Long Distance Dating Despair

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ESMDHokie77

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I really don’t know what to do…

We were together on the east coast for many months, and 4 months ago she moved to California… it was okay for awhile but now the job she has, which is in her desired career path, only allows us to talk at night after 9:30 when I’m falling asleep and ready for bed, (when I go to work in the morning she’s fast asleep). We usually talk nightly just recapping our days with a video chat on the weekend. I apparently don’t text her enough she says. 3 time zones apart is tough. I’m in a job that I really like doing and don’t feel like I could move out there to follow her given the following… It’s tough to have any deep conversations, given that there’s a giant topic that is way too awkward to talk about… religion.

She’s protestant and I am Catholic. Most of our recent conversations about our differences have not gone well. I do my best to give a thorough scriptural, historical, logical proof for Catholicism, and she gets personally insulted or hurt by something that I say. I blame myself since when we started dating I was not practicing, but I’ve taken the faith that I was born into on as my own, and I fear that she will not come to agree with me on things that important to a future family that we might be… (that the kids are raised Catholic, among other things).

to be honest, I can’t see myself being happily married if my kids aren’t raised Catholic. I don’t know if I will ever find the magic bullet to get her to convert, so that’s why the past month I’ve really tried a heavy dose of praying for her conversion… (she doesn’t know about this paragraph).

We had another fight two days ago and I am trying to make a prayerful decision about how to continue our relationship, if at all. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

If you think I am crazy, I know. 😦
 
This is the purpose of dating, to discern whether or not this person is someone you could marry. You have reached the conclusion: no.

So, it is time to move on and stop investing time, energy, and emotion in this relationship.
 
I do not think you are crazy. I think you are in a relationship that is coming apart because of distance and religious differences. Two quite large obstacles. The first can perhaps be surmounted, if the two individuals are of one mind about other things, including the second. In your case, you have distance which is pulling you apart, and you have religious differences which are not being resolved. God bless you for recognizing this relationship probably isn’t going to make it long-term. And thank God for her move, which showed you that the chasm is not so easy to bridge, between Protestantism and Catholicism.

😦
 
She moved away from you. Far away. She left you, of her own free will, though she was not compelled to do so.

If I loved someone, and wanted to keep that person in my life, I would NEVER move thousands of miles away. Would you?

I hate to say it, but I think she broke up with you. Maybe she couldn’t quite say that. Maybe in some way, she doesn’t fully know it herself.

But, she ended the relationship.

No time for self-pity or despair or anger.

I suggest: Stop calling her. End all contact. Communicate with her again ONLY if she comes to where you are. Otherwise, Hasta la vista, baby.

But now you gotta find yourself someone to marry! Okay, so exercise FAITH and optimism and get 'er done!
 
This is entirely speculative but as a way of possibly looking at this with a new perspective, consider this. You weren’t practicing your faith when you met her. Maybe the thought of creating a family with her inspired you back into your faith. Perhaps her fervor for her faith inspired you to get back into your faith. I don’t know the details but I imagine she contributed in some large way to your return to Christ (and praise be for it). But now that she has moved away and is furthering things in her life, perhaps so now God is calling you to do the same. There is a chance you aren’t meant to be with her (and vise versa).

Don’t look at this as losing the woman you love, but instead realize you’ve regained the Father who loves you 😉 You’ve made yourself right with your Jesus again, and now that you’ve done that take solace in the Lord. In Him you will find comfort. In Him you will find peace. Through Him you will find love. I think it may be best to consider terminating the relationship (if it doesn’t seem like a resolution is in sight or if she is unwilling to compromise). Now more than ever we Catholics need to be putting Christ and our Faith first. That sounds so simple to say but to put that into action is so hard sometimes.

The fact you said you don’t think you’ll ever be happy if you aren’t able to raise your future children Catholic shows that you are in the right mindset. You are emotionally and spiritually mature in the sense that you understand that is what God wants of you and what you want for yourself. And this is a good thing. God will not punish that. I used to blame myself for losing every relationship I’ve ever been in because I thought that my less than Christian lifestyle was angering God and resulting in my punishment (this was before I was attending RCIA and just researching Catholicism on my own). I was confused and hurt about that for a long time but through prayer and ultimately giving in to faith and fully trusting the Lord in both word and heart, I have reached a point in these last several years where I feel I may be called to the Priesthood and am presently discerning my vocation through my Parish Priest and Parish Deacon!

Now I’m not saying that’s what is happening for you, but have faith my friend. God will present you with all you need. Let go of everything, all your fears, anxieties, doubts. All of it. Trust in the Lord your God and give Him all your energy and love. Focus on the Lord. Grow with the Lord and all will be laid out before you. I think many people can attest to this. You don’t need to focus on finding a partner. Focus on God and your partner will find you!!!

Good luck with the situation and God Bless!
 
1ke said:
This is the purpose of dating, to discern whether or not this person is someone you could marry. You have reached the conclusion: no.

So, it is time to move on and stop investing time, energy, and emotion in this relationship.
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This is it in a nutshell. 👍
 
1ke said:
This is the purpose of dating, to discern whether or not this person is someone you could marry. You have reached the conclusion: no.

So, it is time to move on and stop investing time, energy, and emotion in this relationship.
Click to expand...
Amen.

Find someone who shares your faith. No need to be unequally yoked together.
 
Sounds like you have a lot to think about. My biggest piece of advice is if you want to continue to see if this will work make sure you have clear answers to the questions you asked in your post. Don’t put your self in a position where you think you can work out all of that stuff later because this is the time to figure it out.
 
Thanks for the words, advice, and thoughts… you all said what I needed to hear and was slow to acknowledge myself.

AMDG,
Phil
 
Breaking up with her must be difficult, but maybe this is what you’ll have to do. 😦

If you do break up with her though, it’s best to be honest and straightforward. Call her, tell her you need to break up, and explain the reasons why. This would be much better than simply cutting off communication with her.
 
Well… we pretty much amiably and agreeably ended our relationship. I tried to relate my religious wishes to the Eucharist and didn’t really get that justification through to her, but between that and the other issues she and I had with one another, we’re done. The emotional turmoil was a lot stronger a few days ago when we made the break, but now that I’m back home it’s getting less painful.

I tell you, praying for peace really helped, Thanks be to God for answering those prayers swiftly.

Pax vobis, et Kyrie eleison,
Phil
 
ESMDHokie77 said:
Well… we pretty much amiably and agreeably ended our relationship. I tried to relate my religious wishes to the Eucharist and didn’t really get that justification through to her, but between that and the other issues she and I had with one another, we’re done. The emotional turmoil was a lot stronger a few days ago when we made the break, but now that I’m back home it’s getting less painful.

I tell you, praying for peace really helped, Thanks be to God for answering those prayers swiftly.

Pax vobis, et Kyrie eleison,
Phil
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St. Luke: 18:29-30
“Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.”

St. Matthew: 19:29
And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.

St. Mark: 10:29-30
“I tell you the truth,” Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields–and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.

Peace
 
ESMDHokie77 said:
Well… we pretty much amiably and agreeably ended our relationship. I tried to relate my religious wishes to the Eucharist and didn’t really get that justification through to her, but between that and the other issues she and I had with one another, we’re done. The emotional turmoil was a lot stronger a few days ago when we made the break, but now that I’m back home it’s getting less painful.

I tell you, praying for peace really helped, Thanks be to God for answering those prayers swiftly.

Pax vobis, et Kyrie eleison,
Phil
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It’s rough, I know. I’ll pray for you friend.

"Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen."

“14 The LORD upholds all who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
16 You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.”
 
ESMDHokie77 said:
Well… we pretty much amiably and agreeably ended our relationship. I tried to relate my religious wishes to the Eucharist and didn’t really get that justification through to her, but between that and the other issues she and I had with one another, we’re done. The emotional turmoil was a lot stronger a few days ago when we made the break, but now that I’m back home it’s getting less painful.

I tell you, praying for peace really helped, Thanks be to God for answering those prayers swiftly.

Pax vobis, et Kyrie eleison,
Phil
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Good for you.
Its always good when people know how to end dead end relationships sooner rather than later.
Its never okay to try and change someone in order to make them acceptable for marriage. You take them or leave them, as they are. Especially you have to be the honest one, when you are the one who changed and she stayed the same.

Its true, you are unequally yoked… you are not what she needs. She is not what you need.
 
ESMDHokie77 said:
Well… we pretty much amiably and agreeably ended our relationship. I tried to relate my religious wishes to the Eucharist and didn’t really get that justification through to her, but between that and the other issues she and I had with one another, we’re done. The emotional turmoil was a lot stronger a few days ago when we made the break, but now that I’m back home it’s getting less painful.

I tell you, praying for peace really helped, Thanks be to God for answering those prayers swiftly.

Pax vobis, et Kyrie eleison,
Phil
Click to expand...
Praying for you. Break ups are painful. 😦
 
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