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NightFisher
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EasterJoy, I am sure the OP appreciates it, and I must say, those are very good points. Thank you for sharing!
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Lourdes16
Guest
Yes, thank you for the advice!
I shouldn’t have to repay more than a year’s salary of debt. And my parents are being very generous and loaning me about half that amount interest-free.
I have always been very wary of debt and very frugal. My boyfriend has good money-managing habits in place already (as he has a substantial amount of debt from undergrad). We are planning to live very simply, hoping we can get all our debt paid off in a few years with two comfortable incomes. By that point I should also be licensed as an architect and have more freedom with my career. I don’t really want to wait that long to have kids, because he’s already 29. But I’m very hopeful that having two good educations under our belts will give me more flexibility to devote myself to the vocation of motherhood.
I shouldn’t have to repay more than a year’s salary of debt. And my parents are being very generous and loaning me about half that amount interest-free.
I have always been very wary of debt and very frugal. My boyfriend has good money-managing habits in place already (as he has a substantial amount of debt from undergrad). We are planning to live very simply, hoping we can get all our debt paid off in a few years with two comfortable incomes. By that point I should also be licensed as an architect and have more freedom with my career. I don’t really want to wait that long to have kids, because he’s already 29. But I’m very hopeful that having two good educations under our belts will give me more flexibility to devote myself to the vocation of motherhood.
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MJJean
Guest
If you did have a baby soon after marrying it wouldn’t mean the end of your dreams and ambitions. Babies are portable and not so easily broken. You could finish your degree with a baby if you needed to. Afterward you could look for a job that suits your professional and personal ambitions. A lot of employers offer onsite daycare so parents can visit their kids on lunches and breaks throughout the day. Not to mention the telecommuting/work from home thing has become so easy and common with currently available technology. You also have the option of being an independent freelance worker who works from home and sets her own schedule. Best of both worlds. You get to have a career and put your education to work, you offer more financial stability for the family, you don’t have to leave your child(ren) all day every day and you have real world work experience that is ongoing and current in case (God forbid) the worst should happen and you find yourself an single mother due to divorce or death. If I were in your situation I think I’d be aiming for marriage ASAP, a baby or few, and a job that allowed me to telecommute a few days a week or that allowed me to work from home.Yes, thank you for the advice!
I shouldn’t have to repay more than a year’s salary of debt. And my parents are being very generous and loaning me about half that amount interest-free.
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atassina
Guest
Lourdes16,
You are so focused on sex you can’t see the marriage beyond the fantasies of ecstasy. What bothers me is who will care for the children if both of you have graduate degrees and the loans that come with them?
You are so focused on sex you can’t see the marriage beyond the fantasies of ecstasy. What bothers me is who will care for the children if both of you have graduate degrees and the loans that come with them?
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Scottgun
Guest
As I like to say, If you are not ready for marriage, you are not ready for sex; and if you are not ready for children, you are not ready for marriage.
If you don’t balk at the above, then it sounds like you have a good handle on what marriage actually is, so frankly, I would sit down together with your priest and talk it over. It very well might be the right time. There’s always something that tempts you to say, “not until x is squared away” and a chorus of malcontents that will tell you you are too young or crazy, but remember that no one is going to care more about your well-being than you.
If you don’t balk at the above, then it sounds like you have a good handle on what marriage actually is, so frankly, I would sit down together with your priest and talk it over. It very well might be the right time. There’s always something that tempts you to say, “not until x is squared away” and a chorus of malcontents that will tell you you are too young or crazy, but remember that no one is going to care more about your well-being than you.
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atassina
Guest
Nobody is addressing what I see as a contradiction: A working couple with children at home. This means a couple working unnecessarily. Usually the man works and the woman is the homemaker. Why are both of you focused on careers? Who will make the self-sacrifice of staying home with the children?
Marriage is about fulfillment from self-sacrifice for the other.
Marriage is about fulfillment from self-sacrifice for the other.
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Lourdes16
Guest
Hi atassina,
I don’t understand how you think I’m fixated on sex so I can only see a marriage in relation to the fantasies of ecstasy or however you put it. If you’re addressing a couple working unnecessarily with children at home, that’s not us. You say usually the man works at home and the woman is homemaker. This is not true. I would say IDEALLY that’s the case. But I think it is important for me to have a way of holding down a job if my husband loses his or becomes disabled or passes away. I also like intellectual pursuit for its own sake and might bed something to occupy myself when my children grow up. I will stay at home with my kids if I possibly can but we don’t know what the future holds. I find your dismissal of my education and presumption that I won’t be able to take care of my possible future children unkind.
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Lourdes16
Guest
Thanks, this is helpful. And I think the first statement is true and I am of the same mind. But I would say that while I am totally ready for children I do not think it is prudent to have children now and there is a world of difference. I know a couple who got married even though a pregnancy was indefinitely not a good idea because she had health issues. I think they were still good to get married though. But we’d deal with any unexpected surprises openly and generously.
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Xantippe
Guest
Not to mention that you don’t even know if you can have children at this point, or know if you can have more than one (secondary infertility is very common). It would be a very sad thing to give up your education and career, only to discover some years later that you couldn’t have children. Even with one child, within a few short years, they will be in school much of the day.
Not to mention that the OP was thinking of working part-time anyway.
My only concern is that a large debt load for school would compel the OP to continue working, even when her heart wasn’t in it anymore.
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Xantippe
Guest
That’s all very good.
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EasterJoy
Guest
I don’t know where you got the idea that a couple without a college education is going to support a family without both of them working. Men with an education cannot just guarantee that they will be fully employed for their entire married life, either. Our great economic system–and I am not suggesting there is a better one out there, mind you–simply does not work like that. I know many couples in which the wife’s ability to get a professional job has kept them afloat.
It is worth it for a couple to consider their careers and whether or not at least one of them can take a break from full employment while their children are small.
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atassina
Guest
I am sorry. I did not intend for my remarks to be unkind.
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Lourdes16
Guest
Right, these are all good considerations. I am worried that I would be compelled to work longer than I want to pay off debt too, and my heart would just ache to be with my babies. But it is sort of that circumstance now. I ache to be with my beloved, but I can’t now because I am in school. It will be hard, but I think it is very worthwhile to finish my education. And certainly not least, my education will greatly enrich my ability to teach my children.
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davetv
Guest
The first year of marriage is the hardest and distance would only make it harder.
In fact the scripture points to this in Deuteronomy 24:5 “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”
In fact the scripture points to this in Deuteronomy 24:5 “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”
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