a loner.

How are you in service to others?

 

[tawny]

Do you live with family?

Do you have health insurance? Access to counseling services? Catholic Charities in your area might be able to provide free or low-cost counseling. A good counselor could help you find some direction in your life as well as help you work on the social skills needed to make and keep some friends (good ones.)

Can you volunteer at your parish? Is there a young adult ministry or other activity that would specifically address people your age?

Agree. Well stated.

 

[Richard_White]

Lord Jesus, have mercy on this individual as he/she struggles with loneliness. Amen.

 

[angell1]

hi annie,

.

I know the feeling. but the others are right, maybe try to get involved with your parish more, if you aren’t already doing that

if these friends of yours don’t want to be your friend because you’re catholic, honestly, you’re better off without them. they will not help you become a better person

 

[Lou2U]

hi annie,

.

I know the feeling. but the others are right, maybe try to get involved with your parish more, if you aren’t already doing that

if these friends of yours don’t want to be your friend because you’re catholic, honestly, you’re better off without them. they will not help you become a better person

Angell1 is completely right. Friends who do not want to know you because of your religion aren’t good friends. You are not at fault because of this.

Lou

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

Those people who aren’t friends with you because you are Catholic really weren’t your friends to begin with.

If you are registered at a local Catholic parish, call the office and see if there are any programs for someone in your age group. Maybe you can participate in one or more of the ministries in the parish. Maybe adoration, volunteer at St. Vincent de Paul, etc.

 

[jaimeleglise]

If you live near Boston, I’d be glad to hang out with you. Only thing is I am in my fifties and you probably want friend s closer to you in age.

I am alone a lot, too. There are two groups I am thinking of joining. The first one is the Red Hat Society. They originally were open only to those fifty and up but now they have members of all ages. They meet locally for fun, friendship, outings.

The other group is The Associates of The Adorers of The Precious Blood. If you go to the Adorers of The Precious Blood website, they explain the program. They meet locally for fellowship, mutual support, to discuss The Catholic faith and retreats.

You could also try the Meet-up. People meet in groups based on common interests for activities.

Praying for you.

 

[Josie33]

Reminds me of what Mother Angelica went through as a child. She said God uses the disappointments in our lives to bring us closer to Him. God worked in her life in this very way. Because she was a child of divorced parents, she was an outcast in society and had no friends. She later learned that the loneliness she experienced was a great help to her, as God was preparing her heart and soul to listen to Him.

God worked the first way of spirituality (the purgative) in her life in this way. So these occurrences - the divorce, no friends - were necessary to purge a desire for the world and a desire for people and things, etc. They were automatically eliminated by circumstance. As unjust as they were, God used them to put her aside in solitude.

You can watch her whole interview here: youtube.com/watch?v=dEUolNBXKBk

Since you are not currently working, nor in school maybe you can use the time to get closer to God. Try incorporating daily mass and frequent adoration into your routine and you may even meet some fellow parishioners your age whom you can befriend, if its God’s will.

God Bless,

Josie

 

[mafh]

I am extremely lonely. I’m not in university and don’t have a job. A lot of my friends decided to cut me off for no reason. I have suspicions as to why, but it still doesn’t make sense. I tried talking to one of my best friends but I was ignored and I don’t feel like I should pursue it any further. I got the message. A lot of my other “friends” have cut me off because of my Catholicism. Its enough to leave me in tears. I try offering it up, but it doesn’t relieve any of the internal pain. It feels like everyone despises me. All I have is God. Besides prayers, is there anything I can do to find friends? I have tried making friends since all of this but people don’t want to be friends with a loner.

Oh, I feel lonely a lot too. It’s seems to be so much harder to make friends as an adult than it is when you are a kid. Here are the most successful strategies that I’ve found for making new friends:

1. Volunteering
2. Joining clubs or taking classes in a recreational subject (art, music, sports,etc)

The important thing is to get involved in activities where you are with people, but are doing something engrossing so you are distracted from your mission to ‘make friends’. Then, you’ll find that the friends just happen naturally.

I think your real problem is that you are probably depressed. If you’re in the US, you might consider going to your local community mental health center, where they provide counseling or therapy on a sliding fee scale based on your ability to pay.

I hope you feel better soon!

 

[Convert_in_99]

I’m so very sorry. :console: I’ve been there too many times to count. I also suggest volunteering. It helps you meet new people who enjoy doing similar things as you. Also helping those in need helps you as much as it does them. Sometimes even more so!

 

[underacloud]

I have to wonder why your being Catholic is an issue for your friends. Do they find you judgmental? Do you express opinions when it may not be appropriate to do so or in a manner that upsets others? Is religion all you ever want to discuss? Losing one or two friends because of your beliefs may be expected, but to lose all your friends is concerning and worth exploring what you could do better as a friend.

And maybe it’s not your being Catholic at all, but you’d prefer to think that it is. You referred to yourself as a “loner” so maybe it is your social skills in general that are an issue.

I’d suggest a good counsellor may be able to help you work through what went wrong in these friendships, and potentially work on your social skills as pensmama87 suggested:

A good counselor could help you find some direction in your life as well as help you work on the social skills needed to make and keep some friends (good ones.)

I don’t mean to be harsh, but you will need to consider this from several angles and being self-critical is certainly one of them.

 

[annie17on12]

I have to wonder why your being Catholic is an issue for your friends. Do they find you judgmental? Do you express opinions when it may not be appropriate to do so or in a manner that upsets others? Is religion all you ever want to discuss? Losing one or two friends because of your beliefs may be expected, but to lose all your friends is concerning and worth exploring what you could do better as a friend.

And maybe it’s not your being Catholic at all, but you’d prefer to think that it is. You referred to yourself as a “loner” so maybe it is your social skills in general that are an issue.

I’d suggest a good counsellor may be able to help you work through what went wrong in these friendships, and potentially work on your social skills as pensmama87 suggested:

I don’t mean to be harsh, but you will need to consider this from several angles and being self-critical is certainly one of them.

That was pretty harsh. I have social skills. Don’t worry. I think the biggest problem is that people were gossiping about me. That spread and people didn’t want to be around me anymore. The gossip wasn’t true but I guess people want think it was. I keep getting into abusive/ toxic friendships. This is the reason I have no friends but at the same time there seem to be too many people who don’t want to be with a loner. Very strange. The only way someone gets out of that zone is by making friends but yet nobody seems to want to make friends with a loner.

 

[Kateri92]

I have to wonder why your being Catholic is an issue for your friends. Do they find you judgmental? Do you express opinions when it may not be appropriate to do so or in a manner that upsets others? Is religion all you ever want to discuss? Losing one or two friends because of your beliefs may be expected, but to lose all your friends is concerning and worth exploring what you could do better as a friend.

And maybe it’s not your being Catholic at all, but you’d prefer to think that it is. You referred to yourself as a “loner” so maybe it is your social skills in general that are an issue.

I’d suggest a good counsellor may be able to help you work through what went wrong in these friendships, and potentially work on your social skills as pensmama87 suggested:

I don’t mean to be harsh, but you will need to consider this from several angles and being self-critical is certainly one of them.

While I agree with you that she should contact a counselor, those are very sweeping statements for someone you don’t know in real life. She is obviously going through a rough time. Making her feel guilty or ashamed is not kind. From my experience, I can say that she is probably experiencing depression. I would be more concerned about her coming to the conclusion that life isn’t worth living than whether or not she has social skills.
And, I know also from my experiences that people who gossip about you not only are disobeying God’s law but have serious problems of their own. So don’t care about them. They need help. Focus on finding help via a counselor and make sure you stay close to Jesus. He loves you and is always with you.

 

[pensmama87]

That was pretty harsh. I have social skills. Don’t worry. I think the biggest problem is that people were gossiping about me. That spread and people didn’t want to be around me anymore. The gossip wasn’t true but I guess people want think it was. I keep getting into abusive/ toxic friendships. This is the reason I have no friends but at the same time there seem to be too many people who don’t want to be with a loner. Very strange. The only way someone gets out of that zone is by making friends but yet nobody seems to want to make friends with a loner.

Probably because you give off a vibe that you want to be alone.

I didn’t suggest counseling for social skills because I think you’re completely inept. I just thought you might have a habit of attracting the wrong kind of people to you, and it would be beneficial to recognize some of those behaviors and overcome them, and to learn how to find people and maintain friendships with folks who are less likely to be sucked into nasty gossip.

I speak from personal experience about this. I don’t blame myself for the mean things that people did to me, but I did basically walk around with a big sign saying, “Open for manipulation!” for a long time and it did a number on me. Counseling was a very, very big help.

 

[Lou2U]

Probably because you give off a vibe that you want to be alone.

I didn’t suggest counseling for social skills because I think you’re completely inept. I just thought you might have a habit of attracting the wrong kind of people to you, and it would be beneficial to recognize some of those behaviors and overcome them, and to learn how to find people and maintain friendships with folks who are less likely to be sucked into nasty gossip.

I speak from personal experience about this. I don’t blame myself for the mean things that people did to me, but I did basically walk around with a big sign saying, “Open for manipulation!” for a long time and it did a number on me. Counseling was a very, very big help.

I agree with this.

The first thing you need to do is stop referring to yourself as a loner. Every time you do this, you damage your self esteem and you give way to depressive thoughts. You need to remove the label that you have given yourself, because no-one else can remove it for you. You can get help for this by seeing a counsellor, but ultimately it is up to you. Do you want other people to stop considering you a loner? Then you need to! You need to sum up every bit of courage you have and get out there. Like I said before, I think a physical activity will really help you and it will give you something to talk about to like-minded people. Don’t be afraid to remove the label you have, and don’t let the hurt of being betrayed by your toxic friends stop you from meeting new people.

Lou

 

[annie17on12]

Okay, I guess I see what you mean. I have never had a lot of friends and people usually judge me for it. So I guess I just took on the label I thought everyone else was seeing. I am going to start counseling. I’m looking for colleges to attend right now. Are there any colleges anyone here suggests that are welcoming and safe (as in low crime rate)? I am really nervous that I will go off to college and be all alone. What about colleges with good counseling services on campus?

And by the way, thanks for the advice.