Lonely

[Lou2U]

Okay, I guess I see what you mean. I have never had a lot of friends and people usually judge me for it. So I guess I just took on the label I thought everyone else was seeing.

I can understand that. You need to define yourself rather than letting others define you, and one of the best ways to do that is to take up a hobby when you get to college. Normally, there will be clubs for different hobbies that you could join and meet new people.

I am going to start counseling.

This will really help you to move on from your past friendships. A counsellor will also help you in removing “loner” and will give you ideas about how to build up your self esteem and be the person you want to be.

I’m looking for colleges to attend right now. Are there any colleges anyone here suggests that are welcoming and safe (as in low crime rate)? I am really nervous that I will go off to college and be all alone. What about colleges with good counseling services on campus?

And by the way, thanks for the advice.

If you’re in America, I can’t help you with colleges. If you’re worried about crime, it might be an idea to go to a college with accommodation on campus. You might find it easier to get to know people if you live in the same area as they do.

Remember to say yes to things. If a person asks you to go somewhere with them, or to sit with them, say yes! The more you say yes to things, the easier you will find things. Being nervous is okay, but don’t let it take over so you become scared to try anything and talk to people. Again, a counsellor will be able to help you with this.

Lou

 

[underacloud]

That was pretty harsh. I have social skills. Don’t worry. I think the biggest problem is that people were gossiping about me. That spread and people didn’t want to be around me anymore. The gossip wasn’t true but I guess people want think it was. I keep getting into abusive/ toxic friendships. This is the reason I have no friends but at the same time there seem to be too many people who don’t want to be with a loner. Very strange. The only way someone gets out of that zone is by making friends but yet nobody seems to want to make friends with a loner.

I didn’t mean to imply anything, just to encourage a self-critical approach. I was more offering food for thought than advancing any theory about your current friendship issues.

If you get into toxic friendships, with people who engage in gossip, and others perceive you as a loner, I reiterate my advice that you need to be self-critical in your approach. What can you do to avoid attracting the wrong friends? And how can you attract good friends? Ultimately all you can change is yourself. If you don’t wish to be perceived as a loner, you will need to examine and work on your social skills. A good counsellor can hopefully help in exploring this.

 

[annie17on12]

I didn’t mean to imply anything, just to encourage a self-critical approach. I was more offering food for thought than advancing any theory about your current friendship issues.

If you get into toxic friendships, with people who engage in gossip, and others perceive you as a loner, I reiterate my advice that you need to be self-critical in your approach. What can you do to avoid attracting the wrong friends? And how can you attract good friends? Ultimately all you can change is yourself. If you don’t wish to be perceived as a loner, you will need to examine and work on your social skills. A good counsellor can hopefully help in exploring this.

I see what you are saying but I think self- criticism is one of the things I need to stop doing. My doctor is even on board with this.

 

[underacloud]

There’s a difference between what is usually meant by self-criticism (being down on yourself) and being self-critical. For example, the conclusion that you engage in too much self-criticism is itself an outcome of a positive self-critical approach.

As Catholics, we are always to be self-critical. We acknowledge weaknesses and failings, ask God for forgiveness and help, and try to do better. That’s more what I meant than trying to blame you. I hope that makes more sense.

 

[Demetra2]

Just wanted to say that you are not alone. Everyone has times in their life that they feel very lonely. Please hang in there. Many good suggestions have been offered to you and I hope you consider them. Sometimes we have to just walk a different path for a while. Keep your faith and trust in God and you will be OK.

 

[GrandmaLaLa]

Everyone has given you solid feedback, so I won’t repeat. I do have a question that perhaps you can answer: what do you think is the reason friends have suddenly walked away from you? Perhaps it is something you can work on; change; modify; adjust or in the case of religion, keep your own counsel.

LaLasheilph2@aol.com

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I am extremely lonely.I am sorry to hear that. Loneliness is painful and crippling I’m not in university and don’t have a job. Ok, you know what comes next… Why not?A lot of my friends decided to cut me off for no reason.This is simply not true and could be an indicator of a lack of introspection. You should think about this and find out why. I have suspicions as to why, but it still doesn’t make sense. I tried talking to one of my best friends but I was ignored and I don’t feel like I should pursue it any further. I got the message. A lot of my other “friends” have cut me off because of my Catholicism.If that is the real reason then why would you morn the loss of something that was never there (friendship) Its enough to leave me in tears. I try offering it up, but it doesn’t relieve any of the internal pain. It feels like everyone despises me. All I have is God.Family? Besides prayers, is there anything I can do to find friends?Seek employment, volunteer, talk to people at Mass…etc I have tried making friends since all of this but people don’t want to be friends with a loner.

you need to know yourself a little better with honesty. Find what is the problem and rectify the situation. People are by nature social creatures. Everyone can find friends. Everyone. If they can be a friend they will have friends.

 

[george92]

you are not alone. i’m incredibly lonely. …22 in grad school which i absolutely hate for many reasons… i want to quit but a little voice in my head says “keep going”.

It really feels like everyday is “groundhog day”, (same ****, same dark cloud hanging over me, different day)… I just know prayer helps me.

 

[Elena321]

I see what you are saying but I think self- criticism is one of the things I need to stop doing. My doctor is even on board with this.

:hug1:

I think she means objective self -analysis.People just use different words for same concepts.
Being self-critical (criticising or hard on yourself) is the last thing you need.

 

[realtiger]

It might not be such a bad thing that you are lonely now. Puerto Ricans have a saying, it is better to be lonely than to be with bad company. Perhaps this gives you a time to learn more about yourself. Sometimes friends will come when you don’t expect it.

 

[annie17on12]

Ironically, since posting this thread, out of the blue, a friend of many years has decided to give me the silent treatment. I cried myself to sleep the other day and then the day after went to pray at church. I felt God telling me that He has bigger plans for my life. I have faith that God is taking me where these other friends aren’t ready to go. And, even though now I’m more alone than ever, I feel God presence exponentially more than I have. I don’t know whats going to happen with my friend. I would never push her away, but I can’t make her stay either.

My life right now is much like a rainstorm. Even though it is stormy, it is also purifying.

 

[pwlj_christ87]

hey, how old are you ? alot of friends cut me off too when i became more involved in catholicism. its a spiritual life and direction that is so intense and requires so much that people who are stuck in “worldy” affairs wont want to talk to you. they are not , not talkign to you to be mean but they are not talking to you as lazy individuals because they rather probably party or do what they are doing without wanting to know about your well-being.

dont follow my path by constantly trying to check up with them it will only frustrate you , i feel that God has isolated me away from alot of people so that i build my relationship, and its healthy for you because you get to be by yourself which is in itself a blessing. your also getting older and God wants to refine you and make you more holy and sometimes it hurts because your alone and it doesnt make any sense, but then, there will be sparks in time where you will love yourself and love the direction your going

if you want to talk more you can PM me maybe we can chat and be friends

i can guarantee you that if i was still with the friends i was earlier in time i would hate myself, i have had such an amaing time over the past years 'alone" like you but take it as a blessing break free from your bad friends and live like you finally always should!