T
trinity333
Guest
I am in a long distance relationship with a man whom I have been believing may be “the one”. We have had serious discussions about marriage, and he is planning to move to my state so we can continue to get to know each other on a very serious level.
My worries are these: he will be graduating this December, and would be leaving a very high paying job to move down here with me. He assures me that he loves me and is committed to making it work somehow. I feel nervous though because he is always pessimistic about the bad economy, and reminds me constantly that he likely won’t get a good paying job down here (he hasn’t tried yet). I am frustrated because he seems to spend 75% of our conversations talking about how rough life would be, asking me if I would I agree to work part time from home if necessary, which I did agree to. It paints a forlorn,unhappy picture for two people who want to start, hopefully, a happy life together. Even though it’s totally practical for him to worry, as we both agree that ideally he should be the sole breadwinner and me the stay at home, homeschooling mom, I’m not sure he is optimistic enough to get us through the “tough times” without it being downright miserable. I am by nature more optimistic and upbeat, and i keep assuring him I’d stick by him thick and thin, but I am frankly WORN OUT by his reminders that life might be rough. For every good thing he says about a future together, there are 9 other negatives about him not being able to get a good job here.
So some questions are: will he blame me later because he moved here and left his very good job to be with me? He said that he can’t promise it “won’t come up from time to time” but that his anger would be at the economy, not me. I’m not sure. He might mean that for now, but what about later? Has anyone been in this sitatuon before? Tonight I had the strong impression that he feels he was giving more to the relationship than me by agreeing to be the one to move. I told him it was a yes/no thing that I couldn’t compromise on (for personal reasons,he knows what they are), yet he was obviously frustrated. i know it’s a huge deal for him to pick up and move several states away and give up a high paying job, because those are scarce and needed to support a family as large as we’d like ideally, yet I somehow feel that his worry stems from a lack of personal drive and desire to be with me. Will he resent me if he makes this move, glancing over his shoulder and reminding me how much easier life “could have been” if I had moved to his state? Maybe all his worry is a sign he isn’t really sure that I’m worth it? he says that I am, and I’m SO wanting to believe it, I just don’t know and I’m worn out with the mixed signals. I’d appreciate any advice, thanks!
My worries are these: he will be graduating this December, and would be leaving a very high paying job to move down here with me. He assures me that he loves me and is committed to making it work somehow. I feel nervous though because he is always pessimistic about the bad economy, and reminds me constantly that he likely won’t get a good paying job down here (he hasn’t tried yet). I am frustrated because he seems to spend 75% of our conversations talking about how rough life would be, asking me if I would I agree to work part time from home if necessary, which I did agree to. It paints a forlorn,unhappy picture for two people who want to start, hopefully, a happy life together. Even though it’s totally practical for him to worry, as we both agree that ideally he should be the sole breadwinner and me the stay at home, homeschooling mom, I’m not sure he is optimistic enough to get us through the “tough times” without it being downright miserable. I am by nature more optimistic and upbeat, and i keep assuring him I’d stick by him thick and thin, but I am frankly WORN OUT by his reminders that life might be rough. For every good thing he says about a future together, there are 9 other negatives about him not being able to get a good job here.
So some questions are: will he blame me later because he moved here and left his very good job to be with me? He said that he can’t promise it “won’t come up from time to time” but that his anger would be at the economy, not me. I’m not sure. He might mean that for now, but what about later? Has anyone been in this sitatuon before? Tonight I had the strong impression that he feels he was giving more to the relationship than me by agreeing to be the one to move. I told him it was a yes/no thing that I couldn’t compromise on (for personal reasons,he knows what they are), yet he was obviously frustrated. i know it’s a huge deal for him to pick up and move several states away and give up a high paying job, because those are scarce and needed to support a family as large as we’d like ideally, yet I somehow feel that his worry stems from a lack of personal drive and desire to be with me. Will he resent me if he makes this move, glancing over his shoulder and reminding me how much easier life “could have been” if I had moved to his state? Maybe all his worry is a sign he isn’t really sure that I’m worth it? he says that I am, and I’m SO wanting to believe it, I just don’t know and I’m worn out with the mixed signals. I’d appreciate any advice, thanks!